meltdowns & transitions

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More information about meltowns- To refresh memories-Francine thought meltdowns in her child were performed "To get her own way". I had written last week about meltdowns and responses to the word NO with rules from an autistic's point of view. Tips were included. To respond to some comments that were posted from those tips, I would like to add more on this subject; The word " NO" is also used when you have to stop a child from one activity and go to the next. Transitioning is a very difficult thing for many of us. Even as an adult, I have to have warning of an upcoming change or be in control of my own schedule. I need time mentally to prepare for change to allow me to regulate my thoughts, body and feelings. Why?

When you change activities or locations you start from "ground zero" in new smells, noises, people, the energy of others and the surrounding. As a child, this feels like jumping into the deep end of a pool when you are still trying to determine if you can swim or if you will be safely held/caught by someone down below. Additionally, I tend to get lost in my world when doing a particular activity. Mentally, the whole world can disappear. So when someone grabs me out of it and says we are switching gears and doing something else- it is like having someone jerk you awake in the middle of

a dream state. It would be disturbing and very hard for anyone to transition in that state of mind. Make note that for many of us, reaching this state of absorption into an activity can be immediate. We are pulled-sometimes obsessed to "figure things out". We want to do this with objects or certain activities that do not involve other people. People are confusing. Objects or activities without people are not confusing but absorbing. So--when you say; "NO, you can't do that now, we need to go" (because you have a time schedule that requires a fast exit,) you see the result of confusion, frustration and/or fear. We may have what appears to be a tantrum,

but really it is a meltdown to release the frustration of not yet mentally finishing a thought process within our head OR for sheer terror of not knowing what will be coming next. What can you do to make this easier? By providing a warning--An example would be; "You have 5 more minutes and then we need to go to ____". You may need to do this face to face to make sure we are not "checked out". This may, in many cases, allow a child or adult the time to mentally pull out of the place where their thoughts are at and we can then start self regulating and preparing mentally for the change. This may not always help if your child has had many changes and transitions in the day or the home lifestyle is in constant change--if you are always on the go, then a NO or an any warning is then scary in itself because it happens frequently. If the child or adult has not learned tools to mentally make frequent changes, then a busy schedule means an emotionally difficult and scary day for that person. If any of the the above applies to your child, another suggestion would be to have immediately on hand a transition item that soothes

or distracts them until they can adjust to the change. Most of us have particular things that we could work for hours and never get bored with. Or maybe it is a snuggle baby/blanket that feels or smells a certain way. Maybe it is a stick the we can wave in the air that allows us to "stim" the stress away. Here is an example of what worked for me---My mom taught me how to braid at a young age. When I was to leave my safe cave or place, she warned me first, then came back and immediately handed me my "braid strings". Just holding them brought comfort. I knew that no matter where went, I would be able to find a corner and absorb into

the strings and make those patterns with the strings. While I moved out of my safe zone, The feel of those braids were the comfort I needed to know I could re-absorb when we arrived to the new place. To Francine. I am sincerely sorry I can not respond to your latest email on this subject. First-I have a hard time with reading the way some people write. Figures of speech+ commotion + emotions = I just want to check out. It is hard for me to understand. I would defer your question to in England. She seems to "hit the nail on the head" (I know that figure of speech) every time with her responses. Second-articulating in words is extremely difficult for me and it takes much of my time to say things that may make sense to others. I hope all will forgive me as I gracefully exit from this subject and close with this statement; If your child is CORRECTLY diagnosed with autism, I agree with

that meltdowns are the release of emotions that come with frustration or fear within themselves. It is not to manipulate or “get ones way”. No one likes to feel anger, frustration or fear and acting or using with these emotions seems to be too clever for someone who struggles with emotions. A heart-felt thanks to the many parents willing to take the time to read this and to patiently work with their child and the things we struggle with. Pamela alwaysmynature <alwaysmynature@...> wrote: H Pam,My son also meltsdown, either aggression and/or self-injurious

behavior. I too would like to understand what it is that makes this such a powerful trigger. Until recently, he never would have been able to help me gain a little insight into what it means to him. I'm purely guessing, but I am beginning to think, at least for my son, he has always had two basic levels of emtion: Happy & shut-down (which later changed to fight). Maybe it has to do with not being able to organize and regulate??? I've always tried to avoid the word "no" and redirect him. But, this doesn't always work and now that he's older, he hangs on tight to what he wants to full-fill whatever need he's wanting to fill.The only thing that has somewhat worked for me, is that when he "accepts" the alternative answer or redirection, I give him high-fives and reward him with a check mark for more game time. It hasn't eliminated his behavior, but has drastically reduced it. But at 13, even one incident is

major. I am very careful about what I say no to and I stick with it even if it means a full meltdown because intermittent reinforcement only strengthens the undesired behavior.If you gain any helpful hints/insight, please, please let me know too.Judyn> >> > Pam,> >

> > How would someone explain then - my daughter with her 5-20 severe> self injurious meltdowns per day - every time triggered by "no"?> > > > You need to appreciate that in her mind you have the same thoughts,> beliefs and desires as her, so she cannot understand why you are> saying 'no'. > > I would suggest several strategies - first try positively redirecting> her, rather than saying "no" or "don't do that" - people with asd need> to be told what they *can do*, otherwise they are left with a hole -> they don't know what is going to be acceptable and what isn't.> > Second, for dangerous activity, such as touching a hot stove, or> something, use social stories to explain why something shouldn't be done.> > Thirdly, if you want her to stop doing something, because it's time to> eat/go to bed or whatever, you must give

her advance warning of the> change. Also use visual timetables, so she knows what to expect next.> The world is a bewildering place if you cannot predict (because you do> not know how to interpret the many metaphors etc in language or the> 70% of communication which is non-verbal) what is going to happen. You> therefore need to make her life as predictable as possible.> > in England

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