RE: Musings...Allan

[Guest guest]

Hey Allan... I knew you have a fine head on your shoulders. It's a great read, thank you.

Hey Deliman,

In a previous post you wrote:

"You know what I just realized? Eight mansions and a jet used to mean something to me. Success, happiness ' Those things don't even make me blink an eye or feel Any WOW anymore. What good is it (as some wise older person said) " It's just no good if you don't have your health." As someone else said I've been rich, and I've been poor, Rich may not make you hap-py, but it sure is a lot better.. hahaha"

Well, for some reason that sparked in me an urge to reply. I haven't posted too much of late so if I make this a tome I trust folks will forgive me.

In looking back at my life, and the notion of "success" in particular, some many years ago I adopted Ralph Waldo Emerson's definition of success which is as follows:

" To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent persons and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch of a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you lived. This is to have succeeded."

I carry this in my wallet along with "footprints" and the serenity prayer.

I have known (by "conventional measures") great success and great failure, great joy and great tragedy, great love and great heartbreak, and, along the way, some incredible life experiences. For example, there are few on the earth that know the adrenalin rush of driving the chase car for the start of a Formula One Grand Prix; I have some 30 times. I also went through 9/11 firsthand, in person and yes, as someone asked me not long ago, I still have nightmares from time to time.

While I never had eight mansions I have done the big house with the big pool thing and lived in nice houses on the beach of the Atlantic for a total of over 10 years and 5 years in a great place on a golf course. I've never owned a jet but in my corporate life got to ride many times in a bizjet and commercially far too may times to count. I had the good fortune many, many years ago to have a long conversation with a man that owned 7 mansions among them a castle in the south of France and a villa on an island in the Bahamas and yes, the jet too. He now lives in BelAir down the block from the Reagan compound. This man rose from the inauspicious beginnings as a poor kid in the Bronx that lied about his age at 16 so he could fight in WWII to a position of immense wealth. He sold all of his homes save the BelAir one and a condo in Palm beach and the jet went too. He said that it wasn't all it was cracked up to be and just a different set of problems. He told me that a person can only eat so much, wear so much and once you've bought everything you've always wanted it all seems so empty. And yes, he said, "As long as you have your health....". This conversation took place around my Stepfather's funeral who passed after a long bout with cancer and leukemia. The man is my Stepfather's brother Jack. He was most gracious to me, taking a genuine interest in me and freely giving me advice I could not have purchased and it has borne me well.

I'm now in the winter of my life and health has escaped me. Oddly enough though, of late, things are looking up. While the Dragon is marching on, I finally have succeeded in getting something to deal with my pain. I now take Dilaudid (read store-bought Heroin) and it has given me somewhat of a new lease on life. It is amazing to be able to walk like a real person again and regain my posture, among other things. It doesn't free me completely from pain but I'm able to function again.

In 2 weeks I'm starting a HepC support group for the clients of the Atlanta Harm Reduction Coalition. By all accounts these good folks are at the bottom of the barrel of society. In this community, 1 in 3 test positive for HepC and many are co-infected HIV/HCV. I would never have imagined starting a support group but in retrospect I don't think I would have for any other group. In my own way, while I can't fight the Dragon in me, I'm fighting the Dragon in the belly of the Beast. I guess this is my "garden patch" that old Ralph spoke of.

I woke up a couple of hours ago from 36 hours of sleep so I trust you will understand my rambling LOL. I think it's a good time to sign off and find a good food pantry.

Allan with 2 L's we can only go forward