Cease fire advice...

[Guest guest]

Hello all! Wow-talk about your coincidences. I am right now involved in taking a Parent Advocacy Course funded by a PTIC (Parent Training and Information Center) grant through my local Parent to Parent of New York State Office and this is a big topic of discussion. I am referring to how hard it is to get services for our children through our local schools!

Even in our little corner-very rural area-of NYS, there are increasing numbers of kids being diagnosed on the spectrum every year. And our schools are overburdened, underfunded, and they employ a large ratio of "old school" professionals, not to mention that their "gatekeepers"-the people responsible for keeping their special ed numbers in check-are VERY good at their jobs! It all adds up to a very frustrating process for parents. The common theme that we keep coming back to at our meetings is "Why does this have to be so hard????"

We are doing some serious brainstorming about how to educate the professionals-CSE chair people, principals, etc.- about what this process does to families who are struggling. I think the problem lies in everyone viewing things through their own perceptions and never stepping out of their comfort zone to see things from the other side of the fence. Parents are emotionally vested in their child's education and performance. When my son struggles in school I end up with a stomach ache and the jitters thinking about myself being called to go in and talk to teachers and the principal because I know that there's a problem but I can't fix it alone and they don't seem to want to listen to me-or any of the experts I've brought to the school either. I know this sounds familiar to every parent of every special needs child on this list!

The only advice I can offer is to educate yourselves! Learn all you can about the inner workings of YOUR OWN School district! Learn all you can about Special Ed law. There are PTICs set up in EVERY STATE! check your state department of ed website-they should be listed there. Once you know all you can-ask for what you want, but ask NICELY! Put everything in writing and cc it to everyone that needs to see it (I am even including my board of education at this point so that they won't be surprised if I end up filing due process). DO NOT ARGUE WITH SCHOOL PERSONNEL!!!!!!! Document disagreement with their opinions, etc in a nicely worded letter, but do not reduce yourself to arguing with them in person! You need to prove-with a paper trail-that you have tried everything you can to work with the school. And this is my Mom's advice "you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar".

And as far as the sniping on the list goes...not really my place to say anything, but....

I don't think Amy intended to insult Debs at first, I think this is just another case of those differing viewpoints. Maybe you both should step out of your comfort zone and view things from another perspective for a minute. Yes Amy, Debs IS having to fight for her child, and yes Debs, Amy works in a district that does a good job of providing necessary services. Both scenarios exist in the real world. Bottom line, while lots of people have similar experiences, my reality is not your reality and my demons are not your demons. The name of the game is respect- respect each others realities please!

a