Re: Re: found this interesting-meltdowns & transitions

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One last comment from me on this subject mentioned about transitions with response to the word no. The list of tips and comments provided below that was written on Monday were focused on rules. reminded me that NO is spoken when you have to stop a child from one activity and go to the next. This is also a big cause of

our meltdowns. Even as an adult, I had to have warning of an upcoming change or be in control of my own schedule. I need time mentally to prepare for change and regulate my thoughts, body and feelings. Why? When you change activities or locations you start from "ground zero" in new smells, noises, people and the energy of others and surrounding. As a child, this feels like jumping into the deep end each time when you are still trying to determine you can swim or will be safely held/caught by someone down below. Additionally, I tend to get lost in my world when doing a particular activity. Mentally, physically the whole world can disappear. So when someone grabs me out of it and says we are switching gears and doing something else it is like having someone jerk you awake in the middle of a dream or sleep. It would be disturbing and very hard for anyone to to transition in this state. Make note that form many of us Autistics, reaching this state of absorption into an activity can be immediate. We are pulled to "figure things out". We want to do this with objects or certain activities that do not involve other people. People are confusing. So--when you say

NO after catching me playing or doing something that I should not, or stop me immediately because you have a time schedule that requires a fast exit, we make have what appears to be a tantrum or meltdown to release the frustration of not yet mentally finishing a thought process within or head OR for sheer terror of not knowing what will be coming next. By providing a warning that you have 5 more minutes and then we need to go to ____, this is many cases will allow a child or adult the time to mentally pull out of the place their head is at and start self regulating for the change. This may not always help if your child has many

changes and transitions in their life-if you are always on the go, then a NO or a any warning is then scary in itself because it happens frequently. If they have not learned tools to mentally make frequent changes, then a busy schedule means an emotionally difficult and scary day for that child. If the above applies to your child, my only suggestion would be to have immediately on hand a transition item that soothes or distracts them until they can adjust to the change. Most of us have particular things that we could work for hours and never get bored with. Or maybe it is a snuggle baby/blanket that smells a certain way My mom taught me how to braid at a certain age that when I was to leave my safe cave or place, she warned me first, then came back and immediately handed me my "braid strings". Just holding them brought comfort. I knew that no matter where went, I would be able to find a corner and absorb into the strings and make those patterns with the strings. To Francine. I am sorry I can not respond to your last email. First-I have a hard time with reading the way some people write. Nothing personal to you-that would be against my nature. With written or spoken slang + commotion + emotions = I just want to check out. Sorry. I would defer your question to in England. She seems to "hit the nail on the head" (I know that common slang) every time with her responses. (At least for me and how my brain works.) Second-articulating in words is extremely difficult for me and it takes much of my time to say things that may make sense to others. I hope all will forgive me as I gracefully exit from this subject close with this statement; If your child is CORRECTLY diagnosed with autism, I agree with that meltdowns are the release of emotions that come with frustration or fear within themselves. It is not to manipulate or “get ones way”. No one likes to feel anger, frustration or fear and acting or using with these emotions seems to be too clever for someone who struggles with emotions. A heart-felt thanks to the many parents willing to take the time to read this and to patiently work with their child and the things we struggle with. Pamelaalwaysmynature <alwaysmynature@...> wrote: H Pam,My son also meltsdown, either aggression and/or self-injurious behavior. I too would like to understand what it is that makes this such a powerful trigger. Until recently, he never would have been able to help me gain a little insight into what it means to him. I'm purely guessing, but I am beginning to think, at least for my son, he has always had two basic levels of emtion: Happy & shut-down (which

later changed to fight). Maybe it has to do with not being able to organize and regulate??? I've always tried to avoid the word "no" and redirect him. But, this doesn't always work and now that he's older, he hangs on tight to what he wants to full-fill whatever need he's wanting to fill.The only thing that has somewhat worked for me, is that when he "accepts" the alternative answer or redirection, I give him high-fives and reward him with a check mark for more game time. It hasn't eliminated his behavior, but has drastically reduced it. But at 13, even one incident is major. I am very careful about what I say no to and I stick with it even if it means a full meltdown because intermittent reinforcement only strengthens the undesired behavior.If you gain any helpful hints/insight, please, please let me know too.Judyn> >> > Pam,> > > > How would someone explain then - my daughter with her 5-20 severe> self injurious meltdowns per day - every time triggered by "no"?> > > > You need to appreciate that in her mind you have the same thoughts,> beliefs and desires as her, so she cannot understand why you are> saying 'no'. > > I would suggest several strategies - first try positively redirecting> her, rather than saying "no" or "don't do that" - people with asd need> to be told what they *can do*, otherwise they are left with a hole -> they don't know what is going to

be acceptable and what isn't.> > Second, for dangerous activity, such as touching a hot stove, or> something, use social stories to explain why something shouldn't be done.> > Thirdly, if you want her to stop doing something, because it's time to> eat/go to bed or whatever, you must give her advance warning of the> change. Also use visual timetables, so she knows what to expect next.> The world is a bewildering place if you cannot predict (because you do> not know how to interpret the many metaphors etc in language or the> 70% of communication which is non-verbal) what is going to happen. You> therefore need to make her life as predictable as possible.> > in England>

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