Re: Was: Breastfeeding; Is: ANGER & illness PART 1

April 18, 2004

Re: Baby Formula - Breastfeeding!!

> Hello sweet Nenah! You have really put me in my place except for the fact

that I said " should MAYBE " not " SHOULD " . How is that for weaseling out of what

I wrote? :-)

> Of course I agree with virtually everything you say in general but my anger

was and is fueled by the fact that there was nothing to indicate that any

special circumstances influenced this mother's decision. Added to this is the

fact that I am now back in my house with my recently paralyzed " soon to be ex- "

(yes, work that out) and sometimes angered by her choices in ignoring her cancer

to the point where her T3-T2 vertebra were eaten by metastasized bone cancer.

This despite my pleas over the past 3 years that she was being irresponsible

considering that she has a 16 (now) year old daughter. I run the gammit of

feelings about this from anger to sympathy and am really having a tough time

nursing her 24/7 and witnessing her pain and my daughter's confusion and fear

including her questions like " Is my Mommy going to die? " Now my wife is

desperately struggling to live while she answered my pleas 6 months ago with " I

am not going to get serious, I am going to lead a normal life!!!! " Today, only

4 months later, I (and the occasional hospice nurse) are doing everything from

bathing her, cleaning her bowels and feeding her while we are attempting to

handled my daughter's fear - this is her " normal " life. You are right, she

chose her path but, she has also dragged some incredible caring and loving

people onto that path with her. Of course, one can always say we are choosing

our paths too which is absolutely true but society is made up of selfish people

and selfless people (as so many of our friends are proving to me daily). My

point is exactly that: Choose your path, but with a little more care and

consideration in ones choices, one could help to make the world and the life of

their children, friends and loved ones a little bit better as a result of those

choices.

> Sorry that my only post for a long time is so filled with anger and

intolerance for these selfish people :-) You know I love you my dear. :-)

:-)

> Best wishes and much love, Ken

Hello Ken.

I completely understand your anger, upset and venting. Clearly, there's a lot on

your plate right now (and some of that food is *very* moldy).

I, too, had a sense that the mother-who-doesn't-want-to-breastfeed did not have

special circumstances that influenced her decision, which is why my original

post contained an undercurrent of disapproval (which I am not proud of).

However, given that my psychic abilities are not always working properly (!),

and because a few lines in an email hardly shows the complexity of a human being

or the person's situation, I took Gail's post to heart and realized that I

didn't want to assume. (Remember: assuming makes an ass out of you and me.)

April 18, 2004