Re: Why's *that* embarrassing??

[Guest guest]

It may be simpler than you think. You're both parents. At a certain

age, parents are embarrassing just by existing. You sure don't want

to be seen with them in public, anyway.

So, probably nothing personal there. You seem like a pretty cool mom.

As for the reversed mohawk etc, I had a similar conflict between

wanting to mark my difference and independence from the others, and

wanting to melt into the nearest wall.

When I switched schools in 6th grade, I was truly wishing to keep as

low a profile as possible in the beginning. When my step-dad drove me

to school in his huge white Buick Skylark I thought I would die from

embarrassment at the attention this got me (this was back in -71,

when most here in Europe drove ugly little Saabs, Opels or VW

Beetles) so I asked him to please drop me off a block early and let

me walk the last bit.

But I still wore my own dress style stubbornly refused any invitation

to sit at the same table as he others. The more confident I felt, the

more I took pains to stick out. A sort of passsive defiance, I think.

Inger

>

> I wanted to ask a silly question. If a person is anxious about

being

> in public and doesn't want to 'be noticed' why would they do

something

> to *make themselves stand-out* ? For an example: when I go pick the

> kids up from school and have the radio playing and the windows down

> (only loud enough for me to hear it) when n and Noah get in

the

> car they say'turn that radio off and shut the window' and

practically

> shrink down in the seat or if one of them is working the concession

> stand and I walk up to get a coke or something they will totally

> ignore me and pretend I'm not even there. YET, one of them gave

> himself a 'reverse mohawk' and shaved his eyebrows and the other

wears

> blue or red 'slipper socks' (the kind you get in 1st class on an

> airplane) everyday to school.I can't wrap my mind around this. ( I

> don't have much to wrap, I guess) This just doesn't make sense to

> me...I know the examples I gave include me, but my husband says

they

> do him the same way.. Is it just us, are we that scary looking?? My

> husband even asked them one day if they were embarrassed because he

> had gray hair because they do him the same way when he picks them

> up...There are other examples, I just can't think of any at the

moment.

>

[Guest guest]

I have a jacket that is covered with the patches I have collected

from all the places I have been to. I wear it because it is an

expression of me. I didn't do it to make a fashion statement or to

draw attention to myself.

Yet I am constantly bothered by people who ask " Are/were you a boy

scout? " or " How long did it take you to collect all those? "

or " Stand still so I can look at them. "

To my way of thinking they are rude and intrusive. Do I ask them

whether their breasts are real or not and can they stand still so I

can stare at them? Or how long it took to get all those tattoos they

are wearing? Do I ask them how long they had that scar on their

faces?

Just because your kids have done something that attracts another

person's attention does not give the other person a right to intrude

on your kids' lives.

Also, like all kids, they probably make themselves hidden around you

and your husband because you embarrass them in some way.

Tom

Administrator

I wanted to ask a silly question. If a person is anxious about being

in public and doesn't want to 'be noticed' why would they do

something to *make themselves stand-out* ? For an example: when I go

pick the kids up from school and have the radio playing and the

windows down (only loud enough for me to hear it) when n and

Noah get in the car they say'turn that radio off and shut the

window' and practically shrink down in the seat or if one of them is

working the concession stand and I walk up to get a coke or

something they will totally ignore me and pretend I'm not even

there. YET, one of them gave himself a 'reverse mohawk' and shaved

his eyebrows and the other wears blue or red 'slipper socks' (the

kind you get in 1st class on an airplane) everyday to school.I can't

wrap my mind around this. ( I don't have much to wrap, I guess) This

just doesn't make sense to me...I know the examples I gave include

me, but my husband says they do him the same way.. Is it just us,

are we that scary looking?? My husband even asked them one day if

they were embarrassed because he had gray hair because they do him

the same way when he picks them up...There are other examples, I

just can't think of any at the moment.

[Guest guest]

--- In , environmental1st2003

<no_reply@...> wrote:

>

> I have a jacket that is covered with the patches I have collected

> from all the places I have been to. I wear it because it is an

> expression of me. I didn't do it to make a fashion statement or to

> draw attention to myself.

>

> Yet I am constantly bothered by people who ask " Are/were you a boy

> scout? " or " How long did it take you to collect all those? "

> or " Stand still so I can look at them. " Maybe they are

just 'interested' and trying to make small talk and don't think of

it as an 'intrusion'.

>

> To my way of thinking they are rude and intrusive. Do I ask them

> whether their breasts are real or not and can they stand still so

I

> can stare at them? Or how long it took to get all those tattoos

they

> are wearing? Do I ask them how long they had that scar on their

> faces? Maybe you should ask them if their breasts are real or

about their tatoos or scars and they would be shocked into shutting

up.

>

> Just because your kids have done something that attracts another

> person's attention does not give the other person a right to

intrude

> on your kids' lives.

>

> Also, like all kids, they probably make themselves hidden around

you

> and your husband because you embarrass them in some way.

> I understand the being embarrassed around us. But, the way I see

it, ignoring/running makes them *stand out* MORE.

> Tom

> Administrator

>

>

>

>

> I wanted to ask a silly question. If a person is anxious about

being

> in public and doesn't want to 'be noticed' why would they do

> something to *make themselves stand-out* ? For an example: when I

go

> pick the kids up from school and have the radio playing and the

> windows down (only loud enough for me to hear it) when n and

> Noah get in the car they say'turn that radio off and shut the

> window' and practically shrink down in the seat or if one of them

is

> working the concession stand and I walk up to get a coke or

> something they will totally ignore me and pretend I'm not even

> there. YET, one of them gave himself a 'reverse mohawk' and shaved

> his eyebrows and the other wears blue or red 'slipper socks' (the

> kind you get in 1st class on an airplane) everyday to school.I

can't

> wrap my mind around this. ( I don't have much to wrap, I guess)

This

> just doesn't make sense to me...I know the examples I gave include

> me, but my husband says they do him the same way.. Is it just us,

> are we that scary looking?? My husband even asked them one day if

> they were embarrassed because he had gray hair because they do him

> the same way when he picks them up...There are other examples, I

> just can't think of any at the moment.

>

[Guest guest]

I don't see why it should.

It's very egotistical for people to assume that the person running

from them must be strange. Maybe there is a REASON someone runs from

someone else and maybe that reason is because the person being escaped

from is at fault.

And even so, whether there is a reason or not, it's no one's business

why someone runs from someone else anyway. If someone behaves oddly

around me, I don't assume anything (because to assume makes an ass out

of " u " and me) and I really don't even care. Unless the person tells

me, I will never know, so why care?

Tom

Administrator

I understand the being embarrassed around us. But, the way I see

it, ignoring/running makes them *stand out* MORE.

[Guest guest]

environmental1st2003 wrote:

> I don't see why it should.

>

> It's very egotistical for people to assume that the person running

> from them must be strange. Maybe there is a REASON someone runs from

> someone else and maybe that reason is because the person being escaped

> from is at fault.

>

> And even so, whether there is a reason or not, it's no one's business

> why someone runs from someone else anyway. If someone behaves oddly

> around me, I don't assume anything (because to assume makes an ass out

> of " u " and me) and I really don't even care. Unless the person tells

> me, I will never know, so why care? Toni> I guess I need to quit

> worrying so much about what other people think!!

>

> Tom

> Administrator

>

>

>

> I understand the being embarrassed around us. But, the way I see

> it, ignoring/running makes them *stand out* MORE.

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> FAM Secret Society is a community based on respect, friendship,

> support and acceptance. Everyone is valued.

>

> Check the Links section for more FAM forums.

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

environmental1st2003 wrote:

> I don't see why it should.

>

> It's very egotistical for people to assume that the person running

> from them must be strange. Maybe there is a REASON someone runs from

> someone else and maybe that reason is because the person being escaped

> from is at fault.

>

> And even so, whether there is a reason or not, it's no one's business

> why someone runs from someone else anyway. If someone behaves oddly

> around me, I don't assume anything (because to assume makes an ass out

> of " u " and me) and I really don't even care. Unless the person tells

> me, I will never know, so why care? Toni> I guess I need to quit

> worrying so much about what other people think!!

>

> Tom

> Administrator

>

>

>

> I understand the being embarrassed around us. But, the way I see

> it, ignoring/running makes them *stand out* MORE.

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> FAM Secret Society is a community based on respect, friendship,

> support and acceptance. Everyone is valued.

>

> Check the Links section for more FAM forums.

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 3/15/2006 9:45:44 A.M. Eastern Standard Time, no_reply writes:

Yet I am constantly bothered by people who ask "Are/were you a boy scout?" or "How long did it take you to collect all those?" or "Stand still so I can look at them."To my way of thinking they are rude and intrusive. Do I ask them whether their breasts are real or not and can they stand still so I can stare at them? Or how long it took to get all those tattoos they are wearing? Do I ask them how long they had that scar on their faces?

That can be annoying, but if you have it on public display, you can't expect people not to take an interest in it. And yes, that also applies if a person is wearing revealing clothes.

I usually wear a baseball cap and that gives people something to look at other than me. Also, being short allows the hat's bill to block most people's eyes so they can't stare at me, or at least not so that I notice, while we are talking that is. Still, I always take it off when I go inside.

[Guest guest]

May I respectfully suggest that what you have stated is the way you

should proceed?

You cannot know what other people think, so why try to guess? You

could be doing so many other productive things instead of obsessing.

That's the way I think anyway.

Tom

Administrator

Toni> I guess I need to quit worrying so much about what other people

think!!

[Guest guest]

May I respectfully suggest that what you have stated is the way you

should proceed?

You cannot know what other people think, so why try to guess? You

could be doing so many other productive things instead of obsessing.

That's the way I think anyway.

Tom

Administrator

Toni> I guess I need to quit worrying so much about what other people

think!!

[Guest guest]

From: tsbthatsme <kbtoni@...>

> Is it just us, are we that scary looking??

I think the latter <g>.

I'll let others on the list try to figure out the reasons. Meantime, tell them

if they hadn't been sleeping in biology class, they'd know that many other kids

also have " parents " . It's nothing to be ashamed of. Or maybe it is, but they

can live with the embarrassment.

As to expressing embarrassment publicly, the general " get along with housemate "

rules are as follows:

" If there is a problem, let me know specifically what the problem is AND what

you want me to do about it. Then I'll decide if that makes sense *to me*. If

you don't address the issue of what I can do about it, the presumption is that

you just want to complain for the sake of complaining. Your free time on the

cellphone starts at 9PM, so you are invited to call someone who cares. "

As to their ignoring you in public, let them know you have both been around long

enough to figure out how to make it worse (adults wearing hats are a biggie).

Otherwise, they can either treat you like anyone else who deserves courtesy or

if necessary they can tell their friends " excuse me " and proceed to treat you

courteously.

- s

[Guest guest]

environmental1st2003 wrote:

> May I respectfully suggest that what you have stated is the way you

> should proceed? Yes, I am willing to try.

>

> You cannot know what other people think, so why try to guess? You

> could be doing so many other productive things instead of obsessing.

> Toni> Maybe that is my half-aspie way. OBSESSING,hyper-focusing on the

> negative instead of the positive.

>

> That's the way I think anyway.

> I appreciate your input/advice.

> Tom

> Administrator

>

>

>

>

>

> Toni> I guess I need to quit worrying so much about what other people

> think!!

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> FAM Secret Society is a community based on respect, friendship,

> support and acceptance. Everyone is valued.

>

> Check the Links section for more FAM forums.

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Stan's computer wrote:

> From: tsbthatsme <kbtoni@...>

> > Is it just us, are we that scary looking??

>

> I think the latter <g>. Toni> You're probably right!

>

> I'll let others on the list try to figure out the reasons. Meantime,

> tell them if they hadn't been sleeping in biology class, they'd know

> that many other kids also have " parents " . It's nothing to be ashamed

> of. Or maybe it is, but they can live with the embarrassment.

>

> As to expressing embarrassment publicly, the general " get along with

> housemate " rules are as follows:

>

> " If there is a problem, let me know specifically what the problem is

> AND what you want me to do about it. Then I'll decide if that makes

> sense *to me*. If you don't address the issue of what I can do about

> it, the presumption is that you just want to complain for the sake of

> complaining. Your free time on the cellphone starts at 9PM, so you

> are invited to call someone who cares. " Toni> great rules!

>

> As to their ignoring you in public, let them know you have both been

> around long enough to figure out how to make it worse (adults wearing

> hats are a biggie). Otherwise, they can either treat you like anyone

> else who deserves courtesy or if necessary they can tell their friends

> " excuse me " and proceed to treat you courteously. Toni> I wouldn't

> DARE wear a hat to embarrass them! My husband put some fake teeth in

> this weekend and went into the boys room where they were playing

> computer games with a friend. The friend about fell out of the chair

> laughing, but Noah was NOT amused and later told his dad not to be

> doing sh*t like that again. I think it was a hoot myself.

>

> - s

>

>

>

>

>

> FAM Secret Society is a community based on respect, friendship,

> support and acceptance. Everyone is valued.

>

> Check the Links section for more FAM forums.

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Tom:

> Yet I am constantly bothered by people who ask " Are/were you a boy

scout? " or " How long did it take you to collect all those? "

or " Stand still so I can look at them. "

>

> To my way of thinking they are rude and intrusive. Do I ask them

whether their breasts are real or not and can they stand still so I

can stare at them?

LOL! Perhaps you should try that next time? That ought to shut them up!

Inger

[Guest guest]

On 15 Mar 2006 environmental1st2003 wrote:

> I have a jacket that is covered with the patches...

>

> Yet I am constantly bothered by people who ask " Are/were you a

> boy scout? " or " How long did it take you to collect all those? "

> or " Stand still so I can look at them. "

>

> To my way of thinking they are rude and intrusive. Do I ask them

> whether their breasts are real or not and can they stand still so

> I can stare at them?

It may be that people presume that the patches are an external

feature and are communication, whereas parts of people's bodies

are more personal. While the patches are certainly more

personal in the sense of being one's own expression, they are

still considered " external " .

In contrast, breasts are still regarded as personal even though

there is no expression by them, other than some of the clothing

worn to emphasize their presence.

- s

[Guest guest]

Thanks for the explanation. From now on I will iron my patches to my

bare chest and walk around with a low cut strappy T-shirt.

THAT ought to keep people from looking at me.

Tom

Administrator

It may be that people presume that the patches are an external

feature and are communication, whereas parts of people's bodies

are more personal. While the patches are certainly more

personal in the sense of being one's own expression, they are

still considered " external " .

In contrast, breasts are still regarded as personal even though

there is no expression by them, other than some of the clothing

worn to emphasize their presence.

- s

[Guest guest]

Oh my! THAT certainly paints quite an interesting visual!!! LOL.

Raven

>

> Thanks for the explanation. From now on I will iron my patches to my

> bare chest and walk around with a low cut strappy T-shirt.

>

> THAT ought to keep people from looking at me.

>

> Tom

> Administrator

[Guest guest]

They would certainly catch my eye, but I would try and look at them

when you weren't looking. Then you might think I was strange,

sneaking up behind you! Most tattooed people I've come across LOVE to

talk about their tattooes! It's a display and I'm sure people are

thinking that if you display the badges you are proud of them and

want people to take notice. I would suspect in some cases the person

(s) who are looking at them don't care about them per se, but are

thinking that since they are important to you they will take in

interest in them.

>

>

> In a message dated 3/15/2006 9:45:44 A.M. Eastern Standard Time,

> no_reply writes:

>

> Yet I am constantly bothered by people who ask " Are/were you a boy

> scout? " or " How long did it take you to collect all those? "

> or " Stand still so I can look at them. "

>

> To my way of thinking they are rude and intrusive. Do I ask them

> whether their breasts are real or not and can they stand still so

I

> can stare at them? Or how long it took to get all those tattoos

they

> are wearing? Do I ask them how long they had that scar on their

> faces?

>

>

>

> That can be annoying, but if you have it on public display, you

can't expect

> people not to take an interest in it. And yes, that also applies if

a person

> is wearing revealing clothes.

>

> I usually wear a baseball cap and that gives people something to

look at

> other than me. Also, being short allows the hat's bill to block

most people's

> eyes so they can't stare at me, or at least not so that I notice,

while we are

> talking that is. Still, I always take it off when I go inside.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

>

> It may be that people presume that the patches are an external

> feature and are communication, whereas parts of people's bodies

> are more personal. While the patches are certainly more

> personal in the sense of being one's own expression, they are

> still considered " external " .

>

> In contrast, breasts are still regarded as personal even though

> there is no expression by them, other than some of the clothing

> worn to emphasize their presence.

>

> - s

>

[Guest guest]

That sure conjures up a strange visual image :-) I bet people would

still ask.

Out of curiousity, what colour strappy low cut T-Shirt would you go

for? :-)

>

> Thanks for the explanation. From now on I will iron my patches to my

> bare chest and walk around with a low cut strappy T-shirt.

>

> THAT ought to keep people from looking at me.

>

> Tom

> Administrator

[Guest guest]

White.

Out of curiousity, what colour strappy low cut T-Shirt would you go

for? :-)