Re: Sometimes a cigar is just a stupid cigar WAS: Insert sinister music here.

[Guest guest]

Mmmmmmm I think I know what you mean - some compliments are genuine?

Hard thing is knowing the real compliments from the ones just trying

to get something back - remember easops fables with the crow who

didn't want to part with the cheese - but the fox used flatery -

telling the crow what a lovely singing voice she had and when she

started to sing she dropped the cheese and the fox got it. I think

the moral of the story was beware of false flattery - I suppose the

problem is telling what's real and what is not.

Confused as ever :-)

> >

> > I'd read part of a business book at the bookstore and it had

steps

> in how to talk to a client. I remember strangers that knew my dad's

> side of the family would tell me I was getting taller. I could have

> cared less. I guess it's one of those ego-friendly things to say.

>

[Guest guest]

Well, heaven only knows where the reply I tried to post went!

For me, the trick to identifying a geniune compliment from a false

one is to look at what the other person stands to gain by stroking

my ego.

Raven

> >

> > Why is it that so many are quick to assume that a comment is an

ego-

> > friendly thing said to attempt to flatter the person to whom the

> > comment is made?

> >

> > I can provide a number of instances where I have said something

> some

> > posters here would label " an ego friendly thing to say " when it

was

> a

> > sincere comment sometimes borne of surprise.

> >

> > Yes, I am the person who remarked to a business colleague upon

> meeting

> > him for the first time after a telephone exchanges as well as

> numerous

> > audio file exchanges while we were working on another musician's

> > recording project, " You sound much taller on the phone! "

> >

> > He burst out laughing and you know what? He *did* sound taller

on

> the

> > phone!

> >

> > You know what? Comments sometimes slip out that aren't ego

> friendly

> > and said with the intetion of engaging the recipient of the

comment

> > into any sort of conversation, meaningful or otherwise.

Sometimes

> a

> > cigar is just a stupid cigar.

> >

> > Raven

[Guest guest]

Sometimes people will give an insincere compliment, not to flatter or

fool, but as a means of finding something nice to say. Their

intentions are good ones.

> > >

> > > I'd read part of a business book at the bookstore and it had

> steps

> > in how to talk to a client. I remember strangers that knew my

dad's

> > side of the family would tell me I was getting taller. I could

have

> > cared less. I guess it's one of those ego-friendly things to say.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Mmmmmmmmm I think when someone geniunely likes you as a person they

do tend to compliment more - do you find this?

Also I notice (and it's taken me a lot of research to understand this

and I still don't fully) that if a man compliments a woman (often and

with other odd clues) that he is interested?

trying to overcome natural inclination of been clueless in some things

> > >

> > > Why is it that so many are quick to assume that a comment is an

> ego-

> > > friendly thing said to attempt to flatter the person to whom

the

> > > comment is made?

> > >

> > > I can provide a number of instances where I have said something

> > some

> > > posters here would label " an ego friendly thing to say " when it

> was

> > a

> > > sincere comment sometimes borne of surprise.

> > >

> > > Yes, I am the person who remarked to a business colleague upon

> > meeting

> > > him for the first time after a telephone exchanges as well as

> > numerous

> > > audio file exchanges while we were working on another

musician's

> > > recording project, " You sound much taller on the phone! "

> > >

> > > He burst out laughing and you know what? He *did* sound taller

> on

> > the

> > > phone!

> > >

> > > You know what? Comments sometimes slip out that aren't ego

> > friendly

> > > and said with the intetion of engaging the recipient of the

> comment

> > > into any sort of conversation, meaningful or otherwise.

> Sometimes

> > a

> > > cigar is just a stupid cigar.

> > >

> > > Raven

>

[Guest guest]

Mmmmmmmmm I think when someone geniunely likes you as a person they

do tend to compliment more - do you find this?

Also I notice (and it's taken me a lot of research to understand this

and I still don't fully) that if a man compliments a woman (often and

with other odd clues) that he is interested?

trying to overcome natural inclination of been clueless in some things

> > >

> > > Why is it that so many are quick to assume that a comment is an

> ego-

> > > friendly thing said to attempt to flatter the person to whom

the

> > > comment is made?

> > >

> > > I can provide a number of instances where I have said something

> > some

> > > posters here would label " an ego friendly thing to say " when it

> was

> > a

> > > sincere comment sometimes borne of surprise.

> > >

> > > Yes, I am the person who remarked to a business colleague upon

> > meeting

> > > him for the first time after a telephone exchanges as well as

> > numerous

> > > audio file exchanges while we were working on another

musician's

> > > recording project, " You sound much taller on the phone! "

> > >

> > > He burst out laughing and you know what? He *did* sound taller

> on

> > the

> > > phone!

> > >

> > > You know what? Comments sometimes slip out that aren't ego

> > friendly

> > > and said with the intetion of engaging the recipient of the

> comment

> > > into any sort of conversation, meaningful or otherwise.

> Sometimes

> > a

> > > cigar is just a stupid cigar.

> > >

> > > Raven

>

[Guest guest]

> : "..... but the fox used flattery - telling the crow what a lovely singing voice she had and when shestarted to sing she dropped the cheese and the fox got it."But, remember, the crow got that part in the musical and lived happily ever after, and the fox died of food poisoning!  Rainbow

[Guest guest]

Lol. Strangely I don't remember that ending :-)

It's like Jack was a theif and should have been prosecuted for breaking

into giants house and stealing the goose that laid golden eggs - or was

it a harp? I think there are some variations on that story.

>

> > : " ..... but the fox used flattery - telling the crow what a

> lovely singing voice she had and when she

> started to sing she dropped the cheese and the fox got it. "

>

> But, remember, the crow got that part in the musical and lived

> happily ever after, and the fox died of food poisoning!

>

> Rainbow

>

[Guest guest]

Raven:

> Why is it that so many are quick to assume that a comment is an

> ego-friendly thing said to attempt to flatter the person to whom the

> comment is made?

Because this usually IS...? ;-)

(I personally only give compliments if I really mean them. And I now find

myself associating mainly with others who do too.)

:

> Sometimes people will give an insincere compliment, not to flatter or

> fool, but as a means of finding something nice to say. Their intentions

> are good ones.

Good point. :-)

:

> Mmmmmmmmm I think when someone geniunely likes you as a person they do

> tend to compliment more - do you find this?

Hadn't thought of that but yes, very possible.

> Also I notice (and it's taken me a lot of research to understand this and

> I still don't fully) that if a man compliments a woman (often and with

> other odd clues) that he is interested?

No idea, but quite possible. I think their body language gives clues too. By

internet it is harder to tell.

I once got a compliment from someone by private mail and misinterpreted it

as a possible flirting attempt when it was probably just a spontaneous and

sincere compliment without hidden intentions.

Not easy to know the difference when one is not used to compliments without

strings attached. It would help if intentions were stated more clearly e.g.

" I am NOT trying to flirt or be inappropriate; just wanted to let you know

that I find you very attractive " so as to avoid misunderstandings.

Inger

[Guest guest]

I wrote;

" Also I notice (and it's taken me a lot of research to understand

this and I still don't fully) that if a man compliments a woman

(often and with other odd clues) that he is interested? "

Inger replied;

" No idea, but quite possible. I think their body language gives clues

too. By internet it is harder to tell. "

The situation I was thinking about is in RL and not over internet -

and I'm not fantastic at body language, but am picking bits up :-)

>

> Raven:

> > Why is it that so many are quick to assume that a comment is an

> > ego-friendly thing said to attempt to flatter the person to whom

the

> > comment is made?

>

> Because this usually IS...? ;-)

>

> (I personally only give compliments if I really mean them. And I

now find

> myself associating mainly with others who do too.)

>

> :

> > Sometimes people will give an insincere compliment, not to

flatter or

> > fool, but as a means of finding something nice to say. Their

intentions

> > are good ones.

>

> Good point. :-)

>

> :

> > Mmmmmmmmm I think when someone geniunely likes you as a person

they do

> > tend to compliment more - do you find this?

>

> Hadn't thought of that but yes, very possible.

>

> > Also I notice (and it's taken me a lot of research to understand

this and

> > I still don't fully) that if a man compliments a woman (often and

with

> > other odd clues) that he is interested?

>

> No idea, but quite possible. I think their body language gives

clues too. By

> internet it is harder to tell.

>

> I once got a compliment from someone by private mail and

misinterpreted it

> as a possible flirting attempt when it was probably just a

spontaneous and

> sincere compliment without hidden intentions.

>

> Not easy to know the difference when one is not used to compliments

without

> strings attached. It would help if intentions were stated more

clearly e.g.

> " I am NOT trying to flirt or be inappropriate; just wanted to let

you know

> that I find you very attractive " so as to avoid misunderstandings.

>

> Inger

>

[Guest guest]

I wrote;

" Also I notice (and it's taken me a lot of research to understand

this and I still don't fully) that if a man compliments a woman

(often and with other odd clues) that he is interested? "

Inger replied;

" No idea, but quite possible. I think their body language gives clues

too. By internet it is harder to tell. "

The situation I was thinking about is in RL and not over internet -

and I'm not fantastic at body language, but am picking bits up :-)

>

> Raven:

> > Why is it that so many are quick to assume that a comment is an

> > ego-friendly thing said to attempt to flatter the person to whom

the

> > comment is made?

>

> Because this usually IS...? ;-)

>

> (I personally only give compliments if I really mean them. And I

now find

> myself associating mainly with others who do too.)

>

> :

> > Sometimes people will give an insincere compliment, not to

flatter or

> > fool, but as a means of finding something nice to say. Their

intentions

> > are good ones.

>

> Good point. :-)

>

> :

> > Mmmmmmmmm I think when someone geniunely likes you as a person

they do

> > tend to compliment more - do you find this?

>

> Hadn't thought of that but yes, very possible.

>

> > Also I notice (and it's taken me a lot of research to understand

this and

> > I still don't fully) that if a man compliments a woman (often and

with

> > other odd clues) that he is interested?

>

> No idea, but quite possible. I think their body language gives

clues too. By

> internet it is harder to tell.

>

> I once got a compliment from someone by private mail and

misinterpreted it

> as a possible flirting attempt when it was probably just a

spontaneous and

> sincere compliment without hidden intentions.

>

> Not easy to know the difference when one is not used to compliments

without

> strings attached. It would help if intentions were stated more

clearly e.g.

> " I am NOT trying to flirt or be inappropriate; just wanted to let

you know

> that I find you very attractive " so as to avoid misunderstandings.

>

> Inger

>