i'm still here

[Guest guest]

Hi my friends,

I'm still here, grief stricken far more than I ever expected, barely

functional but still existing as best I can. I went to grief

counseling today at the local Hospice and I'm hoping it'll help. The

fatigue alone is driving me crazy. I have the fatigue one gets from

a major loss, which turns into the fatigue we all know about, and

then there's the fatigue one gets from not being able to do normal

things around the house...etc, you get the idea. Now the fun REALLY

begins!

Today I was off to the chiropractor first, the man is so good to me.

No cracking involved at all just stretching and moving, I let him

know if it hurts and he adjusts to it but still works in the same

spot, I'm telling you the man is a genius! Then it was off to the

RA's office for a shot of DepoMedrol. I have decided that I will

NEVER do that again. Not only did the shot hurt going into my butt

but I lost all color in my face, became dizzy(er) and had to sit for

a few minutes before I could go home. Home. Where the fun never

ends.

My darlings, I've been in and out of the bathroom so many times I've

redecorated it in my mind. By the way, I've decided the downstairs

bathroom/laundry room should be a sandy color with drift wood accents

to accent the dining room, but that beside the point. My color still

hasn't returned, oh, and I've had to inject MTX today too (PARTY!) so

my bodies having a grand time. And then there was counseling....

Why are all my posts so damned long all the time? You know what? I'm

going to end it here-ish. I'm not taking the email back as yet, I

haven't the strength but I want you all to know you're in my heart

and I think about you every day.

Take care and be well.

Ellen

[Guest guest]

Ellen,

? i am so sorry to hear you are having such an emotional and hard time. I hope

you know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. If there is anything I can do

please let me know. And please do not worry about how long your emails are. You

write what you need to and vent. The group is here for support. I may not be

able to to write everyday due to chemotherapy and for that I am sorry?but you

are in my thoughts.

Love,

Danni

[Guest guest]

Ellen,

? i am so sorry to hear you are having such an emotional and hard time. I hope

you know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. If there is anything I can do

please let me know. And please do not worry about how long your emails are. You

write what you need to and vent. The group is here for support. I may not be

able to to write everyday due to chemotherapy and for that I am sorry?but you

are in my thoughts.

Love,

Danni

[Guest guest]

Ellen,

? i am so sorry to hear you are having such an emotional and hard time. I hope

you know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. If there is anything I can do

please let me know. And please do not worry about how long your emails are. You

write what you need to and vent. The group is here for support. I may not be

able to to write everyday due to chemotherapy and for that I am sorry?but you

are in my thoughts.

Love,

Danni

[Guest guest]

Danni:

You are a dear friend, thank you. You've been on my mind as well and

in my heart. How are you feeling? I understand about the being

tired, chemo will do that to you but how else are you doing? Are you

psirits good? Is there anything I may do for you?

I have to go call my niece, she turns 4 today and then I'll be calling

Tom to check on him. I appreciate you more than you know, darling.

Take care and be well.

Ellen

[Guest guest]

Danni:

You are a dear friend, thank you. You've been on my mind as well and

in my heart. How are you feeling? I understand about the being

tired, chemo will do that to you but how else are you doing? Are you

psirits good? Is there anything I may do for you?

I have to go call my niece, she turns 4 today and then I'll be calling

Tom to check on him. I appreciate you more than you know, darling.

Take care and be well.

Ellen

[Guest guest]

Danni:

You are a dear friend, thank you. You've been on my mind as well and

in my heart. How are you feeling? I understand about the being

tired, chemo will do that to you but how else are you doing? Are you

psirits good? Is there anything I may do for you?

I have to go call my niece, she turns 4 today and then I'll be calling

Tom to check on him. I appreciate you more than you know, darling.

Take care and be well.

Ellen

[Guest guest]

Ellen,

How are you doing today? get a nice breakfast tea in?

How was your cruise? Were you able to enjoy it any and get closer to

hubby and son?

Just know I've been thinking about you lots.

Houston

[Guest guest]

Ellen,

How are you doing today? get a nice breakfast tea in?

How was your cruise? Were you able to enjoy it any and get closer to

hubby and son?

Just know I've been thinking about you lots.

Houston

[Guest guest]

Ellen,

How are you doing today? get a nice breakfast tea in?

How was your cruise? Were you able to enjoy it any and get closer to

hubby and son?

Just know I've been thinking about you lots.

Houston

[Guest guest]

honey, you're so sweet, thank you.

The cruise was interesting. I couldn't completely enjoy it due to

circumstances and I was very distant because of it as well. To make

it interesting there was an older woman on our deck that passed away

the night we were starting our " at sea " part of the trip. I honestly

thought I had inadvertantly become the angle of death, first Dad and

now this strange lady...you get the idea.

At the moment it's 1:30 something in the morning so a breakfast tea is

out of the question but that does sound wonderful for the morning, I

may just take you up on the idea; thanks.

I had better finish up the emails and get back to bed. It's my turn

to get up with Rubin for school. Poor kid has tobe up at 5 in the

morning. At least I don't have to work, I'll be able to go back to

bed.

Thank you again for thinking of me, I do appreciate it. Take care and

be well.

Ellen

[Guest guest]

honey, you're so sweet, thank you.

The cruise was interesting. I couldn't completely enjoy it due to

circumstances and I was very distant because of it as well. To make

it interesting there was an older woman on our deck that passed away

the night we were starting our " at sea " part of the trip. I honestly

thought I had inadvertantly become the angle of death, first Dad and

now this strange lady...you get the idea.

At the moment it's 1:30 something in the morning so a breakfast tea is

out of the question but that does sound wonderful for the morning, I

may just take you up on the idea; thanks.

I had better finish up the emails and get back to bed. It's my turn

to get up with Rubin for school. Poor kid has tobe up at 5 in the

morning. At least I don't have to work, I'll be able to go back to

bed.

Thank you again for thinking of me, I do appreciate it. Take care and

be well.

Ellen

[Guest guest]

honey, you're so sweet, thank you.

The cruise was interesting. I couldn't completely enjoy it due to

circumstances and I was very distant because of it as well. To make

it interesting there was an older woman on our deck that passed away

the night we were starting our " at sea " part of the trip. I honestly

thought I had inadvertantly become the angle of death, first Dad and

now this strange lady...you get the idea.

At the moment it's 1:30 something in the morning so a breakfast tea is

out of the question but that does sound wonderful for the morning, I

may just take you up on the idea; thanks.

I had better finish up the emails and get back to bed. It's my turn

to get up with Rubin for school. Poor kid has tobe up at 5 in the

morning. At least I don't have to work, I'll be able to go back to

bed.

Thank you again for thinking of me, I do appreciate it. Take care and

be well.

Ellen

[Guest guest]

hi everyone

i just wanted to say i'm still here for the time being at least. i have been

reading everyhting u guys post i just haven't really had much positive to say so

i haven't said anything at all. u guys all have been doing awesome i am PROUD of

everyone (but myself) i found out on the 21 the day school started here that my

job was cut due to a lack of funds. so depression has been at the top of things

for me. i haven't found a new job yet and i have been searching like u wouldn't

belive. unemployment will help a little once it finally starts in like 3 more

weeks. everything is due and extended as long as possible and unfortunately

cable phone and internet (all 3 from the same co) are luxuaries that we don't

NEED so they'll all 3 be shut off on the 9th as i cannot come up with the money.

there is a possibility that my dad my help but no gaurentees there. so when i

disappear u all will know why. i didn't run out or quit or give up or anything i

just cannot afford the lux,'s. thanks u all for being my friends and helping me

throught the hard parts. u all r great, keep up all the greaat work!!!!!!

trish