Re: Spouse not agreeing to counselling for OCD teen

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 10/16/2006 3:42:37 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

Tractorshack@... writes:

My

husband doesn't want me to pursue counselling for our son because he

feels it will just make him feel like something's wrong with him. I

feel like he already feels something's wrong and to address it will

only help. How can I get my husband on board with the idea of seeing a

professional?

My daughter has been helped immensely by medication. Now we're trying to

get her the therapy to help her learn to cope & fight the OCD on her own

withOUT meds. As bizarre & ironic as it sounds, sometimes this can only be

accomplished WITH meds. In most cases, the medication isn't a permanent thing

-

it's a crutch to help you along the way. The meds calm you down & allow you to

think clearly & distinctly so you are able to learn the therapy & methods

that you will use for the rest of your life. Maybe if your husband thinks of

it

that way.

It's no different than going to a doctor for severe allergies. You're put

on medication, you're educated in what you can & cannot eat (or come in

contact with).... then you use that information/education to adjust your daily

life

so you can live without the meds. Occasionally there are folks who simply

can't lead normal lives without meds & must have them. That doesn't mean your

child is one of them.

I hope your husband comes to terms with this. Your child will benefit

immensely from therapy - but may require medication to allow this to happen.

LT

[Guest guest]

My dh doesnt like the idea of counceling, but I have taken our dd(5 yo) for

almost a year now and it has helped tremendously. Our ds (16 yo) has asked to

be admitted to a drug rehab program, and we did, but dh is still not 100% sure

our son needs to be there. Ugh. it is hard when parents dont agree on how to

help their children, but I feel I need to do what I have been to help our kids.

Sharon

Spouse not agreeing to counselling for OCD teen

My 14 year old son has been exhibiting signs of OCD the past year.

During the past 3 months, it has gotten worse. He is PDD NOS as well.

Another group I belong to with parents of autistic children, has

given their opinion that it may not necessarily be OCD, but

perseveration or a combination of the two. Anyway, I feel increasingly

anxious about this and how it's effecting him. I really feel that

counselling may help immensely and may be combined with medication. My

husband doesn't want me to pursue counselling for our son because he

feels it will just make him feel like something's wrong with him. I

feel like he already feels something's wrong and to address it will

only help. How can I get my husband on board with the idea of seeing a

professional? Also, how effective can counselling and meds be for a

teen boy? I value your opinions and experience. Thank you so much,

S.

[Guest guest]

, my son is 15 and has been diagnosed OCD a year ago. We

were already seeing a counselor for my 9 yr old daughter on anxiety

issues when my son showed OCD contamination type symptons (we didn't

know what OCD was before this). We made appts with my daughters

counselor who diagnosed and suggested counseling sessions. Our

mistake was panicing and being naiive to OCD. While this counselor

was able to help my daughter with her anxiety issues, the counselor

was not OCD affluent and we feel, as a result, the OCD became worse

with this counselors sessions. These feelings were later confirmed.

I stress the importance to ask questions of any counselor or phsyc.

Do they use Cognitive Behavior Therapy AND is it specific to OCD.

Not all CBT is designed to help the OCD person.

OCD doesn't help the teenage situation, but what my son has related

to us is that he feels good when he talks about it and it helps him

to put it in perspective. I can understand your husbands concerns,

but really, your son already feels like there is something wrong

with him. For our son, counseling has been a release.

After much interviewing and searching, we feel we have found a

counselor (phsyc.) specific to OCD and Exposure and Ritual/Response

Prevention (ERP). We also attend weekly OCD support group meetings.

Each time, it is a positive outcome for our son. This is encouraging

as we have not had any changes using medication. The support

meetings are helpful to my husband and I as well.

God Bless and I hope you take comfort in knowing you are not alone.

Debbie Z

>

> My 14 year old son has been exhibiting signs of OCD the past

year.

> During the past 3 months, it has gotten worse. He is PDD NOS as

well.

> Another group I belong to with parents of autistic children,

has

> given their opinion that it may not necessarily be OCD, but

> perseveration or a combination of the two. Anyway, I feel

increasingly

> anxious about this and how it's effecting him. I really feel that

> counselling may help immensely and may be combined with

medication. My

> husband doesn't want me to pursue counselling for our son because

he

> feels it will just make him feel like something's wrong with him.

I

> feel like he already feels something's wrong and to address it

will

> only help. How can I get my husband on board with the idea of

seeing a

> professional? Also, how effective can counselling and meds be for

a

> teen boy? I value your opinions and experience. Thank you so

much,

> S.

>

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I went back and read your " ask the doctor " post. The avoidance your

son is doing and the reason he uses (the thumbs...), how he feels if

you make him touch something...tend to make me lean towards OCD.

My 17 yr old OCDer also has Aspergers Syndrome, mildly. So I'm

looking at it from both perspectives.

If the behavior is really getting out of hand, causing him problems

or the family, etc., then I would search for someone experienced in

treating OCD with CBT/ERP. But I would talk with your son about this

first. Talk about his behaviors, how it affects him, you,

brother.... Tell him about OCD. Tell him about treatment for OCD.

Just try to build your way up to *his* wanting to try therapy for

it.

I'm sure he knows his behavior is " odd " , how many other people or

family members do it?? Is that the only OC type behavior he's

having? Does he already feel different with the PDD diagnosis?

I'm divorced (single mom) so I don't have dad to deal with. You're

already doing some exposure with your son. Maybe you and son and dad

can work on this some by having son touch and then hold out from

washing/wiping his hand for as long as he can, have goals to stretch

that time every couple or more tries...working way up to longer

times.

Medication isn't always needed, depends on the person - how out-of-

control their OCD is, how much anxiety they're feeling daily or

during therapy, family involvement.... I'm not quite sure how bad

the OC behavior is at this time with your son so not sure about meds

first, then therapy; or even trying at home first before seeking

professional help may not be an option if things are pretty bad.

Counselling can work well with teens. A stubborn teen who refuses

treatment is different.

Well, again, I feel it's more OCD than on the PDD side.

>

> My 14 year old son has been exhibiting signs of OCD the past year.

> During the past 3 months, it has gotten worse. He is PDD NOS as

well.

> Another group I belong to with parents of autistic children,

has

> given their opinion that it may not necessarily be OCD, but

> perseveration or a combination of the two. Anyway, I feel

increasingly

[Guest guest]

Children are amazingly perceptive and understand without being told when they

are " different " than their peers. The other great reason for therapy now is

that the sooner they learn these coping skills, often the less severe the OCD

ultimately becomes. I guess in that way it is like a medical illness, also --

if someon had cancer, they would not put off getting treatment because the

disease would obviously progress and be harder to treat down the road.

jtlt@... wrote:

In a message dated 10/16/2006 3:42:37 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

Tractorshack@... writes:

My

husband doesn't want me to pursue counselling for our son because he

feels it will just make him feel like something's wrong with him. I

feel like he already feels something's wrong and to address it will

only help. How can I get my husband on board with the idea of seeing a

professional?

My daughter has been helped immensely by medication. Now we're trying to

get her the therapy to help her learn to cope & fight the OCD on her own

withOUT meds. As bizarre & ironic as it sounds, sometimes this can only be

accomplished WITH meds. In most cases, the medication isn't a permanent thing -

it's a crutch to help you along the way. The meds calm you down & allow you to

think clearly & distinctly so you are able to learn the therapy & methods

that you will use for the rest of your life. Maybe if your husband thinks of it

that way.

It's no different than going to a doctor for severe allergies. You're put

on medication, you're educated in what you can & cannot eat (or come in

contact with).... then you use that information/education to adjust your daily

life

so you can live without the meds. Occasionally there are folks who simply

can't lead normal lives without meds & must have them. That doesn't mean your

child is one of them.

I hope your husband comes to terms with this. Your child will benefit

immensely from therapy - but may require medication to allow this to happen.

LT

[Guest guest]

My dd knew at 4 yos that she had worries and other kids dont.

I just met a mom with a dd who has anxiety issues, she is also 5 yo and they

held her back from kindergarten this year, as we did. We plan on getting our

girls together. I told Abby about her and she is excited to meet her and said

" she is just like me! " .

Sharon

Re: Spouse not agreeing to counselling for OCD teen

Children are amazingly perceptive and understand without being told when they

are " different " than their peers. The other great reason for therapy now is that

the sooner they learn these coping skills, often the less severe the OCD

ultimately becomes. I guess in that way it is like a medical illness, also -- if

someon had cancer, they would not put off getting treatment because the disease

would obviously progress and be harder to treat down the road.

jtlt@... wrote:

In a message dated 10/16/2006 3:42:37 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

Tractorshack@... writes:

My

husband doesn't want me to pursue counselling for our son because he

feels it will just make him feel like something's wrong with him. I

feel like he already feels something's wrong and to address it will

only help. How can I get my husband on board with the idea of seeing a

professional?

My daughter has been helped immensely by medication. Now we're trying to

get her the therapy to help her learn to cope & fight the OCD on her own

withOUT meds. As bizarre & ironic as it sounds, sometimes this can only be

accomplished WITH meds. In most cases, the medication isn't a permanent thing

-

it's a crutch to help you along the way. The meds calm you down & allow you to

think clearly & distinctly so you are able to learn the therapy & methods

that you will use for the rest of your life. Maybe if your husband thinks of

it

that way.

It's no different than going to a doctor for severe allergies. You're put

on medication, you're educated in what you can & cannot eat (or come in

contact with).... then you use that information/education to adjust your daily

life

so you can live without the meds. Occasionally there are folks who simply

can't lead normal lives without meds & must have them. That doesn't mean your

child is one of them.

I hope your husband comes to terms with this. Your child will benefit

immensely from therapy - but may require medication to allow this to happen.

LT

[Guest guest]

My dd knew at 4 yos that she had worries and other kids dont.

I just met a mom with a dd who has anxiety issues, she is also 5 yo and they

held her back from kindergarten this year, as we did. We plan on getting our

girls together. I told Abby about her and she is excited to meet her and said

" she is just like me! " .

Sharon

Re: Spouse not agreeing to counselling for OCD teen

Children are amazingly perceptive and understand without being told when they

are " different " than their peers. The other great reason for therapy now is that

the sooner they learn these coping skills, often the less severe the OCD

ultimately becomes. I guess in that way it is like a medical illness, also -- if

someon had cancer, they would not put off getting treatment because the disease

would obviously progress and be harder to treat down the road.

jtlt@... wrote:

In a message dated 10/16/2006 3:42:37 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

Tractorshack@... writes:

My

husband doesn't want me to pursue counselling for our son because he

feels it will just make him feel like something's wrong with him. I

feel like he already feels something's wrong and to address it will

only help. How can I get my husband on board with the idea of seeing a

professional?

My daughter has been helped immensely by medication. Now we're trying to

get her the therapy to help her learn to cope & fight the OCD on her own

withOUT meds. As bizarre & ironic as it sounds, sometimes this can only be

accomplished WITH meds. In most cases, the medication isn't a permanent thing

-

it's a crutch to help you along the way. The meds calm you down & allow you to

think clearly & distinctly so you are able to learn the therapy & methods

that you will use for the rest of your life. Maybe if your husband thinks of

it

that way.

It's no different than going to a doctor for severe allergies. You're put

on medication, you're educated in what you can & cannot eat (or come in

contact with).... then you use that information/education to adjust your daily

life

so you can live without the meds. Occasionally there are folks who simply

can't lead normal lives without meds & must have them. That doesn't mean your

child is one of them.

I hope your husband comes to terms with this. Your child will benefit

immensely from therapy - but may require medication to allow this to happen.

LT

[Guest guest]

,

OCD is caused by a miss-firing of the brain - it's a chemical thing.

If our child were experiencing a problem with their heart or any other

organ, we wouldn't hesitate to take them to the doctor and get

physical therapy or medication if it would help. Just try taking it a

step at a time. A visit to a good therapist to see if it's ocd is no

different than taking him to a doctor to see if he has asthma.

[Guest guest]

,

OCD is caused by a miss-firing of the brain - it's a chemical thing.

If our child were experiencing a problem with their heart or any other

organ, we wouldn't hesitate to take them to the doctor and get

physical therapy or medication if it would help. Just try taking it a

step at a time. A visit to a good therapist to see if it's ocd is no

different than taking him to a doctor to see if he has asthma.

[Guest guest]

,

I have had some struggles like that with my husband, especially with the

medication issues. I would advice you to go to the counselor alone and talk

to that person about the best thing you can do. There is so much we can do

as moms without our kids actually going to counseling. I have found that my

9 year old likes to talk to me about it, I have learned to be more blunt in

questions I ask him and then he really opens up. For him it is all about

asking the right question. But when he did go to counseling he would not

talk and said that he enjoyed me talking for him and then listening to what

the counselor told us. My point is not sure how really important it is for

your child to go to counselor as much as you. The important issue is for

your child to talk to someone (you or dad even) and be advised how to handle

it. Maybe compromise with your hubby to go to counseling with you without

your child. That way he can also learn first hand about OCD., etc.

Good luck, it makes things much harder when we don't have full support of

our spouses.

Adele

P.S. My husband did not want my child to take medications, I got pretty

tough with him and said that if he didn't want that then he needed to go to

the doctor with me. I told him if he doesn't show up to doctor, I will do

what the professionals recommend. My husband ended up not going to the dr.

appt. and my child did get on medications. It seems to keep hubby quiet. For

us in our marriage, sometimes I just have to do what I know is right and

husband usually will except it at the end.

_____

From:

[mailto: ] On Behalf Of jtlt@...

Sent: Monday, October 16, 2006 7:47 PM

Subject: Re: Spouse not agreeing to counselling for OCD

teen

In a message dated 10/16/2006 3:42:37 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

Tractorshack@ <mailto:Tractorshack%40aol.com> aol.com writes:

My

husband doesn't want me to pursue counselling for our son because he

feels it will just make him feel like something's wrong with him. I

feel like he already feels something's wrong and to address it will

only help. How can I get my husband on board with the idea of seeing a

professional?

My daughter has been helped immensely by medication. Now we're trying to

get her the therapy to help her learn to cope & fight the OCD on her own

withOUT meds. As bizarre & ironic as it sounds, sometimes this can only be

accomplished WITH meds. In most cases, the medication isn't a permanent

thing -

it's a crutch to help you along the way. The meds calm you down & allow you

to

think clearly & distinctly so you are able to learn the therapy & methods

that you will use for the rest of your life. Maybe if your husband thinks of

it

that way.

It's no different than going to a doctor for severe allergies. You're put

on medication, you're educated in what you can & cannot eat (or come in

contact with).... then you use that information/education to adjust your

daily life

so you can live without the meds. Occasionally there are folks who simply

can't lead normal lives without meds & must have them. That doesn't mean

your

child is one of them.

I hope your husband comes to terms with this. Your child will benefit

immensely from therapy - but may require medication to allow this to happen.

LT

[Guest guest]

This is where I have such a hard time. If OCD were something people could SEE,

there would be no hesitation in treatment. So many people think you can just

tell them to stop doing whatever it is they do and they will quit. Wouldnt it

be nice if it were that easy?

Sharon

Re: Spouse not agreeing to counselling for OCD teen

,

OCD is caused by a miss-firing of the brain - it's a chemical thing.

If our child were experiencing a problem with their heart or any other

organ, we wouldn't hesitate to take them to the doctor and get

physical therapy or medication if it would help. Just try taking it a

step at a time. A visit to a good therapist to see if it's ocd is no

different than taking him to a doctor to see if he has asthma.

[Guest guest]

it's all about helping them!!!!!!!! I say whatever you have to do, do!

good luck!!!!

eileen

Quoting jenls444 <Tractorshack@...>:

> My 14 year old son has been exhibiting signs of OCD the past year.

> During the past 3 months, it has gotten worse. He is PDD NOS as well.

> Another group I belong to with parents of autistic children, has

> given their opinion that it may not necessarily be OCD, but

> perseveration or a combination of the two. Anyway, I feel increasingly

> anxious about this and how it's effecting him. I really feel that

> counselling may help immensely and may be combined with medication. My

> husband doesn't want me to pursue counselling for our son because he

> feels it will just make him feel like something's wrong with him. I

> feel like he already feels something's wrong and to address it will

> only help. How can I get my husband on board with the idea of seeing a

> professional? Also, how effective can counselling and meds be for a

> teen boy? I value your opinions and experience. Thank you so much,

> S.

>

>

>