New member, need some advice - very long

[Guest guest]

I am sorry for all you are going through, But I don't see what the problem

is with having it on her medical records? I would rather have that and get

the help you need then to have a clean record and live in fear. Who actually

looks at those records anyway? This can be very manageable if you just find

the right help and your child is willing to work on it. Hope you find all

the answers you need. If you are worried about your daughter going to a

psychologist you can just start of going by yourself. I like to do that

anyway and figure out if I actually like the Dr. and feel safe with him/her

with my child.

Good luck!

_____

From:

[mailto: ] On Behalf Of and

Sent: Wednesday, August 30, 2006 1:20 PM

Subject: New member, need some advice - very long

I will try to sum things up. My daughter, who is 10, only child,

was a preemie, very loving child, had a lot of friends (but hit 3rd

grade, puberty started and she got introverted) and lost her

grandfather (not very close, hadn't seen him for 1.5 years before

death due to family " out " , but I trying to protect her, didn't take

to funeral and told her after the fact). She has often (years at

times) slept with us, then slept in her own bed, in with us, etc..

She was in her own bed when grandpa died and then got extremely

frightful that something bad was going to happen to us and ended up

in our room again after many nightmares. She also had to check all

doors in house, make sure they were locked and secured, went out to

garage to do the same. Took her to counseling where it was

determined that " I " was the one not happy with how she was. I was

raised with my mother always telling me that I was not happy, when I

truly was. I felt my own daughter, Annie, was not happy not having

more than one friend, etc...when in fact she is fine with it, normal

for being only child, etc.. " get her back in her own bed " . Worked

for awhile, then back in with us (on an egg crate soft mattress, on

floor)

We cleaned up her already grown up girl room a few months ago. She

had wanted it painted and made more grown up a few years ago and it

is certainly a room a teenager would even love. She slept in there

for a week before we cleaned it up, no problems, no worries, she was

excited we would clean up all her baby toys, move furniture,

etc...We did that and she hasn't wanted to sleep in there since

as " the room is all different now " . Routine still goes on, from 1.5

years ago of locking doors, checking, etc...but I have noticed she

is more " anal " about other things being in " order " . I have blown

that off as nothing. Oh, she is on the couch since redoing her

room, closer to us, but we refuse to put her back in our room

thinking she needs to learn to grow up. Last night, and she has had

more tummy aches than all of us could probably count, takes a " puke "

pail to bed with her.....she was crying that she " needs to put

everything in place, I hate that I worry so much, I worry about a

piece of fuzz on the floor, what if I don't pick it up and the dogs

choke on it, I have to straighten things at daycare (I didn't know

this), I have to put all toys back precisely where they were, why am

I doing this. I hate to worry all the time. I have to get all my

bed time stuff lined up and if I forget something in my room, i have

to go get it and then I need to recheck my room, push computer chair

back in, straighten fuzzy chair in room, just because I have gone in

there and I feel that it is moved because I had to go back in. "

I don't know what to do. I went on internet last night and it looks

like she may have OCD. But, do I want to take her to a psych and

have that put on her medical record for the rest of her life? How

do we cope with this, how do we help her? I am glad she is at terms

that she notices she has a problem and doesn't like it in herself.

Do I put her back in our room as I see the obsession has got worse

over the last few weeks. She says she feels insecure, not protected

by us anymore. And I know it was our fault to let her sleep in our

room for so long and I know some believe it is okay and some

chastise it.

Any help would be greatly appreciated. If you need to email me

privately that is fine too. klaluzernenew (DOT) <mailto:klaluzerne%40new.rr.com>

rr.com

[Guest guest]

I will try to sum things up. My daughter, who is 10, only child,

was a preemie, very loving child, had a lot of friends (but hit 3rd

grade, puberty started and she got introverted) and lost her

grandfather (not very close, hadn't seen him for 1.5 years before

death due to family " out " , but I trying to protect her, didn't take

to funeral and told her after the fact). She has often (years at

times) slept with us, then slept in her own bed, in with us, etc..

She was in her own bed when grandpa died and then got extremely

frightful that something bad was going to happen to us and ended up

in our room again after many nightmares. She also had to check all

doors in house, make sure they were locked and secured, went out to

garage to do the same. Took her to counseling where it was

determined that " I " was the one not happy with how she was. I was

raised with my mother always telling me that I was not happy, when I

truly was. I felt my own daughter, Annie, was not happy not having

more than one friend, etc...when in fact she is fine with it, normal

for being only child, etc.. " get her back in her own bed " . Worked

for awhile, then back in with us (on an egg crate soft mattress, on

floor)

We cleaned up her already grown up girl room a few months ago. She

had wanted it painted and made more grown up a few years ago and it

is certainly a room a teenager would even love. She slept in there

for a week before we cleaned it up, no problems, no worries, she was

excited we would clean up all her baby toys, move furniture,

etc...We did that and she hasn't wanted to sleep in there since

as " the room is all different now " . Routine still goes on, from 1.5

years ago of locking doors, checking, etc...but I have noticed she

is more " anal " about other things being in " order " . I have blown

that off as nothing. Oh, she is on the couch since redoing her

room, closer to us, but we refuse to put her back in our room

thinking she needs to learn to grow up. Last night, and she has had

more tummy aches than all of us could probably count, takes a " puke "

pail to bed with her.....she was crying that she " needs to put

everything in place, I hate that I worry so much, I worry about a

piece of fuzz on the floor, what if I don't pick it up and the dogs

choke on it, I have to straighten things at daycare (I didn't know

this), I have to put all toys back precisely where they were, why am

I doing this. I hate to worry all the time. I have to get all my

bed time stuff lined up and if I forget something in my room, i have

to go get it and then I need to recheck my room, push computer chair

back in, straighten fuzzy chair in room, just because I have gone in

there and I feel that it is moved because I had to go back in. "

I don't know what to do. I went on internet last night and it looks

like she may have OCD. But, do I want to take her to a psych and

have that put on her medical record for the rest of her life? How

do we cope with this, how do we help her? I am glad she is at terms

that she notices she has a problem and doesn't like it in herself.

Do I put her back in our room as I see the obsession has got worse

over the last few weeks. She says she feels insecure, not protected

by us anymore. And I know it was our fault to let her sleep in our

room for so long and I know some believe it is okay and some

chastise it.

Any help would be greatly appreciated. If you need to email me

privately that is fine too. klaluzerne@...

[Guest guest]

I guess you have to ask yourself - would it be worse to have this put on her

" medical record the rest of her life " or live with the constant anxiety the

rest of her life? The answer is pretty clear I think when you look at this

way. Sounds like your daughter has a lot of " what-ifs. " This is exactly how

my son originally presented with OCD. Medication has made the world of

difference in him - he's no longer a prisoner of his fears - that is EXACTLY

what

he was - a prisoner of his fears. Although he does still worry at times

about " odd things " he's able to cope a bit better. I'd not worry so much about

this being on her permanent medical record and maybe put more emphasis on

improving the quality of her life. It sounds like maybe you and dad might need

to come to terms with all of this. It's a lot to handle, but once accepted

and treatment is in progress, the small victories bring such relief and

satisfaction.

Keep in mind also, with school starting anxiety is no doubt going to be high

to begin with and most likely will flow over into the worries that you're

describing.

As far as a 10-year-old girl sleeping with her parents, well my opinion -

I'd definitely discourage that aggressively.

I wish you and your daughter luck.

In a message dated 8/30/2006 5:48:22 PM Central Standard Time,

adelem@... writes:

But, do I want to take her to a psych and

have that put on her medical record for the rest of her life? How

do we cope with this, how do we help her?

[Guest guest]

I was worried about having psych visits on my son's medical records

too but I just had to get over it. He wanted to go and I thought it

would be helpful. You could pay more and go to a private

phychologist. They don't communicate with you HMO and it wouldn't

be on the record.

You could always get the book What To Do When Your Child Has OCD and

try to help her yourself first.

It's NOT your fault. Letting your child sleep in your room doesn't

cause OCD. Check out this link. It has good info for parents.

http://www.ocfchicago.org/pdfs/PARENTS%20GUIDE.pdf

Hang in there

-

>

> I will try to sum things up. My daughter, who is 10, only child,

> was a preemie, very loving child, had a lot of friends (but hit

3rd

> grade, puberty started and she got introverted) and lost her

> grandfather (not very close, hadn't seen him for 1.5 years before

> death due to family " out " , but I trying to protect her, didn't

take

> to funeral and told her after the fact). She has often (years at

> times) slept with us, then slept in her own bed, in with us,

etc..

> She was in her own bed when grandpa died and then got extremely

> frightful that something bad was going to happen to us and ended

up

> in our room again after many nightmares. She also had to check all

> doors in house, make sure they were locked and secured, went out

to

> garage to do the same. Took her to counseling where it was

> determined that " I " was the one not happy with how she was. I was

> raised with my mother always telling me that I was not happy, when

I

> truly was. I felt my own daughter, Annie, was not happy not

having

> more than one friend, etc...when in fact she is fine with it,

normal

> for being only child, etc.. " get her back in her own bed " .

Worked

> for awhile, then back in with us (on an egg crate soft mattress,

on

> floor)

>

> We cleaned up her already grown up girl room a few months ago.

She

> had wanted it painted and made more grown up a few years ago and

it

> is certainly a room a teenager would even love. She slept in

there

> for a week before we cleaned it up, no problems, no worries, she

was

> excited we would clean up all her baby toys, move furniture,

> etc...We did that and she hasn't wanted to sleep in there since

> as " the room is all different now " . Routine still goes on, from

1.5

> years ago of locking doors, checking, etc...but I have noticed she

> is more " anal " about other things being in " order " . I have blown

> that off as nothing. Oh, she is on the couch since redoing her

> room, closer to us, but we refuse to put her back in our room

> thinking she needs to learn to grow up. Last night, and she has

had

> more tummy aches than all of us could probably count, takes

a " puke "

> pail to bed with her.....she was crying that she " needs to put

> everything in place, I hate that I worry so much, I worry about a

> piece of fuzz on the floor, what if I don't pick it up and the

dogs

> choke on it, I have to straighten things at daycare (I didn't know

> this), I have to put all toys back precisely where they were, why

am

> I doing this. I hate to worry all the time. I have to get all my

> bed time stuff lined up and if I forget something in my room, i

have

> to go get it and then I need to recheck my room, push computer

chair

> back in, straighten fuzzy chair in room, just because I have gone

in

> there and I feel that it is moved because I had to go back in. "

>

> I don't know what to do. I went on internet last night and it

looks

> like she may have OCD. But, do I want to take her to a psych and

> have that put on her medical record for the rest of her life? How

> do we cope with this, how do we help her? I am glad she is at

terms

> that she notices she has a problem and doesn't like it in

herself.

> Do I put her back in our room as I see the obsession has got worse

> over the last few weeks. She says she feels insecure, not

protected

> by us anymore. And I know it was our fault to let her sleep in

our

> room for so long and I know some believe it is okay and some

> chastise it.

>

> Any help would be greatly appreciated. If you need to email me

> privately that is fine too. klaluzerne@...

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

>

>I kind of felt the same way, but I would rather have it diagnosed

since I know that is what my dd has. My dd is 8. Isn't it funny how

similar their thoughts can be with ocd. My dd used to worry that if

she bit her nails, that one would drop on the floor and her brother

would roll around and it would get in his ear. She always worried

about putting something in someones ear. That reminds me of your

daughter and the lint. I hope you can get some help for her. Good

luck staying strong on the keeping her out of your room. Bobbi

I will try to sum things up. My daughter, who is 10, only child,

> was a preemie, very loving child, had a lot of friends (but hit

3rd

> grade, puberty started and she got introverted) and lost her

> grandfather (not very close, hadn't seen him for 1.5 years before

> death due to family " out " , but I trying to protect her, didn't

take

> to funeral and told her after the fact). She has often (years at

> times) slept with us, then slept in her own bed, in with us,

etc..

> She was in her own bed when grandpa died and then got extremely

> frightful that something bad was going to happen to us and ended

up

> in our room again after many nightmares. She also had to check all

> doors in house, make sure they were locked and secured, went out

to

> garage to do the same. Took her to counseling where it was

> determined that " I " was the one not happy with how she was. I was

> raised with my mother always telling me that I was not happy, when

I

> truly was. I felt my own daughter, Annie, was not happy not

having

> more than one friend, etc...when in fact she is fine with it,

normal

> for being only child, etc.. " get her back in her own bed " .

Worked

> for awhile, then back in with us (on an egg crate soft mattress,

on

> floor)

>

> We cleaned up her already grown up girl room a few months ago.

She

> had wanted it painted and made more grown up a few years ago and

it

> is certainly a room a teenager would even love. She slept in

there

> for a week before we cleaned it up, no problems, no worries, she

was

> excited we would clean up all her baby toys, move furniture,

> etc...We did that and she hasn't wanted to sleep in there since

> as " the room is all different now " . Routine still goes on, from

1.5

> years ago of locking doors, checking, etc...but I have noticed she

> is more " anal " about other things being in " order " . I have blown

> that off as nothing. Oh, she is on the couch since redoing her

> room, closer to us, but we refuse to put her back in our room

> thinking she needs to learn to grow up. Last night, and she has

had

> more tummy aches than all of us could probably count, takes

a " puke "

> pail to bed with her.....she was crying that she " needs to put

> everything in place, I hate that I worry so much, I worry about a

> piece of fuzz on the floor, what if I don't pick it up and the

dogs

> choke on it, I have to straighten things at daycare (I didn't know

> this), I have to put all toys back precisely where they were, why

am

> I doing this. I hate to worry all the time. I have to get all my

> bed time stuff lined up and if I forget something in my room, i

have

> to go get it and then I need to recheck my room, push computer

chair

> back in, straighten fuzzy chair in room, just because I have gone

in

> there and I feel that it is moved because I had to go back in. "

>

> I don't know what to do. I went on internet last night and it

looks

> like she may have OCD. But, do I want to take her to a psych and

> have that put on her medical record for the rest of her life? How

> do we cope with this, how do we help her? I am glad she is at

terms

> that she notices she has a problem and doesn't like it in

herself.

> Do I put her back in our room as I see the obsession has got worse

> over the last few weeks. She says she feels insecure, not

protected

> by us anymore. And I know it was our fault to let her sleep in

our

> room for so long and I know some believe it is okay and some

> chastise it.

>

> Any help would be greatly appreciated. If you need to email me

> privately that is fine too. klaluzerne@...

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Just reading this now - sorry - I'd say it sounds like OCD - I'd get a

therapist ASAP and you may want to let her back in while waiting for

the app't if it's soon - grab some books (especially Tamara

Chanskey's), you're already here and asking questions so you'll be able

to help her with all these issues soon - but for now hang in - reassure

her it's not her - there's nothing wrong with her - it's a " brain

trick " and that sometimes it feels like you're not helping her but you

have to do these things to help her - and of course that you love her

and you're always there for her- that may fall on deaf ears when she

says why are you doing this to me? etc etc - but in the non-OCD moments

I think dd & I (7years old) are closer than ever

good luck - we're here

Eileen

Quoting and <klaluzerne@...>:

> I will try to sum things up. My daughter, who is 10, only child,

> was a preemie, very loving child, had a lot of friends (but hit 3rd

> grade, puberty started and she got introverted) and lost her

> grandfather (not very close, hadn't seen him for 1.5 years before

> death due to family " out " , but I trying to protect her, didn't take

> to funeral and told her after the fact). She has often (years at

> times) slept with us, then slept in her own bed, in with us, etc..

> She was in her own bed when grandpa died and then got extremely

> frightful that something bad was going to happen to us and ended up

> in our room again after many nightmares. She also had to check all

> doors in house, make sure they were locked and secured, went out to

> garage to do the same. Took her to counseling where it was

> determined that " I " was the one not happy with how she was. I was

> raised with my mother always telling me that I was not happy, when I

> truly was. I felt my own daughter, Annie, was not happy not having

> more than one friend, etc...when in fact she is fine with it, normal

> for being only child, etc.. " get her back in her own bed " . Worked

> for awhile, then back in with us (on an egg crate soft mattress, on

> floor)

>

> We cleaned up her already grown up girl room a few months ago. She

> had wanted it painted and made more grown up a few years ago and it

> is certainly a room a teenager would even love. She slept in there

> for a week before we cleaned it up, no problems, no worries, she was

> excited we would clean up all her baby toys, move furniture,

> etc...We did that and she hasn't wanted to sleep in there since

> as " the room is all different now " . Routine still goes on, from 1.5

> years ago of locking doors, checking, etc...but I have noticed she

> is more " anal " about other things being in " order " . I have blown

> that off as nothing. Oh, she is on the couch since redoing her

> room, closer to us, but we refuse to put her back in our room

> thinking she needs to learn to grow up. Last night, and she has had

> more tummy aches than all of us could probably count, takes a " puke "

> pail to bed with her.....she was crying that she " needs to put

> everything in place, I hate that I worry so much, I worry about a

> piece of fuzz on the floor, what if I don't pick it up and the dogs

> choke on it, I have to straighten things at daycare (I didn't know

> this), I have to put all toys back precisely where they were, why am

> I doing this. I hate to worry all the time. I have to get all my

> bed time stuff lined up and if I forget something in my room, i have

> to go get it and then I need to recheck my room, push computer chair

> back in, straighten fuzzy chair in room, just because I have gone in

> there and I feel that it is moved because I had to go back in. "

>

> I don't know what to do. I went on internet last night and it looks

> like she may have OCD. But, do I want to take her to a psych and

> have that put on her medical record for the rest of her life? How

> do we cope with this, how do we help her? I am glad she is at terms

> that she notices she has a problem and doesn't like it in herself.

> Do I put her back in our room as I see the obsession has got worse

> over the last few weeks. She says she feels insecure, not protected

> by us anymore. And I know it was our fault to let her sleep in our

> room for so long and I know some believe it is okay and some

> chastise it.

>

> Any help would be greatly appreciated. If you need to email me

> privately that is fine too. klaluzerne@...

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Just reading this now - sorry - I'd say it sounds like OCD - I'd get a

therapist ASAP and you may want to let her back in while waiting for

the app't if it's soon - grab some books (especially Tamara

Chanskey's), you're already here and asking questions so you'll be able

to help her with all these issues soon - but for now hang in - reassure

her it's not her - there's nothing wrong with her - it's a " brain

trick " and that sometimes it feels like you're not helping her but you

have to do these things to help her - and of course that you love her

and you're always there for her- that may fall on deaf ears when she

says why are you doing this to me? etc etc - but in the non-OCD moments

I think dd & I (7years old) are closer than ever

good luck - we're here

Eileen

Quoting and <klaluzerne@...>:

> I will try to sum things up. My daughter, who is 10, only child,

> was a preemie, very loving child, had a lot of friends (but hit 3rd

> grade, puberty started and she got introverted) and lost her

> grandfather (not very close, hadn't seen him for 1.5 years before

> death due to family " out " , but I trying to protect her, didn't take

> to funeral and told her after the fact). She has often (years at

> times) slept with us, then slept in her own bed, in with us, etc..

> She was in her own bed when grandpa died and then got extremely

> frightful that something bad was going to happen to us and ended up

> in our room again after many nightmares. She also had to check all

> doors in house, make sure they were locked and secured, went out to

> garage to do the same. Took her to counseling where it was

> determined that " I " was the one not happy with how she was. I was

> raised with my mother always telling me that I was not happy, when I

> truly was. I felt my own daughter, Annie, was not happy not having

> more than one friend, etc...when in fact she is fine with it, normal

> for being only child, etc.. " get her back in her own bed " . Worked

> for awhile, then back in with us (on an egg crate soft mattress, on

> floor)

>

> We cleaned up her already grown up girl room a few months ago. She

> had wanted it painted and made more grown up a few years ago and it

> is certainly a room a teenager would even love. She slept in there

> for a week before we cleaned it up, no problems, no worries, she was

> excited we would clean up all her baby toys, move furniture,

> etc...We did that and she hasn't wanted to sleep in there since

> as " the room is all different now " . Routine still goes on, from 1.5

> years ago of locking doors, checking, etc...but I have noticed she

> is more " anal " about other things being in " order " . I have blown

> that off as nothing. Oh, she is on the couch since redoing her

> room, closer to us, but we refuse to put her back in our room

> thinking she needs to learn to grow up. Last night, and she has had

> more tummy aches than all of us could probably count, takes a " puke "

> pail to bed with her.....she was crying that she " needs to put

> everything in place, I hate that I worry so much, I worry about a

> piece of fuzz on the floor, what if I don't pick it up and the dogs

> choke on it, I have to straighten things at daycare (I didn't know

> this), I have to put all toys back precisely where they were, why am

> I doing this. I hate to worry all the time. I have to get all my

> bed time stuff lined up and if I forget something in my room, i have

> to go get it and then I need to recheck my room, push computer chair

> back in, straighten fuzzy chair in room, just because I have gone in

> there and I feel that it is moved because I had to go back in. "

>

> I don't know what to do. I went on internet last night and it looks

> like she may have OCD. But, do I want to take her to a psych and

> have that put on her medical record for the rest of her life? How

> do we cope with this, how do we help her? I am glad she is at terms

> that she notices she has a problem and doesn't like it in herself.

> Do I put her back in our room as I see the obsession has got worse

> over the last few weeks. She says she feels insecure, not protected

> by us anymore. And I know it was our fault to let her sleep in our

> room for so long and I know some believe it is okay and some

> chastise it.

>

> Any help would be greatly appreciated. If you need to email me

> privately that is fine too. klaluzerne@...

>

>

>

>

>

>

>