Re: Change of personality

September 19, 2006

(((hugs))) Glenda! Really, things will get better, there *is* a

light at the end of this OCD tunnel! 's OCD began right after

6th grade began (he's now in 12th) and that was a very long year!

Actually middle school was long, but we had some good periods of

manageable OCD, times when OCD seemed " gone " (but wasn't), and then

the stressful times too. But things did get steadily better each

year through middle school. We didn't have a therapist either so

going forward was slow for us. This group was a life & sanity saver!

I'm sure you've tried *all* but here's some thoughts. Find a calm

time to talk about OCD. If he won't talk, then he can just listen to

mom/dad. Does he understand about OCD and how to boss it back? You

can talk in general terms, give examples you've read here or

elsewhere of what others have done regarding working on OCD, what

you've read in books...how the therapy should work, etc. Let that

sink in some.

Then later tell him to pick 2 things to work on. Things he feel

might be easiest to try bossing back. Just give some " effort " as it

won't disappear overnight. In our situation/lifestyle, it wasn't

even something that was done " daily " , sometimes it seemed

more " weekends. " But I would comment on other " OCD needs " that we

weren't addressing, say something like, " now if we were working on

*this*, then what you would have to do is.... " or I might say " I

shouldn't be doing this for you because.... " Not every time, you'll

drive them a bit more insane (nagging doesn't help) but often. And

if there is some type " OCD command " he gives you/family, if that is

one he picks to work on, then you/family might help by holding out

for seconds/minutes on complying (he'll know you have to do this as

OCD homework, he'll know you/family will comply but have to wait, let

his anxiety build a bit; he needs to feel the anxiety and try to put

up with it a moment/minute(s), etc.) (this latter is just a thought

since he seems to involve family so much; you could just go " cold

turkey " and not give in at all, but we had to use baby steps, seemed

to work better for ; others seem to do well with...larger

steps!)

And praise, praise any effort he gives. Stress that *trying* is

needed, success may take time. Once managed to boss

back/overcome a couple things, others seemed easier for him and some

things just disappeared/went away. Of course there were still other

rituals/OCD needs left.

Would rewards work for him? Even effort gets rewarded.

There were things that we had to just ignore for a while. Things

just could not do, so I can identify with his refusal for

some things. I figured these were just WAY UP on 's

anxiety/OCD hierarchy. I might not understand the refusal or what

OCD was saying, but just accepted that he couldn't (your example,

pick up clothes).

Oh, one example of something we didn't really work on. We had 2

chairs by the family computer; one larger, comfortable one we other 3

sat in and a smaller, cheaper not-so-comfortable chair. only

sat in the latter. He would move the larger chair and put the

smaller one in its place. (The rest of us were tired of switching

them back each time!) I would tell him often that he *needed* to try

to sit in the larger chair, even if only for a few seconds. I would

*tell* him that, he didn't try it each time. This went on quite a

while (a year?), but at some point one day I noticed he was sitting

in the large chair! Has been since. I never commented on it.

Another thing (OCD is so odd) was the TV remote. He wouldn't use it,

would call the rest of us to change channels (me usually!). I would

complain! I would hold the remote out and tell him to try. He

wouldn't. He was afraid he'd get " stuck " ; either scrolling through

channels repeatedly or perhaps some other " stuckness. " I would tell

him to push the numbers for the channel he wanted. He wouldn't try.

This was one of the things he/we chose to work on. But it took weeks

before he actually tried pushing the numbers. And after the first

time, did that every time after, no more calling the rest of us.

Wouldn't scroll up/down through the channels, but pushing the numbers

worked for him.

I think he had to internally " work his way up to try " some things.

is very sweet-natured, no temper, patient, nice type person.

OCD gave him a bit of a temper and a lot of frustration (which could

cause outburst towards me sometimes). I had to remind myself over &

over that it was OCD I hated, was still , I loved

him.

Well I have rambled, it's late. Vent here any time. But, really,

these are rough times now that won't last forever! It seems

like " forever " but did just " get ugly " 3 months ago. Those first

3,4..5 months were rough for us too! Hang in there and find some

time for yourself, treat yourself to some nice things (night out,

long baths/showers, new clothes, books, rent a movie, eat ice cream,

eat chocolate...), even just grabbing 5,10,15 minutes here/there can

help!

>

> OK, sorry everyone because I'm just venting right now. People in

> this group are the only people who truly understand what we're

going

> thru.

>

> My 12 year old son with bad thought OCD is absolutely making me

> crazy! He used to be so sweet, kind, fun-loving, always smiling

and

> it's killing me. OCD got ugly about three months ago for him and I

September 20, 2006

Glenda,

Hang in there! Hopefully the meds will kick in soon, so at least if he could

go to school for a few hours , you'd get a little break!

It's soooo hard raising kids like ours!

Just wanted to give some (((((((((Hugs)))))))

Judy

Brittany 11- anxiety, and undiagnosed ocd

, 9-bipolar ocd, odd, adhd, other multiple anxiety disorders, zoloft,

clonidine, abilify

iel 4- bad thought ocd, abilify

September 20, 2006

Glenda - vent away!!! No one understands but us- and even we each have

separate things so it's so horribly confusing! - I don't know about the

teen stuff but it does feel like Jekyll/Hyde - but I have found most of

my sweet happy child again - it will happen - is he going to therapy ?

as tough as this feels - the fighting via ERP was awful when I first

did it - but to see her realize OCD wasn't in charge was so freeing and

awesome and she came back - hang in!!!

Eileen

Quoting g_mart1971 <g_mart1971@...>:

> OK, sorry everyone because I'm just venting right now. People in

> this group are the only people who truly understand what we're going

> thru.

>

> My 12 year old son with bad thought OCD is absolutely making me

> crazy! He used to be so sweet, kind, fun-loving, always smiling and

> it's killing me. OCD got ugly about three months ago for him and I

> feel like we've totally lost our child. I mean, I really feel like

> I'm going thru a mourning process for the person he used to be. He

> is soooooo moody. He's unable to go to school at all so he's

> completely bored out of his mind. He gets angry at me if I don't do

> whatever he wants to do. He proceeds to tell me I must not care

> about him and the reason we fight is my fault because I don't

> understand what he's going thru. We have changed our lives

> completely because of OCD. We hardly do anything that we used to

> love doing. We keep thinking it's just for a short time and it will

> get better but after three months now I'm starting to wonder.

>

> He refuses to participate in any kind of therapy. His 9 year old

> sister (they've always been close) has tried and tried to be patient

> but she's starting to lose it too! She's now asking me what happened

> to her brother???? The OCD got crazy while he was on Celexa so I

> guess it must've pooped out. He's now on Luvox but apparently I'm

> waiting for it to kick in. I'm frustrated because he has to MAKE

> himself do most anything. He says it's difficult to do everything

> and I mean difficult because OCD tells him he can't do anything or it

> will make him sad (his depression is improving). What frustrates

> me/us is that now that I feel like he's starting to " fight " the OCD

> more, he's only fighting the fun stuff. Does this make any sense?

> For two months he wasn't able to buy anything for himself or let us

> buy it for him. Now he is fighting that so he asked me to take him

> to buy a video game (although OCD doesn't " allow " him to play video

> games right now) but if I ask him to pick his clothes up off the

> floor or help load the dishwasher he says he " can't " and he's dead

> serious. When I try to clarify the " rules " he gets angry.

>

> I'm so sorry this turned out so long, I just feel like I could scream

> today. Now he's locked in his room because he's mad and it will all

> start over tomorrow. He'll be happy and then in a fraction of a

> second he'll be angry. Sometimes I think we've got Jeckyll & Hyde

> living here!! How much is OCD and how much is adolescent hormones??

> No one gave me the instruction booklet for this kiddo!!!

>

> Thanks for listening.................

> Glenda

>

September 20, 2006

Thanks Eileen---no therapy right now. He refuses to go. Says the doctors

aren't helping and the meds aren't helping. I've actually started watching

him(inconspicuously) take his meds because I'm afraid he'll decide not to take

them since he believes they don't work.

" autumn71A@... " <autumn71A@...> wrote: Glenda -

vent away!!! No one understands but us- and even we each have