Work - for maYa (was: also good news..)

[Guest guest]

maYa:

> RET is rational emotive therapy (thinking stuff so your emotional

reactions change) but I don't think it would work since I have a lot

of fantasy and I am not so rational (I believe there's more than

normal ppl want to see) ) plus with social fears it doesn't work,

cause people have been violent to me on more than one occasion and

they can be even more violent and they're often pushy (when they

drink) or threathen me with their arrogant behaviour etc so my fear -

according to me - is fully justified!! I don't see it as irrational,

cause it IS a possibility, because it HAS happened before.

I agree that being cautious in such situations is very rational. I can see

why such a therapy would be a waste of time. (I always wonder who gets to

decide what is rational, appropriate, normal and desirable anyway?)

Inger:

>> I see. You get stressed when you're supposed to do something you've

not done before? That is very typically Aspie, I think! I too get highly

stressed before I know how things are done. Once I'm familiar with the

procedure I'm totally cool; it's just that annoying first time when there

are so

many uncertainties and things that could potentially go wrong.

>

maYa:

> yeaaaah exactly!!! it's the first steps which terrify me and the

stuff which can potentially go wrong.. you got it!

Inger:

>> That's what I would have needed too.

>

maYa:

> but you managed without?? (cause I fear there is also nothing this

> specific around here..) tips and advices are always welcome! ) how did

> you get your job, when did you know 'this was it!' and how did the steps

> go??

Long story. Mainly through a combination of help from others, luck and just

forcing myself despite bing sick with anxiety. When I was younger I was

absolutely terrified of EVERYTHING since I had no clue how things are done.

At 11, I was afraid to even make a phone call to anyone but my granny. A

classmate decided I should start riding and made me make the phone call

myself to book a time. I thought I'd die from anxiety and pleaded with her

to do it, but she insisted I do it myself and instructed me on what to say.

After that I realized that you don't die from making a phone call (only

ALMOST). :-) But riding was terrifying - until I got the hang of it. Then I

loved it!

In my teens I was still too scared and confused to go buy clothes on my own,

so my mom would go with me until a classmate/neighbor who came to be my only

friend took over that role and showed me how to get jeans the right size and

model etc. With her I also learned how to date, go clubbing, use a deodorant

and other things I was clueless about.

I would probably never have moved from home unless my mom had resolutely

bought me an apartment, helped me furnish & decorate it and declaired that I

needed to start working to pay the rent and the furniture. Another classmate

brought me along to a burger restaurant (NOT Mcs!) where we both got a

weekend job. (Mom still washed my clothes until I could afford my own

washing machine that she showed me how to use.)

After finishing school (I decided to skip college and start working full

time asap) and trying some other jobs that I was equally unsuitable for, my

mom gave me a tip about one at lin Mint where I got to look after all

the returned plates and medals and stuff (that was a good job since I was

left to do it in peace). I took the job so much more seriously than anyone

else there, that when they fired 90% of he staff I was kept and got promoted

to secretary/receptionist (which was not as good a job since I wasn't left

alone).

While working there I met my first long-term bf and helped him arrange

rock-concerts on weekends for which I made the posters, sold the tickests,

did the book-keeping etc, all without having a clue how you do it. I just

improvised as I went along and learned from my mistakes, and took night

courses in book-keeping and calligraphy after work. As always, I was at

first petrified and reluctant to do any of those things, but was pushed and

encouraged by my bf who would not have been able to get those bits done

without my help.

Also took my driver's licence at 23 which was scary too, until I got the

hang of it. (Now I'm so relaxed that driving is like a meditation.)

When lin Mint closed their Stockholm office altogether, I got another

secretary job that was so stressful that I got ill, so I quit that after a

year and a half and got another job that was OK but not overly inspiring.

At 25, I decided to become a color consultant and got special training for

that. The color bit was great fun as always, but having to work with people

was terrifying so I had to really force myself to ignore my nervousness and

just do it.

Then I met a very odd (probably Aspie) antiques dealer whom I married. He

had just bought a bigger shop and with it came a smaller one that he didn't

know what to do with, so I bravely asked if I could open my own shop there.

I had always been interested in antiques and learned from him

( " frighteningly fast " ) how to conduct business, and really enjoyed being my

own boss (though I found the business part of it rather stressful and would

rather have had someone else take care of that bit). Unfortunately, I

couldn't stand being married for more than a couple of years, and a year

after I decided to leave the shop too.

After that I wanted to use my color skills for interior decorating instead.

I had created my own color system that made gave me a huge advantage despite

lacking formal education as an interior decorator. If you exclude the very

stressful but unavoidable social contacts with various upper crust people in

Stockholm, this was probably the easiest job so far since color matching and

lighting design is something I could do in my sleep.

But after only a couple of years of this, I got too allergic, hypersensitive

and non-verbal to work at all and had to be retired. :-(

Now I'm rather annoyed with myself for wasting so much time on jobs that

anyone could do, instead of going for what I'm really good at and enjoy. I'm

still hoping that I will somehow be able to make use of my special skills in

the future. I'm only 44 and have so much I'd like to accomplish.

maYa:

> what's work training? I think there is something like living with

guidance and also work training here, I'm not certain though if it's

for high IQ individuals.

I'm actually not too sure what it is as I've not had any myself. But an

Aspie girl in one of my Swedish forums goes to this type of work-training.

She is very intelligent. Though, unfortunately, they don't quite understand

her there, as this is not only for Aspies.

What area is it you would like to work in?

Inger

[Guest guest]

wow, thanks!! that was interesting!! it feels you had in a way a

similar and in another way a different experience than I did.. but

you had some more years for experiences ) a lot is very

recognizable though! One friend for example also took me

out 'clubbing' and my mom pushed me out of the house to go with her

(I always used my homework as an excuse!!), but I didn't like it that

much to say 'now I like going out'. I started going to

festivals/concerts when I was 20, in the alternative scene, I felt

much more at home there. I was also in love. That infatuation/desire

became my major motivation to conquer fears!! I booked hotelrooms,

traintickets, went to concerts alone, met people there (arranged to

meet them over the internet!) this was SO GOOD. Just my heart got

broken really badly ( got realy depressed and I had a burnout and

everything, and I still feel 'not good enough'...

Then there were lots of other beautiful experiences, so diverse. I

can't even start writing them all down here )

there is just too big a division between my life, from until I turned

19, then 19-20 is pretty much blank (I had a lousy job and lots of

anger attacks and felt very empty), and what came afterwards 20-23 is

this infatuation and major depression and remembering the period from

before I was 19 (seeking my old self I had lost), 23-24 creative

therapy and 'returning to myself' (by also breaking with 20-23!) and

finding out I have AS was the breakpoint into yet another period..

I thought (think) I suffer(ed) from PTSS, because I had a lot of

memory loss after some form of what could have been nervous breakdown

or something (I felt very numb, all my interests were gone

simultaneously with all my memories, like I existed in a void only,

no inner nor outer world) I am still very very confused about what

happened. it's still a complete mess in my head, so I think it will

take a while until I can 'put all the pieces together' and things

make sense again... cause it's like there are such huge 'breaks' in

my life, that it doesn't make sense to me in a way (like the pieces

don't fit, like it's not clear what really happened).

I don't know if this makes any sense to anyone?? :\

as for jobs, I have nooo idea what I really want to do for a living.

I don't even know what skills I have which are needed. I was thinking

about this called 'DIV' with information/documents/computers, sounds

a bit similar to what I've been doing so far, and there seems to be a

lot of jobs in that sector at the moment... Then again, I am 24.... I

also have a long life before me! and the jobs I had so far... the

voluntary ones made me happier (they energized me), I did it from the

heart. I felt also more improvement there on a personal level,

because I was given tasks (like arranging/making phonecalls) and they

were hard but I was so motivated that I succeeded and it also felt I

was useful and taht I could help to make achange in the world (I feel

very helpless and that depresses me a lot!!). But the library one is

peaceful and is also good for me, and the people working there are

also very kind! I think I would most love to have a very peaceful job

with kind people, so I can use my energy for the animals. That's what

feels best at the moment.

Other than that I want to do artistic projects. That's my dream

really. Art for ideals. Not for money, but to 'awaken people'. The

only problem is that I don't know how to bring what's in my mind

across through another form that it's understandable, accessible for

others. That's a very big problem... that's why I would love to do

the art academy or a lot of artistic courses first, so I gain the

skills to express it.

well... there's a life ahead of me... first things first )

::light::

maYa

>

> maYa:

> > RET is rational emotive therapy (thinking stuff so your emotional

> reactions change) but I don't think it would work since I have a lot

> of fantasy and I am not so rational (I believe there's more than

> normal ppl want to see) ) plus with social fears it doesn't work,

> cause people have been violent to me on more than one occasion and

> they can be even more violent and they're often pushy (when they

> drink) or threathen me with their arrogant behaviour etc so my

fear -

> according to me - is fully justified!! I don't see it as irrational,

> cause it IS a possibility, because it HAS happened before.

>

> I agree that being cautious in such situations is very rational. I

can see

> why such a therapy would be a waste of time. (I always wonder who

gets to

> decide what is rational, appropriate, normal and desirable anyway?)

>

> Inger:

> >> I see. You get stressed when you're supposed to do something

you've

> not done before? That is very typically Aspie, I think! I too get

highly

> stressed before I know how things are done. Once I'm familiar with

the

> procedure I'm totally cool; it's just that annoying first time when

there

> are so

> many uncertainties and things that could potentially go wrong.

> >

> maYa:

> > yeaaaah exactly!!! it's the first steps which terrify me and the

> stuff which can potentially go wrong.. you got it!

>

> Inger:

> >> That's what I would have needed too.

> >

> maYa:

> > but you managed without?? (cause I fear there is also nothing

this

> > specific around here..) tips and advices are always welcome! )

how did

> > you get your job, when did you know 'this was it!' and how did

the steps

> > go??

>

> Long story. Mainly through a combination of help from others, luck

and just

> forcing myself despite bing sick with anxiety. When I was younger I

was

> absolutely terrified of EVERYTHING since I had no clue how things

are done.

>

> At 11, I was afraid to even make a phone call to anyone but my

granny. A

> classmate decided I should start riding and made me make the phone

call

> myself to book a time. I thought I'd die from anxiety and pleaded

with her

> to do it, but she insisted I do it myself and instructed me on what

to say.

> After that I realized that you don't die from making a phone call

(only

> ALMOST). :-) But riding was terrifying - until I got the hang of

it. Then I

> loved it!

>

> In my teens I was still too scared and confused to go buy clothes

on my own,

> so my mom would go with me until a classmate/neighbor who came to

be my only

> friend took over that role and showed me how to get jeans the right

size and

> model etc. With her I also learned how to date, go clubbing, use a

deodorant

> and other things I was clueless about.

>

> I would probably never have moved from home unless my mom had

resolutely

> bought me an apartment, helped me furnish & decorate it and

declaired that I

> needed to start working to pay the rent and the furniture. Another

classmate

> brought me along to a burger restaurant (NOT Mcs!) where we

both got a

> weekend job. (Mom still washed my clothes until I could afford my

own

> washing machine that she showed me how to use.)

>

> After finishing school (I decided to skip college and start working

full

> time asap) and trying some other jobs that I was equally unsuitable

for, my

> mom gave me a tip about one at lin Mint where I got to look

after all

> the returned plates and medals and stuff (that was a good job since

I was

> left to do it in peace). I took the job so much more seriously than

anyone

> else there, that when they fired 90% of he staff I was kept and got

promoted

> to secretary/receptionist (which was not as good a job since I

wasn't left

> alone).

>

> While working there I met my first long-term bf and helped him

arrange

> rock-concerts on weekends for which I made the posters, sold the

tickests,

> did the book-keeping etc, all without having a clue how you do it.

I just

> improvised as I went along and learned from my mistakes, and took

night

> courses in book-keeping and calligraphy after work. As always, I

was at

> first petrified and reluctant to do any of those things, but was

pushed and

> encouraged by my bf who would not have been able to get those bits

done

> without my help.

>

> Also took my driver's licence at 23 which was scary too, until I

got the

> hang of it. (Now I'm so relaxed that driving is like a meditation.)

>

> When lin Mint closed their Stockholm office altogether, I got

another

> secretary job that was so stressful that I got ill, so I quit that

after a

> year and a half and got another job that was OK but not overly

inspiring.

>

> At 25, I decided to become a color consultant and got special

training for

> that. The color bit was great fun as always, but having to work

with people

> was terrifying so I had to really force myself to ignore my

nervousness and

> just do it.

>

> Then I met a very odd (probably Aspie) antiques dealer whom I

married. He

> had just bought a bigger shop and with it came a smaller one that

he didn't

> know what to do with, so I bravely asked if I could open my own

shop there.

> I had always been interested in antiques and learned from him

> ( " frighteningly fast " ) how to conduct business, and really enjoyed

being my

> own boss (though I found the business part of it rather stressful

and would

> rather have had someone else take care of that bit). Unfortunately,

I

> couldn't stand being married for more than a couple of years, and a

year

> after I decided to leave the shop too.

>

> After that I wanted to use my color skills for interior decorating

instead.

> I had created my own color system that made gave me a huge

advantage despite

> lacking formal education as an interior decorator. If you exclude

the very

> stressful but unavoidable social contacts with various upper crust

people in

> Stockholm, this was probably the easiest job so far since color

matching and

> lighting design is something I could do in my sleep.

> But after only a couple of years of this, I got too allergic,

hypersensitive

> and non-verbal to work at all and had to be retired. :-(

>

> Now I'm rather annoyed with myself for wasting so much time on jobs

that

> anyone could do, instead of going for what I'm really good at and

enjoy. I'm

> still hoping that I will somehow be able to make use of my special

skills in

> the future. I'm only 44 and have so much I'd like to accomplish.

>

> maYa:

> > what's work training? I think there is something like living with

> guidance and also work training here, I'm not certain though if it's

> for high IQ individuals.

>

> I'm actually not too sure what it is as I've not had any myself.

But an

> Aspie girl in one of my Swedish forums goes to this type of work-

training.

> She is very intelligent. Though, unfortunately, they don't quite

understand

> her there, as this is not only for Aspies.

>

> What area is it you would like to work in?

>

> Inger

>