RE: What's the best way to tell someone

[Guest guest]

Like the other person posted...it's really up to you who you tell. I've always been upfront and honest..even putting it in my online profiles. I made the mistake of telling my employer. I work for a doctor (eye surgeon). His wife also works in the office and needless to say, I'm sure every patient who comes in the office not only knows I'm gay (because she tells them) but I'm sure they know my status as well. Universal precautions for everything and everyone is safe!Dating...well I'm sure we all could write a book on that but for now...I think it's great you have someone!JimSan Diegodlbrindle <dlbrindle@...> wrote: I've been positive for 14 years now and only a few people(4)know about it. Is it better to keep it that way or should I make it widely known? I'm a dental assistant and I think about it constantly at work. Should I tell them or will it get me fired for something else? I feel I'm being diecieving with the people I work with because I have to take days off on occasion for surgeries regarding my breast cancer which is no longer an issue except for the many reconstructive revision surgeries. I've just taken a week off of work for a surgery that my dr. decided that my cd4 is to low to do it. It's at 250 right now. He wants it above 400 which I'm working on as I've just started taking atripla a month ago. How long before my numbers go up? I don't really like the hiv dr. I'm going to. He's through eip. Any good

referrals? I recently told a new boyfriend. Seems to be very supportive. I'm single and have been for a long time so I decided to start dating and what a nightmare that was. I would have to get drunk enough to actually spit it out, then I wouldn't hear from them again. That doesn't seem like it will be a problem anymore because my new boyfriend seems fine with it. My dad still doesn't know which for me seems okay because I'm not that close to him and he moved to another state a while ago. Anyway I think I'm starting to ramble. Enough for now. Love

[Guest guest]

Note that the current state of the

law may allow your employer (eye surgeon) to fire you for having HIV. I

believe that in an analogous case, a plebotomist (whose practice assuming

universal precautions does not present a significant risk to patients either)

had no case for being fired for having HIV. ‘Direct threat’,

under the ADA, (though perhaps your state law is more strict) is the standard

for when a person poses a threat such that he can be fired, and ‘direct

threat’ is so far a very VERY low standard in many jurisdictions, maybe

also yours… i.e. damn near ANY threat, however minute and improbable,

will do.

Note too that your disclosures

generally may preclude you having any case for others disclosure of your

status: a court might very well say, if you disclose routinely, why can’t

they?

Catch 22 abounds.

As for more general disclosures,

well, I sort of just treat it routinely and nonchalantly, as if any normal

person would simply note it and move on, rather than exceptionally. How

does one disclose there while not disclosing there (e.g.

employment.) and not giving up any rights to him disclosing… I

truly don’t know. Though of necessity I’ve been out fabulously

since about ’91 with my status (some public policy stuff required it), so

I’m sort of committed.

Seattle

From:

[mailto: ] On Behalf Of Jim

Leckliter

Sent: Wednesday, May 28, 2008 10:37 PM

dlbrindle;

Subject: Re: What's the best way to tell someone

Like the other person posted...it's really up to you who you

tell. I've always been upfront and honest..even putting it in my online

profiles. I made the mistake of telling my employer. I work for a

doctor (eye surgeon). His wife also works in the office and needless to

say, I'm sure every patient who comes in the office not only knows I'm gay

(because she tells them) but I'm sure they know my status as well.

Universal precautions for everything and everyone is safe!

Dating...well I'm sure we all could write a book on that but for now...I think

it's great you have someone!

Jim

San Diego

dlbrindle <dlbrindle@...> wrote:

I've been positive for 14 years

now and only a few people(4)know about

it.

Is it better to keep it that way or should I make it widely known? I'm

a dental assistant and I think about it constantly at work. Should I

tell them or will it get me fired for something else? I feel I'm being

diecieving with the people I work with because I have to take days off

on occasion for surgeries regarding my breast cancer which is no

longer an issue except for the many reconstructive revision surgeries.

I've just taken a week off of work for a surgery that my dr. decided

that my cd4 is to low to do it. It's at 250 right now. He wants it

above 400 which I'm working on as I've just started taking atripla a

month ago. How long before my numbers go up? I don't really like the

hiv dr. I'm going to. He's through eip. Any good referrals? I recently

told a new boyfriend. Seems to be very supportive. I'm single and have

been for a long time so I decided to start dating and what a nightmare

that was. I would have to get drunk enough to actually spit it out,

then I wouldn't hear from them again. That doesn't seem like it will

be a problem anymore because my new boyfriend seems fine with it. My

dad still doesn't know which for me seems okay because I'm not that

close to him and he moved to another state a while ago. Anyway I think

I'm starting to ramble. Enough for now.

Love

[Guest guest]

I use good judgement when telling. I'm from Orlando, and there it's a little more accepted to be poz than where I'm living now, in Dothan, AL. It's even actually a bit difficult being "out" here in Dothan, but I am "out and proud" as a gay man. All my managers know that I have cancer. They have no idea that it is Kaposi's sarcoma. They just need to know that I have cancer, so I can take my chemo day off, and the next day to recooperate. NO one knows that I have HIV at my job, but if asked someday, I will tell. To me, to deny it if asked, is to admit shame on some level.

Now, when I worked at Disney World, all my managers and friends new, and they were cool with that and respected me for telling. I even did some HIV 101 "classes" on my breaks there. It was really cool!

I told my immediate family, and through them telling the next, etc, all my famlly knows. All are ok with it, all still love me as before. All my friends in Orlando knew. My feeling on that is that if you're to be my friend, you'll love and accept all of me, and the virus comes with the smile I have. It's a complete package.

My partner was told right away. He was adorable, cute, sweet, and I was looking for a life mate, so I knew I had to tell him because I wanted more of him. (There's also legal and moral obligation, but that, to me, is up to one's concience ultimately). I'm proud to say that we're celebrating our 18th month together, HIV, Kaposi's sarcoma lesions chemo, fun, laughter, boredom, drama, and everything else that goes with a relationship. He's a sweetie, 25 years old, HIV negative and loves me for me. He knew soon enough that I live off SSD, and am certainly not rich by any stretch of the imagination. (Because of our age difference some have wondered, but I've put that idea to rest everytime. Yep, I'm 44.)

The best way to tell someone is, after you get to know them and establish a friendship, just tell them...."I am HIV positive.". It's that easy. If they love you for you, and I mean LOVE you as yourself then they'll love you no matter what. Would they stop loving you if you had been diagnosed with cancer? I think not.

Anyway, that's my take.

Haven't written in a long while gang......I'm still doing good. I've been undetectable (again) this time for 18 months (oddly corresponding to my anniversary date).T cell percent is at an all time high for me at 30%. Some edema in legs due to KS, still doing Doxil, gained 7 lbs since last month due to Megace. Bowel problems that I used to write about are 100% gone, 3 years now. Microsporidia has been totally shed, my T cells killed it, along with an EXPENSIVE anti-parasitic. My hemolitic anemia is gone, have been in remission for that for 3 years, haven't had a transfusion in 2 1/2 years.

All in all doing fantastic again! God showed my great Orlando docs how to put me back together again, and it happened, and my immune system is back on track. I am totally convinced that I will make it to be quite elderly. I, and my desire to live and THRIVE, is larger than the virus.

Sorry, I got sidetracked lol......

NOW in Dothan, Alabama

I've been positive for 14 years now and only a few people(4)know aboutit. Is it better to keep it that way or should I make it widely known? I'ma dental assistant and I think about it constantly at work. Should Itell them or will it get me fired for something else? I feel I'm beingdiecieving with the people I work with because I have to take days offon occasion for surgeries regarding my breast cancer which is nolonger an issue except for the many reconstructive revision surgeries.I've just taken a week off of work for a surgery that my dr. decidedthat my cd4 is to low to do it. It's at 250 right now. He wants itabove 400 which I'm working on as I've just started taking atripla amonth ago. How long before my numbers go up? I don't really like thehiv dr. I'm going to. He's through eip. Any good referrals? I recentlytold a new boyfriend. Seems to be very supportive. I'm single and havebeen for a

long time so I decided to start dating and what a nightmarethat was. I would have to get drunk enough to actually spit it out,then I wouldn't hear from them again. That doesn't seem like it willbe a problem anymore because my new boyfriend seems fine with it. Mydad still doesn't know which for me seems okay because I'm not thatclose to him and he moved to another state a while ago. Anyway I thinkI'm starting to ramble. Enough for now.Love

[Guest guest]

Well, i work for a

dentist too… but in the marketing department. I get along quite well with

him… but his wife is EXTREMELY religious, needles to say I am not going

to speak about my health with them. Nor with my co workers, I had a flu of two

weeks… thanks God none noticed it.

About the rest, my close

family knows and most of my friends know. No good luck dating… that’s

the hardest part, so I am dating usually… I have casual hook ups without

mentioning my status and playing safe… but I haven’t found anyone

who I think could stand the news and still be with me. Off course I live in latin America where all this stuff is like in caverns

era.

Cheers

Internal Virus Database is out-of-date.

Checked by AVG.

Version: 7.5.524 / Virus Database: 269.23.16/1448 - Release Date: 16/05/2008 19:42

Internal Virus Database is out-of-date.

Checked by AVG.

Version: 7.5.524 / Virus Database: 269.23.16/1448 - Release Date: 16/05/2008 19:42

[Guest guest]

Well, i work for a

dentist too… but in the marketing department. I get along quite well with

him… but his wife is EXTREMELY religious, needles to say I am not going

to speak about my health with them. Nor with my co workers, I had a flu of two

weeks… thanks God none noticed it.

About the rest, my close

family knows and most of my friends know. No good luck dating… that’s

the hardest part, so I am dating usually… I have casual hook ups without

mentioning my status and playing safe… but I haven’t found anyone

who I think could stand the news and still be with me. Off course I live in latin America where all this stuff is like in caverns

era.

Cheers

Internal Virus Database is out-of-date.

Checked by AVG.

Version: 7.5.524 / Virus Database: 269.23.16/1448 - Release Date: 16/05/2008 19:42

Internal Virus Database is out-of-date.

Checked by AVG.

Version: 7.5.524 / Virus Database: 269.23.16/1448 - Release Date: 16/05/2008 19:42