Re: Getting a 13-year-old to go to a Therapist

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 10/31/2006 8:45:14 A.M. Eastern Standard Time,

amysoussan@... writes:

>I am surprised that he does not want to go, given his age. Usually children

(and >grownups!) with OCD know that something is wrong, and it is a

tremendous relief >to be able to give it a name and status.

Amy,

I have to chime in here...... my dd was 14 when she started developing

symptoms of OCD. Getting her into a therapist was more difficult than say....

getting her to agree to let us shove hot pokers in her eyes.

My daughter's life was completely ruined by OCD - contamination issues. Her

hands were so red, cracked & sore she would cry as she was washing them.

She was 14 years old & to go to the bathroom she had to have her mother

(literally) pull her hand away from her crotch to make her stop wiping before

she

started to bleed from it....

*****What could be POSSIBLY be worse than THAT, you ask? Going to a

complete stranger and being made to talk about it****

We forced her to go. We used the " we're your parents & we know what's best "

angle. Which is ok, and might work for some kids - but didn't for ours.

She was in therapy that did no good what-so-ever from December through about

June. Our psychologist told us that nothing is going to work if she doesn't

WANT help. The 3rd psychologist we found cut us loose after the 3rd visit

because, by then, the prozac was working so well there were no symptoms left to

work with.

We started decreasing her meds almost 4 weeks ago (from 50mg to 40mg) so far

so good - we're hoping that we can tackle each issue as it resurfaces.....

get her back into therapy for ERP as they crop up.... we shall see.

LT

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 10/31/2006 8:27:37 A.M. Eastern Standard Time,

bwilborne@... writes:

>I suspect, based on my meeting with a counselor and reading some

>excellent books, that my 13-year-old son has OCD, but he does not want

>to go for a diagnosis and/or treatment. Would meeting with a therapist

>be a waste of time, or should I make him go anyway, hoping that the

>therapist can establish the relationship once he's there?

Hi - I just posted a response to someone's response to you on this..... I'm

sure you'll see it on the board -- I just wanted to let you know that we

battled the same issue with our dd. It certainly can't hurt to TRY and get

your

son into therapy & see what happens. Be prepared for a possible struggle (or

complete battle) to get this to happen. Maybe you'll be fortunate & your

son will be one who does realize it's the best thing once he meets the

therapist.

After sitting in our car for about 30 minutes (into our very first therapy

appt) while my daughter cried her eyes out, pleading with us not to make her

" go in there " , my husband finally broke the surface with her when she blurted

out, " I DON'T WANT TO BE KNOWN AS THE 14 YEAR OLD WHO NEEDS THERAPY "

For a teenager, there is quite a stigma placed on this. At the cusp of

their teen years, the pressure to fit in, be like everyone else, and be

" normal "

(whatever 'normal' IS for a teen!!), being able to acknowledge through

actions that they are NOT like everyone else... and not only aren't they like

everyone else.... they need professional help because of it... can be quite

devastating. Someone on this board posted something a while back regarding

the

same type of problem -- something, I believe, their own child said..... " being

in therapy is like being an ugly person sitting around talking about how ugly

they are with other people " (or with people who aren't ugly)... something to

that effect.

I'm sure that's exactly what it feels like to them.

Anyway, just wanted to share my thoughts with you. If you didn't see my

other post, let me know.

LT

[Guest guest]

I am surprised that he does not want to go, given his age. Usually children (and

grownups!) with OCD know that something is wrong, and it is a tremendous relief

to be able to give it a name and status.

Since he is 13, give him something to read about OCD... it might do the trick.

It is only my opinion, but if you force him to go to see a therapist when he

doesn't want to, he might dig his heels in. On the other hand, you can't just

leave it be. Try to get him to acknowledge that there is a problem, and then you

might be able to talk about possible solutions.

I wish you luck.

bwilborne <bwilborne@...> wrote:

I suspect, based on my meeting with a counselor and reading some

excellent books, that my 13-year-old son has OCD, but he does not want

to go for a diagnosis and/or treatment. Would meeting with a therapist

be a waste of time, or should I make him go anyway, hoping that the

therapist can establish the relationship once he's there?

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[Guest guest]

Hi,

My daughter ( she was fourteen when this all started) went to a

counsellor for an assessment for a full 3 months before she even got

to see the psychiatrist for a concrete diagnosis of OCD. So now we

have the diagnosis her counsellor, whom she has a relationship with

and feels comfortable with, is starting the therapy to treat the

OCD.

I had no choice in how this was done though, it is just procedure

where I live in Canada. She sees her counsellor once a week and

right now we travel to see the psychiatrist once every 6 weeks.

She does not mind the sessions when she is one on one with the

counsellor but we had our first family session last week and that

was stressful. She barely spoke except to get mad at me, as I am the

one who brought her to all these doctors. As she starts to feel

better, and she is, I hope she'll become more relaxed with the

therapy and her medication.

My daughter really resented everything at first because she thought

it was all her fault, and this was kind of a punishment for her

behaviour. She is starting to see as things become easier that this

is the best thing for her.

You have to do what is best for your son and your family. I hope and

pray he will give you the chance to let him help him. Have you had

any good recommendations for doctors who treat OCD in your area?

Take care,

Kim M

[Guest guest]

forcing doesn't make sense but maybe they'll be some conection that

will make him change his mind and want to go back??? I'd say try -good

luck

eileen

Quoting Amy Soussan <amysoussan@...>:

> I am surprised that he does not want to go, given his age. Usually

> children (and grownups!) with OCD know that something is wrong, and

> it is a tremendous relief to be able to give it a name and status.

>

> Since he is 13, give him something to read about OCD... it might do

> the trick. It is only my opinion, but if you force him to go to see a

> therapist when he doesn't want to, he might dig his heels in. On the

> other hand, you can't just leave it be. Try to get him to acknowledge

> that there is a problem, and then you might be able to talk about

> possible solutions.

>

> I wish you luck.

>

> bwilborne <bwilborne@...> wrote:

> I suspect, based on my meeting with a counselor and reading some

> excellent books, that my 13-year-old son has OCD, but he does not want

> to go for a diagnosis and/or treatment. Would meeting with a therapist

> be a waste of time, or should I make him go anyway, hoping that the

> therapist can establish the relationship once he's there?

>

>

>

>

> Our list archives, bookmarks, files, and chat feature may be accessed

> at: / .

> Our list advisors are Gail B. , Ed.D., Tamar Chansky, Ph.D.(

> http://www.worrywisekids.org ), Dan Geller, M.D.,Aureen Pinto Wagner,

> Ph.D., ( http://www.lighthouse-press.com ). Our list moderators are

> Birkhan, Castle, Kathy Hammes, Joye, Kathy

> Mac, Gail Pesses, and Kathy . Subscription issues or

> suggestions may be addressed to Louis Harkins, list owner, at

> louisharkins@... , louisharkins@... ,

> louisharkins@... .

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Here's a thought - would your son consider going on a teen OCD message

board? My daughter wouldn't hear of it - no conversation is allowed... not

even

with anonymous people on the Internet that she'll never meet! However, I

often thought that if she would start using a teen message board, actually

talking to other kids her own age on line with OCD, she might just make a

connection when she hears them talking about how therapy helped them.

Just something you might have him try.

LT

[Guest guest]

Oh, teens! Well, does your son think he has OCD? How bad is his

behavior bothering him, interfering with things, etc.?

And I would try to get him to at least one visit because kids/teens

can listen to others better than parents. So if a therapist states

something, it can sometimes make more of an impression than what

mom/dad thinks. However, many still do refuse treatment.

Just some quick thoughts. I'm sure you've been talking to him about

OCD, maybe giving him something to read too. Don't give up trying to

get him to agree to go though. Would he see the counselor you

mentioned? Finding someone experienced with treating OCD can be

really hard in some areas, or finding one that treats kids.

single mom, 3 sons

, 17, with OCD, dysgraphia and Aspergers Syndrome/mild

>

> I suspect, based on my meeting with a counselor and reading some

> excellent books, that my 13-year-old son has OCD, but he does not

want

[Guest guest]

I tried taking my 16 yo ds to therapy (not for ocd, but another issue). The

therapist said if he didnt want to be there, there was no point in bringing him.

Great. We went twice, there really wasnt a point. That was my expereince. At

least we tried.

Sharon

Getting a 13-year-old to go to a Therapist

I suspect, based on my meeting with a counselor and reading some

excellent books, that my 13-year-old son has OCD, but he does not want

to go for a diagnosis and/or treatment. Would meeting with a therapist

be a waste of time, or should I make him go anyway, hoping that the

therapist can establish the relationship once he's there?

[Guest guest]

We haven't been to an OCD specialist, but thinking about getting

reluctant kids/teens to therapy has me wondering: someone

experienced with treating OCD knows that a lot of clients don't want

to be there, someone is bringing them. Wouldn't they have some

type " expertise " in getting reluctant patients to...well, maybe not

open up to them at first but to at least be willing (or not so

reluctant) to go back again for another appt? I imagine it would

take a few appts for a less-than-willing patient to relax a bit.

Just wondering, and maybe you lucky parents with actual specialists

have some insight on this!

>

> I tried taking my 16 yo ds to therapy (not for ocd, but another

issue). The therapist said if he didnt want to be there, there was

no point in bringing him. Great. We went twice, there really wasnt

a point. That was my expereince. At least we tried.

[Guest guest]

LT, even monitoring/reading a message board might help. I'm sure

there's some you can join without posting (like this one).

used to read some kids' posts (when the kids group was somewhat

active) but he wouldn't reply/comment to any, or if he did had *me*

type what he wanted to say. But he did like reading them.

>

> Here's a thought - would your son consider going on a teen OCD

message

> board? My daughter wouldn't hear of it - no conversation is

allowed... not even

> with anonymous people on the Internet that she'll never meet!

However, I

> often thought that if she would start using a teen message board,

actually

> talking to other kids her own age on line with OCD, she might just

make a

> connection when she hears them talking about how therapy helped

them.

>

> Just something you might have him try.

> LT

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

One possibility is to tell your son that he must go meet with the therapist

so that he can make an educated decision on whether or not he feels

comfortable with the therapist. You can also acknowledge to your son that

you can't make him talk and that you would support his right not to talk at

that first meeting. We did this with our son and it was helpful; however, he

never did talk or bond with the therapist and refuses to go back. Some good

arose from it though. She gave him and us a program to follow. We use it

when his OCD behaviors hurt him or others around him.

-

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 10/31/2006 6:04:51 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

@... writes:

LT, even monitoring/reading a message board might help. I'm sure

there's some you can join without posting (like this one).

--

If - or - when we come to the point when O's & C's resurface, I'm going to

suggest it to her again.

LT

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 10/31/2006 5:57:31 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

@... writes:

Wouldn't they have some

type " expertise " in getting reluctant patients to...well, maybe not

open up to them at first but to at least be willing (or not so

reluctant) to go back again for another appt?

Chris

You would certainly think that... maybe there ARE therapists out there who

are good at this, however none of the 3 we've seen are in that grouping.

LT