New to group. Hi. :)

[Guest guest]

My son, Kelton, has not yet been diagnosed with autism, but both his

father and I are convinced that he hasn't been given this diagnoses

because his evaluators didn't want to " label " him. Instead, they

told us he had " Global Developmental Delays, " loaded us with a ton

of literature on autism, enrolled him in a fall program for autistic

children, and have us currently sending him to " Camp Autism. " Pretty

silly for them to not just come out and say it.

Right now, I'm still trying to wrap my head around this. Mostly, I'm

overwhelmed. It's been one of those things... there was just that

hint of something wrong all along, but " babies reach their

milestones at different times, " and " some babies are just late

bloomers. " We kept holding out for him to catch up. I read up on

autism and other developmental delays, and pretty much immediately

ruled out autism, based on the criteria for lack of affection.

Kelton couldn't be any more cuddly and sweet. However, when he was 2

1/2 and still lagged behind in speech, my husband and I took him to

be evaluated, and we were told that some autistic children were,

indeed, affectionate. I was surprised.

Though we haven't been given that official diagnosis, I'm pretty

sure he fits somewhere on the spectrum, and I have been consumed

with learning about autism. I've ordered DVD's from ebay, bought two

books on the GFCF diet, changed his pediatrician to someone noted

for working with special needs children, and find myself watching

Kelton

closely all the time--wondering what he's thinking, wondering how to

get through to him, wondering what the world is like through his

eyes. I'm fascinated... and scared. I feel like I should be putting

every second of every minute of every hour of every day of every

week into helping him. I also know that's unrealistic. Still, I'm

having a hard time getting past the guilt. Any advice? It's hard for

me to accept that this is a no fault situation. I'm constantly

playing the " what if " game with myself. My former therapist would

ask, " Is that helpful? " Well, no, but I can't seem to make the voice

go away.

I'm also having some trouble accepting that Kelton may well never

be " normal, " despite therapies and dietary interventions. When I was

pregnant, and when he was an infant, I would spend countless nights

laying in bed for hours wondering what my

little boy would be like when he was older. I wondered if he'd be

bookish, like his daddy, and shy, like myself. Or maybe he'd be loud

and energetic, like his older half sister.... Of course, this was

assuming he was and would be just like any other little boy. 3 years

later, conversing with him goes something like, " What'd you do at

camp today? " " Pay (play) waer (water) " Then, I hate the thought of

him being teased by other children. It pierces my heart to think

he may be treated differently, or worse, ostracized by family and

peers. I love him to the ends of this Earth, and any thoughts of him

having a hard life break my heart. I want him to flourish in the

world, yet, I want to hold him close and protect him.

The bottom line is, is that I love him more than anything, and no

matter what *I* will always accept him and cherish him, just the way

he is. I only want to do everything I can to give him the best life

possible. I worry I just may lose myself in the process.

I'm curious to know how others coped with learning that their child

(ren)

had autism.

Thanks for reading. Sorry for it being so long. This is the only

time I've really " talked " to anyone about it besided my husband.

--

[Guest guest]

, Your guilty feelings are normal but rest assured you did not "cause" your childs autism. I know its hard when as a parent you want to make everything better for your child but just cant guilty feelings naturally arise. Let yourself feel all the emotions you have. It is a grieving process that you go through...You literally mourn the child you believed you were going to have. I did... But once I got past that I read all I could. Especially education law. Thats a big one. Get educated on that. You will need it in the future. Good Luck to you!!!! in Lancaster, Caandrearoslyn <andrearoslyn@...> wrote: My son, Kelton, has not yet been diagnosed with autism, but both his father and I are convinced that he hasn't been given this diagnoses because his evaluators didn't want to "label" him. Instead, they told us he had "Global Developmental Delays," loaded us with a ton of literature on autism, enrolled him in a fall program for autistic children, and have us currently sending him to "Camp Autism." Pretty silly for them to not just come out and say it. Right now, I'm still trying to wrap my head around this. Mostly, I'm overwhelmed. It's been one of those things... there was just that hint of something wrong all along, but "babies reach their milestones at different times," and "some babies are just late bloomers." We kept holding out for him to catch up. I read up on autism and other

developmental delays, and pretty much immediately ruled out autism, based on the criteria for lack of affection. Kelton couldn't be any more cuddly and sweet. However, when he was 2 1/2 and still lagged behind in speech, my husband and I took him to be evaluated, and we were told that some autistic children were, indeed, affectionate. I was surprised. Though we haven't been given that official diagnosis, I'm pretty sure he fits somewhere on the spectrum, and I have been consumed with learning about autism. I've ordered DVD's from ebay, bought two books on the GFCF diet, changed his pediatrician to someone noted for working with special needs children, and find myself watching Kelton closely all the time--wondering what he's thinking, wondering how to get through to him, wondering what the world is like through his eyes. I'm fascinated... and scared. I feel like I should be putting every second of every

minute of every hour of every day of every week into helping him. I also know that's unrealistic. Still, I'm having a hard time getting past the guilt. Any advice? It's hard for me to accept that this is a no fault situation. I'm constantly playing the "what if" game with myself. My former therapist would ask, "Is that helpful?" Well, no, but I can't seem to make the voice go away. :(I'm also having some trouble accepting that Kelton may well never be "normal," despite therapies and dietary interventions. When I was pregnant, and when he was an infant, I would spend countless nights laying in bed for hours wondering what my little boy would be like when he was older. I wondered if he'd be bookish, like his daddy, and shy, like myself. Or maybe he'd be loud and energetic, like his older half sister.... Of course, this was assuming he was and would be just like any other little boy. 3 years later, conversing

with him goes something like, "What'd you do at camp today?" "Pay (play) waer (water)" Then, I hate the thought of him being teased by other children. It pierces my heart to think he may be treated differently, or worse, ostracized by family and peers. I love him to the ends of this Earth, and any thoughts of him having a hard life break my heart. I want him to flourish in the world, yet, I want to hold him close and protect him. The bottom line is, is that I love him more than anything, and no matter what *I* will always accept him and cherish him, just the way he is. I only want to do everything I can to give him the best life possible. I worry I just may lose myself in the process.I'm curious to know how others coped with learning that their child(ren) had autism. Thanks for reading. Sorry for it being so long. This is the only time I've really "talked" to anyone about it besided my husband.

-- __________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

, I can VERY much relate to what you are saying. In fact, I had forgotten that when my dd (now 13) was 6 or 7 and went in for her first eval, the term "Global developmental delays" was used in reference to her also. She was not correctly diagosed OR treated until she was 12.5 yrs old so I guess I would say that at least in your case, the doctors are "treating" Kelton as necessary to help him even if they do not want to "officially" label him. I can relate to the official labeling thing as I used to pay medical claims for a large insurance company and they will use anything they can to call something a prex condition etc so they can not pay. ALSO, my dd had "pediatric asthma", and they did not want to label it asthma even though they treated it and I did not understand why at the time because I have asthma myself but then she outgrew it and has not had any symptoms since younger than 6 yrs old so ....... Sorry this is so long

but the part of your post that really hit me was when you talked of "losing yourself in the process". For a long time, I thought I did lose myself but then I realized one day that I have not, I have simply burned off all the unecessary excess and found out who I really am and what I am truly capable of. It is never easy but ALL children are a gift and a blessing and I truly believe that God has a plan and a reason for everything. Maybe our "special" gifts are here to make us realize how truly blessed we are where it really counts and what is truly important in life and to share that with others as well. Everything you are saying and feeling sounds very normal in the situation. I think of acceptance as something very like the greiving process, you cycle and go from one feeling to a very different one but eventually you end up where you need to be. Just give it time and enjoy your little miracle. He sounds like a wonderful little

guy! We are here and have "been there", this group has been a lifesaver for me, I hope it can be for you as well. WELCOME!!! God Bless! DeeDee mom of Aslynne 15 nt, Elissa 13 AS, ADHD, ODD, mood disorder nos Tynan 6 nt and three future stepkids under 8!!!! andrearoslyn <andrearoslyn@...> wrote: My son, Kelton, has not yet been diagnosed with autism, but both his father and I are convinced that he

hasn't been given this diagnoses because his evaluators didn't want to "label" him. Instead, they told us he had "Global Developmental Delays," loaded us with a ton of literature on autism, enrolled him in a fall program for autistic children, and have us currently sending him to "Camp Autism." Pretty silly for them to not just come out and say it. Right now, I'm still trying to wrap my head around this. Mostly, I'm overwhelmed. It's been one of those things... there was just that hint of something wrong all along, but "babies reach their milestones at different times," and "some babies are just late bloomers." We kept holding out for him to catch up. I read up on autism and other developmental delays, and pretty much immediately ruled out autism, based on the criteria for lack of affection. Kelton couldn't be any more cuddly and sweet. However, when he was 2 1/2 and still lagged behind in speech, my husband and I

took him to be evaluated, and we were told that some autistic children were, indeed, affectionate. I was surprised. Though we haven't been given that official diagnosis, I'm pretty sure he fits somewhere on the spectrum, and I have been consumed with learning about autism. I've ordered DVD's from ebay, bought two books on the GFCF diet, changed his pediatrician to someone noted for working with special needs children, and find myself watching Kelton closely all the time--wondering what he's thinking, wondering how to get through to him, wondering what the world is like through his eyes. I'm fascinated... and scared. I feel like I should be putting every second of every minute of every hour of every day of every week into helping him. I also know that's unrealistic. Still, I'm having a hard time getting past the guilt. Any advice? It's hard for me to accept that this is a no fault situation. I'm constantly

playing the "what if" game with myself. My former therapist would ask, "Is that helpful?" Well, no, but I can't seem to make the voice go away. :(I'm also having some trouble accepting that Kelton may well never be "normal," despite therapies and dietary interventions. When I was pregnant, and when he was an infant, I would spend countless nights laying in bed for hours wondering what my little boy would be like when he was older. I wondered if he'd be bookish, like his daddy, and shy, like myself. Or maybe he'd be loud and energetic, like his older half sister.... Of course, this was assuming he was and would be just like any other little boy. 3 years later, conversing with him goes something like, "What'd you do at camp today?" "Pay (play) waer (water)" Then, I hate the thought of him being teased by other children. It pierces my heart to think he may be treated differently, or worse, ostracized by family

and peers. I love him to the ends of this Earth, and any thoughts of him having a hard life break my heart. I want him to flourish in the world, yet, I want to hold him close and protect him. The bottom line is, is that I love him more than anything, and no matter what *I* will always accept him and cherish him, just the way he is. I only want to do everything I can to give him the best life possible. I worry I just may lose myself in the process.I'm curious to know how others coped with learning that their child(ren) had autism. Thanks for reading. Sorry for it being so long. This is the only time I've really "talked" to anyone about it besided my husband. --

Sneak preview the all-new .com. It's not radically different. Just radically better.

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

>>Though we haven't been given that official diagnosis, I'm pretty

sure he fits somewhere on the spectrum, and I have been consumed

with learning about autism. I've ordered DVD's from ebay, bought two

books on the GFCF diet, changed his pediatrician to someone noted

for working with special needs children, and find myself watching

Kelton

closely all the time--wondering what he's thinking, wondering how to

get through to him, wondering what the world is like through his

eyes. I'm fascinated... and scared. I feel like I should be putting

every second of every minute of every hour of every day of every

week into helping him. I also know that's unrealistic. Still, I'm

having a hard time getting past the guilt. Any advice? It's hard for

me to accept that this is a no fault situation. I'm constantly

playing the " what if " game with myself. My former therapist would

ask, " Is that helpful? " Well, no, but I can't seem to make the voice

go away. <<

Try reading this:

http://www.our-kids.org/Archives/Holland.html

and then back off a bit from finding out everything you can - you can

overload yourself with information. Take it slowly and steadily.

in England

[Guest guest]

Hi, -

Thanks for all the stuff you shared. I think I missed how old

Kelton is. My son Jonah is 5 and recently diagnosed with Aspergers.

Well, diagnosed by the local preschool screening agency/Children's

Hospital, but the psychologist I saw through his insurance is

holding off with the diagnosis.

I took him for evaluation because he just seemed to be on a

different track sometimes - I never expected a diagnosis. What I

was getting at, is my initial shock sounded a lot like yours. And

like you, I suddenly realized that my son hadn't changed at all,

only some information that I had about him had changed.

The great thing has been that in the past couple of months, since

this started, just the awareness of what his areas of struggle are

and working with him more patiently, has made all of us calmer and

happier. I am so glad for this online group.

I am rambling now (I haven't been able to sleep right for 2 days,

for mostly other reasons, and I am barely coherent), but I wanted to

say I identify with you, and to encourage you! God bless,

barb

[Guest guest]

> Try reading this:

>

> http://www.our-kids.org/Archives/Holland.html

>

> and then back off a bit from finding out everything you can - you

can

> overload yourself with information. Take it slowly and steadily.

>

> in England

Thank you for the link, . What a great read with a good point.

I very much hope I didn't come off as somebody having a pity trip

for myself. I understand how that may have looked like a big, " Poor

me, " but I didn't mean it to be. I in no way plan to mourn this for

the rest of my life. I think, for me, for 2 1/2 years, I thought I

*was* in Italy. It looked a lot like Italy, and felt a lot like

Italy, for the most part. Then one day I went to see a bunch of

people, and they all told me I was actually in Holland! Imagine

that. It's an adjustment, and I will adjust--but I also would really

like to get to know some of the people in Holland. I am just barely

begining to learn the language, and still haven't figured out how to

translate the majority of it. I think I can read all the books and

watch all the videos in the world, but until I live through it, I'm

still very ignorant.

I *love* Holland, Holland being a metaphor for my son. You

betcha not a day goes by that I don't see all the amazing things he

has to offer. I think he's incredible. It is true that I am sad, but

it's not becuase I didn't get to Italy--it's because *he* will never

get to Italy, and I'm worried that those who have been there will

treat him differently for his not having been there, and that he

will endure pain because of this. I already see family members

tiptoe around him, and though he isn't aware of it now, he will be,

someday--and that's hard to swallow.

Now I'm in Holland, will Holland have me?

~~

[Guest guest]

First of all, welcome to our world. We are glad you are here and we are all here to help one another. I hope some of my story helps out! My son is one of the most affectionate children I have ever seen ... in fact, he gets over affectionate at times and will go up to a complete stranger and give them hugs! Some people like it, others get annoyed. But, that's just my little one for you. has Asperger's, and he is 8 years old now. He wasn't "officially diagnosed" until he was 6 years old. My son didn't walk until he was 14 months and that was quite a delay to me, but I thought he was just a late bloomer and so did the doctor. I questioned a lot of things when he was so young, but little did I know!!! The way we found out about it, was when some woman at a Mexican restaurant saw my son putting a car on the wall and rolling it on a road that no

one else could see. She apparently had an Autistic son, and she asked me if my son was Autistic. At the time, I was taken aback by the statement and quipped No, I don't think so. If only she knew ... I thank her for asking me that day, because right after that, 2 other people asked me the same question. That's when we decided should be evaluated. Sure enough, he's on the spectrum! But, he's such a bright, and wonderful child and I wouldn't change him for the world. At first, it was hard to accept that my son was "different" and that he was "in his own world" and doing his own things at times, and that he wouldn't necessarily be "normal". But, the more he grows and the more I look at how he is, the more "normal" I see him. I still have hopes and dreams for him and I still want what's best for him and I will always love and encourage him, no matter what. I've been told

that lots of children with Autism have "no common sense" especially the Asperger's ones. I don't know how true that is, but in my case, with my son ... I can tell him to look both ways before he crosses the street, but he won't do it. However, IF I get lost and can't find my way home, HE can tell me where to go and get me home. It's happened so many times! These children are AMAZING! Your son will be his own special person. Love him, grow with him, and enjoy him, no matter what anyone else says. As a parent, be the best advocate you can be for him. I wish I had known sooner that was on the spectrum. Trust me, we ALL go through the guilt phase. What if I had done this, could I have caused this by doing this? In my case, I thought ti was having a C section that did it!! Turns out I have an Uncle on my side of the family that was on the

spectrum, and no one told me about it. Do your family history, but most of all, do your research and find out what you CAN DO to help your son. It's great that you're starting now. And, finally, NEVER BEAT YOURSELF UP over how your son turned out. He will be an awesome person, even if he never is quite "normal." You know, they are more normal than us at times!! My son did get bullied at school last year and he wasn't sure how to take it. At one point, he just gave the boy a hug. has to have deep pressure to give hugs. Too light of a touch and it causes pain (sensory integration disorder, which can also go with autism spectrum children). accidentally hugged him too tight and hurt the boy without meaning too. So, the school gave my son a special vest to wear, that gives the pressure needs and it keeps him from harming the other

kids. There are 120 autism spectrum children in our District and only one Coordinator! She's busy during the school year. Anyway, keep up the research! You'll learn so much. Soak it in and keep info with you at all times. Be the best advocate your son has!!! Good luck! hugs, Meshel (rhymes with seashell), Mother of , 8, diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, Sensory Integration Disorder, and Speech Impairment andrearoslyn <and rearoslyn@...> wrote: My son, Kelton, has not yet been diagnosed with autism, but both his father and I are convinced that he hasn't been given this diagnoses because his evaluators didn't want to "label" him. Instead, they told us he had "Global Developmental Delays," loaded us with a ton of literature on autism, enrolled him in a fall program for autistic children, and have us currently sending him to "Camp Autism." Pretty silly for them to not just come out and say it. Right now, I'm still trying to wrap my head around this. Mostly, I'm overwhelmed. It's been one of those things... there was just that hint of something wrong all along, but "babies reach their milestones at different times," and "some babies are just late bloomers." We kept holding out for him to catch up. I read up on autism and other

developmental delays, and pretty much immediately ruled out autism, based on the criteria for lack of affection. Kelton couldn't be any more cuddly and sweet. However, when he was 2 1/2 and still lagged behind in speech, my husband and I took him to be evaluated, and we were told that some autistic children were, indeed, affectionate. I was surprised. Though we haven't been given that official diagnosis, I'm pretty sure he fits somewhere on the spectrum, and I have been consumed with learning about autism. I've ordered DVD's from ebay, bought two books on the GFCF diet, changed his pediatrician to someone noted for working with special needs children, and find myself watching Kelton closely all the time--wondering what he's thinking, wondering how to get through to him, wondering what the world is like through his eyes. I'm fascinated... and scared. I feel like I should be putting every second of every

minute of every hour of every day of every week into helping him. I also know that's unrealistic. Still, I'm having a hard time getting past the guilt. Any advice? It's hard for me to accept that this is a no fault situation. I'm constantly playing the "what if" game with myself. My former therapist would ask, "Is that helpful?" Well, no, but I can't seem to make the voice go away. :(I'm also having some trouble accepting that Kelton may well never be "normal," despite therapies and dietary interventions. When I was pregnant, and when he was an infant, I would spend countless nights laying in bed for hours wondering what my little boy would be like when he was older. I wondered if he'd be bookish, like his daddy, and shy, like myself. Or maybe he'd be loud and energetic, like his older half sister.... Of course, this was assuming he was and would be just like any other little boy. 3 years later, conversing

with him goes something like, "What'd you do at camp today?" "Pay (play) waer (water)" Then, I hate the thought of him being teased by other children. It pierces my heart to think he may be treated differently, or worse, ostracized by family and peers. I love him to the ends of this Earth, and any thoughts of him having a hard life break my heart. I want him to flourish in the world, yet, I want to hold him close and protect him. The bottom line is, is that I love him more than anything, and no matter what *I* will always accept him and cherish him, just the way he is. I only want to do everything I can to give him the best life possible. I worry I just may lose myself in the process.I'm curious to know how others coped with learning that their child(ren) had autism. Thanks for reading. Sorry for it being so long. This is the only time I've really "talked" to anyone about it besided my husband.

--

How low will we go? Check out Messenger’s low PC-to-Phone call rates.

[Guest guest]

What a statement

I thought I *was* in Italy. It

looked a lot like Italy, and

felt a lot like

Italy,

for the most part. Then one day I went to see a bunch of

people, and they all told me I was actually in Holland!

That is SUCH an accurate description of

what it felt like!! Still feels that way sometimes too!

Charlotte

From: Autism and Aspergers Treatment [mailto:Autism and Aspergers Treatment ] On Behalf Of

Sent: Friday, June 30, 2006 10:20

AM

Autism and Aspergers Treatment

Subject: Re:

New to group. Hi.

> Try reading this:

>

> http://www.our-kids.org/Archives/Holland.html

>

> and then back off a bit from finding out everything you can - you

can

> overload yourself with information. Take it slowly and steadily.

>

> in England

Thank you for the link, .

What a great read with a good point.

I very much hope I didn't come off as somebody having a pity trip

for myself. I understand how that may have looked like a big, " Poor

me, " but I didn't mean it to be. I in no way plan to mourn this for

the rest of my life. I think, for me, for 2 1/2 years, I thought I

*was* in Italy.

It looked a lot like Italy,

and felt a lot like

Italy,

for the most part. Then one day I went to see a bunch of

people, and they all told me I was actually in Holland! Imagine

that. It's an adjustment, and I will adjust--but I also would really

like to get to know some of the people in Holland.

I am just barely

begining to learn the language, and still haven't figured out how to

translate the majority of it. I think I can read all the books and

watch all the videos in the world, but until I live through it, I'm

still very ignorant.

I *love* Holland, Holland being a metaphor for my son. You

betcha not a day goes by that I don't see all the amazing things he

has to offer. I think he's incredible. It is true that I am sad, but

it's not becuase I didn't get to Italy--it's because *he* will never

get to Italy, and I'm worried that those who have been there will

treat him differently for his not having been there, and that he

will endure pain because of this. I already see family members

tiptoe around him, and though he isn't aware of it now, he will be,

someday--and that's hard to swallow.

Now I'm in Holland, will Holland have me?

~~