What is this?????

[Guest guest]

Hi,

My 4 and a half year old nephew is a sweet, generally calm little boy

who regularly displays episodes of rigid, inconsolable, repetative,

tantrums (for lack of a better word). We have surmised that these

tantrums occur exclusively when he is faced with a situation that

does not meet his expectations. To be clear, it's not that he is

upset to not " get his way " . He accepts being told " no " easily, as

long as that answer falls within his expectations. For example, we

can take him to a toy store, and as long as he is told, before we

enter, that we will only be " looking " and not buying anything, he's

perfectly fine. He won't even bother to ask for something. In fact,

he'll remind his sisters (he's a triplet) that we are not buying

anything.

However, if something occurs that he is not expecting, he refuses to

listen to explaination, or respond to you in any way. He

literally " growls " at you in a repetative, unrelenting manner...you

could almost set a watch to it. He will whine the same phrase or

utter the same growl in patterened intervals. This can last anywhere

from 10 minutes to over an hour. At some point, he just stops, and it

doesn't seem related to any act on our part to sooth or comfort him.

He doesn't appear to think about and/or accept the alternatives

suggested. He just shuts everyone out until he finally lets it go and

joins in again.

Except for these moments, he seems to have an easy going personality.

He's helpful and generous. But, when his expectations aren't met,

he's too much for most people to handle (emotionally and physically).

He needs his mom, at that point, but even she is unable to make a

dent in his behavior by offering understanding, comfort,

alternatives - nor scoldings, threats or punishments. He is

undeterred.

He doesn't express excessive fears or worries, but he has always

spent considerable playtime lining things up. We have pictures of him

lining up everything - pumpkins at the pumpkin patch, halloween

candy, jelly beans, cars, crayons...even jello cubes. He also has a

great deal of difficulty stopping a task in the middle of it. At

preschool, he MUST complete a picture that he has started coloring,

for example. Often, the teachers start some kids on an activity and

then switch the groups of kids. The other kids, put down the crayons

and move on to another center. My nephew refuses to leave unitl the

task is complete. When he colors, he tends to completely cover the

page, so that no areas of white remain.

My sister is often in tears, as others tell her that he " is just

playing you " . She's the mom of three other kids, and tries hard to be

consistent, so we don't think that he's trying to be manipulative

(especially since his tantrums never change the situation, as he's

often 'tantrumming' for things that can't be changed).

Some of his rigid thinking seems to be a " boy thing " , so to speak.

But, how do we know if this kind of behavior is more than just normal

kid protests? Can and should anything be done?

Thanks,

Kris