Re: Setting and enforcing boundaries

[Guest guest]

>>Such as, when mommy is in the shower, don't come barging in and hop in

the shower with me, give mommy some privacy.<<

I suggest you start locking the door.

>>He wants to sleep in our bed and not in his own room. Is that a

normal thing for Aspies/High Functioning Autism kids to go through?<<

I know of several people whose ASD children share(d) their bed until much

older, and/or slept in the same room, right into their teens.

>>Should I allow him to sleep in my room, or stick to my guns and make

him stay in his own room?<<

You need to try and work out why he does not like being in his room. You may

never work it out! If he wakes constantly and you have to go and comfort

him, when he is in his room, it may actually be easier to have him in with

you.

[Guest guest]

The majority of these kids are fearful of the dark or of low light

conditions, sounds, etc. This drives many of them (who cannot express

these fears partly due to pragmatic language issues, not so much

articulation but the way language works)to seek company when they sleep.

The " experts " frequently don't have children or don't have children on the

spectrum. What does your heart tell you??? Not your head, which may have

heard all kinds of " expert " advice and warnings, but your heart. Another

reason many of these kids cannot express these fears is that the

fears/anxitey are always present and while they are uncomfortable, they

think that everyone else is experiencing the same thing that they are.

That generalized thinking goes with the territory of autism/aspergers.

Our 8 and 1/2 yr old starts out in our bed and grandpa sleep-walks him to

the bathroom around 2 hours after grandson gets to sleep and then tucks

him into his own bed which is right beside our bed. We have a deep faith

that this 8 and 1/2 year old will eventually be able to sleep in his own

room, but that may take a very long time.

Re the jumping into the shower with you, I would wonder what is happening

to your son right before he comes into the bathroom with you. Is there

noise (even the noise of the shower), or is he alone, or ????? I know that

our grandson is afraid to be in any room (or outside) by himself, but

there are 2 grandparents and 1 great-grandparent here to keep him company.

One of the best things that his original OT ever told me was to respect

our grandson's sensory needs. It was a relief to hear because I had a

tendency to respect his sensory needs to the consternation of some of his

therapists/teachers. This has been a wonderful piece of information to

pass on to his current therapists, etc, who may not know about the large

sensory issues of kids on the spectrum.

If you look at behavior being communication, your child is communicating

loudly and clearly that he is afraid to be alone in certain situations. I

would honor that communication.

Priscilla

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

One thing I forgot to mention, HFA have a problem in that folks think they

are simply delayed in social and speech with perhaps a bit of sensory

stuff thrown in. Not so... your 6 yr. old HFA may be emotionally between 3

and 4 yr. old plus all the other problems/challenges of delays. This makes

is extremely difficult for you and for him. Keep reading and learning to

be your child's advocate even with yourself.

Priscilla

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Hi there! I know exactly what you mean but I have been down this road with one nt and one AS child of mine. and the NT child was the worst! lol In my experience, it is best to set the boundries and stick to them. It may be hell (pardon my language) for a time but it does work when they know they cannot get you to cave. I started taking them in their room and settling them in earlier and letting them know that potty breaks, thirst issues etc would not be allowed after the first 30 minutes so they had better get them taken care of. There were tantrums, trying to "sneak" in after mom was asleep, fighting it in the middle of the night, when they know we are more likely to cave to get some sleep, etc but I stuck to it and they both sleep in their own rooms. In fact at one point or another with both, I offered ( after they had been broken of it for quite awhile) to let them sleep in my room due to illness etc and they both refused and

said they wanted "their own bed" so it can be done, they just have to get used to it. Good luck and God bless! DeeDee <freecyclemail@...> wrote: My 6 year old HFA son is having issues with boundaries.Such as, when mommy is in the shower, don't come barging in and hop in the shower with me, give mommy some privacy.He wants to sleep in our bed and not in his own room. Is that a normal thing for Aspies/High Functioning Autism kids to go

through?Should I allow him to sleep in my room, or stick to my guns and make him stay in his own room?Every day I feel like a new parent all over again!

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[Guest guest]

You should stick to your guns and make him stay in his own room. This is the only way to get him to stay in his room. If he is anything like my son, Avery once he gets used to something it is hard to break the habit. So if you don't let it become one then both of you will be better off in the long run.

Hope StudentPineville, Louisianamsyogi@...

Setting and enforcing boundaries

My 6 year old HFA son is having issues with boundaries.Such as, when mommy is in the shower, don't come barging in and hop in the shower with me, give mommy some privacy.He wants to sleep in our bed and not in his own room. Is that a normal thing for Aspies/High Functioning Autism kids to go through?Should I allow him to sleep in my room, or stick to my guns and make him stay in his own room?Every day I feel like a new parent all over again!

[Guest guest]

You should stick to your guns and make him stay in his own room. This is the only way to get him to stay in his room. If he is anything like my son, Avery once he gets used to something it is hard to break the habit. So if you don't let it become one then both of you will be better off in the long run.

Hope StudentPineville, Louisianamsyogi@...

Setting and enforcing boundaries

My 6 year old HFA son is having issues with boundaries.Such as, when mommy is in the shower, don't come barging in and hop in the shower with me, give mommy some privacy.He wants to sleep in our bed and not in his own room. Is that a normal thing for Aspies/High Functioning Autism kids to go through?Should I allow him to sleep in my room, or stick to my guns and make him stay in his own room?Every day I feel like a new parent all over again!

[Guest guest]

Thanks everyone for your thoughts on this.

My other child (3 years old NT) will NOT sleep in my bed...he cries for his crib. Quite the opposite of his older brother

I don't know if my AS son is afraid of the dark or what the deal is. I think he just likes being with mommy Not that I mind the extra cuddles with my baby, but sometimes I would like to have a teensy bit of breathing room...makes me feel like crap just to say that.

We are shopping for new mattresses and might just get him a queen sized so I can crash in his room until he falls asleep.....either that or we will need to get a bigger bed.

The 30 minute deal sounds like an option for us, but I know he will sneak "just one minute mommy, can I bring my blanket". Then there will be crying...I'm so emotional, I can't stand to hear him cry.

Re: Setting and enforcing boundaries

Hi there! I know exactly what you mean but I have been down this road with one nt and one AS child of mine. and the NT child was the worst! lol

In my experience, it is best to set the boundries and stick to them. It may be hell (pardon my language) for a time but it does work when they know they cannot get you to cave. I started taking them in their room and settling them in earlier and letting them know that potty breaks, thirst issues etc would not be allowed after the first 30 minutes so they had better get them taken care of. There were tantrums, trying to "sneak" in after mom was asleep, fighting it in the middle of the night, when they know we are more likely to cave to get some sleep, etc but I stuck to it and they both sleep in their own rooms. In fact at one point or another with both, I offered ( after they had been broken of it for quite awhile) to let them sleep in my room due to illness etc and they both refused and said they wanted "their own bed" so it can be done, they just have to get used to it.

Good luck and God bless!

DeeDee <freecyclemailcomcast (DOT) net> wrote:

My 6 year old HFA son is having issues with boundaries.Such as, when mommy is in the shower, don't come barging in and hop in the shower with me, give mommy some privacy.He wants to sleep in our bed and not in his own room. Is that a normal thing for Aspies/High Functioning Autism kids to go through?Should I allow him to sleep in my room, or stick to my guns and make him stay in his own room?Every day I feel like a new parent all over again!

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[Guest guest]

>

> You should stick to your guns and make him stay in his own room.

This is the only way to get him to stay in his room. If he is

anything like my son, Avery once he gets used to something it is

hard to break the habit. So if you don't let it become one then both

of you will be better off in the long run.

> Hope

> Student

> Pineville, Louisiana

> msyogi@...

> Setting and enforcing boundaries

>

>

> My 6 year old HFA son is having issues with boundaries.

>

> Such as, when mommy is in the shower, don't come barging in and

hop in

> the shower with me, give mommy some privacy.

>

> He wants to sleep in our bed and not in his own room. Is that a

> normal thing for Aspies/High Functioning Autism kids to go

through?

>

> Should I allow him to sleep in my room, or stick to my guns and

make

> him stay in his own room?

>

> Every day I feel like a new parent all over again!

>

i have the same problem with my son on the sleeping in his room

except i am a single mom trying to take care of 4 kids and get them

to bed on time that it is hard for me and then i get so tired that i

cave and give in and he sleeps in my bedroom on the couch he is also

so attached to me he can leave me (to go to school and play at his

dads or soemthing )but i cant go anywhere the store the other room

he follows me around the house he wont even go to sleep upstairs on

the couch in my roon cuz he cant see me he has done this and now i

got my 3 yr old not wanting to go to bed and coming back out of her

room (not autistic ) but now have hard time trying to get 2 kids

back in their rooms .another thing i noticed is when one area calms

down or one of my sons calm down another area or son starts up.(

one is pdd and mr the other is pdd ,mr ,odd,and adhd)if any one has

an suggestions i would appreciate them

[Guest guest]

Well AS or NT, all kids are different, I have three and they are like night and day and mid afternoon! lol I think you should see what he is afraid of, if anything, maybe he needs different sheets or blankets or more or less light to be comfortable in his own bed. Have you tried a body pillow or even two? so he feels secure and has something large to cuddle with? Just a thought. It is SO hard to break them of this, especially when we need the extra cuddles sometimes too! But do not feel bad about feeling crowded sometimes etc too! We ALL do. When mine were younger, I used to be so frustrated sometimes and just need space. Sometimes I still do although it is not as bad as it used to be. I used to be known to have my own meltdowns and say, "just get off me PLEASE for a minute, don't touch me!" because I was on on sensory overload from them hanging on me, holding on to me, sleeping with me etc ALL the time. Not sure I am not on the spectrum too with my sensory issues too

would explain alot! lol Anyway, I have never heard a mom of NT or spectrum kids who does not feel overwhelmed and just want a little time to themselves sometimes so do not feel bad re that! Good luck and God Bless! DeeDee <freecyclemail@...> wrote: Thanks everyone for your thoughts on this. My other child (3 years old NT) will NOT sleep in

my bed...he cries for his crib. Quite the opposite of his older brother I don't know if my AS son is afraid of the dark or what the deal is. I think he just likes being with mommy Not that I mind the extra cuddles with my baby, but sometimes I would like to have a teensy bit of breathing room...makes me feel like crap just to say that. We are shopping for new mattresses and might just get him a queen sized so I can crash in his room until he falls asleep.....either that or we will need to get a bigger bed. The 30 minute deal sounds like an option for us, but I know he will sneak "just one minute mommy, can I bring my blanket". Then there will be crying...I'm so

emotional, I can't stand to hear him cry. Re: Setting and enforcing boundaries Hi there! I know exactly what you mean but I have been down this road with one nt and one AS child of mine. and the NT child

was the worst! lol In my experience, it is best to set the boundries and stick to them. It may be hell (pardon my language) for a time but it does work when they know they cannot get you to cave. I started taking them in their room and settling them in earlier and letting them know that potty breaks, thirst issues etc would not be allowed after the first 30 minutes so they had better get them taken care of. There were tantrums, trying to "sneak" in after mom was asleep, fighting it in the middle of the night, when they know we are more likely to cave to get some sleep, etc but I stuck to it and they both sleep in their own rooms. In fact at one point or another with both, I offered ( after they had been broken of it for quite awhile) to let them sleep in my room due to illness etc and they both refused and said they wanted "their own bed" so it can be done, they just have to get used to it. Good luck and God

bless! DeeDee <freecyclemailcomcast (DOT) net> wrote: My 6 year old HFA son is having issues with boundaries.Such as, when mommy is in the shower, don't come barging in and hop in the shower with me, give mommy some privacy.He wants to sleep in our bed and not in his own room. Is that a normal thing for Aspies/High Functioning Autism kids to go through?Should I allow him to sleep in my room, or stick to my guns and make him stay in his own room?Every day I feel like a new parent all over again! Messenger with Voice. Make PC-to-Phone Calls to the US (and 30+

countries) for 2¢/min or less. No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG Free Edition.Version: 7.1.405 / Virus Database: 268.11.6/428 - Release Date: 8/25/2006

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[Guest guest]

i also have the same problems with my son going to sleep and privacy

he is 10 almost 11 he wont sleep in his room he has to sleep on a

couch in my bedroom .he wont sleep unless i am upstairs.he has a very

hish seperation anxiety and i am not sure what to do i am a sinlge

mother of 4 kids(ages 15,12,10,3) ( the 12 yr old is pdd & mr and

the 10 yr old is pdd ,mr, odd , & adhd) i have such a hard time with

bedtime with the 10 yr he is the one with all of that going on my

youngest who os 3 who is ok now wont sleep cuz she sees him walking

around she follows him . he also has screamaing fits and hits himself

and swears the 12 year old talks to people wo are not there all day

long making it hard to function he also rearranges the

furniture ,turms on and off the lights & fans,opens shuts the blinds,he

will play teacher but he wont stop to the point of interefereing with

everyone else in the houseit is hard because i am the only one in the

house my 15 yr old tries to help but it is hard on him and he is also

active in other activities .so if anyone has any good suggestions i

would appreciate it i am not sure how to get the boundaries

established it s hard to deal with all of them at the same time.i try

to put the priority ones first but it is still hard

[Guest guest]

My kids are 6 and 4 (almost 5).

The shower thing! Yikes! Been there. We just stuck with it and now

everyone gets their own shower or bath. No sharing.

For the bed, that was a little more difficult. The kids have been in

bed with us (to some degree) since birth. That said, for the last 3

years we have started them off in their own beds and if they came to

ours in the night, that was ok. In the last 2 months they've been

staying in their own beds all night! Yay!

We were just consistent with it. Every time they came out of their

room, we guided them back in. They just quit waking in the night EVERY

night. Now it's just a few times a month and that's ok. Last night our

6 yr old had trouble going to sleep so we let him lay with us while we

watched a Star Trek episode and he fell asleep before 9:30. We don't

normally let him do that, but we just moved him to his bed after.

Consistency is key.

~

>

> My 6 year old HFA son is having issues with boundaries.

>

> Such as, when mommy is in the shower, don't come barging in and hop in

> the shower with me, give mommy some privacy.

>

> He wants to sleep in our bed and not in his own room. Is that a

> normal thing for Aspies/High Functioning Autism kids to go through?

>

> Should I allow him to sleep in my room, or stick to my guns and make

> him stay in his own room?

>

> Every day I feel like a new parent all over again!

>

[Guest guest]

My girls both have soft sider waterbeds. This was the only

way they would stay in there own room because we had one & they

always wanted to be in it. We haven't had a problem since. I'm

convinced it's a sensory thing.

E.

Colorado

"Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops."

Cary Grant

Re: Setting and enforcing boundaries

Thanks everyone for your thoughts on this.

My other child (3 years old NT) will NOT sleep in my bed...he cries for his crib. Quite the opposite of his older brother

I don't know if my AS son is afraid of the dark or what the deal is. I think he just likes being with mommy Not that I mind the extra cuddles with my baby, but sometimes I would like to have a teensy bit of breathing room...makes me feel like crap just to say that.

We are shopping for new mattresses and might just get him a queen sized so I can crash in his room until he falls asleep.....either that or we will need to get a bigger bed.

The 30 minute deal sounds like an option for us, but I know he will sneak "just one minute mommy, can I bring my blanket". Then there will be crying...I'm so emotional, I can't stand to hear him cry.

Re: Setting and enforcing boundaries

Hi there! I know exactly what you mean but I have been down this road with one nt and one AS child of mine. and the NT child was the worst! lol

In my experience, it is best to set the boundries and stick to them. It may be hell (pardon my language) for a time but it does work when they know they cannot get you to cave. I started taking them in their room and settling them in earlier and letting them know that potty breaks, thirst issues etc would not be allowed after the first 30 minutes so they had better get them taken care of. There were tantrums, trying to "sneak" in after mom was asleep, fighting it in the middle of the night, when they know we are more likely to cave to get some sleep, etc but I stuck to it and they both sleep in their own rooms. In fact at one point or another with both, I offered ( after they had been broken of it for quite awhile) to let them sleep in my room due to illness etc and they both refused and said they wanted "their own bed" so it can be done, they just have to get used to it.

Good luck and God bless!

DeeDee

<freecyclemailcomcast (DOT) net> wrote:

My 6 year old HFA son is having issues with boundaries.

Such as, when mommy is in the shower, don't come barging in and hop in

the shower with me, give mommy some privacy.

He wants to sleep in our bed and not in his own room. Is that a

normal thing for Aspies/High Functioning Autism kids to go through?

Should I allow him to sleep in my room, or stick to my guns and make

him stay in his own room?

Every day I feel like a new parent all over again!

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No virus found in this incoming message.

Checked by AVG Free Edition.

Version: 7.1.405 / Virus Database: 268.11.6/428 - Release Date: 8/25/2006

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[Guest guest]

I have horror stories about Sara (my 9year old) and this haha. The solution that we have found for this thus far is that Jarrod (my husband) takes Hope into our room between 8:30 and 9, and lays down with her until she falls asleep, then when we are ready to go to bed, we move her into her room - oila! no more issues lol.I don't know if this "counts" but it works for us. Sara was another story. She is 9 and we have been going through this with her since she was 2. After dh's first deployment, we literally moved her 2 feet a night, so from the bed to next to the bed on the floor, then 2 feet across each night until she was finally in her own room. She still does this, and I have had to get "mean" about it. She gets to sleep in my room maybe twice in a six month period because she gets stuck in the sleeping with Mom mode. <carriebeary77@...> wrote: My kids are 6 and 4 (almost 5). The shower thing! Yikes! Been there. We just stuck with it and now everyone gets their own shower or bath. No sharing. For the bed, that was a little more difficult. The kids have been in bed with us (to some degree) since birth. That said, for the last 3 years we have started them off in their own beds and if they came to ours in the night, that was ok. In the last 2 months they've been staying in their own beds all night! Yay! We were just consistent with it. Every time they came out of

their room, we guided them back in. They just quit waking in the night EVERY night. Now it's just a few times a month and that's ok. Last night our 6 yr old had trouble going to sleep so we let him lay with us while we watched a Star Trek episode and he fell asleep before 9:30. We don't normally let him do that, but we just moved him to his bed after. Consistency is key. ~ > > My 6 year old HFA son is having issues with boundaries. > > Such as, when mommy is in the shower, don't come barging in and hop in > the shower with me, give mommy some privacy. > > He wants to sleep in our bed and not in his own room. Is that a > normal thing for Aspies/High Functioning Autism kids to go through? > >

Should I allow him to sleep in my room, or stick to my guns and make > him stay in his own room? > > Every day I feel like a new parent all over again! > A great teacher never strives to explain his vision - he simply invites you to stand beside him and see for yourself.... The Rev. R. Inman Children are likely to live up to what you believe of them - Lady Bird Treat a child as though he already is the person he's capable of becoming - Haim Gnott

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