church

[Guest guest]

We've never had people move away from us at church, tho as a multiracial family I've seen plenty of white parents pull their children away from my african american kids! So I know how this can be so hurtful! We attend a large inner city church with other autistic children present. I have to say the church tries really hard to be inclusive in every way. They have made mistakes though. A sunday school teacher told my best friend that her daughter could not be accomodated in sunday school class last year, and I went ballistic, writing letters to the church and to the ministers. (My friend is African American, and felt that she was being excluded on race and not her daughter's autism, as white autistic children have attended that particular class). The church did apologize. Another friend is very active with church issues, and she says that

more and more denominations are actively trying to create guidelines for inclusion. whatever your denomination it might be worthwhile to find out your church's national guidelines, if any. And perhaps network with other families who have special needs in your denomination if not your congregation. I have cited Catholic publications on autism and inclusion for our church, even tho we are not Catholic, so even finding out what other churches are doing can help. In the long run, our church is one of our favorite places for respite and for responsive community. When we as a family read homilies, the church knows our son has to sit with hands over his ears because he hates being near the microphone for example. I think this is good for everyone in the congregation to learn. DS is also vocal about his personal atheism in sunday school class (typical aspie, I think; he asks his teachers

for "proof" there is a God), and so far his teachers have all loved him. When he ran into a bully in church school, we demanded the church help, and it has tried. So keep trying to address this. Church should be a sanctuary from prejudice; sadly that still requires work.

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[Guest guest]

We changed churches about 4 years ago. This church is much smaller than the one we used to attend. In my son class there are about 6 kids and 3 of them have aspergers. There is also a lady who is 27 that has just been diag. as aspergers. I can't say we have had any negative issues. I had bought several books on aspergers and shared them with the people who would be working with my son and the paster. Everyone had read them and my son is not a problem. It helps when the people really care about others. I have had trouble with hubby's side of the family thought. What 's wrong with my son according to a sister in law is demonic. I don't know what her church is teaching but it makes me wonder. Jerri

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[Guest guest]

Oh Lana, God doesn't cause pain, and it is not easy to live with Asperger's whether you are the individual or the relative. In a message dated

AND I am the first to say that my daughter is my guru. She has forced me to change and grow. Everything good I know and do in my life comes from being committed to supporting her. What a blessing this has been.

And I do have the experience that we have a prior commitment for both of us to wake up. There is more, much more, to life than what we think we know.

Love,

Francine

7/6/2007 3:03:06 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time, cubicmonica@... writes:

My teenage son is aspergers and sounds nothing like what you are saying in this area. He is having major issues with being truthful and respectful. I also am aspergers and these have been difficult issues I have struggled with all my life. I remember as a child constantly being told I was disrespectful and just couldn't grasp the concept until I was in my 20's. People on the spectrum are very, very different from each other. One person on the spectrum can be one extreme while the next will be the exact opposite in the same area. The areas of truthfulness and respect are included in those areas.Your post is very troubling to me. Maybe I am misreading it but it sounds like you are painting a holy picture of aspies and the opposite of NT's. I totally disagree. There are wonderful people on both sides and some horrible people on both sides. No side is better or worse - just different.>> I'm not really religious, but I believe aspergers is God's way of fixing> this awful world. I mean, after all - what's so demonic about someone who> is truthful to the bone and respectful of rules? I know of not a single NT> that is as honest as my aspie friends - not even the obsessively religious> NTs I know.> > IMHO, a good deal of NTs are lost - they're really just doing what is> convenient or expected without thinking about it or truly believing in it.> > -Lana

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[Guest guest]

I didn't mean to be so black and white - just in my experience an Aspie

tends to be more truthful because they have not yet learned it is

socially acceptable to lie. I rarely find a NT that isn't wearing

some form of mask trying to be something or someone other than who they

are - even if those are little white lies used to protect their

feelings, friends or families: they are there none-the-less. I

think this is one of the harder social things for an Aspie to learn to

mimic because of the nearly universal obsession with the " rules " .

NTs undestand what a broken promise is and what a loophole in a rule is

- but an Aspie typically has massive issues seeing rules as anything

other than gold. (This is why consistency is so very important -

once a rule has been broken, it must no longer be a rule!) But

for those Aspies trying to work with the NT's more abstract sense

of a " rule " and when it is acceptable to break one (such as in the case

of a " little white " lie) - how does one learn when a lie is not

" little "

and " white " ? They are all lies, arn't they?

In my experience, " disrespectful " was a word used when I was telling

the blatent truth and didn't realize everyone already knew it but

didn't want to hear it because for some reason or another it was

socially unacceptable to speak it aloud. The fact is that to be a

part of this society you have to occasionally employ the ever elusive

" little white " lie... Christmas

gifts come

to mind: if you get a gift that you detest it is not socially

acceptable to be truthful about your dislike for it!

I don't think I will ever get a proper hold on identifying which lies

are " little " and " white " so for the most part my solution was to learn

when to hold my tongue. But I do see your point - depending on

how one interprets the surrounding world, the solution to that same

problem would be to tell people what they want to hear. We are

shaped very much by behaviorism - thank you for the reminder, I do

sometimes forget.

-Lana

On 7/2/07, cubicmonica <cubicmonica@...> wrote:

My teenage son is aspergers and sounds nothing like what you are

saying in this area. He is having major issues with being truthful

and respectful. I also am aspergers and these have been difficult

issues I have struggled with all my life. I remember as a child

constantly being told I was disrespectful and just couldn't grasp the

concept until I was in my 20's. People on the spectrum are very,

very different from each other. One person on the spectrum can be

one extreme while the next will be the exact opposite in the same

area. The areas of truthfulness and respect are included in those

areas.

Your post is very troubling to me. Maybe I am misreading it but it

sounds like you are painting a holy picture of aspies and the

opposite of NT's. I totally disagree. There are wonderful people on

both sides and some horrible people on both sides. No side is better

or worse - just different.