Re: Little things mean a lot

[Guest guest]

Oh, I'm sad too for him. I hate when Ben's feelings are hurt. We homeschool so

I don't have quite the same issues with other kids, but we have to seek out kids

to play with and he is an only child, also 7.5. So far, the OCD hasn't been an

issue, though he does freak out sometimes and that could be something later on.

He reacts to things very strongly, screams and cries easily. He has good social

skills and often approaches groups of kids to play that he doesn't even know.

Homeschoolers tend to do that and be very open to playing with anyone who is

around, regardless of age or gender. At least most of them I've seen so far. And

so do only children. I do think he gets a little lonely, and I try to make sure

he has playdates a few times a week in addition to classes. I wonder how he

would be in school. I know that it is best for me to homeschool him. Before ocd,

it was a choice, now it is not. He would not do well in school and I'm sure he

would have some of those issues too. I'm sure of it. I think since he is not

seen on a daily basis, and for very long, kids don't associate behaviors with

him. Though, he did get introduced by his friend as " this is my crazy friend

Ben " . I flinched but I don't think it was meant that way and he doesn't

associate ocd as crazy or anything. Still bugged me a little.

I'm sorry your son is going through a hard time. I hope it gets better. I think

a puppy is great. Ours doesn't bark much, we got a miniature schnauzer.

J

We got a dog, and that has been so wonderful for him.

Little things mean a lot

I am feeling hurt today. Not for myself, but for my son (7 1/2). He

has not been invited to any birthday parties so far this school

year. We have a new neighbor moving into a new house across the

street. Their daughter goes to school with my son and she didn't

invite him either. To top it off, this woman (the mom) went to high

school with my husband and we have gone out of our way to be nice to

them and have their kids play in our yard. My son said that he

didn't get invited because she knows he gets nervous, but that all of

the other kids went (he's pretty reliable about mot things). I asked

him if this classmate said that, and he said " no but that must be the

reason " . If they had only invited him, I would have talked to them

about .

I feel so sad - is this what is to come of his school years? He is

just now starting to turn the corner in terms of his anxiety. He was

always well liked in school and had a lot of invites. When i ask him

who he would like to play with, he says " I don't know, I don't have

any friends " . I started taking him to a social skills group and had

to withdraw because he couldn't tolerate it at the time (social

phobia). I really don't have anywhere else for him to go to meet

other children because he is just tolerating school at the present.

He relies on his younger sister a lot as a playmate - even says he's

lucky to have her. But sooner or later, she will not want to play

with him as much. I want to buy him a dog, but he is noise sensitive

and I have to be sure that he can tolerate the barking. I also need

to wait for him to stabilize more since school is the priority right

now.

Anyway, any words of encouragement would be helpful. Do your kids

have friends?

Bonnie

[Guest guest]

My son at that age was also very left out of lots of things, but now, four years

later, he does very well socially. He was in a speech class at school where he

worked with a small group of four, and they also worked on social skills and

non-verbal cues. He would ask kids to play at recess and they would say no to

him so he would walk around by himself - I know how badly that hurts, probably

more for the mom. In fact, in kindergarten, they had groups in the classroom

(or centers I guess they call them). He could never find a group to go to

because when he would get there, the other kids would say, " find another group,

this one is full " .

But what helped him the most was developing interests and talents. He is

still not a kid to just go out and play just for the sake of playing. But he is

a great ball player and great at music, so he has developed friends who have

common interest. We got him involved in a small scouts group (you can look at

local churches if you don't know of one) and he LOVED that and his leaders were

fantastic.

Give it a little time. He is still very young, and no, this is not a sign of

how things will be his whole life. My son is sometimes excluded from

neighborhood things because he obviously is not as carefree as the other boys -

lots of worries - but he does okay there and is very loved elsewhere and now has

lots of friends and invites. And sometimes if he is bored now or having a hard

time, I will make it a point to stop and play with him (he's 11 1/2). He still

loves to play games with me and we go for walks and bike rides and jogging, etc.

I love that he still wants to do things with his dad and me.

My mother in law always would tell me, when they don't have a friend, you be

their friend. I think those are good words of wisdom.

<lauraj2@...> wrote:

Oh, I'm sad too for him. I hate when Ben's feelings are hurt. We

homeschool so I don't have quite the same issues with other kids, but we have to

seek out kids to play with and he is an only child, also 7.5. So far, the OCD

hasn't been an issue, though he does freak out sometimes and that could be

something later on. He reacts to things very strongly, screams and cries easily.

He has good social skills and often approaches groups of kids to play that he

doesn't even know. Homeschoolers tend to do that and be very open to playing

with anyone who is around, regardless of age or gender. At least most of them

I've seen so far. And so do only children. I do think he gets a little lonely,

and I try to make sure he has playdates a few times a week in addition to

classes. I wonder how he would be in school. I know that it is best for me to

homeschool him. Before ocd, it was a choice, now it is not. He would not do well

in school and I'm sure he would have some of those

issues too. I'm sure of it. I think since he is not seen on a daily basis, and

for very long, kids don't associate behaviors with him. Though, he did get

introduced by his friend as " this is my crazy friend Ben " . I flinched but I

don't think it was meant that way and he doesn't associate ocd as crazy or

anything. Still bugged me a little.

I'm sorry your son is going through a hard time. I hope it gets better. I think

a puppy is great. Ours doesn't bark much, we got a miniature schnauzer.

J

We got a dog, and that has been so wonderful for him.

Little things mean a lot

I am feeling hurt today. Not for myself, but for my son (7 1/2). He

has not been invited to any birthday parties so far this school

year. We have a new neighbor moving into a new house across the

street. Their daughter goes to school with my son and she didn't

invite him either. To top it off, this woman (the mom) went to high

school with my husband and we have gone out of our way to be nice to

them and have their kids play in our yard. My son said that he

didn't get invited because she knows he gets nervous, but that all of

the other kids went (he's pretty reliable about mot things). I asked

him if this classmate said that, and he said " no but that must be the

reason " . If they had only invited him, I would have talked to them

about .

I feel so sad - is this what is to come of his school years? He is

just now starting to turn the corner in terms of his anxiety. He was

always well liked in school and had a lot of invites. When i ask him

who he would like to play with, he says " I don't know, I don't have

any friends " . I started taking him to a social skills group and had

to withdraw because he couldn't tolerate it at the time (social

phobia). I really don't have anywhere else for him to go to meet

other children because he is just tolerating school at the present.

He relies on his younger sister a lot as a playmate - even says he's

lucky to have her. But sooner or later, she will not want to play

with him as much. I want to buy him a dog, but he is noise sensitive

and I have to be sure that he can tolerate the barking. I also need

to wait for him to stabilize more since school is the priority right

now.

Anyway, any words of encouragement would be helpful. Do your kids

have friends?

Bonnie

[Guest guest]

My son has Apsergers as well as OCD plus a few other things. He has diffilculty

reading other people. He has a friend who he sees once a fortnight. He does not

go to school (homeschool) and loves his own company. He is usually at his

happiest when he is playing with his dragonball GT toys or on the computer.

He only has ever gotten invited to about 6 parties in his 11 years and those

were from the same 2 people. I used to worry about friends but I think in his

case if he has one good friend he will be happy - he does not seemed to worried

about it.

Today he spent his birthday money on a couple of mice, we have a family dog but

these are his.... am hoping this might help with his anxiety.

Cheers Jaxx (New Zealand)

[Guest guest]

Bonnie,

My son (14) has lost his friends also due to ocd. He used to have

lots of friends; there is one boy he still sees occasionally, but

it's very infrequent. So sad. Ocd has taken pretty much everything

from him, but I do believe in fighting to get his life back--meds,

therapy. I know one day things will be better for our kids. We must

never give up and let them know we won't give up. Take care, Pat

>

> I am feeling hurt today. Not for myself, but for my son (7 1/2).

He

> has not been invited to any birthday parties so far this school

> year. We have a new neighbor moving into a new house across the

> street. Their daughter goes to school with my son and she didn't

> invite him either. To top it off, this woman (the mom) went to

high

> school with my husband and we have gone out of our way to be nice

to

> them and have their kids play in our yard. My son said that he

> didn't get invited because she knows he gets nervous, but that all

of

> the other kids went (he's pretty reliable about mot things). I

asked

> him if this classmate said that, and he said " no but that must be

the

> reason " . If they had only invited him, I would have talked to them

> about .

>

> I feel so sad - is this what is to come of his school years? He is

> just now starting to turn the corner in terms of his anxiety. He

was

> always well liked in school and had a lot of invites. When i ask

him

> who he would like to play with, he says " I don't know, I don't have

> any friends " . I started taking him to a social skills group and

had

> to withdraw because he couldn't tolerate it at the time (social

> phobia). I really don't have anywhere else for him to go to meet

> other children because he is just tolerating school at the

present.

> He relies on his younger sister a lot as a playmate - even says

he's

> lucky to have her. But sooner or later, she will not want to play

> with him as much. I want to buy him a dog, but he is noise

sensitive

> and I have to be sure that he can tolerate the barking. I also

need

> to wait for him to stabilize more since school is the priority

right

> now.

>

> Anyway, any words of encouragement would be helpful. Do your kids

> have friends?

>

> Bonnie

>

[Guest guest]

Bonnie,

My son (14) has lost his friends also due to ocd. He used to have

lots of friends; there is one boy he still sees occasionally, but

it's very infrequent. So sad. Ocd has taken pretty much everything

from him, but I do believe in fighting to get his life back--meds,

therapy. I know one day things will be better for our kids. We must

never give up and let them know we won't give up. Take care, Pat

>

> I am feeling hurt today. Not for myself, but for my son (7 1/2).

He

> has not been invited to any birthday parties so far this school

> year. We have a new neighbor moving into a new house across the

> street. Their daughter goes to school with my son and she didn't

> invite him either. To top it off, this woman (the mom) went to

high

> school with my husband and we have gone out of our way to be nice

to

> them and have their kids play in our yard. My son said that he

> didn't get invited because she knows he gets nervous, but that all

of

> the other kids went (he's pretty reliable about mot things). I

asked

> him if this classmate said that, and he said " no but that must be

the

> reason " . If they had only invited him, I would have talked to them

> about .

>

> I feel so sad - is this what is to come of his school years? He is

> just now starting to turn the corner in terms of his anxiety. He

was

> always well liked in school and had a lot of invites. When i ask

him

> who he would like to play with, he says " I don't know, I don't have

> any friends " . I started taking him to a social skills group and

had

> to withdraw because he couldn't tolerate it at the time (social

> phobia). I really don't have anywhere else for him to go to meet

> other children because he is just tolerating school at the

present.

> He relies on his younger sister a lot as a playmate - even says

he's

> lucky to have her. But sooner or later, she will not want to play

> with him as much. I want to buy him a dog, but he is noise

sensitive

> and I have to be sure that he can tolerate the barking. I also

need

> to wait for him to stabilize more since school is the priority

right

> now.

>

> Anyway, any words of encouragement would be helpful. Do your kids

> have friends?

>

> Bonnie

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Bonnie,

First, I would ask if you are sure all the other kids went. At that

age, my daughter was NOT into having boys at her party. Sometimes

kids will say they went even if they didn't.

My OCD'er is 9 now, and has always been a bit different, although for

the most part her OCD is never seen by classmates. But she is very

naive for her age, and can act more immature than girls her own age

(who seem to think they are teenagers these days). She is a

sweetheart who won't be mean to anyone, so no one can say anything bad

about her, but she's just not the one anyone seeks out as a best

friend. SHE, however, seems oblivious to this and is happy as a clam.

I have in the past asked her who in her class is more quiet and shy.

They are the ones I try to encourage her to foster a friendship with.

I will invite them over for a playdate, etc. Sometimes the quiet

ones have anxiety issues as well so they can relate.

Just finding one child your son could connect with can make a huge

difference. I have always volunteered in my daughter's classroom, so

I could figure out who might be a match for her. If you can't do

that, maybe ask the teacher for guidance.

Good Luck!

nna.

NY

>

> I am feeling hurt today. Not for myself, but for my son (7 1/2). He

> has not been invited to any birthday parties so far this school

> year. We have a new neighbor moving into a new house across the

> street. Their daughter goes to school with my son and she didn't

> invite him either. To top it off, this woman (the mom) went to high

> school with my husband and we have gone out of our way to be nice to

> them and have their kids play in our yard. My son said that he

> didn't get invited because she knows he gets nervous, but that all of

> the other kids went (he's pretty reliable about mot things). I asked

> him if this classmate said that, and he said " no but that must be the

> reason " . If they had only invited him, I would have talked to them

> about .

>

> I feel so sad - is this what is to come of his school years? He is

> just now starting to turn the corner in terms of his anxiety. He was

> always well liked in school and had a lot of invites. When i ask him

> who he would like to play with, he says " I don't know, I don't have

> any friends " . I started taking him to a social skills group and had

> to withdraw because he couldn't tolerate it at the time (social

> phobia). I really don't have anywhere else for him to go to meet

> other children because he is just tolerating school at the present.

> He relies on his younger sister a lot as a playmate - even says he's

> lucky to have her. But sooner or later, she will not want to play

> with him as much. I want to buy him a dog, but he is noise sensitive

> and I have to be sure that he can tolerate the barking. I also need

> to wait for him to stabilize more since school is the priority right

> now.

>

> Anyway, any words of encouragement would be helpful. Do your kids

> have friends?

>

> Bonnie

>

[Guest guest]

Bonnie,

I also have one more thing to say regarding this. My son, yes, has ocd but

there is another boy in our neighborhood who is 8 (my son is 11) and he also has

alot of anxiety and is " different " in many ways. All the kids love to go play

with him because his dad is always out there playing games and invites the other

kids to play. He plays basketball, football, volleyball, badmitton, etc. and

the kids flock to him. We even have 14 and 15 yr old kids who will play with

Seth (the 8 yr old) because they love his Dad. His mom is always bringing out

chips or cookies or drinks. Now, the kids have gotten to know Seth and play

with him because they like him. I have never asked them, I I truly believe his

dad is always out there to help his son.

I remember one time when my son was getting bullied by the other neighborhood

boys (he was 7 I think). Well, my son also has auditory processing so he often

just does not " get things " . They were being so mean to him and he didn't really

get ito for a long time. But he finally caught on. I didn't know what was

going on because they were all into a big spy club that summer. He was just the

big joke and they would meet in other kids garages and shut the door on him and

laugh about him. I was furious. I went and bought a trampoline and a really

fun big slip and slide and set it up. Of course, all the kids wanted to come

play and join in and they seemed to have no problem being so mean to him and

then coming over to join the fun. One by one, as they came, I said, Oh, I'm

sorry, only people who are friends with my kids can play. They looked at me in

disbelief. They really did not understand at all what they were doing or that

they were excluding him. They really

were just going along with one boy, the gang leader, and they were so much

nicer after that. We started at that time doing the same thing, baking cookies,

bringing out drinks, starting outdoor games, etc. and before I knew it, he had

a lot of friends coming over. He also at that time starting enjoying

playstation and trading sports cards and found some firends with similar

interests. He still struggles socially at times (we are in the military and

move quite a bit) but he is one strong boy with alot of interests and alot of

friends.

Good luck. I know it hurts.

rnmomo2 <rnmomo2@...> wrote:

I am feeling hurt today. Not for myself, but for my son (7 1/2). He

has not been invited to any birthday parties so far this school

year. We have a new neighbor moving into a new house across the

street. Their daughter goes to school with my son and she didn't

invite him either. To top it off, this woman (the mom) went to high

school with my husband and we have gone out of our way to be nice to

them and have their kids play in our yard. My son said that he

didn't get invited because she knows he gets nervous, but that all of

the other kids went (he's pretty reliable about mot things). I asked

him if this classmate said that, and he said " no but that must be the

reason " . If they had only invited him, I would have talked to them

about .

I feel so sad - is this what is to come of his school years? He is

just now starting to turn the corner in terms of his anxiety. He was

always well liked in school and had a lot of invites. When i ask him

who he would like to play with, he says " I don't know, I don't have

any friends " . I started taking him to a social skills group and had

to withdraw because he couldn't tolerate it at the time (social

phobia). I really don't have anywhere else for him to go to meet

other children because he is just tolerating school at the present.

He relies on his younger sister a lot as a playmate - even says he's

lucky to have her. But sooner or later, she will not want to play

with him as much. I want to buy him a dog, but he is noise sensitive

and I have to be sure that he can tolerate the barking. I also need

to wait for him to stabilize more since school is the priority right

now.

Anyway, any words of encouragement would be helpful. Do your kids

have friends?

Bonnie

---------------------------------

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[Guest guest]

Thanks for your kind responses. My son doesn't seem to mind that he

wasn't invited - he was probably relieved. He thinks it's ok that he

gets nervous and that everyone around him should just accept that.

We've got a lot of work to do before he finds out the hard truth

about how society views it. I will make an effort to find someone

for him to play with, and I am hoping that his therapist can help him

socially too.

I like the advice about being his friend when he doesn't have one.

Hugs to you all,

Bonnie

> >

> > I am feeling hurt today. Not for myself, but for my son (7

1/2). He

> > has not been invited to any birthday parties so far this school

> > year. We have a new neighbor moving into a new house across the

> > street. Their daughter goes to school with my son and she didn't

> > invite him either. To top it off, this woman (the mom) went to

high

> > school with my husband and we have gone out of our way to be nice

to

> > them and have their kids play in our yard. My son said that he

> > didn't get invited because she knows he gets nervous, but that

all of

> > the other kids went (he's pretty reliable about mot things). I

asked

> > him if this classmate said that, and he said " no but that must be

the

> > reason " . If they had only invited him, I would have talked to

them

> > about .

> >

> > I feel so sad - is this what is to come of his school years? He

is

> > just now starting to turn the corner in terms of his anxiety. He

was

> > always well liked in school and had a lot of invites. When i ask

him

> > who he would like to play with, he says " I don't know, I don't

have

> > any friends " . I started taking him to a social skills group and

had

> > to withdraw because he couldn't tolerate it at the time (social

> > phobia). I really don't have anywhere else for him to go to meet

> > other children because he is just tolerating school at the

present.

> > He relies on his younger sister a lot as a playmate - even says

he's

> > lucky to have her. But sooner or later, she will not want to

play

> > with him as much. I want to buy him a dog, but he is noise

sensitive

> > and I have to be sure that he can tolerate the barking. I also

need

> > to wait for him to stabilize more since school is the priority

right

> > now.

> >

> > Anyway, any words of encouragement would be helpful. Do your

kids

> > have friends?

> >

> > Bonnie

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Bonnie,

I feel for you!!

My 11 yr old daughter has tons of friends. The phone is constantly ringing,

friends over, and her over at tfriends houses, but my ocd child(10) always is

sitting home alone. I feel so bad for her. No one ever calls her or invites her

over. I just feel like crying!

I do the same thing that someone else suggested on the board. I try to do

things with her while her older sister is off at a friends or having one over.

It's so sad.

Just wanted you to know your not alone. I have had this problem for a few

years now and it's getting worse. I don't know what to do about it either. I

wish she could meet a friend that had issues like her.

Take Care,

hugs

Judy

[Guest guest]

Hi Bonnie,

has never had any friends either, he's now 17. In middle

school I tried - in nice and not-so-nice ways - to address this but

it seemed to bother me more than him. Well, it bothered him, he'd

have loved to have a friend but he was...well, handling it fine. I

think what bugged me, or rather made me address it, is that he would

talk about " his friends " but he had no one he hung out with outside

of school. ANYWAY, I just was looking forward to college since I

figured he'd make some there, people more mature, perhaps some

intellectual type friends or something.

High school has actually been pretty good to him vs middle school

(disaster). And this year has been his best; last year was fine

too. He's gotten involved with school things and then he did join

the youth group at church he began attending. He still has no

activities outside of this but is enjoying life much better since

between all the activities, he does get to " socialize. "

Hang in there! I know I hated when was the odd/weird one in

middle school. Before that, in elementary school, he began to be

thought of as " weird " but I think that was where he also just didn't

fit in, talked too 'smart' maybe, etc. But back then he said he

liked being thought of as " weird " !

Hang in there. Others had some great ideas!

>

> Thanks for your kind responses. My son doesn't seem to mind that

he

> wasn't invited - he was probably relieved. He thinks it's ok that

he

> gets nervous and that everyone around him should just accept

that.

[Guest guest]

I would probably talk to the new neighbor about his issues. Have them offer for

coffee while the kids play, and just bring it up. Let them know he is (if he

is) comfortable going to friends houses, going places with friends, doing things

like that and maybe mention a few things that might help him if he is in a

situation like that and having a hard time. Can you try a social skill class

again? What about an extra curricular activity? A sport, art class, gym, etc?

Take him to places where other kids are in your area, so he can meet them -

library, park, gym, arcade, etc. Can he do any thing like that at this point?

What about you making the effort to start just inviting people over for him,

neighbors, kids from school, church, etc?

My dd has some friends, at this point (she is 5 yo) they are mostly kids of my

friends. She used to make friends really easily where ever she was. She now

has a more difficult time doing that. She has been in preschool 3 days a week

since Sept and the other day said she doesnt have any friends in her class.

Sharon

Little things mean a lot

I am feeling hurt today. Not for myself, but for my son (7 1/2). He

has not been invited to any birthday parties so far this school

year. We have a new neighbor moving into a new house across the

street. Their daughter goes to school with my son and she didn't

invite him either. To top it off, this woman (the mom) went to high

school with my husband and we have gone out of our way to be nice to

them and have their kids play in our yard. My son said that he

didn't get invited because she knows he gets nervous, but that all of

the other kids went (he's pretty reliable about mot things). I asked

him if this classmate said that, and he said " no but that must be the

reason " . If they had only invited him, I would have talked to them

about .

I feel so sad - is this what is to come of his school years? He is

just now starting to turn the corner in terms of his anxiety. He was

always well liked in school and had a lot of invites. When i ask him

who he would like to play with, he says " I don't know, I don't have

any friends " . I started taking him to a social skills group and had

to withdraw because he couldn't tolerate it at the time (social

phobia). I really don't have anywhere else for him to go to meet

other children because he is just tolerating school at the present.

He relies on his younger sister a lot as a playmate - even says he's

lucky to have her. But sooner or later, she will not want to play

with him as much. I want to buy him a dog, but he is noise sensitive

and I have to be sure that he can tolerate the barking. I also need

to wait for him to stabilize more since school is the priority right

now.

Anyway, any words of encouragement would be helpful. Do your kids

have friends?

Bonnie

[Guest guest]

Bonnie, can you look for a group in your area that might have other kids his age

with similar issues? It would be great if he had another friend with anxiety

issues.

sharon

Re: Little things mean a lot

Thanks for your kind responses. My son doesn't seem to mind that he

wasn't invited - he was probably relieved. He thinks it's ok that he

gets nervous and that everyone around him should just accept that.

We've got a lot of work to do before he finds out the hard truth

about how society views it. I will make an effort to find someone

for him to play with, and I am hoping that his therapist can help him

socially too.

I like the advice about being his friend when he doesn't have one.

Hugs to you all,

Bonnie

> >

> > I am feeling hurt today. Not for myself, but for my son (7

1/2). He

> > has not been invited to any birthday parties so far this school

> > year. We have a new neighbor moving into a new house across the

> > street. Their daughter goes to school with my son and she didn't

> > invite him either. To top it off, this woman (the mom) went to

high

> > school with my husband and we have gone out of our way to be nice

to

> > them and have their kids play in our yard. My son said that he

> > didn't get invited because she knows he gets nervous, but that

all of

> > the other kids went (he's pretty reliable about mot things). I

asked

> > him if this classmate said that, and he said " no but that must be

the

> > reason " . If they had only invited him, I would have talked to

them

> > about .

> >

> > I feel so sad - is this what is to come of his school years? He

is

> > just now starting to turn the corner in terms of his anxiety. He

was

> > always well liked in school and had a lot of invites. When i ask

him

> > who he would like to play with, he says " I don't know, I don't

have

> > any friends " . I started taking him to a social skills group and

had

> > to withdraw because he couldn't tolerate it at the time (social

> > phobia). I really don't have anywhere else for him to go to meet

> > other children because he is just tolerating school at the

present.

> > He relies on his younger sister a lot as a playmate - even says

he's

> > lucky to have her. But sooner or later, she will not want to

play

> > with him as much. I want to buy him a dog, but he is noise

sensitive

> > and I have to be sure that he can tolerate the barking. I also

need

> > to wait for him to stabilize more since school is the priority

right

> > now.

> >

> > Anyway, any words of encouragement would be helpful. Do your

kids

> > have friends?

> >

> > Bonnie

> >

>