RE: ESLD & Me

[Guest guest]

hey susie you should not feel that way if you did not need this these test and to see the tp team your dr would not have kept asking you to go get it done. there are people who are sicker then you feel and i know that you have not made your mind up about a tp but you need to have this done. and you should not feel like a fraud because you are notand should no feel like it like you said your tired all the time forget and have liver damage and have had hep for a long time and in esld so why are you feeling like this. katsuzie <suzieandsandy@...> wrote: Hi Guys, I feel like such a fraud lately. The doctors say I'm in

ESLD & are doing all these tests & I feel fine. No worse than I've felt in years. O K I'm tired all the time & forgetful. I itch a lot but so do lots of other people. I just don't think I'm that sick. I don't feel sick at all. I don't want to take up time that should be used on someone who's really sick. I know it sounds like I'm in denail or something but I know I have HCV & I've had it for a long time & I have liver damage but I feel fine. There are lots of people sicker than me - they should be taken care of before those who aren't as sick like me. I just feel like I'm a big fat fraud. Sorry, SuZie Next time I'm coming back as a cat

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[Guest guest]

Hey Kat, It's just that I know there are a lot of people who're worse off than me. I read posts here from people who need much more than I do & I start feeling like I'm a faker or something. It reminds me of all the people I know who have no business collecting disability & do it anyways. Then I start thinking that I could work if I could find a job that wouldn't mind if I was late alot. I HATE depending on the gov't to support me. I've always taken care of myself. I don't know, I guess I'm just a tad depressed & this time it's coming out this way. I'm going to go lie down on the couch & cuddle SpYke whether he wants to or not. SuZieKATHY SHELNUTT <kathyshel2000@...> wrote: hey susie you should not feel that way if you did not need this these test and to see the tp team your dr would not have kept asking you to go get it done. there are people who are sicker then you feel and i know that you have not made your mind up about a tp but you need to have this done. and you should not feel like a fraud because you are notand should no feel like it like you said your tired all the time forget and have liver damage and have had hep for a long time and in esld so why are you feeling like this. kat

Next time I'm coming back as a cat

[Guest guest]

Suzie, Honey you need to stop feeling guilty for feeling good and be thankful and feel blessed you are still doing so well. No one holds that against you so why should you. You don't deserve to feel good ????? This is today and you know you can have complications and feel like hell at any time. Toots Enjoy It

Now. I have had 5 good years so far PTP should I also feel guilty for that ???? Helllllllllllllll Nooooooo !!!!!!!!!!!!! I think we all go though so much that we all carry some level and forms of guilt for many reasons and feel deep empathy for all others with HCV. Deep down do you feel that maybe the Dr's are wrong about your Dx of ESLD ???? Just guessing and trying to discuss this. No one wants that Dx and seeing it officially, excepting it and starting the TP process is a very emotional and stressful time not just with our Dx but for our lives in general. It can bring back up repressed emotions and experiences that we may have not dealt with in the past. We now know we were given an end stage Dx and what should we do now to make and find closure for ourselves and others. Give yourself a break forgive yourself and be happy and

content. Get rid of the guilt trip. Toots you knew I had to put my 2 cents in. Love Ya. Deb

[Guest guest]

Hey Suzie,

I don't normally have much to add to the discussions in the group.

Suzie! You are not a FRAUD!! YOU deserve the TP as much as anyone

else, probably more than some that get their TPs. You've done

everything that you could to survive up to this point, don't give up

now!! By the time you feel sick enough to have this TP it'll be too

late!

You go do the pre TP tests done! Who am I going to pick on if you let

the Hep-C beat you now!! Dam-it, Suzie! You've got friends around who

want to see you around for a lot longer & if TP means that you'll be

here longer, so be it!

If there's anything I can do to help, give me a call! I'll do my best!

Your Friend

&

Dragon Fighter

" Doc "

XXXOOOXOXO

>

> Hi Guys,

> I feel like such a fraud lately.

[Guest guest]

SuZie. I think we talked about this...feeling guilty for feeling good? (DAMN!!! ANOTHER SONG!!! hehe. Well don't forget that I asked you to forward any info you may get pros's or con's. I have been feeling so good still lately that I too think...I'm not disabled. I saw an old friend (bar acquaintance yesterday...I didn't drink)... and she lost her lifetime mate to esld. She saw me and said, <NAME> had REAL esld and you don't. She was referring to his skinny 145lb 6'2" frames and a stomach that looked like it about to burst. I can see her pointy..and I just said that's what they call it. Anyway...I am disabled. and we don't know when Staph or something else is gonna' find a way to reside in us, and for me that is generally 4 to 7 weeks in a frig gin' hospital. I get disability. I want

to work!! I don't care if it sweeping floors, but if I got caught taking money without reporting it, I'm really screwing myself, and do you know what? It makes me remember that even I have been feeling good and kinda' like a dishonest person, taking money and not working...I AM SICK>>> I can't look someone in the eye and say I'll be there everyday day no matter what. Like this morning... after no sleep. there was no way I could go to work like selling motorcycle parts or something and become relied on, cause I have this crap! I think we should just experience the joy of feeling good when we can and accept the other crap when we have too! IF you feel good , feel good1 Haven't you felt sick before? well... not to me negative but we Will both probably feel like shit again sometime in the future and I'm glad have my tests done. C'mon boob smashing can't be ALL THAT bad is it? I'll trade my man breasts

for a day and you can have my balls and be asked to cough...Deal??? I joked through the tests.. The colostomy being one of the funniest moments... There were about five guys when they wheeled me in on the table, and they said to roil over on my side and relax...Well.. I did and having not eaten or drank(?) anything for so long had a gaseous effect on me big time. Embarrassed a little, i turned around and all these guys that were in nice shirts and tyes had donned what looked like full fireman fighter suits!! (YELLOW and all huge rubber gloves) haha . Man I started laughing cause I didn't know they wore all that stuff (APRONS TOO!!!) haha and it made me keep farting and i kept on REALLY laughing and said (actually kinda' blurted out I was laughinfg so hard)... I said, Man you guys got a shitty job!! started laughing again, but they didn't. Oh well.... They had face

masks on too!! Like M/C half helmets with a clear face guard. It really is nice to know I'm ready just in case... you'll probably be beating yourself up if that time should to need and get a TP doesw come and someone says, Oh...wait!!! Hold on!!! She didn't have an eye test!! Or... she didn't complete her paperwork!! I Deliman My QUOTE FOR THIS WEEKEND... Women are like motorcycles... they are beautiful and fun even if they ain't showroom shiny all the time! And... it's great to have them between your legs and ride them... Just you and her... together...alone...going places..... Deliman Doc P0T

<tbaydoc@...> wrote: Hey Suzie,I don't normally have much to add to the discussions in the group. Suzie! You are not a FRAUD!! YOU deserve the TP as much as anyoneelse, probably more than some that get their TPs.

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[Guest guest]

Deb. I don't think I feel guilty about anything but I do feel like the doctors are wrong about the ESLD dx. I mean I feel the same as I did last year or two years ago. Is it impossible for the docs to be wrong? You & I both know the answer to that one, they've been wrong more often than right. I can't say I'm happy & guilt free but I'd be much happier without this ESLD label & all these stupid tests. I've got an ultrasound scheduled for 8 a m next Monday - I don't mind the test, it's the time - 8 a m for god's sake!!! In order to get there for 8 I have to get up at 6!!! I have an echo cardiogram scheduled - same place, same time on the 29th. Oh well, such is life. SuZieDeb <posttransplant@...> wrote: Suzie, Honey you need to stop feeling guilty for feeling good and be thankful and feel blessed you are still doing so well. No one holds that against you so why should you. You don't deserve to feel good ????? This is today and you know you can have complications and feel like hell at any time. Toots Enjoy It Now. I have had 5 good years so far PTP should I also feel guilty for that ???? Helllllllllllllll Nooooooo !!!!!!!!!!!!! I think we all go though so much that we all carry some level and

forms of guilt for many reasons and feel deep empathy for all others with HCV. Deep down do you feel that maybe the Dr's are wrong about your Dx of ESLD ???? Just guessing and trying to discuss this. No one wants that Dx and seeing it officially, excepting it and starting the TP process is a very emotional and stressful time not just with our Dx but for our lives in general. It can bring back up repressed emotions and experiences that we may have not dealt with in the past. We now

know we were given an end stage Dx and what should we do now to make and find closure for ourselves and others. Give yourself a break forgive yourself and be happy and content. Get rid of the guilt trip. Toots you knew I had to put my 2 cents in. Love Ya. Deb

Next time I'm coming back as a cat

[Guest guest]

Thanks Kev, nothing like a good swift kick in the butt from an old friend to wake you up is there? But I still don't think I need a TP. SuZieDoc P0T <tbaydoc@...> wrote: Hey Suzie,I don't normally have much to add to the discussions in the group. Suzie! You are not a FRAUD!! YOU deserve the TP as much as anyoneelse, probably more than some that get their TPs. You've doneeverything that you could to survive up to this point, don't give upnow!! By the time you feel sick enough to have this TP it'll be toolate! You go do the pre TP tests done! Who am I going to pick on if you letthe Hep-C beat you now!! Dam-it, Suzie! You've got friends around whowant to see you around for a lot longer & if TP means that you'll

behere longer, so be it! If there's anything I can do to help, give me a call! I'll do my best!Your Friend & Dragon Fighter"Doc"XXXOOOXOXO>> Hi Guys,> I feel like such a fraud lately.

Next time I'm coming back as a cat

[Guest guest]

Del, I am two years post transplant Hon, married for 23 years this past month..Still in love, you bettsya..I am still clear of the hep, yes it can happen ok.. I have experienced no rejection,no side affects from medications, nothing. Was in the hospital for 2 days guy, honest..Not every one has the same story to tell.. At first I thought I was a freak or some thing.. But Deb and Liz W. Made the suggestion for me to find or correspond with other transplant people.. Hey there are people out there going on 15 years post transplant ok..Hey I was meaning to tell you some thing ok.Your posts are a whole lot clearer now, must be all those excess meds disappearing from your system.. Wow..Hey and hang in there guy.. Boo

-- Re: Re: ESLD & Me

KathyBoo,

That's some of the best news I've heard!!

I heard it was a long trip back and one doesn't feel so good and then the anti rejection drugs. I really formed a feeling that all it was going to do was keep me breathing on my own, I guess.. My Doc's don't even talk about the benefits only what I have to do, but don't concentrate on if iy works...how good it will be.

That is the first really positive recipient message I've heard.

I know Deb has had some problems, but I don't know the whole story either. and I've really never heard someone say.. WOW!! What a shot in the arm!!! . I FEEL GREAT!! This is the BEST thing I could have ever done! or... maybe I just didn't want to hear it for some strange reason. Like the fool on the hill that never heard the bell's ringing, till yhere was you!

Are you in like.....LOVE??? and that is why you are so happy now?

I've been worrying about that all there is, is existence, no real winners here, and I also tghought it mat be because I don't have any children and am single and what's the point??

But people actually go and run and play, like a caught and released fish?

Say it's true.....

Sincerely,

Deli man

[Guest guest]

Thank you. I really wasn't getting depressed, but I was looking in to see what was going on. I got that, "what's he point? outlook and I am feeling much better. I gave my dog a haircut,haha,,,poor guy...he's a little SHihtzu and now he looks like his daddy. All shaggy but with a not so hot haircut! Thank you, Have a nice Sunday. Del I cleaned my house today and went a couple of places. and I'm singing... Not professionally but when I'm walking around doing things in the house /garage> I sang toKirby, the littleShihtzu, the whole time I cut his hair...Kathy Brunow <kathy-boo@...> wrote: Del, I am two years post transplant Hon, married for 23 years this past month..Still in love, you bettsya..I am still clear of the hep, yes it can happen ok.. I have experienced no rejection,no side affects from medications, nothing. Was in the hospital for 2 days guy, honest..Not every one has the same story to tell.. At first I thought I was a freak or some thing.. But Deb and Liz W. Made the suggestion for me to find or correspond with other transplant people.. Hey there are people out there going on 15 years post transplant ok..Hey I was meaning to tell you some thing ok.Your posts are a whole lot clearer now, must be all those excess meds disappearing from your system.. Wow..Hey and hang in there guy.. Boo -- Re: Re: ESLD & Me KathyBoo, That's some of the best news I've heard!! I heard it was a long trip back and one doesn't feel so good and then the anti rejection drugs. I really formed a feeling that all it was going to do was keep me breathing on my own, I guess.. My Doc's don't even talk

about the benefits only what I have to do, but don't concentrate on if iy works...how good it will be. That is the first really positive recipient message I've heard. I know Deb has had some problems, but I don't know the whole story either. and I've really never heard someone say.. WOW!! What a shot in the arm!!! . I FEEL GREAT!! This is the BEST thing I could have ever done! or... maybe I just didn't want to hear it for some strange reason. Like the fool on the hill that never heard the bell's ringing, till yhere was you! Are you in like.....LOVE??? and that is why you are so happy now? I've been worrying about that all there is, is existence, no real winners here, and I also tghought it mat be because I don't have any children and am single and what's the point?? But people actually go and run and play, like a caught and released fish? Say it's true..... Sincerely, Deli man

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[Guest guest]

Thank you. I really wasn't getting depressed, but I was looking in to see what was going on. I got that, "what's he point? outlook and I am feeling much better. I gave my dog a haircut,haha,,,poor guy...he's a little SHihtzu and now he looks like his daddy. All shaggy but with a not so hot haircut! Thank you, Have a nice Sunday. Del I cleaned my house today and went a couple of places. and I'm singing... Not professionally but when I'm walking around doing things in the house /garage> I sang toKirby, the littleShihtzu, the whole time I cut his hair...Kathy Brunow <kathy-boo@...> wrote: Del, I am two years post transplant Hon, married for 23 years this past month..Still in love, you bettsya..I am still clear of the hep, yes it can happen ok.. I have experienced no rejection,no side affects from medications, nothing. Was in the hospital for 2 days guy, honest..Not every one has the same story to tell.. At first I thought I was a freak or some thing.. But Deb and Liz W. Made the suggestion for me to find or correspond with other transplant people.. Hey there are people out there going on 15 years post transplant ok..Hey I was meaning to tell you some thing ok.Your posts are a whole lot clearer now, must be all those excess meds disappearing from your system.. Wow..Hey and hang in there guy.. Boo -- Re: Re: ESLD & Me KathyBoo, That's some of the best news I've heard!! I heard it was a long trip back and one doesn't feel so good and then the anti rejection drugs. I really formed a feeling that all it was going to do was keep me breathing on my own, I guess.. My Doc's don't even talk

about the benefits only what I have to do, but don't concentrate on if iy works...how good it will be. That is the first really positive recipient message I've heard. I know Deb has had some problems, but I don't know the whole story either. and I've really never heard someone say.. WOW!! What a shot in the arm!!! . I FEEL GREAT!! This is the BEST thing I could have ever done! or... maybe I just didn't want to hear it for some strange reason. Like the fool on the hill that never heard the bell's ringing, till yhere was you! Are you in like.....LOVE??? and that is why you are so happy now? I've been worrying about that all there is, is existence, no real winners here, and I also tghought it mat be because I don't have any children and am single and what's the point?? But people actually go and run and play, like a caught and released fish? Say it's true..... Sincerely, Deli man

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[Guest guest]

After you have all the tests the doctors will determine how sick you are and where you go on the list.Yes there are people that are sicker then you,but the right matches don't come when we need them,they just come.If it is your turn to get the liver ,take it cause you are just as important as anyone else and contribute to use and many others everyday.I don't care what you have done in the past that makes you think you aren't good enough to be blessed with a new kidney when it comes your turn,but your wrong.You have done enough giving back to make up for anything wrong you feel guilty about and we need and want you here.If they pass you a kidney it is because you need it the most ,out of the people on the list and your going to take it or I will haunt you.

Gail

-----Original Message-----From: Hepatitis CSupportGroupForDummies [mailto:Hepatitis CSupportGroupForDummies ]On Behalf Of suzieSent: May 5, 2006 5:15 PMHepatitis Cfordummies Subject: ESLD & Me

Hi Guys,

I feel like such a fraud lately. The doctors say I'm in ESLD & are doing all these tests & I feel fine. No worse than I've felt in years. O K I'm tired all the time & forgetful. I itch a lot but so do lots of other people. I just don't think I'm that sick. I don't feel sick at all.

I don't want to take up time that should be used on someone who's really sick. I know it sounds like I'm in denail or something but I know I have HCV & I've had it for a long time & I have liver damage but I feel fine. There are lots of people sicker than me - they should be taken care of before those who aren't as sick like me. I just feel like I'm a big fat fraud.

Sorry,

SuZie

Next time I'm coming back as a cat

[Guest guest]

Your special and you better remember it.We know that you can only do limited work and no one would hire you under the conditions you would need.I could never work a regular job either and no not feel guilty about getting my pention.I worked hard for many years to put the money in,for when I needed it.

Gail

-----Original Message-----From: Hepatitis CSupportGroupForDummies [mailto:Hepatitis CSupportGroupForDummies ]On Behalf Of suzieSent: May 5, 2006 6:45 PMHepatitis CSupportGroupForDummies Subject: Re: ESLD & Me

Hey Kat,

It's just that I know there are a lot of people who're worse off than me. I read posts here from people who need much more than I do & I start feeling like I'm a faker or something. It reminds me of all the people I know who have no business collecting disability & do it anyways. Then I start thinking that I could work if I could find a job that wouldn't mind if I was late alot.

I HATE depending on the gov't to support me. I've always taken care of myself. I don't know, I guess I'm just a tad depressed & this time it's coming out this way. I'm going to go lie down on the couch & cuddle SpYke whether he wants to or not.

SuZieKATHY SHELNUTT <kathyshel2000@...> wrote:

hey susie

you should not feel that way if you did not need this these test and to see the tp team your dr would not have kept asking you to go get it done. there are people who are sicker then you feel and i know that you have not made your mind up about a tp but you need to have this done. and you should not feel like a fraud because you are notand should no feel like it like you said your tired all the time forget and have liver damage and have had hep for a long time and in esld so why are you feeling like this.

kat

Next time I'm coming back as a cat

[Guest guest]

Your special and you better remember it.We know that you can only do limited work and no one would hire you under the conditions you would need.I could never work a regular job either and no not feel guilty about getting my pention.I worked hard for many years to put the money in,for when I needed it.

Gail

-----Original Message-----From: Hepatitis CSupportGroupForDummies [mailto:Hepatitis CSupportGroupForDummies ]On Behalf Of suzieSent: May 5, 2006 6:45 PMHepatitis CSupportGroupForDummies Subject: Re: ESLD & Me

Hey Kat,

It's just that I know there are a lot of people who're worse off than me. I read posts here from people who need much more than I do & I start feeling like I'm a faker or something. It reminds me of all the people I know who have no business collecting disability & do it anyways. Then I start thinking that I could work if I could find a job that wouldn't mind if I was late alot.

I HATE depending on the gov't to support me. I've always taken care of myself. I don't know, I guess I'm just a tad depressed & this time it's coming out this way. I'm going to go lie down on the couch & cuddle SpYke whether he wants to or not.

SuZieKATHY SHELNUTT <kathyshel2000@...> wrote:

hey susie

you should not feel that way if you did not need this these test and to see the tp team your dr would not have kept asking you to go get it done. there are people who are sicker then you feel and i know that you have not made your mind up about a tp but you need to have this done. and you should not feel like a fraud because you are notand should no feel like it like you said your tired all the time forget and have liver damage and have had hep for a long time and in esld so why are you feeling like this.

kat

Next time I'm coming back as a cat