Re: Thinking Deep Thoughts

[Guest guest]

>

> You have all been forwarned that when I'm in a particularly creative

> cycle that I ask questions and search for answers. I have moved on to

> include seeking those of you who are thinking deep thoughts so I can

> see what you have to say on various topics of your own choosing. Be

> brave and post with wild abandon. Who knows? Maybe you will find a

> kindred spirit who shares similar views or who brings a previously

> overlooked dimension to your ideas. :-D

Here's a question I asked an older person recently:

How have your concerns changed over the last

few decades? Do you have different concerns now

than you did when you were in your 20's & 30's?

[Guest guest]

" Here's a question I asked an older person recently:

How have your concerns changed over the last few decades? Do you have

different concerns now than you did when you were in your 20's & 30's? "

What were the answers? And what are your concerns and answers to your

own question?

Raven

[Guest guest]

My answer would be yes and no.

I don't know if you have ever watched the movie " It's a Wonderful

Life " but in it was told by his father that he was " born

older " (meaning more mature) than his younger brother.

I have always been told the same thing. Between my sister and I, I am

the realist, the pragmatist, the pessimist and the one who is

practical and productive. Perhaps because I have always been this way,

she could afford to be happy-go-lucky in her youth, and she still

seems to be the same way now.

I think very much the same way I did in my teens and twenties. My nose

was always to the grindstone whatever the endeavor I was working on.

It's just that now I am saddled with adult worries like saving for

retirement.

In terms of my interests, in my late twenties I ceased being inner

directed and became more other directed, fighting for animal rights

causes as well as some humanitarian ones. As you can see, these forums

have only come into being in the past couple of years, and they are

here to serve you all.

What I've come to realize is that as much as we would like to believe

that we all continue to grow and mature as we age, that is not

entirely true for most people. Our approaches to problems may change,

but this is more reflective of having gained experience than actual

maturity. People who were selfish when they are children stay selfish

throughout their adulthood for the most part unless there has been a

significant event that changes their way of thinking or unless they

have had some sort of epiphany.

As I get older, I would like to continue to try and make positive

differences in the world, although I expect that they will be more

along the lines of charitable surgical stikes. Certain causes are

simply too much for me to work for, and so I do believe what's best

for me is to focus only in the areas where I can make the most

differences. These would be (at present) in the areas of the

environment, the Aspie community, and the Christian Aspie community.

Tom

Administrator

Here's a question I asked an older person recently:

How have your concerns changed over the last few decades? Do you have

different concerns now than you did when you were in your 20's & 30's?

[Guest guest]

I was always running away when I was in my 20's and 30's. I guess I

finally realised that I was always there when I got there.

At 51 I like myself and life much better.

Kate2

In , " caltrec10 " <caltrec10@...>

wrote:

>

> Here's a question I asked an older person recently:

>

> How have your concerns changed over the last

> few decades? Do you have different concerns now

> than you did when you were in your 20's & 30's?

>

[Guest guest]

" Here's a question I asked an older person recently:

> How have your concerns changed over the last few decades? Do you have

> different concerns now than you did when you were in your 20's & 30's? "

>

> What were the answers? And what are your concerns and answers to your

> own question?

One person said he worries much more about

aging, mental decline, and dying. (He's a

hypochondriac, and that's basically the answer

I expected.) Another person said he's more

concerned with Tiger Woods and the New York

Yankees. And my mother said she's more

concerned now about retirement and less about

her children, who are all grown.

All those people are in their 50's. I'm only 30, so

I can only answer for my 20's. And in my 20's I

really wanted people to like me. Now my main

concern is preparing for my future financially. I'm

currently single with no children, so there's no better

time to do it. Hopefully by the time I'm in my 50's,

that will not be a concern.

[Guest guest]

Here's another question I just asked a person:

Why is marriage necessary? Seeing as so many of

them end in divorce, why is it so desired? Why did

we get into our heads the idea that one person needs

to spend the rest of their lives with another person?

I must say, Raven, I like this topic about deep thoughts.

[Guest guest]

Prenuptual agreements, custody over children, status statement, taxes, etc... caltrec10 <caltrec10@...> wrote: Here's another question I just asked a person:Why is marriage necessary? Seeing as so many ofthem end in divorce, why is it so desired? Why did we get into our heads the idea that one person needs to spend the rest of their lives with another person?I must say, Raven, I like this topic about deep thoughts.

Messenger with Voice. Make PC-to-Phone Calls to the US (and 30+ countries) for 2¢/min or less.

[Guest guest]

caltrec wrote: " Why is marriage necessary? "

Logistically speaking, marriage is necessary so that children are

legitimate in the eyes of the law. In the day when DNA testing to

prove paternity was unavailable, marriage was one way to claim lineage

(even if it wasn't necessarily accurate).

caltrec wrote: " Seeing as so many of them end in divorce, why is it

so desired? "

So many of them end in divorce because either or both of the parties

involved are not sufficiently committed to the relationship to exhaust

all avenues available to them to explore the marriage before walking

away. I believe this is because, in large part, too many people rush

into marriage thinking that romance will magically take them through

the rougher parts of life.

When people make life decisions based on misperceived realities, it's

easy to see that when reality does set in, the " fight or flight "

instinct kicks in. When people make life decisions based on raging

hormones, it's easy to see that when those hormones are tamed

somewhat, the focus of their obsessions is unable to measure up to the

illusion.

So it's not that so many real marriage end in divorce but rather than

many poor decisions end miserably. The divorce rate for marriages

that have been well thought out and that are based solidly in reality

is very low. ;-)

caltrec wrote: " Why did we get into our heads the idea that one

person needs to spend the rest of their lives with another person? "

I could be glib and say it's because if you can find that one person,

you only need to learn to deal with one new set of idiosyncracies for

the rest of your life rather than learn to deal with a new set every 4

to 5 years. LOL.

And if I were to answer you seriously, I would say that choosing one

person with whom to spend the rest of your life is an elemental force

that goes beyond religion and beyond reason and beyond many things but

it's never beyond the reality of the gentle, loving heart that seeks

to find its sweet counterpart.

Some people find that one person and spend the rest of their lives

connected and committed. Some people search a lifetime for that one

person to whom they can be connected and committed. And some people,

unfortunately, are drift with their emotions, neither understanding

what drives their passions nor understanding that being adrift means

never consciously landing on a shore of their own choosing.

caltrec wrote: " I must say, Raven, I like this topic about deep

thoughts. "

I like it, too. Perhaps when this latest explosion of creativity

finds a tentative resting place in my soul, I will ask

the 'trick' to streaming music so others can listen to a few

demo's ... but, of course, that's only if they wish to do so. ;-)

Raven

[Guest guest]

Mmmmmmmmmm they are interesting questions - which I have now being

musing :-)

I suppose when younger my concerns were very ego based, but also I

did have concerns about injustices and other horrible things about

this world from a young age.

I have always been concerned with getting to know things as in

research/learning and that has remained pretty much constant -

although the interests may have changed sometimes to reflect what is

going on in my life.

My teens were very odd years for me - I was mostly inside myself

although I was still concerned about friends - I felt very protective

towards them - I was concerned with truth too and did not take what I

was told at face value, instead preferring to find out for myself.

In my early 20's I had my son - so that was a big change and hence

lots of research related to children and child rearing and other

matters related - my biggest concern was my son, suddenly my life

revolved around him and I had the most overwhelming protective urge

towards him.

I am now early 30's and my son is still very important - I have

concerns that he get the help and education he needs that he is

treated correctly - I hate injustices within the education system. I

also through my son did lots of research (ongoing) on autism. I also

discovered I was Aspergers. I want my son to be as independent as

possible, but also recieve the help and support he needs.

Due to my concerns with education I have been involved with groups

that have fought for decent education for all and have helped set

things in place that will benefit children on the spectrum. My son is

too old to benefit from these things, but it is my hope that no other

children will have to go through what my son and many other children

have been through.

Also I am concerned with the lack of help, support and diagnostic

services for adults with autism in this country.

" Here's a question I asked an older person

recently:

> > How have your concerns changed over the last few decades? Do you

have

> > different concerns now than you did when you were in your 20's &

30's? "

> >

> > What were the answers? And what are your concerns and answers to

your

> > own question?

>

> One person said he worries much more about

> aging, mental decline, and dying. (He's a

> hypochondriac, and that's basically the answer

> I expected.) Another person said he's more

> concerned with Tiger Woods and the New York

> Yankees. And my mother said she's more

> concerned now about retirement and less about

> her children, who are all grown.

>

> All those people are in their 50's. I'm only 30, so

> I can only answer for my 20's. And in my 20's I

> really wanted people to like me. Now my main

> concern is preparing for my future financially. I'm

> currently single with no children, so there's no better

> time to do it. Hopefully by the time I'm in my 50's,

> that will not be a concern.

>

[Guest guest]

Me too, its like I finally realise what all my problems were about

when I was younger but there is no support around. The professionals

are still not fully aware of the diversity within the spectrum and I

often feel it is now too late for me to be dx'd anyway.

However, discovering that I was AS when I was 45 has given me a much

deeper understanding of why things went so wrong for me in my

teenage years and is helping me to cope with my present stage of

life much better than I might have done were I still ignorant to the

facts. For instance I know that I need now to think about my future

security and stability as I have learnt that this is important to

keep me stable and well balanced. I need my home and those closest

to me more than I need other things that I may have thought more

important when I was younger.

Kate2

In , " greebohere "

<julie.stevenson16@...> wrote:

>

> Also I am concerned with the lack of help, support and diagnostic

> services for adults with autism in this country.

>

>

[Guest guest]

I can't see the point of marraige either. I am actually living with

my ex husband in an arrangment that suits us both and we are

sometimes criticised for not re-marrying. There is not point, its

too much hassle if you do decide to go your seperate ways again.

Its all about money I think. I think these days if people do marry

that they should have one of these legal documents that the celebs

draw up, it would save a lot of rowing if it has all been decided

beforehand. It would also prevent the whole thing becoming a public

spectacle for all and sundry to pass an opinion on.

Kate2

In , " caltrec10 " <caltrec10@...>

wrote:

>

> Here's another question I just asked a person:

>

> Why is marriage necessary? Seeing as so many of

> them end in divorce, why is it so desired? Why did

> we get into our heads the idea that one person needs

> to spend the rest of their lives with another person?

>

> I must say, Raven, I like this topic about deep thoughts.

>

[Guest guest]

I don't think I could cope with the social aspects of being married.

I was unaware that I was AS throughout my marraige and dreaded the

social side of it and there are many social expectations, things that

you are just expected to be able to do that I just could not. I also

struggled with having to see my then husband ridiculed and bullied by

his own family. Christmas time was sheer hell for me. Now I have the

best of both worlds, I have him and my family but I don't have to see

his! :-)

Kate2

In , " ravenmagic2003 "

<ravenmagic2003@...> wrote:

>

> So many of them end in divorce because either or both of the parties

> involved are not sufficiently committed to the relationship to

exhaust

> all avenues available to them to explore the marriage before walking

> away. I believe this is because, in large part, too many people

rush

> into marriage thinking that romance will magically take them through

> the rougher parts of life.

[Guest guest]

> Kate2: "I can't see the point of marraige either."Recent history has proved that marriage has been a license for men to have complete control over women, almost as property.  Rainbow

[Guest guest]

Recent history has also shown that as people begin to be more selfish,

they are less willing to give what it takes to their spouses in order

to sustain a healthy marriage.

Tom

Administrator

> Kate2: " I can't see the point of marraige either. "

Recent history has proved that marriage has been a license for men to

have complete control over women, almost as property.

Rainbow

[Guest guest]

I give totally 100 per cent to my ex, I have sacrificed my studies

to work for him when he was being bullied by the very relative that

he was actually paying to clean our aspie house. By stepping in to

do the job I am saving him from further violation and protecting my

grown up son who lives with us as well from intrusion into his

privacy.

I don't need a piece of paper to do that, I just need to be the

genuine person that I am and the best friend that he, as an un dx'd

aspie has ever had.

Kate2

In , environmental1st2003

<no_reply@...> wrote:

>

> Recent history has also shown that as people begin to be more

selfish,

> they are less willing to give what it takes to their spouses in

order

> to sustain a healthy marriage.

>

> Tom

> Administrator

>

>

>

> > Kate2: " I can't see the point of marraige either. "

>

> Recent history has proved that marriage has been a license for men

to

> have complete control over women, almost as property.

>

> Rainbow

>

[Guest guest]

>>

> Recent history has proved that marriage has been a license for men

to

> have complete control over women, almost as property.

>

Those same men would find a way to control women with or without

marriage. Often marriage has given women rights that they wouldn't have

had otherwise. Pride and Prejudice highlights how women of that time

and place in history had to get married or end up with nothing. In a

man's world women have the disadvantage, and is often why women resort

to their wiles to get what they need or want. Mens' attitudes have been

a license for men to have control over women.

[Guest guest]

Right on! Except that I don't use 'wiles' to get what I want, I use

hard work.

Kate2

In , " mikecarrie01 "

<mikecarrie01@...> wrote:

>

> Those same men would find a way to control women with or without

> marriage. Often marriage has given women rights that they wouldn't

have

> had otherwise. Pride and Prejudice highlights how women of that time

> and place in history had to get married or end up with nothing. In a

> man's world women have the disadvantage, and is often why women

resort

> to their wiles to get what they need or want. Mens' attitudes have

been

> a license for men to have control over women.

>

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 4/22/2006 3:07:21 PM Eastern Standard Time, ravenmagic2003@... writes:

I am going to ask a couple questions of you first. Is financial wealth the determining factor of success according to your personal parameters? And are there other definitions of wealth that you feel are equal to, or that surpass, finacial wealth?Raven

I think the question was solely asking about the size of one's asset column versus the debt column.

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 4/22/2006 4:27:48 PM Eastern Standard Time, caltrec10@... writes:

Yes, I was. But money is such a big issue for mostpeople that I'm not surprised by Raven's question.I think it's a valid one.

It is indeed a valid question.

One thing a lot of people don't realize though is that having more money doesn't mean an end to money problems: it just means bigger problems.

I have a friend who thought I was rich and didn't have any problems. I asked him what his biggest investment was and he said his car which was second hand and cost him about $8,000. I asked him if he knew all the things that could happen to it, like accidents and such, and he said he knew. So then I told him my biggest investment was a piece of land I bought that had a $250,000 mortgage on it. That was timberland and could be affected by fire, bug infestations, wind damage and most of all, price fluctuations in the timber market. Now, I probably wouldn't be out all of that money if something bad happened, like he would not be if something happened to his car because he had insurance. However, if prices fell, I could stand to lose a good bit of money even if I sold the land after the harvest. On the other hand, I have an expectation of profit, which is why I bought the land, but really it could swing either way.

But that is investing. The payments on that mortgage take up a sizable bit of my monthly income, but it should be worth it in the long run. Then again, what with the heavy inventories thanks to Ivan, Katrina and Rita, not to mention what we might catch this year too, and the high fuel prices that are putting loggers out of work, it could well turn into a loss.

[Guest guest]

I have another question, for whoever would like

to answer.

If you're not financially wealthy, do you think you

could be? If not, why not? If so, what's stopping you?

[Guest guest]

I am going to ask a couple questions of you first. Is financial

wealth the determining factor of success according to your personal

parameters? And are there other definitions of wealth that you feel

are equal to, or that surpass, finacial wealth?

Raven

>

> I have another question, for whoever would like

> to answer.

>

> If you're not financially wealthy, do you think you

> could be? If not, why not? If so, what's stopping you?

>

[Guest guest]

> > If you're not financially wealthy, do you think you

> > could be? If not, why not? If so, what's stopping you?

[Guest guest]

> In a message dated 4/22/2006 3:07:21 PM Eastern Standard Time,

> ravenmagic2003@... writes:

>

> I am going to ask a couple questions of you first. Is financial

> wealth the determining factor of success according to your personal

> parameters? And are there other definitions of wealth that you feel

> are equal to, or that surpass, finacial wealth?

>

> Raven

>

> I think the question was solely asking about the size of one's asset column

> versus the debt column.

>

>

Yes, I was. But money is such a big issue for most

people that I'm not surprised by Raven's question.

I think it's a valid one.