What are my son's rights???

[Guest guest]

Hi everyone, I really need help and I'm not sure what to do. My 12 yr old ASD son is the one that I told you all about a few weeks ago after he got suspended from his public school and the school district is pushing for him to be placed in a residential home. Well, for the last 3 weeks since he's been back at school he has been doing amazingly. He has been cooperative in going to all his classes, he has been doing all his assignments, he has started working with his OT Teacher again and basically earning just about the maximum amount of tokens he can earn per day since going back. He has had a few bumps, but now instead of outburtsting, he is using his option of going to talk to someone to discuss whatever the issue may be and that has been working very well for him these last 3 weeks. During one of these talks he choose to speak with the principle, I'm not sure what the issue was, but they had worked out a deal where if my son had earned a certain amount of tokens, he would be allowed to "cash them in" for time in the gym to shoot basketballs as long as he wasn't interrupting another class and he could do this during his lunch period or at the very end of the day during last period (where the kids go to their homerooms and basically have study/homework/reading time), which my son hates because he doesn't have homework or anything to study so he sits and watches the clock till its time to go.

Well yesterday, he came home in tears, slammed the door then went into his room and slammed that door. When I asked him what was going on, he says, what's the point of doing good in school and earning my tokens if I get no reward. Long story short, the gym is locked for the next week and 1/2 because they have it set up for a "variety show" and are now doing their rehearsals with props and such, so during this time, my son can't have his reward at the end of the day. Unfortunately, until this afternoon, I didn't know the reason the gym was locked and thought it was only an issue yesterday and that today things would go back to normal. Well, today at the end of the school day I get a call from his teacher telling me that my son had a great day, earning all his tokens but he would have to stay after school for a detention because he refused to go to 9th/last period because he wanted to cash in his tokens to shoot basketballs but that can't happen because of the variety show. His teacher assured me that my son was fine with the consequence and there was no type of outburst, but especially since the school psychiatrist happen to be in the classroom doing part of his behavior analysis, that he had to follow the behavior plan to the letter and assign my son an after school detention for refusing to go to a class. Now, here is where my issue and concern comes in. Once again, I go to the school to pick him up thinking everything was fine and I would just sign him out and we would be on our way home. Once I get into the school office, I see the psychiatrist and the principle coming from the "detention" room and I hear my son crying very loudly and yelling about something but I can't hear exactly what it is. So they go into the principle's office and then the psychiatrist asks me to talk to me in private. She tells me that my son was extremely well behaved and completed a written assignment during his detention, however 5 minutes before his detention time was to end, he asked to go to the bathroom. She said that he asked very nicely, but unfortunately she had to tell him that he could not leave the detention room until his time was up which was another 5 minutes. He told her that he had to go bad and couldn't wait 5 minutes. (I'm hoping you all remember what happened during his last incident, where he ended up peeing in the corner of his classroom because they would not let him use the bathroom at the end of his outburst 3 weeks ago because they said he needed to be fully calm and in control). Now keep in mind that they had told me several times about how great his day had been and there was never an issue of him being "out of control". She said that she apologized to him, but the rule is that when your in detention, you are not allowed to leave the room until your time is up and that he only had 5 minutes left and he would be allowed to use the bathroom once his detention was over. She said, that was around the same time that I had arrived and he began crying loudly and saying please I have to go, I really do, over and over. They continued to stand their ground, and he ended up peeing in his pants! At this point, the principle was called into the detention room to discuss the issue with my son and he made a deal with my son that if this was to happen in the future, as long as he is "in control" and he needs to use the bathroom during a detention, that he would be allowed to go, but for each minute he is out of the detention room, 5 minutes would be added to his detention time. So if it takes him 3 minutes to get from the detention room, to the bathroom, use the bathroom and get back into the detention room, 15 minutes would be added to that day's detention.

I'm really baffled with this. Are they allowed to refuse his use of the bathroom? Is 5 minutes for every 1 minute reasonable? I even asked her if, in the future if he was to have a detention, could she ask him before his time starts if he needed to use the bathroom so this wouldn't happen again and she said no she can't do that. Am I crazy or are they? Please, if anyone has any suggestions, advise, knowledge of laws that might apply, I would be so grateful for your time and help. Thanks so much for just being there, .

[Guest guest]

Dear , First of all, it's probably not unreasonable for the school to limit bathroom use. However, since your son has ASD reasonable accommodations should be made in order to address his anxiety or physical need to use the bathroom. Having him use the bathroom BEFORE he starts detention is not unreasonable. If your son is told in advance that he won't be allowed to use the bathroom during his detention time and time is provided for him to use the bathroom before hand, then it's legally okay to deny him bathroom priveledges unless a doctor says that he has bladder problems. If he knows the expectations and is physically able to accomplish the task then it's okay to hold him accountable. Again the accountability needs to be reasonable as well. Maybe the school would compromise and double the time if he needs to use the bathroom instead of times it by 5. I'd revisit this with the principal before this

occurs again. If he can't get his reward because of schedule complications with the gym, what else can he do at home as a reward to replace that time? Is there something at home that he loves to do? Call the teacher at the end of each day and find out if he's earned his time. He still needs the positives. It also sounds like communication with the school is an issue. Talk to the principal about this as well and maybe the two of you can come up with a plan of communication (maybe a notebook that goes home everyday or a daily phone call). I know that some of this stuff is tough on the mom (from a mom of an aspie) but the best education a child will get is from his parents. If we count solely on the schools to manage the behavior or prepare them for life, they will be sorely lacking. Don't misinterpret me...I do know what the school is required to do and hold

them to that. But ultimately, the responsibility for my child's "life" is mine, not theirs. Be proactive. Bug the school and if possible visit often to assist your son. Hope this helps. Michele's mom (Dana) Rappold <vrappold@...> wrote: Hi everyone, I really need help and I'm not sure what to do. My 12 yr old ASD son is the one that I told you all about a few weeks ago after he got suspended from his public school and the school district is pushing for him to be placed in a residential home. Well, for the last 3 weeks since he's been back at school he has been doing amazingly. He has been cooperative in going to all his classes,

he has been doing all his assignments, he has started working with his OT Teacher again and basically earning just about the maximum amount of tokens he can earn per day since going back. He has had a few bumps, but now instead of outburtsting, he is using his option of going to talk to someone to discuss whatever the issue may be and that has been working very well for him these last 3 weeks. During one of these talks he choose to speak with the principle, I'm not sure what the issue was, but they had worked out a deal where if my son had earned a certain amount of tokens, he would be allowed to "cash them in" for time in the gym to shoot basketballs as long as he wasn't interrupting another class and he could do this during his lunch period or at the very end of the day during last period (where the kids go to their homerooms and basically have study/homework/reading time), which my son hates because he doesn't have homework or anything to study so he sits and watches

the clock till its time to go. Well yesterday, he came home in tears, slammed the door then went into his room and slammed that door. When I asked him what was going on, he says, what's the point of doing good in school and earning my tokens if I get no reward. Long story short, the gym is locked for the next week and 1/2 because they have it set up for a "variety show" and are now doing their rehearsals with props and such, so during this time, my son can't have his reward at the end of the day. Unfortunately, until this afternoon, I didn't know the reason the gym was locked and thought it was only an issue yesterday and that today things would go back to normal. Well, today at the end of the school day I get a call from his teacher telling me that my son had a great day, earning all his tokens but he

would have to stay after school for a detention because he refused to go to 9th/last period because he wanted to cash in his tokens to shoot basketballs but that can't happen because of the variety show. His teacher assured me that my son was fine with the consequence and there was no type of outburst, but especially since the school psychiatrist happen to be in the classroom doing part of his behavior analysis, that he had to follow the behavior plan to the letter and assign my son an after school detention for refusing to go to a class. Now, here is where my issue and concern comes in. Once again, I go to the school to pick him up thinking everything was fine and I would just sign him out and we would be on our way home. Once I get into the school office, I see the psychiatrist and the principle coming from the "detention" room and I hear my son crying very loudly and yelling about something but I can't hear exactly what it is. So

they go into the principle's office and then the psychiatrist asks me to talk to me in private. She tells me that my son was extremely well behaved and completed a written assignment during his detention, however 5 minutes before his detention time was to end, he asked to go to the bathroom. She said that he asked very nicely, but unfortunately she had to tell him that he could not leave the detention room until his time was up which was another 5 minutes. He told her that he had to go bad and couldn't wait 5 minutes. (I'm hoping you all remember what happened during his last incident, where he ended up peeing in the corner of his classroom because they would not let him use the bathroom at the end of his outburst 3 weeks ago because they said he needed to be fully calm and in control). Now keep in mind that they had told me several times about how great his day had been and there was never an issue of him being "out of control". She said

that she apologized to him, but the rule is that when your in detention, you are not allowed to leave the room until your time is up and that he only had 5 minutes left and he would be allowed to use the bathroom once his detention was over. She said, that was around the same time that I had arrived and he began crying loudly and saying please I have to go, I really do, over and over. They continued to stand their ground, and he ended up peeing in his pants! At this point, the principle was called into the detention room to discuss the issue with my son and he made a deal with my son that if this was to happen in the future, as long as he is "in control" and he needs to use the bathroom during a detention, that he would be allowed to go, but for each minute he is out of the detention room, 5 minutes would be added to his detention time. So if it takes him 3 minutes to get from the detention room, to the bathroom, use the bathroom and get back

into the detention room, 15 minutes would be added to that day's detention. I'm really baffled with this. Are they allowed to refuse his use of the bathroom? Is 5 minutes for every 1 minute reasonable? I even asked her if, in the future if he was to have a detention, could she ask him before his time starts if he needed to use the bathroom so this wouldn't happen again and she said no she can't do that. Am I crazy or are they? Please, if anyone has any suggestions, advise, knowledge of laws that might apply, I would be so grateful for your time and help. Thanks so much for just being there, .

- Helps protect you from nasty viruses.

[Guest guest]

...

I am livid for you and your son! I have a 12 yo with ADHD and am having issues with his school over bathroom use too. As far as I am concerned they should never be allowed to deny anyone the use of a bathroom. This makes twice now that your son has been truthful with them (that he HAD to go and could not wait). I would be sure to point that out to them-see, he's NOT LYING! Maybe you should suggest having an FBA done...on the teacher, not your son. What purpose does refusing the child the use of the bathroom and essentially making him wet himself serve for this teacher and what can we do to change that behavior? Sorry for being sarcastic, but this issue really bothers me. We spend years sometimes teaching our children to use the bathroom and then they get in school and get told that no they can't go to the bathroom when they need to go. It makes me furious!

I don't have anything really useful in the way of advice, just keep at it. Make an appointment to speak with the school staff. Maybe call your son's Dr and get his/her input. This can't be good for him!

Good luck!

a

[Guest guest]

, Being that your son has had a previous occurrence with the bathroom request being denied and the result of the denial, I am stunned that the school would press this matter again. I am confused as to why they would give detention for his refusal about 9th period. Is this in his BIP? Does he have a BIP? By their own admission, he has not been outbursting. The principal should have apologized for the gym inconvenience, and worked out an alternative arrangement for your son. After all he kept his end of the bargain. I personally see a HUGE difference between being able to control the behavior (which he seems to be doing well, ATTA BOY!), and denying the relief of a bodily function. Regardless of rules regarding detention, they are dealing with a student who is on the ASD, and doesn't have the foresight to anticipate

preemptive pottying. The fact that he was denied, and subsequently soiled himself only proves that the school is WRONG, and their denial of this right is discriminatory. TWICE they have said no bathroom, and TWICE he has been unable to hold it. Hello, Houston we have a problem. I would notify the school in writing, that this is unacceptable, and you would like to see their school board policy (under the Freedom of Information Act), that allows them to legally prevent a child from using tha bathroom. (I'm willing to bet they don't have one.) Then tell them that under the ADA, (Title IX, accessibility for all disabled persons to usage of public facilities [it is a public school, he is an enrolled student] ) their refusal to comply with basic human need in order to control a handicapped person, is viewed as intentional discrimination. Boom.

There it is. GO GET EM! Love ya! Joy "Wish I could pee on a school" McClelland Rappold <vrappold@...> wrote: Hi everyone, I really need help and I'm not sure what to do. My 12 yr old ASD son is the one that I told you all about a few weeks ago after he got suspended from his public school and the school district is pushing for him to be placed in a residential home. Well, for the last 3 weeks since he's been back at school he has been doing amazingly. He has been cooperative in going to all his classes, he has been doing all his assignments, he has started working with his OT Teacher again and basically

earning just about the maximum amount of tokens he can earn per day since going back. He has had a few bumps, but now instead of outburtsting, he is using his option of going to talk to someone to discuss whatever the issue may be and that has been working very well for him these last 3 weeks. During one of these talks he choose to speak with the principle, I'm not sure what the issue was, but they had worked out a deal where if my son had earned a certain amount of tokens, he would be allowed to "cash them in" for time in the gym to shoot basketballs as long as he wasn't interrupting another class and he could do this during his lunch period or at the very end of the day during last period (where the kids go to their homerooms and basically have study/homework/reading time), which my son hates because he doesn't have homework or anything to study so he sits and watches the clock till its time to go. Well yesterday, he came home in tears, slammed the door then went into his room and slammed that door. When I asked him what was going on, he says, what's the point of doing good in school and earning my tokens if I get no reward. Long story short, the gym is locked for the next week and 1/2 because they have it set up for a "variety show" and are now doing their rehearsals with props and such, so during this time, my son can't have his reward at the end of the day. Unfortunately, until this afternoon, I didn't know the reason the gym was locked and thought it was only an issue yesterday and that today things would go back to normal. Well, today at the end of the school day I get a call from his teacher telling me that my son had a great day, earning all his tokens but he would have to stay after school for a detention because he refused to go to 9th/last period

because he wanted to cash in his tokens to shoot basketballs but that can't happen because of the variety show. His teacher assured me that my son was fine with the consequence and there was no type of outburst, but especially since the school psychiatrist happen to be in the classroom doing part of his behavior analysis, that he had to follow the behavior plan to the letter and assign my son an after school detention for refusing to go to a class. Now, here is where my issue and concern comes in. Once again, I go to the school to pick him up thinking everything was fine and I would just sign him out and we would be on our way home. Once I get into the school office, I see the psychiatrist and the principle coming from the "detention" room and I hear my son crying very loudly and yelling about something but I can't hear exactly what it is. So they go into the principle's office and then the psychiatrist asks me to talk to me in

private. She tells me that my son was extremely well behaved and completed a written assignment during his detention, however 5 minutes before his detention time was to end, he asked to go to the bathroom. She said that he asked very nicely, but unfortunately she had to tell him that he could not leave the detention room until his time was up which was another 5 minutes. He told her that he had to go bad and couldn't wait 5 minutes. (I'm hoping you all remember what happened during his last incident, where he ended up peeing in the corner of his classroom because they would not let him use the bathroom at the end of his outburst 3 weeks ago because they said he needed to be fully calm and in control). Now keep in mind that they had told me several times about how great his day had been and there was never an issue of him being "out of control". She said that she apologized to him, but the rule is that when your in detention, you are not

allowed to leave the room until your time is up and that he only had 5 minutes left and he would be allowed to use the bathroom once his detention was over. She said, that was around the same time that I had arrived and he began crying loudly and saying please I have to go, I really do, over and over. They continued to stand their ground, and he ended up peeing in his pants! At this point, the principle was called into the detention room to discuss the issue with my son and he made a deal with my son that if this was to happen in the future, as long as he is "in control" and he needs to use the bathroom during a detention, that he would be allowed to go, but for each minute he is out of the detention room, 5 minutes would be added to his detention time. So if it takes him 3 minutes to get from the detention room, to the bathroom, use the bathroom and get back into the detention room, 15 minutes would be added to that day's

detention. I'm really baffled with this. Are they allowed to refuse his use of the bathroom? Is 5 minutes for every 1 minute reasonable? I even asked her if, in the future if he was to have a detention, could she ask him before his time starts if he needed to use the bathroom so this wouldn't happen again and she said no she can't do that. Am I crazy or are they? Please, if anyone has any suggestions, advise, knowledge of laws that might apply, I would be so grateful for your time and help. Thanks so much for just being there, .

- Helps protect you from nasty viruses.

[Guest guest]

I would be furious! First of all they

cant refuse to let anyone go to the bathroom!!! I would be SO ANGRY and all

over that school. To refuse a child to the point where they wet their pants?

That is not even humane!! I also think it is TOTALLY ridiculous to punish him

in the future when he has to go. 1 minute for 1 minute is reasonable but

NOTHING else!!!

I am SOOO SORRY!

-Charlotte

I have a 12 year old ASD son too and would

freak if they did this to him!

From: Autism and Aspergers Treatment [mailto:Autism and Aspergers Treatment ] On Behalf Of Rappold

Sent: Tuesday, February 07, 2006

6:59 PM

Autism and Aspergers Treatment

Subject: What

are my son's rights???

Hi

everyone, I really need help and I'm not sure what to do. My 12 yr old

ASD son is the one that I told you all about a few weeks ago after he got

suspended from his public school and the school district is pushing for him to

be placed in a residential home. Well, for the last 3 weeks since he's

been back at school he has been doing amazingly. He has been

cooperative in going to all his classes, he has been doing all his assignments,

he has started working with his OT Teacher again and basically earning just

about the maximum amount of tokens he can earn per day since going back.

He has had a few bumps, but now instead of outburtsting, he is using his option

of going to talk to someone to discuss whatever the issue may be and that has

been working very well for him these last 3 weeks. During one of these

talks he choose to speak with the principle, I'm not sure what the issue was,

but they had worked out a deal where if my son had earned a certain amount of

tokens, he would be allowed to " cash them in " for time in the gym to

shoot basketballs as long as he wasn't interrupting another class and he could

do this during his lunch period or at the very end of the day during last

period (where the kids go to their homerooms and basically have

study/homework/reading time), which my son hates because he doesn't have

homework or anything to study so he sits and watches the clock till its time to

go.

Well

yesterday, he came home in tears, slammed the door then went into his room

and slammed that door. When I asked him what was going on, he says,

what's the point of doing good in school and earning my tokens if I get no

reward. Long story short, the gym is locked for the next week and 1/2

because they have it set up for a " variety show " and are now doing

their rehearsals with props and such, so during this time, my son can't have

his reward at the end of the day. Unfortunately, until this afternoon, I

didn't know the reason the gym was locked and thought it was only an issue

yesterday and that today things would go back to normal. Well, today at

the end of the school day I get a call from his teacher telling me that my son

had a great day, earning all his tokens but he would have to stay after school

for a detention because he refused to go to 9th/last period because he wanted

to cash in his tokens to shoot basketballs but that can't happen because of the

variety show. His teacher assured me that my son was fine with the

consequence and there was no type of outburst, but especially since the

school psychiatrist happen to be in the classroom doing part of his behavior

analysis, that he had to follow the behavior plan to the letter and assign my

son an after school detention for refusing to go to a class. Now, here is

where my issue and concern comes in. Once again, I go to the school to

pick him up thinking everything was fine and I would just sign him out and we

would be on our way home. Once I get into the school office, I see

the psychiatrist and the principle coming from the " detention "

room and I hear my son crying very loudly and yelling about something but I

can't hear exactly what it is. So they go into the principle's office and

then the psychiatrist asks me to talk to me in private. She tells me that

my son was extremely well behaved and completed a written assignment during his

detention, however 5 minutes before his detention time was to end, he asked to

go to the bathroom. She said that he asked very nicely, but unfortunately

she had to tell him that he could not leave the detention room until his time

was up which was another 5 minutes. He told her that he had to go bad and

couldn't wait 5 minutes. (I'm hoping you all remember what happened

during his last incident, where he ended up peeing in the corner of his

classroom because they would not let him use the bathroom at the end of his

outburst 3 weeks ago because they said he needed to be fully calm and in

control). Now keep in mind that they had told me several times about how

great his day had been and there was never an issue of him being " out of

control " . She said that she apologized to him, but the rule is that

when your in detention, you are not allowed to leave the room until your time

is up and that he only had 5 minutes left and he would be allowed to use

the bathroom once his detention was over. She said, that was around

the same time that I had arrived and he began crying loudly and saying please I

have to go, I really do, over and over. They continued to stand their

ground, and he ended up peeing in his pants! At this point, the principle

was called into the detention room to discuss the issue with my son and he made

a deal with my son that if this was to happen in the future, as long as he is

" in control " and he needs to use the bathroom during a

detention, that he would be allowed to go, but for each minute he is out of the

detention room, 5 minutes would be added to his detention time. So if it

takes him 3 minutes to get from the detention room, to the bathroom, use the

bathroom and get back into the detention room, 15 minutes would be added to

that day's detention.

I'm

really baffled with this. Are they allowed to refuse his use of the

bathroom? Is 5 minutes for every 1 minute reasonable? I even asked

her if, in the future if he was to have a detention, could she ask him

before his time starts if he needed to use the bathroom so this wouldn't happen

again and she said no she can't do that. Am I crazy or are they?

Please, if anyone has any suggestions, advise, knowledge of laws that might

apply, I would be so grateful for your time and help. Thanks so much for

just being there, .

[Guest guest]

Rappold wrote:

I'm really

baffled with this. Are they allowed to refuse his use of the

bathroom? Is 5 minutes for every 1 minute reasonable? I even asked

her if, in the future if he was to have a detention, could she ask him

before his time starts if he needed to use the bathroom so this

wouldn't happen again and she said no she can't do that. Am I crazy or

are they? Please, if anyone has any suggestions, advise, knowledge of

laws that might apply, I would be so grateful for your time and help.

Thanks so much for just being there, .

Hi

In my opinion, with your child I would call another IEP meeting and

discuss making arrangements for him to use the bathroom. At the school

were my son is at, if a problme, any kind of a problme arises, I can

call a meeting, discuss options and so far, Thank God, things have been

resolved/solved. Maybe Im wrong, but if your child is under

disiblility or 504 if there is a problme you can call a meeting. I

remember my first IEP, I basically told everyone there that I didnt

care who I had to step on to help my child, I would do it and that he

was THE most important person in this room and he wasnt even in

it<s> In my experience if ya go in there meek, not knowing they

will take advantage of you. I had a band teacher tell ME that all he

wanted after reading my sons file was for him to keep beat on the

drums, ha, I told him something diffrently, I told him that if my son

showed signs that things were too much such as the neck twisting,

facial ticks,etc, then he will tell the band teacher that all he has to

do is keep the beat, has been in band for 2 yrs now and the

teacher recently told me that he is one of the best drummers he has if

he could only keep on track and not disrupt the class...had another

meeting with same teacher at the start of this year and he told me that

he was going to put him in the room where one goes to play by themselfs

if he wasnt going to stop disrupting the class, I told him no he wasnt,

what he could do is find a aid to sit there in class withe my son and

help him, was told the school doesnt have the money for that I told him

that wasnt my problme, my son was my only concern...to make a long

story short, if you let them they WILL try to do things the way they

want, not what is best for your child, especially if it comes to

spendnig money.. Im not usually a strong willed person, I hate

confrontation, but what I learned early on with the school district in

my area starting in elementary school I had to be... I wish I could

remember the name of this book my sons therypist gave me to read, it

was like a work book on diffrent rights you have..;

Anyway sorry to get off track,

Good luck

Aletha

--

signature line

Ron and Aletha Moody

Happy Tailz Farm

Nigerian Dwarf Dairy Goats

Mayville MI

1-989-843-6678

www.happytailzfarm.com

happytailzfarm@...

"Put a little happiness in your barn!"

[Guest guest]

Michele Stedman wrote:

It also sounds like communication with the school is an

issue. Talk to the principal about this as well and maybe the two of

you can come up with a plan of communication (maybe a notebook

I found this very helpfull

I know that some of this stuff is tough on the mom (from a mom

of an aspie) but the best education a child will get is from his

parents. If we count solely on the schools to manage the behavior or

prepare them for life, they will be sorely lacking. Don't misinterpret

me...I do know what the school is required to do! and hold them to that

Sometimes the school needs guidience and sometimes the school needs a

push.

.. But ultimately, the responsibility for my child's "life" is

mine, not theirs. Be proactive. Bug the school and if possible visit

often to assist your son.

YOu said this alot better than I did,

Aletha

--

signature line

Ron and Aletha Moody

Happy Tailz Farm

Nigerian Dwarf Dairy Goats

Mayville MI

1-989-843-6678

www.happytailzfarm.com

happytailzfarm@...

"Put a little happiness in your barn!"

[Guest guest]

OMG!!! I had a teacher that tried this with my daughter. Since she has bathroom problems anyway I called her and told her that IF she didn't let my daughter use the bathroom when she ask, and ANYTHING happened, she would have to deal with ME!!! I then told the principle that she would be dealing with me and I would work my way up the ladder until that teacher didn't have a job!!! Our kids have trouble dealing with life in general- if they can't handle him at school they have to "BY LAW" supply services at home!!! I have SpEd rights on my pc and if you would like a copy e-mail me privately- Twinteror1@... I will be happy to send them to you. I would say - he is not abusing it, or using it for an excuse so there is no reason to punish him for bodily functions! GIVE them an ultimatum. Tell them if they can't handle him then they can pay to have him taught at home

where going to the bathroom is not an issue! Good luck! Deb C. Rappold <vrappold@...> wrote: Hi everyone, I really need help and I'm not sure what to do. My 12 yr old ASD son is the one that I told you all about a few weeks ago after he got suspended from his public school and the school district is pushing for him to be placed in a residential home. Well, for the last 3 weeks since he's been back at school he has been doing amazingly. He has been cooperative in going to all his classes, he has been doing all his assignments, he has started working with his OT Teacher again and basically earning just about the maximum amount of tokens he can earn

per day since going back. He has had a few bumps, but now instead of outburtsting, he is using his option of going to talk to someone to discuss whatever the issue may be and that has been working very well for him these last 3 weeks. During one of these talks he choose to speak with the principle, I'm not sure what the issue was, but they had worked out a deal where if my son had earned a certain amount of tokens, he would be allowed to "cash them in" for time in the gym to shoot basketballs as long as he wasn't interrupting another class and he could do this during his lunch period or at the very end of the day during last period (where the kids go to their homerooms and basically have study/homework/reading time), which my son hates because he doesn't have homework or anything to study so he sits and watches the clock till its time to go. Well yesterday, he came home in tears, slammed the door then went into his room and slammed that door. When I asked him what was going on, he says, what's the point of doing good in school and earning my tokens if I get no reward. Long story short, the gym is locked for the next week and 1/2 because they have it set up for a "variety show" and are now doing their rehearsals with props and such, so during this time, my son can't have his reward at the end of the day. Unfortunately, until this afternoon, I didn't know the reason the gym was locked and thought it was only an issue yesterday and that today things would go back to normal. Well, today at the end of the school day I get a call from his teacher telling me that my son had a great day, earning all his tokens but he would have to stay after school for a detention because he refused to go to 9th/last period because he wanted to cash in his tokens to shoot basketballs but that

can't happen because of the variety show. His teacher assured me that my son was fine with the consequence and there was no type of outburst, but especially since the school psychiatrist happen to be in the classroom doing part of his behavior analysis, that he had to follow the behavior plan to the letter and assign my son an after school detention for refusing to go to a class. Now, here is where my issue and concern comes in. Once again, I go to the school to pick him up thinking everything was fine and I would just sign him out and we would be on our way home. Once I get into the school office, I see the psychiatrist and the principle coming from the "detention" room and I hear my son crying very loudly and yelling about something but I can't hear exactly what it is. So they go into the principle's office and then the psychiatrist asks me to talk to me in private. She tells me that my son was extremely well behaved and

completed a written assignment during his detention, however 5 minutes before his detention time was to end, he asked to go to the bathroom. She said that he asked very nicely, but unfortunately she had to tell him that he could not leave the detention room until his time was up which was another 5 minutes. He told her that he had to go bad and couldn't wait 5 minutes. (I'm hoping you all remember what happened during his last incident, where he ended up peeing in the corner of his classroom because they would not let him use the bathroom at the end of his outburst 3 weeks ago because they said he needed to be fully calm and in control). Now keep in mind that they had told me several times about how great his day had been and there was never an issue of him being "out of control". She said that she apologized to him, but the rule is that when your in detention, you are not allowed to leave the room until your time is up and that he only had 5

minutes left and he would be allowed to use the bathroom once his detention was over. She said, that was around the same time that I had arrived and he began crying loudly and saying please I have to go, I really do, over and over. They continued to stand their ground, and he ended up peeing in his pants! At this point, the principle was called into the detention room to discuss the issue with my son and he made a deal with my son that if this was to happen in the future, as long as he is "in control" and he needs to use the bathroom during a detention, that he would be allowed to go, but for each minute he is out of the detention room, 5 minutes would be added to his detention time. So if it takes him 3 minutes to get from the detention room, to the bathroom, use the bathroom and get back into the detention room, 15 minutes would be added to that day's detention. I'm really baffled with this. Are they allowed to refuse his use of the bathroom? Is 5 minutes for every 1 minute reasonable? I even asked her if, in the future if he was to have a detention, could she ask him before his time starts if he needed to use the bathroom so this wouldn't happen again and she said no she can't do that. Am I crazy or are they? Please, if anyone has any suggestions, advise, knowledge of laws that might apply, I would be so grateful for your time and help. Thanks so much for just being there, . Deb C.

[Guest guest]

I have 4 special needs kids and I would say the school is the crazy one here. The teacher can very well ask the child to use the bathroom. I have heard the school system fight services, but to me, this is a silly thing to dispute. What you need to do is get a statement from your child's doctor. If he has bathroom issues or is slower, whatever, get the doctor to put it all in writing and be very specific. The school must make accommodations based on what the doctor says. They have no choice. Is your child on an IEP? If so, then you should request a meeting with the IEP team and discuss this issue and make sure you have the doctors written statement and a copy for yourself. Ask that this issue be added to the IEP. also if they refuse, ask that their reasons be put into writing as to why they refuse the accommodations for your child. If you disagree, you have leverage to appeal. With a doctor's statement I really do not see the school fighting something like this, Sharon

In a message dated 2/9/2006 2:49:19 A.M. Eastern Standard Time, Happytailzfarm@... writes:

Rappold wrote:

I'm really baffled with this. Are they allowed to refuse his use of the bathroom? Is 5 minutes for every 1 minute reasonable? I even asked her if, in the future if he was to have a detention, could she ask him before his time starts if he needed to use the bathroom so this wouldn't happen again and she said no she can't do that. Am I crazy or are they? Please, if anyone has any suggestions, advise, knowledge of laws that might apply, I would be so grateful for your

[Guest guest]

This is a fast post in reply to What are my son's rights???I am a retired teacher with a son with autism:I think this is an issue of human rights. No child in schol should be denied the right to go to the washroom. Even in an exam situation there are procedures to take children to the washroom. Heck even as an adult in government exams we get similar arangements for bathroom use if needed.The tripling of time missed is not right either. They should only make the child repay the used time 1:1. One minute out, one mintue extension to detention. And a staff person should accompany the child and wait for them to finish in the bathroom and then escort them back.As for the loss of the gymnasium. I would assume your son would be accompanied to the gym in a normal situation of spending his tokens? So why not let him shoot hoops outside... even if there is no hoop outside, they could draw a chalk rectangle on the brick wall atleast for the boy to do

something.. or even invent a serries of rectangles worth points and he could keep score and compete against himself and see how high his score would go Good luck in Ontario Canada

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