Guest guest Posted January 27, 2006 Report Share Posted January 27, 2006 I was spanked at such a young age when I did anything wrong that it was an ingrained habit of mine never to make a public display of idiocy unlike some cousins I have who still make fools of themselves. greebohere <julie.stevenson16@...> wrote: And here I was thinking that parents took there kids to the supermarkets to smack them - must be a UK thing :-)> > In a message dated 1/26/2006 10:00:32 A.M. Eastern Standard Time, > mikecarrie01@y... writes:> Hearing the parent say in a tiny little sugary-sweet voice, "Don't > hit mommy, sweetie" makes me sick. Sometimes I say something to the > child, not caring what the parent's reaction is. Often the child > responds well because they really want an adult to be in charge > which makes them feel secure--they know they themselves shouldn't be > in charge!> > I wanted to slap a woman a few months ago in the grocery. Her little > daughter was a monster and the mother was actually referring to her > as "Ma'am", which is what the brat should have been calling her. The > kid was making a mess, especially with the piece of baloney she was > eating. She was actually getting more of it on the floor than in her > mouth and eventually dropped half the piece right in the checkout > aisle where an old woman almost slipped on it. > > I've seen a lot of this and heard about even more from my mother who > has to deal with that kind of parent all too often. > > > Autos. Looking for a sweet ride? Get pricing, reviews, more on new and used cars. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 27, 2006 Report Share Posted January 27, 2006 In a message dated 1/27/2006 10:15:25 A.M. Eastern Standard Time, mikecarrie01@... writes: Yeah, I'm sure the kid quickly learns that he can act up in public because nothing will happen. There is a lot of truth to this. My mother can tell which of the kids at schools have rules that are enforced at home and which don't by how the kids behave. She says that most of them will test you to see if you are serious, but if you prove that you are, most will shape up straight away. However, there are those that won't, probably because the parents aren't serious either. Even the kindergartners will pull this. The older these kids get, the worse they get too. Worst of all, a few kids know how to manipulate the system. Some of them knew that they could call the police and say they were beaten or molested and the teacher would be arrested and in a lot of trouble. Because of an incident where a kid actually threatened such openly, the teachers are no longer allowed to touch the kids at all, even to help them put on coats and such. The problem is that the sly children know the cards are stacked in their favor and will abuse it. Lots of them are wild and really carry on badly. All you have to do is look around the net to see videos of them doing things from fighting to defecating in public, to know that they think they can get away with anything. A lot of this I do put on the parents for being too soft and permissive on the one hand and being too brutal on the other. Some states are beginning to pass laws where the parent is held accountable along with their child for the child's crimes. Its not a perfect solution, but it is a step in the right direction. I think a lot of this could be undone though by no longer sealing juvenile records when they reach 18 or 21. If they knew that a police record was for life, then it would be a disincentive for many toward bad behavior. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 27, 2006 Report Share Posted January 27, 2006 My parents used to just beat me until I shut up. Now when I am upset, I just don't say anything. You might say it's been beaten into me to respond that way. Tom Administrator " There is another side to all this that we may not see though. " Well put Tom As a very small child i was spanked so hard that the bourses was still visible 1 week later. And the reason was i was having an uncontrollable / involuntary screaming FIT. john Re: Screaming kids > There is another side to all this that we may not see though. > > In the US, it is now " abusive " to yell, threaten, or spank your kid, > and so lots of times the discipline is saved until the kids get > home. > > I happen to think spanking is not a good idea, but I'm saying it's > more prevelant behind closed doors than most of us think, I'm sure. > > Tom > Administrator Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 27, 2006 Report Share Posted January 27, 2006 Yeah, I'm sure the kid quickly learns that he can act up in public because nothing will happen. > > In a message dated 1/26/2006 10:00:32 A.M. Eastern Standard Time, > mikecarrie01@y... writes: > Hearing the parent say in a tiny little sugary-sweet voice, " Don't > hit mommy, sweetie " makes me sick. Sometimes I say something to the > child, not caring what the parent's reaction is. Often the child > responds well because they really want an adult to be in charge > which makes them feel secure--they know they themselves shouldn't be > in charge! > > I wanted to slap a woman a few months ago in the grocery. Her little > daughter was a monster and the mother was actually referring to her > as " Ma'am " , which is what the brat should have been calling her. The > kid was making a mess, especially with the piece of baloney she was > eating. She was actually getting more of it on the floor than in her > mouth and eventually dropped half the piece right in the checkout > aisle where an old woman almost slipped on it. > > I've seen a lot of this and heard about even more from my mother who > has to deal with that kind of parent all too often. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 27, 2006 Report Share Posted January 27, 2006 Yeah, I'm sure the kid quickly learns that he can act up in public because nothing will happen. > > In a message dated 1/26/2006 10:00:32 A.M. Eastern Standard Time, > mikecarrie01@y... writes: > Hearing the parent say in a tiny little sugary-sweet voice, " Don't > hit mommy, sweetie " makes me sick. Sometimes I say something to the > child, not caring what the parent's reaction is. Often the child > responds well because they really want an adult to be in charge > which makes them feel secure--they know they themselves shouldn't be > in charge! > > I wanted to slap a woman a few months ago in the grocery. Her little > daughter was a monster and the mother was actually referring to her > as " Ma'am " , which is what the brat should have been calling her. The > kid was making a mess, especially with the piece of baloney she was > eating. She was actually getting more of it on the floor than in her > mouth and eventually dropped half the piece right in the checkout > aisle where an old woman almost slipped on it. > > I've seen a lot of this and heard about even more from my mother who > has to deal with that kind of parent all too often. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 27, 2006 Report Share Posted January 27, 2006 I think it depends on the child and what they're doing. Some children won't respond to one type of discipline, but they will to another. I think spanking might be necessary to really bring across a point to a small child. Like something they're doing that is really dangerous. If they're 2 and they run into the street you can't necessarily count on reasoning with them why they shouldn't do it. Spanking will bring home the point-DON'T DO IT! We know some people who have a child who's almost 2 who tried to smother her new baby sister because she's jealous of her. Reasoning or sitting her in time out probably won't be strong enough to impress upon her not to do it and they need to make sure she never tries it again, especially if a time comes when they're not watching her closely enough. > > > In a message dated 1/26/2006 5:40:10 P.M. Eastern Standard Time, > no_reply writes: > > There is another side to all this that we may not see though. > > In the US, it is now " abusive " to yell, threaten, or spank your kid, > and so lots of times the discipline is saved until the kids get > home. > > I happen to think spanking is not a good idea, but I'm saying it's > more prevelant behind closed doors than most of us think, I'm sure. > > Tom > Administrator > > > > You could be right. My folks would make me sit in the " naughty chair " when I > was bad. I think I only got spanked two or three times and that was only when > I did something really stupid. > > Some of my friends got spanked a lot but it didn't seem to have any real > effect on them. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 27, 2006 Report Share Posted January 27, 2006 Kids are really difficult to deal with these days. I wonder if they're picking up on the stress, negativity and problems in the 'air' of this world. > > > > > > In a message dated 1/26/2006 10:00:32 A.M. Eastern Standard Time, > > mikecarrie01@y... writes: > > > > Hearing the > > parent say in a tiny little sugary-sweet voice, " Don't hit mommy, > > sweetie " makes me sick. Sometimes I say something to the child, > not > > caring what the parent's reaction is. Often the child responds > well > > because they really want an adult to be in charge which makes them > > feel secure--they know they themselves shouldn't be in charge! > > > > > > > > I wanted to slap a woman a few months ago in the grocery. Her > little > > daughter was a monster and the mother was actually referring to her > as " Ma'am " , > > which is what the brat should have been calling her. The kid was > making a mess, > > especially with the piece of baloney she was eating. She was > actually getting > > more of it on the floor than in her mouth and eventually dropped > half the > > piece right in the checkout aisle where an old woman almost > slipped on it. > > > > I've seen a lot of this and heard about even more from my mother > who has to > > deal with that kind of parent all too often. > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 27, 2006 Report Share Posted January 27, 2006 That's terrible! > > " There is another side to all this that we may not see though. " > > Well put Tom > > As a very small child i was spanked so hard that the bourses was > still visible 1 week later. > > And the reason was i was having an uncontrollable / involuntary > screaming FIT. > > john > > Re: Screaming kids > > > > There is another side to all this that we may not see though. > > > > In the US, it is now " abusive " to yell, threaten, or spank your > kid, > > and so lots of times the discipline is saved until the kids get > > home. > > > > I happen to think spanking is not a good idea, but I'm saying it's > > more prevelant behind closed doors than most of us think, I'm sure. > > > > Tom > > Administrator > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 27, 2006 Report Share Posted January 27, 2006 It worked out for the best. I no longer get yelled at, and they no longer ask me why I am quiet all the time. Tom Administrator " There is another side to all this that we may not see though. " Well put Tom As a very small child i was spanked so hard that the bourses was still visible 1 week later. > > And the reason was i was having an uncontrollable / involuntary > screaming FIT. > > john > > Re: Screaming kids > > > > There is another side to all this that we may not see though. > > In the US, it is now " abusive " to yell, threaten, or spank your kid, and so lots of times the discipline is saved until the kids get home. > > I happen to think spanking is not a good idea, but I'm saying it's more prevelant behind closed doors than most of us think, I'm sure. > > > > Tom > > Administrator > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 27, 2006 Report Share Posted January 27, 2006 My Father used to beat my brother, so I would take the blame for things he did. I think when he got hit it hurt me more than it hurt my brother, I couldn't take it, was easier for me to handle the punishment, which for me ususally meant grounded to my room, (so what I liked to be alone), and no TV, (so what books are better anyway), sometimes I lost the use of my stereo, (that hurt, I would hide in music). No one ever thought to take my crocheting or knitting away, or my legos, or books or force me to play with my brother and his friends (those would have been true punishments). I don't hit Jerry I have only hit him twice in his life, once he was 18months old and ran out into the street, and then proceeded to run down the middle of the street as I ran after him yelling for him (one open palm smack to the bottom and he never did that again). The second time, he was about 2 1/2 I was tickling him, we were playing, and he bit my breast, drew blood, threw my shirt, and severly bruised me, I slapped his face hard, to get him off of me, and still feel guilty about it, even though it was a natural reation, and I was deffening my self, I still feel like a rotton mom. When I am angry with Jerry I either depending on how mad I am, If I am too angry with him I send him to his room until I am ready to deal with him, then we talk, about what he did wrong, why he did it and what his punishment should be, He is much harder on himself than I could ever be, and usually picks a punishment that really hurts him. If he is screaming or having a temper tantrum, at home I send him to his room until he is ready to act like a human being and talk to me, ie tell me what is wrong so we can deal with it. If we are in public I remove him from the situation, either we go to my car or home, until he calms down. He has only done this once in a store, he wanted to play with a toy before we paid for it, he was 3 1/2 and knew better than that, we pay for things first then they are ours and we can use them, until we pay for them they are the stores, and we have to wait. I pulled him out of the shopping cart, and told him we are leaving, we left the store got into the car, and while I was buckling his car seat he calmed down, and started crying, telling me mommy I promise I'll be good, lets go back. I told him no, he was wrong and now we would just have to deal with not having the things I was going to buy because I was not going back that day. He cried the whole way home, when we got home I sent him to his room for a nap. When he got up everything was fine, 1 day later he wanted the gold fish crackers I was going to buy, and I didn't have them, I told him I didn't buy them remember we left the store without buying anything. It really bothered him, and we have never had that problem since. I let him know what behavor is acceptable and what is not before we go into any stores and haven't had any problems since. Bethenvironmental1st2003 <no_reply > wrote: My parents used to just beat me until I shut up. Now when I am upset, I just don't say anything.You might say it's been beaten into me to respond that way.TomAdministrator"There is another side to all this that we may not see though."Well put TomAs a very small child i was spanked so hard that the bourses was still visible 1 week later. And the reason was i was having an uncontrollable / involuntary screaming FIT.john Re: Screaming kids> There is another side to all this that we may not see though.>> In the US, it is now "abusive" to yell, threaten, or spank your kid,> and so lots of times the discipline is saved until the kids get> home.>> I happen to think spanking is not a good idea, but I'm saying it's> more prevelant behind closed doors than most of us think, I'm sure.>> Tom> Administrator Autos. Looking for a sweet ride? Get pricing, reviews, more on new and used cars. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 28, 2006 Report Share Posted January 28, 2006 Well a slightly different perscpective here. I have very little trouble with my son - he behaves for me and when he is with me. However numerous schools have had less success - a lot of this lack of success has been down to them not listening to me. They have thought they knew how to handle him, whilst knowing nothing about autism and things went bad indeed - as did my son's behaviour at school - which at one point had a knock on affect of him mis behaving at home. I personally had to undo the damage the school had done - the latest school seems a lot better, but unfortunately they are dealing with years of mishandling at the hands of other schools :-( So just pointing out it is not always the parents - maybe in some cases it is though. > > > In a message dated 1/27/2006 10:15:25 A.M. Eastern Standard Time, > mikecarrie01@y... writes: > > Yeah, I'm sure the kid quickly learns that he can act up in public > because nothing will happen. > > > > There is a lot of truth to this. My mother can tell which of the kids at > schools have rules that are enforced at home and which don't by how the kids > behave. She says that most of them will test you to see if you are serious, but > if you prove that you are, most will shape up straight away. However, there > are those that won't, probably because the parents aren't serious either. Even > the kindergartners will pull this. The older these kids get, the worse they > get too. > > Worst of all, a few kids know how to manipulate the system. Some of them > knew that they could call the police and say they were beaten or molested and > the teacher would be arrested and in a lot of trouble. Because of an incident > where a kid actually threatened such openly, the teachers are no longer > allowed to touch the kids at all, even to help them put on coats and such. > > The problem is that the sly children know the cards are stacked in their > favor and will abuse it. Lots of them are wild and really carry on badly. All > you have to do is look around the net to see videos of them doing things from > fighting to defecating in public, to know that they think they can get away > with anything. > > A lot of this I do put on the parents for being too soft and permissive on > the one hand and being too brutal on the other. Some states are beginning to > pass laws where the parent is held accountable along with their child for the > child's crimes. Its not a perfect solution, but it is a step in the right > direction. I think a lot of this could be undone though by no longer sealing > juvenile records when they reach 18 or 21. If they knew that a police record was > for life, then it would be a disincentive for many toward bad behavior. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 28, 2006 Report Share Posted January 28, 2006 I have in the past smacked my son - and on the whole regret it. I find much better ways of punishment now. I always explain the consequences of his actions too. I have learnt there is a difference between a meltdown and a tantrum too - it seems a meltdown on the whole is harder to control (near to impossible - I know that from my own), whereas a tantrum is something purposely done for attention seeking/getting ones way and I have observed with my son he can control tantrums. One such tantrum he threw was at Skipton castle the last time I took him - he had been doing well most of the day and at first I thought it might have been a meltdown - but I soon learnt that it was not. I had taken my camera and with my son being so good I kind of forgot how his behaviour can go if not 100% focused on him. I was taking a photo inside the castle and when I had taken it I realised my son had scaled the walls - very dangerous and so I told him off - I explained the dangers too; but because I had told him off he went off on one. His tantrum continued until we got to the gift shop where I said I would buy a drink for us to share - as soon as he got into gift shop tantrum stopped. He then wanted me to buy something - methinks not - I told him because of his behaviour I wasn't going to buy him something - well tantrum starts up again. I sends him to wait in the shop doorway - where tantrum continues. There were not many people around - only my friend and her children (who are autistic) and shopkeeper. I was dreading re-action of shop keeper - I have had some in past give him sweets against my wishes and others say things like 'Awwwwwww poor lad, let him have (whatever it is he wants)' I hate people defying my authority with my son and undermining it too. Anyways I was pleasantly surprised by this shopkeeper who said she was impressed with my handling of the situation and that many parents give in. Oh I thinks voice of reason at last - shame there are not more around like that. Who happens to believe you did right thing sticking to your guns with the toy :-) children learn much better if you don't always give into them and learn the rules of this world and the consequences. > > My Father used to beat my brother, so I would take the blame for things he did. I think when he got hit it hurt me more than it hurt my brother, I couldn't take it, was easier for me to handle the punishment, which for me ususally meant grounded to my room, (so what I liked to be alone), and no TV, (so what books are better anyway), sometimes I lost the use of my stereo, (that hurt, I would hide in music). No one ever thought to take my crocheting or knitting away, or my legos, or books or force me to play with my brother and his friends (those would have been true punishments). > > I don't hit Jerry I have only hit him twice in his life, once he was 18months old and ran out into the street, and then proceeded to run down the middle of the street as I ran after him yelling for him (one open palm smack to the bottom and he never did that again). The second time, he was about 2 1/2 I was tickling him, we were playing, and he bit my breast, drew blood, threw my shirt, and severly bruised me, I slapped his face hard, to get him off of me, and still feel guilty about it, even though it was a natural reation, and I was deffening my self, I still feel like a rotton mom. When I am angry with Jerry I either depending on how mad I am, If I am too angry with him I send him to his room until I am ready to deal with him, then we talk, about what he did wrong, why he did it and what his punishment should be, He is much harder on himself than I could ever be, and usually picks a punishment that really hurts him. > > If he is screaming or having a temper tantrum, at home I send him to his room until he is ready to act like a human being and talk to me, ie tell me what is wrong so we can deal with it. If we are in public I remove him from the situation, either we go to my car or home, until he calms down. He has only done this once in a store, he wanted to play with a toy before we paid for it, he was 3 1/2 and knew better than that, we pay for things first then they are ours and we can use them, until we pay for them they are the stores, and we have to wait. I pulled him out of the shopping cart, and told him we are leaving, we left the store got into the car, and while I was buckling his car seat he calmed down, and started crying, telling me mommy I promise I'll be good, lets go back. I told him no, he was wrong and now we would just have to deal with not having the things I was going to buy because I was not going back that day. He cried the whole way home, when we got home I sent him > to his room for a nap. When he got up everything was fine, 1 day later he wanted the gold fish crackers I was going to buy, and I didn't have them, I told him I didn't buy them remember we left the store without buying anything. It really bothered him, and we have never had that problem since. > > I let him know what behavor is acceptable and what is not before we go into any stores and haven't had any problems since. > > Beth Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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