No EO strong enough

[Guest guest]

Hi,

After reading the recent post about a child very similar to mine, it seems

to validate the direction that I've taken and stuck to, sometimes

questioning myself.

We have a mixed program, bringing VB methods in about eighteen months ago,

and I thought initially about turning the whole program upside down and

reinventing everything we had been doing, reinforcement wise, and pairing

ourselves with reinforcers etc. I struggle with this issue a lot. My son

is six and in an NT kindergarten (with D.T.). There is NOTHING reinforcing

enough to get him to work if he doesn't want to. He will even pass on a red

lollipop if it means he has to work for it quite a bit of the time. He's

been doing D.T. for approximately three years and at this point in time, he

has a " been there done that " sort of attitude about us in general, and

short of letting him do whatever he wants to do whenever he wants to, we

are at times the " bad guys " for wanting him to work, no matter how nice and

inventive we are.

So, what's the bottom line to this? Well for us at least it's a combination

plan. We pair ourselves with very reinforcing items/situations as often

as possible, but during our sessions we have a fairly no nonsense attitude

when we need to work. A time to sit and work demeanor, and we do ignore any

whining or noncompliance with consistent and upbeat attitude and also

delayed gratitude which is working for us better now than other behavior

intervention. We may do two or three programs with the promise of

pretzels or physical play when the programs are completed. He seems to

understand this now, and will work hard and fast to get to the " good stuff. "

I am proud to say he is the only child with autism in our local school now

or ever for that matter. He sits at circle time, responds to and stands for

the pledge of allegiance, fits in with the class schedule and activities,

and has made himself quite an ambassador for what kids with autism can do

if allowed to rise to the challenges. I am so proud of him, but it was not

and is not an easy road.

He is taking ice skating lessons and last week skated by himself for a good

ten feet. I was so thrilled not only for him, but for other kids with

autism. Yes, they can do more than anyone would believe if you point them

in the right direction and stay committed to expecting great things from

them, and at times, lots of times, it means staying strong and not bending

when they are pushing to break from behaviors that you have worked so hard

to instill. CONSISTENCY is key. If you say it you must mean it and be

willing to implement your request, physically prompting if necessary, or

don't say it.

Since he attends an NT kindergarten his behavior has to be in good control

and for the most part he must listen and obey even when he doesn't want to.

(Time to leave from Gym class, time to go back to work after snack

etc.). There are times I have found both as his teacher and his parent

that he simply has to just listen with nothing positive attached to it. He

may get a delayed reward but at that moment it's just a matter of behaving.

We have tried to lighten our " behavioral grip " at times, and it has proven

to us how much in control we need to be with this now six year old (but

ever growing young boy), but in the end his respect of us and what we need

from him, (good working habits, attending and most importantly socially

acceptable behavior), has proven to be most effectively achieved by a

combination of a friendship bond born of respect and enjoyment with his

therapist and a combination from his parents of firmness and kindness. We

saw in the beginning of this school year awful behavior, things we didn't

think him capable of, squeezing the arm of the speech therapist, trying to

kick etc. We clamped down on that very quickly, decreased his rewards, did

more table time, and turned him around. We also tell him in no uncertain

terms, we are not pleased with him, and when we are not he gets to sit and

work harder and longer as his consequence. We jokingly refer to his

increased table time as the " punishment round. " He hates it, we hate to do

it, but it's ever so effective. He gets the idea very quickly-- awful

behavior gets me at the table, good behavior gets me great stuff.

I would have liked to have thought that we didn't need to have this

attitude with him, and that we could pair ourselves with positive things,

and he would always behave and work hard, but his desire to have his own

way is much stronger than his desire to inherently please us. In order for

us to live comfortably and safely as a family with this young man who will

be much taller and larger than I, is to have him always understand that

ultimately he has to listen to us, we will work with him and for him, but

in the end what the therapist says/parent says he must listen to without

exception.

I also think that at times he tests us to see if we are still paying

attention and to what level he can escalate a behavior before we shut it

down. We now shut it down very quickly because we saw how scary and how

quickly the behaviors could take firm root, and ultimately would hurt his

chances of accomplishing everything he is capable of

accomplishing. Behavior is key to him being included in life's activities,

and I want very much for him to enjoy his life.

Just my two cents to start the week.

Cate