Re: subtler features of AS

[Guest guest]

I like that show, Inger. Trading places is just what these people

who are extreme in one way or another need. And they are better and

happier for it as are their families. It would be a good idea to use

Aspies and NTs.

> >

> > WFTW... The point that most NT's don't understand is that Aspies

or

> > forced to live in what is to them an alien world ALL the time

> > 24/7/365 and have done that for most of their lives... If NT's

were

> > forced to live in a world were Aspies were the dominate group

them

> > would understand better...

> >

> > To fit in at all is a strain and it builds up over time... I know

> > that to most people I'm a bit odd so I will generally accept the

> > majority view and let what I consider attacks, abuses, etc slide

> > (They don't understand my view and they didn't mean it the way I

> took

> > it) but there are times when people try to play games and

> > intentionally pick on my generally subtle oddness and I don't

react

> > well to the... to be lied to when the facts clearly show the an

> > assertion to be false upsets me...

> >

> > I'm not big on touching people or them touching me but there are

> > people that have a (in my view) sick need to grope each and

slobber

> > on them (hug and kiss) I will tolerate an quick arm around and

> > reciprocate but I refuse to 'lick' them and will pull away if

they

> > try to 'lick' me.

> >

> > Some people want to perform religious rituals before meals or at

> the

> > start of some social functions... I bow my head slightly and sit

or

> > stand quitely while they do their thing... Sometime I get

> questioned

> > about it and I tell them that I respect that they believe in the

> > ritual and their right to do (if they are obnoxious about it I

may

> > add that I have the right not to believe and/or do it and point

out

> > that I didn't question them about why they felt the need to do

what

> > they did in the first place... I find that makes them huffy and

> they

> > quickly go away, I don't do it often)

> >

> > It is really all about everyone having some level of tolerance

for

> > everyone else and try to look at things from the other guys point

> of view...

> >

> > Ender

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I love that !

>

> > " Anyone else have to overtly learn rituals? "

> >

> > I don't think I have learnt them yet. I suppose I've mastered

> > that 'how are you' is meant to be answered by 'I'm fine and you'

>

> Yes... The " Hi how are you " and " Fine " conversation is simply the

> greeting. I distilled this down to the following: The two

speakers are

> mearly acknowledging each other's presence. The actual words used

are

> immaterial and both parties know it but this acknowledging each

other's

> existence is essential. You could almost replace it with " The

garbage

> can is out back " and " My new fish tank arrived yesterday. " The

greeting

> is a dance like a waltz. The two partners have very predefined

steps

> which cannot be varied and still be considered a waltz. It's not

legal

> to change the words in the greeting ritual, but sometimes I'd like

to

> try and see if anyone would notice. ;-)

>

> and the zoo.

>

[Guest guest]

When I respond to the 'How are you?' with 'Fine, how are you?' and

they say 'Great' or 'Fine' and they seem to mean it, I say, 'That's

good' and they're kind of taken aback. If I notice they don't mean it

I say, 'You don't sound too good' and they are so surprised and often

tell me their problems. Sometimes I notice that they are desperate

for someone to talk to, but no one cares so they jump on me like I

was their life raft.

Maybe that's how we become people that others talk to.

>

> > " Anyone else have to overtly learn rituals? "

> >

> > I don't think I have learnt them yet. I suppose I've mastered

> > that 'how are you' is meant to be answered by 'I'm fine and you'

>

> Yes... The " Hi how are you " and " Fine " conversation is simply the

> greeting. I distilled this down to the following: The two speakers

are

> mearly acknowledging each other's presence. The actual words used

are

> immaterial and both parties know it but this acknowledging each

> other's existence is essential. You could almost replace it

with " The

> garbage can is out back " and " My new fish tank arrived yesterday. "

> The greeting is a dance like a waltz. The two partners have very

> predefined steps which cannot be varied and still be considered a

> waltz. It's not legal to change the words in the greeting ritual,

but

> sometimes I'd like to try and see if anyone would notice. ;-)

>

> and the zoo.

>

[Guest guest]

Trying to see the other guys point of view, in my opinion is were

tolerance and fairness start if everyone took a moment to think about

how their actions will effect the next guy and that the next isn't

exactly like you the world would be a nice place to live...

Unfortunately most people assume the every has the same

likes/dislikes, needs/wants/desires, and sees the world in exactly

the same view of the world... people that have an alternate view, I

think, are more likely to develop that understanding than people that

share a common view... aspies have to do it in order to survive, NT's don't...

Ender

At 09:59 AM 10/28/2005, you wrote:

>I like that show, Inger. Trading places is just what these people

>who are extreme in one way or another need. And they are better and

>happier for it as are their families. It would be a good idea to use

>Aspies and NTs.

>

>

> > >

> > > WFTW... The point that most NT's don't understand is that Aspies

>or

> > > forced to live in what is to them an alien world ALL the time

> > > 24/7/365 and have done that for most of their lives... If NT's

>were

> > > forced to live in a world were Aspies were the dominate group

>them

> > > would understand better...

> > >

> > > To fit in at all is a strain and it builds up over time... I know

> > > that to most people I'm a bit odd so I will generally accept the

> > > majority view and let what I consider attacks, abuses, etc slide

> > > (They don't understand my view and they didn't mean it the way I

> > took

> > > it) but there are times when people try to play games and

> > > intentionally pick on my generally subtle oddness and I don't

>react

> > > well to the... to be lied to when the facts clearly show the an

> > > assertion to be false upsets me...

> > >

> > > I'm not big on touching people or them touching me but there are

> > > people that have a (in my view) sick need to grope each and

>slobber

> > > on them (hug and kiss) I will tolerate an quick arm around and

> > > reciprocate but I refuse to 'lick' them and will pull away if

>they

> > > try to 'lick' me.

> > >

> > > Some people want to perform religious rituals before meals or at

> > the

> > > start of some social functions... I bow my head slightly and sit

>or

> > > stand quitely while they do their thing... Sometime I get

> > questioned

> > > about it and I tell them that I respect that they believe in the

> > > ritual and their right to do (if they are obnoxious about it I

>may

> > > add that I have the right not to believe and/or do it and point

>out

> > > that I didn't question them about why they felt the need to do

>what

> > > they did in the first place... I find that makes them huffy and

> > they

> > > quickly go away, I don't do it often)

> > >

> > > It is really all about everyone having some level of tolerance

>for

> > > everyone else and try to look at things from the other guys point

> > of view...

> > >

> > > Ender

> > >

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

>FAM Secret Society is a community based on respect, friendship,

>support and acceptance. Everyone is valued.

>

>Don't forget, there are links to other FAM sites on the Links page

>in the folder marked " Other FAM Sites. "

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Sometimes I do change the words. Sometimes when I am having a bad day I will say "I'm hanging in there" (Probably the least negative way I could word it and still be some what honest. This seems to be an acceptable response to most people except for those truly annoying people who think you should smile and act happy all the time even when you are having a really bad day. Well actually sometimes I can't really tell if someone takes what I say the wrong way, but thats not always such a bad thing.I think lots of people don't even listen to your response. The following exchange often takes place where I work.Co-worker: How are you doing?me: HelloCo-worker: [presuming that I said fine, how are you doing] fineIlah> > > "Anyone else have to overtly learn rituals?"> >> > I don't think I have learnt them yet. I suppose I've mastered> > that 'how are you' is meant to be answered by 'I'm fine and you'> > Yes... The "Hi how are you" and "Fine" conversation is simply the > greeting. I distilled this down to the following: The two speakers are > mearly acknowledging each other's presence. The actual words used are > immaterial and both parties know it but this acknowledging each other's > existence is essential. You could almost replace it with "The garbage > can is out back" and "My new fish tank arrived yesterday." The greeting > is a dance like a waltz. The two partners have very predefined steps > which cannot be varied and still be considered a waltz. It's not legal > to change the words in the greeting ritual, but sometimes I'd like to > try and see if anyone would notice. ;-)> > and the zoo.>

[Guest guest]

Ilah,

I have had similar exchanges. If I don't want to tell a coworker that

I am feeling lousy, I will simply answer with " hello. " And they will

respond with " Fine " as if I had said " I'm fine, how are you? "

Tom

I think lots of people don't even listen to your response. The

following exchange often takes place where I work.

Co-worker: How are you doing?

me: Hello

Co-worker: [presuming that I said fine, how are you doing] fine

Ilah