Re: Back after a computer crash.....

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I am sorry your son and your family is going thru this.I wish I could say

that this was a rare occurance(school setting your child up to fail)but it

isn't.In fact,more and more schools will

set a kid with autism up intentionally to get them out of the school.They

also like to do the same to kids labeled ED.There are so many kids who need

services,the schools view it as " those kids "

who are draining resources away from the deserving children.

You have 3 choices

1)get educated about special education and the governing regulations

IDEA,NCLB,504

go to IEP GUIDE and ,website wrightslaw,be prepared

to fight,possibly hiring an attorney

2)move

3)homeschool ,get a ged,check community service board

etc.

Sometimes,as unfair as it it,you have to accept that the choices offered are

all bad.

Asperger people and people with autism will often develop other conditions

due to stress as your son did,if you cannot force the school into educating

your son without emotionally harming him,I

would suggest 2or 3

Theresa mom to 2 asd teens

Back after a computer crash.....

> Sorry to have been silent for so long, my hard drive

> died and I have been without Internet for a

> considerable length of time until very recently. I

> have spent the last few days going through all the

> accumulated messages and think I am finally up to

> speed. I am crossposting this to another AS group as

> it is quite lengthy and I don't want to leave out

> anything. I hope no one is upset about that.

>

> I have an issue developing that I would appreciate

> input on, especially from other parents of teen

> aspies....

>

> A bit of background... my son has had a very rocky

> time with school since 6th grade. He spent the first

> semester of that year in what our school system calls

> a " transitional " school (small classes, individual

> lesson plans) after having some problems at the

> elementary school with melting down due to

> frustration. He excelled at the transitional school.

> He went back to public school for the second semester

> and remained there for 7th grade. Both were marked

> with occasional meltdowns - twice during the 2nd

> semester of 6th and five times during 7th. They were

> serious enough that the school felt it was necessary

> to call the police to come and defuse the situation.

> Most times the meltdowns consisted of him getting

> hysterical, pushing over chairs, hitting a locker in

> frustration, etc. Each time he was charged with

> disorderly conduct and received community service as a

> punishment. In eighth grade, I was finally able to

> convince the school that he needed an IEP and he was

> placed in a BD (behaviorally disordered) class. (one

> teacher, eight kids). He lasted about two months.

> One day he had been working on his spelling. The bell

> rang and he told the teacher that he was now going to

> work on his math as it was now math class. She

> instructed him to continue with his spelling. He

> refused (he is quite rigid about schedules). She

> called the principal to come and " assist " him into the

> time out room (a 6' by 3' room - totally inclosed with

> a small window in the door). He freaked and they

> called me to come and help them. I worked five

> minutes away and took less time than that to get

> there. When I arrived he was sitting on a study

> carrel (desk with high sides on it) rocking back and

> forth chanting " Don't touch me, don't touch me, don't

> touch me. " They had " assisted " him by carrying him

> into the room, even after I had told them previously

> that they were never to touch him during a meltdown as

> it would always escalate him. He ended up back in the

> hospital and was diagnosed with OCD and severe

> anxiety. The school suspended him for the rest of the

> year and I ended up homeschooling him - to be honest

> more unschooling him - for the rest of the year.

>

> In 9th grade he went back to public school - at his

> father's insistence (we are divorced and were then).

> He made it through the whole year at the public high

> school, but there were four incidents where the

> school again felt that they were justified in calling

> the pollce (one time he was being reprimanded for

> wearing his hood inside the school due to having a

> severe migraine, another he had just had his Yu-Gi-Oh

> cards stolen as he returned his tray after eating -

> both incidents ended up with him in hysterics on the

> floor.) He once again ended up with charges - more

> community service and a serious chance of being placed

> out of the home as the school and juvenile court

> thought he was doing it deliberately to get his own

> way.

>

> The summer went well, not too many problems. School

> started and he lasted a whole five days. One very hot

> September day (92 in a non ac'd building and he has

> temperature regulation problems anyway due to

> prematurity) he melted down in the hallway in front of

> the principals office. She came out and told him to

> leave the building. He could not comply so she

> called the police and had him charged with

> trespassing. Again she felt that he was manipulating

> the situation to get his own way. She suspended him

> for the remainder of the year. It took until

> Thanksgiving for them to get him a tutor and until

> after the first of the year for her to actually meet

> with him. So I again homeschooled him (he only saw

> the tutor one hour a day for four days a week). The

> problem with my homeschooling him was that he did not

> earn any credits for those subjects and hours I

> taught. The high school saw fit to pass him on to the

> 11th grade with no recommendations for schooling.

>

> In January 2005 he was diagnosed with Asperger's

> Syndrome (at 15). Prior diagnoses had been ADHD, ODD,

> OCD, GAD, and Tourette's. BiPolar and Schizophrenia

> had been ruled out. At this point the still pending

> charges were dropped.

>

> In August we toured the local alternative high school

> at our local college, at my insistence. It seemed

> ideal - small classes, more teacher/student time and

> involvement, low stress atmosphere and the ability to

> have a " safe " room where he could go to destress

> before a meltdown occured. 50 students to four

> teachers as compared to 2000 kids at the high school

> in classes of 30-35 students per one teacher. I

> explained the diagnosis and situation to the staff and

> they and I felt that it would be a good fit for him.

> They had a two month long waiting list and it was

> November 4th before he was able to begin classes

> there. We started out slowly - just a couple of hours

> at first and built up from there. By the end of

> January he was going full days as well as attending

> two hour long night classes three days a week.

>

> About the same time in January we began to see

> increased symptoms - heightened stress levels, lowered

> frustration tolerance, acting out (getting violent)

> and increased symptoms of anxiety (stomach upset,

> headaches, etc. I have tried to make things as

> non-stressful as I can at home.

>

> Now, due to his frequent absences (stomaches, etc. He

> is also insulin dependent diabetic), the alternative

> school is now pushing him to drop out of their school

> and pursue getting his GED.

>

> This suggestion bothers me for a couple of reasons.

> Firstly, the teacher that suggested this also

> administers the GED program and gets additionly monies

> for the GED program with each student she places in

> it. Also, my son's father and stepmother are already

> pushing that he do the GED route as it would mean less

> necessary involvement with his schooling (right now I

> take him to school in the morning and they pick him up

> and take him to night school and then bring him home

> afterward due to my working hours. Doing his GED

> would entail him working more at home on his own

> without much assistance (something that he doesn''t do

> well unless it involves tinkering with computers)

>

> I am seriously afraid that should he be pushed into

> this option (the alternative school has quite a long

> waiting list and if he does not show progress they

> will opt him out so that they can assist another

> student that they feel WILL make progress. He is

> currently a JUNIOR with only 3 credits. He is bright

> (IQ in the 130's) but I am afraid that if he is forced

> to leave the alternative school he will give up on his

> education. He is innately talented with electronics,

> but lacks the self motivation and self direction to be

> successful in pursuing a GED.

>

> The school system has failed him on almost every level

> for nearly half of his educational career. I DO NOT

> WANT THEM TO FAIL HIM YET AGAIN!

>

> What would some of you do, if he was your child ? I

> would appreciate any and all comments, insights, or

> ideas that anyone may have.

>

> Thanks,

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> __________________________________________________

>

[Guest guest]

Your post made my eyes water, picturing him in that room, being so misunderstood. You both have had such a hard time. I'm not an expert but we have a child developement specialist who works with us. He is a real blessing. The Kirsch Center in Rochester has saved us from much turmoil. My son is almost 14, diagnosed at 8 with Aspergers. I have a divorce situation as well, my ex still has yet to try to understand our son. His answer is to let him play xbox the whole time he is with him. I moved a year ago to a school district with an excellent ASD program and my son is finally flourishing after years of trying this and trying that. We did homeschool for a couple of years. There are many ways of homeschooling. Some of them you earn credits and get diplomas. Calvert was excellent. I've also heard K-12 is wonderful. Both use computers quite a bit. My ex made the HS difficult in many ways. (Putting ideas in my sons head that he was "missing out"). I think homeschooling can be

wonderful in many situations. I'd be happy to answer any questions if I can. One more thing, a lot of HS programs don't require a lot of time from the parent-lesson plans are already done etc. You are somewhat of a "supervisor". My son enjoyed Calvert as he would be done with "school" in about 3 hours and had more time for his "passions". He was so much more relaxed...... Joanie Plain <likeawillow@...> wrote: Sorry to have been silent for so long, my hard drivedied and I have been without Internet for aconsiderable length of time until very recently. Ihave spent the last few days going through all theaccumulated messages and think I am finally up tospeed. I am crossposting this to another AS group asit is quite lengthy and I don't want to leave outanything. I hope no one is upset about

that.I have an issue developing that I would appreciateinput on, especially from other parents of teenaspies.... A bit of background... my son has had a very rockytime with school since 6th grade. He spent the firstsemester of that year in what our school system callsa "transitional" school (small classes, individuallesson plans) after having some problems at theelementary school with melting down due tofrustration. He excelled at the transitional school. He went back to public school for the second semesterand remained there for 7th grade. Both were markedwith occasional meltdowns - twice during the 2ndsemester of 6th and five times during 7th. They wereserious enough that the school felt it was necessaryto call the police to come and defuse the situation.Most times the meltdowns consisted of him gettinghysterical, pushing over chairs, hitting a locker infrustration,

etc. Each time he was charged withdisorderly conduct and received community service as apunishment. In eighth grade, I was finally able toconvince the school that he needed an IEP and he wasplaced in a BD (behaviorally disordered) class. (oneteacher, eight kids). He lasted about two months. One day he had been working on his spelling. The bellrang and he told the teacher that he was now going towork on his math as it was now math class. Sheinstructed him to continue with his spelling. Herefused (he is quite rigid about schedules). Shecalled the principal to come and "assist" him into thetime out room (a 6' by 3' room - totally inclosed witha small window in the door). He freaked and theycalled me to come and help them. I worked fiveminutes away and took less time than that to getthere. When I arrived he was sitting on a studycarrel (desk with high sides on it)

rocking back andforth chanting "Don't touch me, don't touch me, don'ttouch me." They had "assisted" him by carrying himinto the room, even after I had told them previouslythat they were never to touch him during a meltdown asit would always escalate him. He ended up back in thehospital and was diagnosed with OCD and severeanxiety. The school suspended him for the rest of theyear and I ended up homeschooling him - to be honestmore unschooling him - for the rest of the year.In 9th grade he went back to public school - at hisfather's insistence (we are divorced and were then). He made it through the whole year at the public highschool, but there were four incidents where theschool again felt that they were justified in callingthe pollce (one time he was being reprimanded forwearing his hood inside the school due to having asevere migraine, another he had just had his Yu-Gi-Ohcards stolen

as he returned his tray after eating -both incidents ended up with him in hysterics on thefloor.) He once again ended up with charges - morecommunity service and a serious chance of being placedout of the home as the school and juvenile courtthought he was doing it deliberately to get his ownway. The summer went well, not too many problems. Schoolstarted and he lasted a whole five days. One very hotSeptember day (92 in a non ac'd building and he hastemperature regulation problems anyway due toprematurity) he melted down in the hallway in front ofthe principals office. She came out and told him toleave the building. He could not comply so shecalled the police and had him charged withtrespassing. Again she felt that he was manipulatingthe situation to get his own way. She suspended himfor the remainder of the year. It took untilThanksgiving for them to get him a

tutor and untilafter the first of the year for her to actually meetwith him. So I again homeschooled him (he only sawthe tutor one hour a day for four days a week). Theproblem with my homeschooling him was that he did notearn any credits for those subjects and hours Itaught. The high school saw fit to pass him on to the11th grade with no recommendations for schooling.In January 2005 he was diagnosed with Asperger'sSyndrome (at 15). Prior diagnoses had been ADHD, ODD,OCD, GAD, and Tourette's. BiPolar and Schizophreniahad been ruled out. At this point the still pendingcharges were dropped. In August we toured the local alternative high schoolat our local college, at my insistence. It seemedideal - small classes, more teacher/student time andinvolvement, low stress atmosphere and the ability tohave a "safe" room where he could go to destressbefore a

meltdown occured. 50 students to fourteachers as compared to 2000 kids at the high schoolin classes of 30-35 students per one teacher. Iexplained the diagnosis and situation to the staff andthey and I felt that it would be a good fit for him. They had a two month long waiting list and it wasNovember 4th before he was able to begin classesthere. We started out slowly - just a couple of hoursat first and built up from there. By the end ofJanuary he was going full days as well as attendingtwo hour long night classes three days a week.About the same time in January we began to seeincreased symptoms - heightened stress levels, loweredfrustration tolerance, acting out (getting violent)and increased symptoms of anxiety (stomach upset,headaches, etc. I have tried to make things asnon-stressful as I can at home.Now, due to his frequent absences (stomaches, etc. Heis also

insulin dependent diabetic), the alternativeschool is now pushing him to drop out of their schooland pursue getting his GED. This suggestion bothers me for a couple of reasons. Firstly, the teacher that suggested this alsoadministers the GED program and gets additionly moniesfor the GED program with each student she places init. Also, my son's father and stepmother are alreadypushing that he do the GED route as it would mean lessnecessary involvement with his schooling (right now Itake him to school in the morning and they pick him upand take him to night school and then bring him homeafterward due to my working hours. Doing his GEDwould entail him working more at home on his ownwithout much assistance (something that he doesn''t dowell unless it involves tinkering with computers)I am seriously afraid that should he be pushed intothis option (the alternative school has quite a longwaiting

list and if he does not show progress theywill opt him out so that they can assist anotherstudent that they feel WILL make progress. He iscurrently a JUNIOR with only 3 credits. He is bright(IQ in the 130's) but I am afraid that if he is forcedto leave the alternative school he will give up on hiseducation. He is innately talented with electronics,but lacks the self motivation and self direction to besuccessful in pursuing a GED.The school system has failed him on almost every levelfor nearly half of his educational career. I DO NOTWANT THEM TO FAIL HIM YET AGAIN! What would some of you do, if he was your child ? Iwould appreciate any and all comments, insights, orideas that anyone may have.Thanks,__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

, Your son has an IEP? If the district cannot give him a free and appropriate education they are required by law to place him in a school where his needs can be met. Do you know of any schools with an Aspergers program? Here in my neck of the woods there is a chain of schools run by THE HELP GROUP. One of the schools is for kids with AS. From what I understand it goes from K-12. If you have such a school in your area I would talk to the district with an advocate and possibly a lawyer to see if you could have him placed in such a school. It can be a fight but worth it. I have not had so many problems yet that I have had to go that route but if things turn sour as my son gets older I plan on doing just that. Without having the school paid for theough an IEP the school's tuition is about $25,000 per year....... pretty steep..... But I am under the assumption that most children who attend are there because of an IEP. Hope this helps!!!!! in Lancaster, Ca Plain <likeawillow@...> wrote: Sorry to have been silent for so long, my hard drivedied and I have been without Internet for aconsiderable length of time until very recently. Ihave spent the last few days going through all theaccumulated messages and think I am finally up tospeed. I am crossposting this to another AS group asit is quite lengthy and I don't want to leave outanything. I hope no one is upset about that.I have an issue developing that I would appreciateinput on, especially from other parents of teenaspies.... A bit of background... my son has had a very rockytime with school since 6th grade. He spent the firstsemester of that year in what our school system callsa "transitional" school

(small classes, individuallesson plans) after having some problems at theelementary school with melting down due tofrustration. He excelled at the transitional school. He went back to public school for the second semesterand remained there for 7th grade. Both were markedwith occasional meltdowns - twice during the 2ndsemester of 6th and five times during 7th. They wereserious enough that the school felt it was necessaryto call the police to come and defuse the situation.Most times the meltdowns consisted of him gettinghysterical, pushing over chairs, hitting a locker infrustration, etc. Each time he was charged withdisorderly conduct and received community service as apunishment. In eighth grade, I was finally able toconvince the school that he needed an IEP and he wasplaced in a BD (behaviorally disordered) class. (oneteacher, eight kids). He lasted about two months. One day

he had been working on his spelling. The bellrang and he told the teacher that he was now going towork on his math as it was now math class. Sheinstructed him to continue with his spelling. Herefused (he is quite rigid about schedules). Shecalled the principal to come and "assist" him into thetime out room (a 6' by 3' room - totally inclosed witha small window in the door). He freaked and theycalled me to come and help them. I worked fiveminutes away and took less time than that to getthere. When I arrived he was sitting on a studycarrel (desk with high sides on it) rocking back andforth chanting "Don't touch me, don't touch me, don'ttouch me." They had "assisted" him by carrying himinto the room, even after I had told them previouslythat they were never to touch him during a meltdown asit would always escalate him. He ended up back in thehospital and was diagnosed with OCD

and severeanxiety. The school suspended him for the rest of theyear and I ended up homeschooling him - to be honestmore unschooling him - for the rest of the year.In 9th grade he went back to public school - at hisfather's insistence (we are divorced and were then). He made it through the whole year at the public highschool, but there were four incidents where theschool again felt that they were justified in callingthe pollce (one time he was being reprimanded forwearing his hood inside the school due to having asevere migraine, another he had just had his Yu-Gi-Ohcards stolen as he returned his tray after eating -both incidents ended up with him in hysterics on thefloor.) He once again ended up with charges - morecommunity service and a serious chance of being placedout of the home as the school and juvenile courtthought he was doing it deliberately to get his ownway. The summer

went well, not too many problems. Schoolstarted and he lasted a whole five days. One very hotSeptember day (92 in a non ac'd building and he hastemperature regulation problems anyway due toprematurity) he melted down in the hallway in front ofthe principals office. She came out and told him toleave the building. He could not comply so shecalled the police and had him charged withtrespassing. Again she felt that he was manipulatingthe situation to get his own way. She suspended himfor the remainder of the year. It took untilThanksgiving for them to get him a tutor and untilafter the first of the year for her to actually meetwith him. So I again homeschooled him (he only sawthe tutor one hour a day for four days a week). Theproblem with my homeschooling him was that he did notearn any credits for those subjects and hours Itaught. The high school saw fit

to pass him on to the11th grade with no recommendations for schooling.In January 2005 he was diagnosed with Asperger'sSyndrome (at 15). Prior diagnoses had been ADHD, ODD,OCD, GAD, and Tourette's. BiPolar and Schizophreniahad been ruled out. At this point the still pendingcharges were dropped. In August we toured the local alternative high schoolat our local college, at my insistence. It seemedideal - small classes, more teacher/student time andinvolvement, low stress atmosphere and the ability tohave a "safe" room where he could go to destressbefore a meltdown occured. 50 students to fourteachers as compared to 2000 kids at the high schoolin classes of 30-35 students per one teacher. Iexplained the diagnosis and situation to the staff andthey and I felt that it would be a good fit for him. They had a two month long waiting list and it wasNovember 4th before he

was able to begin classesthere. We started out slowly - just a couple of hoursat first and built up from there. By the end ofJanuary he was going full days as well as attendingtwo hour long night classes three days a week.About the same time in January we began to seeincreased symptoms - heightened stress levels, loweredfrustration tolerance, acting out (getting violent)and increased symptoms of anxiety (stomach upset,headaches, etc. I have tried to make things asnon-stressful as I can at home.Now, due to his frequent absences (stomaches, etc. Heis also insulin dependent diabetic), the alternativeschool is now pushing him to drop out of their schooland pursue getting his GED. This suggestion bothers me for a couple of reasons. Firstly, the teacher that suggested this alsoadministers the GED program and gets additionly moniesfor the GED program with each student she

places init. Also, my son's father and stepmother are alreadypushing that he do the GED route as it would mean lessnecessary involvement with his schooling (right now Itake him to school in the morning and they pick him upand take him to night school and then bring him homeafterward due to my working hours. Doing his GEDwould entail him working more at home on his ownwithout much assistance (something that he doesn''t dowell unless it involves tinkering with computers)I am seriously afraid that should he be pushed intothis option (the alternative school has quite a longwaiting list and if he does not show progress theywill opt him out so that they can assist anotherstudent that they feel WILL make progress. He iscurrently a JUNIOR with only 3 credits. He is bright(IQ in the 130's) but I am afraid that if he is forcedto leave the alternative school he will give up on hiseducation. He

is innately talented with electronics,but lacks the self motivation and self direction to besuccessful in pursuing a GED.The school system has failed him on almost every levelfor nearly half of his educational career. I DO NOTWANT THEM TO FAIL HIM YET AGAIN! What would some of you do, if he was your child ? Iwould appreciate any and all comments, insights, orideas that anyone may have.Thanks,__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

www.thehelpgroup.org Just to give you an idea Plain <likeawillow@...> wrote: Sorry to have been silent for so long, my hard drivedied and I have been without Internet for aconsiderable length of time until very recently. Ihave spent the last few days going through all theaccumulated messages and think I am finally up tospeed. I am crossposting this to another AS group asit is quite lengthy and I don't want to leave outanything. I hope no one is upset about that.I have an issue developing that I would appreciateinput on, especially from other parents of teenaspies.... A bit of background... my son has had a very rockytime with school since 6th grade. He spent the

firstsemester of that year in what our school system callsa "transitional" school (small classes, individuallesson plans) after having some problems at theelementary school with melting down due tofrustration. He excelled at the transitional school. He went back to public school for the second semesterand remained there for 7th grade. Both were markedwith occasional meltdowns - twice during the 2ndsemester of 6th and five times during 7th. They wereserious enough that the school felt it was necessaryto call the police to come and defuse the situation.Most times the meltdowns consisted of him gettinghysterical, pushing over chairs, hitting a locker infrustration, etc. Each time he was charged withdisorderly conduct and received community service as apunishment. In eighth grade, I was finally able toconvince the school that he needed an IEP and he wasplaced in a BD (behaviorally disordered)

class. (oneteacher, eight kids). He lasted about two months. One day he had been working on his spelling. The bellrang and he told the teacher that he was now going towork on his math as it was now math class. Sheinstructed him to continue with his spelling. Herefused (he is quite rigid about schedules). Shecalled the principal to come and "assist" him into thetime out room (a 6' by 3' room - totally inclosed witha small window in the door). He freaked and theycalled me to come and help them. I worked fiveminutes away and took less time than that to getthere. When I arrived he was sitting on a studycarrel (desk with high sides on it) rocking back andforth chanting "Don't touch me, don't touch me, don'ttouch me." They had "assisted" him by carrying himinto the room, even after I had told them previouslythat they were never to touch him during a meltdown asit would

always escalate him. He ended up back in thehospital and was diagnosed with OCD and severeanxiety. The school suspended him for the rest of theyear and I ended up homeschooling him - to be honestmore unschooling him - for the rest of the year.In 9th grade he went back to public school - at hisfather's insistence (we are divorced and were then). He made it through the whole year at the public highschool, but there were four incidents where theschool again felt that they were justified in callingthe pollce (one time he was being reprimanded forwearing his hood inside the school due to having asevere migraine, another he had just had his Yu-Gi-Ohcards stolen as he returned his tray after eating -both incidents ended up with him in hysterics on thefloor.) He once again ended up with charges - morecommunity service and a serious chance of being placedout of the home as the school and juvenile

courtthought he was doing it deliberately to get his ownway. The summer went well, not too many problems. Schoolstarted and he lasted a whole five days. One very hotSeptember day (92 in a non ac'd building and he hastemperature regulation problems anyway due toprematurity) he melted down in the hallway in front ofthe principals office. She came out and told him toleave the building. He could not comply so shecalled the police and had him charged withtrespassing. Again she felt that he was manipulatingthe situation to get his own way. She suspended himfor the remainder of the year. It took untilThanksgiving for them to get him a tutor and untilafter the first of the year for her to actually meetwith him. So I again homeschooled him (he only sawthe tutor one hour a day for four days a week). Theproblem with my homeschooling him was that he did

notearn any credits for those subjects and hours Itaught. The high school saw fit to pass him on to the11th grade with no recommendations for schooling.In January 2005 he was diagnosed with Asperger'sSyndrome (at 15). Prior diagnoses had been ADHD, ODD,OCD, GAD, and Tourette's. BiPolar and Schizophreniahad been ruled out. At this point the still pendingcharges were dropped. In August we toured the local alternative high schoolat our local college, at my insistence. It seemedideal - small classes, more teacher/student time andinvolvement, low stress atmosphere and the ability tohave a "safe" room where he could go to destressbefore a meltdown occured. 50 students to fourteachers as compared to 2000 kids at the high schoolin classes of 30-35 students per one teacher. Iexplained the diagnosis and situation to the staff andthey and I felt that it would be a

good fit for him. They had a two month long waiting list and it wasNovember 4th before he was able to begin classesthere. We started out slowly - just a couple of hoursat first and built up from there. By the end ofJanuary he was going full days as well as attendingtwo hour long night classes three days a week.About the same time in January we began to seeincreased symptoms - heightened stress levels, loweredfrustration tolerance, acting out (getting violent)and increased symptoms of anxiety (stomach upset,headaches, etc. I have tried to make things asnon-stressful as I can at home.Now, due to his frequent absences (stomaches, etc. Heis also insulin dependent diabetic), the alternativeschool is now pushing him to drop out of their schooland pursue getting his GED. This suggestion bothers me for a couple of reasons. Firstly, the teacher that suggested this

alsoadministers the GED program and gets additionly moniesfor the GED program with each student she places init. Also, my son's father and stepmother are alreadypushing that he do the GED route as it would mean lessnecessary involvement with his schooling (right now Itake him to school in the morning and they pick him upand take him to night school and then bring him homeafterward due to my working hours. Doing his GEDwould entail him working more at home on his ownwithout much assistance (something that he doesn''t dowell unless it involves tinkering with computers)I am seriously afraid that should he be pushed intothis option (the alternative school has quite a longwaiting list and if he does not show progress theywill opt him out so that they can assist anotherstudent that they feel WILL make progress. He iscurrently a JUNIOR with only 3 credits. He is bright(IQ in the 130's) but I am

afraid that if he is forcedto leave the alternative school he will give up on hiseducation. He is innately talented with electronics,but lacks the self motivation and self direction to besuccessful in pursuing a GED.The school system has failed him on almost every levelfor nearly half of his educational career. I DO NOTWANT THEM TO FAIL HIM YET AGAIN! What would some of you do, if he was your child ? Iwould appreciate any and all comments, insights, orideas that anyone may have.Thanks,__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

>

> Your post made my eyes water, picturing him in that room,

being so misunderstood. You both have had such a hard time.

I'm not an expert but we have a child developement specialist

who works with us. He is a real blessing. The Kirsch Center in

Rochester has saved us from much turmoil. My son is almost

14, diagnosed at 8 with Aspergers.

Then you truly do understand what this has been like. It is nice

to talk to someone who has a child of similar or like ages. So

many of the members have much younger children. I'm

sometimes afraid of sharing too much, I don't want to scare

them with worse case scenarios.

> I have a divorce situation as well, my ex still has yet to try to

understand our son. His answer is to let him play xbox the whole

time he is with him.

My ex and his new wife just tend to ignore . Sometimes it

is difficult to even get his dad to spend time with him at all. There

is so much more back story that is involved with their

relationship with him that I feel impacts much of what is going on

with him. His wife believes that is just a typical teenager

and that I am at the crux of the problems with him, that I spoil

him, that I overprotect him and don't allow him to be a normal

teen. Neither really cares to learn more about the AS or how it

impacts 's world.

> I moved a year ago to a school district with an excellent ASD

program and my son is finally flourishing after years of trying this

and trying that.

I really wish I could move and find a district that has a better

track record. I'm buying our home and it would be very difficult to

relocate at this time. The school system here, though, has had it

in for since before he hit middle school. They decided that

everything was the ODD, even after the doctors recinded the

diagnosis and properly diagnosed him. The school system

WOULD NOT change their minds, they were determined that

THEY were correct.

>We did homeschool for a couple of years. There are many ways

of homeschooling. Some of them you earn credits and get

diplomas. Calvert was excellent. I've also heard K-12 is

wonderful. Both use computers quite a bit. My ex made the HS

difficult in many ways. (Putting ideas in my sons head that he

was " missing out " ). I think homeschooling can be wonderful in

> many situations. I'd be happy to answer any questions if I can.

I may just take you up on that. So far, homeschooling has not

worked out well for us. Being a single mom and having to work

to support us leaves not a lot of time to work with him and he is

very difficult to keep on task (unless he is fascinated with the

subject. The best way I was able to teach him was to couch

everything in forms that he was fascinated with ie... carpentry for

math, etc.

> One more thing, a lot of HS programs don't require a lot of time

from the parent-lesson plans are already done etc. You are

somewhat of a " supervisor " . My son enjoyed Calvert as he would

be done with " school " in about 3 hours and had more time for

his " passions " . He was so much more relaxed......

WAS more relaxed while we were home schooling, but he

also wasn''t getting much done. Our particular school system is

not very friendly to home schooling parents and students.

Supposedly we have this great school system, but let me tell

you, after being in it for 20 years, I don't agree at all - it is not a

great school system if you have a special needs child.

Thanks for replying Joanie. I appreciate it so much

..Joanie

>

Steph

[Guest guest]

>

> ,

> Your son has an IEP?

He did. For 9th and 10th grade. This year, since the alternative

school can't enforce the IEP, they downgraded it to a 504. Even

when he had the IEP, they weren't holding to it. He was

supposed to have a " safe " room. They would tell him that it was

on the second floor north end in the morning and first floor south

end in the afternoon (or vice versa, I can't remember). They

would not give him ONE place that it was safe for him to

deescalate. Their second suggestion was that he could walk

the " square " of halls on the second floor to cool off. I tried to tell

them that that suggestion was less than ideal when classes

changed and their was 200+ kids in those very halls. They didn't

care.

> If the district cannot give him a free and appropriate education

they are required by law to place him in a school where his

needs can be met. I've told them that. I've talked to an attorney

about it. He says that other parents have tried to force the school

system to do that very thing, taken them to court and the school

system HAS NEVER lost.

>Do you know of any schools with an Aspergers program?

Unfortunately no. The only AS program anywhere near here is

50 miles away and is strictly for preschool and kindergarten kids.

>Here in my neck of the woods there is a chain of schools run by

THE HELP GROUP. One of the schools is for kids with AS. From

what I understand it goes from K-12. If you have such a school in

your area I would talk to the district with an advocate and

possibly a lawyer to see if you could have him placed in such a

school. It can be a fight but worth it.

If there would be such a school close by I would be willing to

fight for it. Even though our living income is so tight that it

squeaIs, it would be worth it.

>I have not had so many problems yet that I have had to go that

route but if things turn sour as my son gets older I plan on doing

just that.

I hope that you never have to go through it.

>Without having the school paid for theough an IEP the school's

tuition is about $25,000 per year....... pretty steep.....

Steep, yeah. Thats about twice what I made in 2004 and four

times what I made last year. Like I said, we pinch a penny til it

squeals.

>But I am under the assumption that most children who attend

are there because of an IEP. Hope this helps!!!!!

Every little bit helps, . Thank you so much for replying and

for all the good information.

>

> in Lancaster, Ca

>

>

[Guest guest]

>

> Hi ,

> I am sorry your son and your family is going thru this.I wish I

could say

> that this was a rare occurance(school setting your child up to

fail)but it

> isn't.

I know it is not a rare occurance. I used to work at a day

treatment and alternative school facility for " at risk " youth and I

saw all too well how the school system treated the kids who

needed their help the most.

>In fact,more and more schools will

> set a kid with autism up intentionally to get them out of the

school.They

> also like to do the same to kids labeled ED.There are so many

kids who need

> services,the schools view it as " those kids "

> who are draining resources away from the deserving children.

That is exactly what I saw as well.

> You have 3 choices

> 1)get educated about special education and the governing

regulations

> IDEA,NCLB,504

> go to IEP GUIDE and ,website

wrightslaw,be prepared

> to fight,possibly hiring an attorney

Have already contacted an attorney and been told that the school

system has NEVER lost a fight with parents over schooling.

> 2)move

Wish that were more possible. As it is, I need to be working as

much as possible. Even with working now, I am not making

enough to make it each month. We keep falling further and

further behind.

> 3)homeschool ,get a ged,check community service board

> etc.

If homeschool, I want to be guaranteed that the work he does

gets the credits he needs for graduation. It is unfair to have them

do the work and then tell them, ''tough, you don't earn credits

toward graduation for homeschooled subjects " . That's betrayal

of the worst kind by a school institution in my eyes.

> Sometimes,as unfair as it it,you have to accept that the choices

offered are

> all bad.

I know. I know.

> Asperger people and people with autism will often develop

other conditions

> due to stress as your son did,if you cannot force the school into

educating

> your son without emotionally harming him,I

> would suggest 2or 3

I thank you for answering my post and for being so honest and

realistic with me. I appreciate it. Having two ASD teens makes

you especially cognizant of the inherent problems.

> Theresa mom to 2 asd teens

Thanks again,

Steph

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

> They had a two month long waiting list and it was

> November 4th before he was able to begin classes

> there. We started out slowly - just a couple of hours

> at first and built up from there. By the end of

> January he was going full days as well as attending

> two hour long night classes three days a week.

>

> About the same time in January we began to see

> increased symptoms - heightened stress levels, lowered

> frustration tolerance, acting out (getting violent)

> and increased symptoms of anxiety (stomach upset,

> headaches, etc. I have tried to make things as

> non-stressful as I can at home.

>

This is the crux really - going full-time and doing evening classes is too

much for him at this time. He needs to be doing less - so he needs to be

able to spread his classes over a longer time to cover the credits (I don't

know quite how your system works, but maybe 2 years instead of one, or 3

years instead of 2, for instance).

>

> This suggestion bothers me for a couple of reasons.

> Firstly, the teacher that suggested this also

> administers the GED program and gets additionly monies

> for the GED program with each student she places in

> it. Also, my son's father and stepmother are already

> pushing that he do the GED route as it would mean less

> necessary involvement with his schooling

So we are hearing what other people want, but not what he wants himself.

What does he want to do? (Apart from have an easy life with no demands!).

Does he want to go to college/university? What kind of job would he like to

do? Work from what he wants to determine what kind of school programme will

enable him to do that.

> I am seriously afraid that should he be pushed into

> this option (the alternative school has quite a long

> waiting list and if he does not show progress they

> will opt him out so that they can assist another

> student that they feel WILL make progress.

He will not make progress whilst he is under so much stress. So he needs to

go part-time atm - and that means they could offer the rest of the time to

another student.

in England

[Guest guest]

Steph,

I was thinking,some states have virtual charter schools which would give

son credits.

Also,some states have homeschooled kids take the high stakes testing and do

give credit.

Have you looked at your school board policy regs for homeschool ,charter

shools.Check your state regs too.

Hugs to you and son

If it's any consillation,I dropped out in 10 th grade,but did get my GED,and

went to college for 2 yrs.I also could not 'make it " in Jr High,H.S I have

ADD,I know that everything is much more challenging for our asd kids,but

everyone thrives where they are getting their needs met

Re: Back after a computer crash.....

>

>>

>> Hi ,

>> I am sorry your son and your family is going thru this.I wish I

> could say

>> that this was a rare occurance(school setting your child up to

> fail)but it

>> isn't.

>

> I know it is not a rare occurance. I used to work at a day

> treatment and alternative school facility for " at risk " youth and I

> saw all too well how the school system treated the kids who

> needed their help the most.

>

>>In fact,more and more schools will

>> set a kid with autism up intentionally to get them out of the

> school.They

>> also like to do the same to kids labeled ED.There are so many

> kids who need

>> services,the schools view it as " those kids "

>> who are draining resources away from the deserving children.

>

> That is exactly what I saw as well.

>

>> You have 3 choices

>> 1)get educated about special education and the governing

> regulations

>> IDEA,NCLB,504

>> go to IEP GUIDE and ,website

> wrightslaw,be prepared

>> to fight,possibly hiring an attorney

>

> Have already contacted an attorney and been told that the school

> system has NEVER lost a fight with parents over schooling.

>

>> 2)move

>

> Wish that were more possible. As it is, I need to be working as

> much as possible. Even with working now, I am not making

> enough to make it each month. We keep falling further and

> further behind.

>

>> 3)homeschool ,get a ged,check community service board

>> etc.

>

> If homeschool, I want to be guaranteed that the work he does

> gets the credits he needs for graduation. It is unfair to have them

> do the work and then tell them, ''tough, you don't earn credits

> toward graduation for homeschooled subjects " . That's betrayal

> of the worst kind by a school institution in my eyes.

>

>> Sometimes,as unfair as it it,you have to accept that the choices

> offered are

>> all bad.

>

> I know. I know.

>

>> Asperger people and people with autism will often develop

> other conditions

>> due to stress as your son did,if you cannot force the school into

> educating

>> your son without emotionally harming him,I

>> would suggest 2or 3

>

> I thank you for answering my post and for being so honest and

> realistic with me. I appreciate it. Having two ASD teens makes

> you especially cognizant of the inherent problems.

>

>> Theresa mom to 2 asd teens

>

>

> Thanks again,

>

> Steph

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Steph, Threaten them with a lawyer and get an advocate...... They will start dancing if you do....... in Lancaster, Calikeawillow <likeawillow@...> wrote: >> ,> Your son has an IEP?He did. For 9th and 10th grade. This year, since the alternative school can't enforce the IEP, they downgraded it to a 504. Even when he had the IEP, they weren't holding to it. He was supposed to have a "safe" room. They would tell him that it was on the second floor north end in the morning and first floor south end in the afternoon (or vice versa, I can't remember). They would not give him ONE place that it was

safe for him to deescalate. Their second suggestion was that he could walk the "square" of halls on the second floor to cool off. I tried to tell them that that suggestion was less than ideal when classes changed and their was 200+ kids in those very halls. They didn't care. > If the district cannot give him a free and appropriate education they are required by law to place him in a school where his needs can be met. I've told them that. I've talked to an attorney about it. He says that other parents have tried to force the school system to do that very thing, taken them to court and the school system HAS NEVER lost.>Do you know of any schools with an Aspergers program? Unfortunately no. The only AS program anywhere near here is 50 miles away and is strictly for preschool and kindergarten kids. >Here in my neck of the woods there is a chain

of schools run by THE HELP GROUP. One of the schools is for kids with AS. From what I understand it goes from K-12. If you have such a school in your area I would talk to the district with an advocate and possibly a lawyer to see if you could have him placed in such a school. It can be a fight but worth it. If there would be such a school close by I would be willing to fight for it. Even though our living income is so tight that it squeaIs, it would be worth it.>I have not had so many problems yet that I have had to go that route but if things turn sour as my son gets older I plan on doing just that. I hope that you never have to go through it.>Without having the school paid for theough an IEP the school's tuition is about $25,000 per year....... pretty steep..... Steep, yeah. Thats about twice what I made in 2004 and four times what I made last year. Like I said, we pinch a

penny til it squeals. >But I am under the assumption that most children who attend are there because of an IEP. Hope this helps!!!!! Every little bit helps, . Thank you so much for replying and for all the good information.> > in Lancaster, Ca> >

What are the most popular cars? Find out at Autos

[Guest guest]

Hi

I am just catching up on old posts and saw this one,

if your interested in HS'ing check out HomeschoolingAspies/ it is very informative for anyone home schooling or thinking about home schooling as Asperger child.

Greta

-Original Message-----From: Autism and Aspergers Treatment [mailto:Autism and Aspergers Treatment ]On Behalf Of Joan PotterSent: Thursday, February 23, 2006 12:45 PMAutism and Aspergers Treatment Subject: Re: Back after a computer crash.....Your post made my eyes water, picturing him in that room, being so misunderstood. You both have had such a hard time. I'm not an expert but we have a child developement specialist who works with us. He is a real blessing. The Kirsch Center in Rochester has saved us from much turmoil. My son is almost 14, diagnosed at 8 with Aspergers. I have a divorce situation as well, my ex still has yet to try to understand our son. His answer is to let him play xbox the whole time he is with him. I moved a year ago to a school district with an excellent ASD program and my son is finally flourishing after years of trying this and trying that. We did homeschool for a couple of years. There are many ways of homeschooling. Some of them you earn credits and get diplomas. Calvert was excellent. I've also heard K-12 is wonderful. Both use computers quite a bit. My ex made the HS difficult in many ways. (Putting ideas in my sons head that he was "missing out"). I think homeschooling can be wonderful in many situations. I'd be happy to answer any questions if I can. One more thing, a lot of HS programs don't require a lot of time from the parent-lesson plans are already done etc. You are somewhat of a "supervisor". My son enjoyed Calvert as he would be done with "school" in about 3 hours and had more time for his "passions". He was so much more relaxed...... Joanie Plain <likeawillow@...> wrote: Sorry to have been silent for so long, my hard drivedied and I have been without Internet for aconsiderable length of time until very recently. Ihave spent the last few days going through all theaccumulated messages and think I am finally up tospeed. I am crossposting this to another AS group asit is quite lengthy and I don't want to leave outanything. I hope no one is upset about that.I have an issue developing that I would appreciateinput on, especially from other parents of teenaspies.... A bit of background... my son has had a very rockytime with school since 6th grade. He spent the firstsemester of that year in what our school system callsa "transitional" school (small classes, individuallesson plans) after having some problems at theelementary school with melting down due tofrustration. He excelled at the transitional school. He went back to public school for the second semesterand remained there for 7th grade. Both were markedwith occasional meltdowns - twice during the 2ndsemester of 6th and five times during 7th. They wereserious enough that the school felt it was necessaryto call the police to come and defuse the situation.Most times the meltdowns consisted of him gettinghysterical, pushing over chairs, hitting a locker infrustration, etc. Each time he was charged withdisorderly conduct and received community service as apunishment. In eighth grade, I was finally able toconvince the school that he needed an IEP and he wasplaced in a BD (behaviorally disordered) class. (oneteacher, eight kids). He lasted about two months. One day he had been working on his spelling. The bellrang and he told the teacher that he was now going towork on his math as it was now math class. Sheinstructed him to continue with his spelling. Herefused (he is quite rigid about schedules). Shecalled the principal to come and "assist" him into thetime out room (a 6' by 3' room - totally inclosed witha small window in the door). He freaked and theycalled me to come and help them. I worked fiveminutes away and took less time than that to getthere. When I arrived he was sitting on a studycarrel (desk with high sides on it) rocking back andforth chanting "Don't touch me, don't touch me, don'ttouch me." They had "assisted" him by carrying himinto the room, even after I had told them previouslythat they were never to touch him during a meltdown asit would always escalate him. He ended up back in thehospital and was diagnosed with OCD and severeanxiety. The school suspended him for the rest of theyear and I ended up homeschooling him - to be honestmore unschooling him - for the rest of the year.In 9th grade he went back to public school - at hisfather's insistence (we are divorced and were then). He made it through the whole year at the public highschool, but there were four incidents where theschool again felt that they were justified in callingthe pollce (one time he was being reprimanded forwearing his hood inside the school due to having asevere migraine, another he had just had his Yu-Gi-Ohcards stolen as he returned his tray after eating -both incidents ended up with him in hysterics on thefloor.) He once again ended up with charges - morecommunity service and a serious chance of being placedout of the home as the school and juvenile courtthought he was doing it deliberately to get his ownway. The summer went well, not too many problems. Schoolstarted and he lasted a whole five days. One very hotSeptember day (92 in a non ac'd building and he hastemperature regulation problems anyway due toprematurity) he melted down in the hallway in front ofthe principals office. She came out and told him toleave the building. He could not comply so shecalled the police and had him charged withtrespassing. Again she felt that he was manipulatingthe situation to get his own way. She suspended himfor the remainder of the year. It took untilThanksgiving for them to get him a tutor and untilafter the first of the year for her to actually meetwith him. So I again homeschooled him (he only sawthe tutor one hour a day for four days a week). Theproblem with my homeschooling him was that he did notearn any credits for those subjects and hours Itaught. The high school saw fit to pass him on to the11th grade with no recommendations for schooling.In January 2005 he was diagnosed with Asperger'sSyndrome (at 15). Prior diagnoses had been ADHD, ODD,OCD, GAD, and Tourette's. BiPolar and Schizophreniahad been ruled out. At this point the still pendingcharges were dropped. In August we toured the local alternative high schoolat our local college, at my insistence. It seemedideal - small classes, more teacher/student time andinvolvement, low stress atmosphere and the ability tohave a "safe" room where he could go to destressbefore a meltdown occured. 50 students to fourteachers as compared to 2000 kids at the high schoolin classes of 30-35 students per one teacher. Iexplained the diagnosis and situation to the staff andthey and I felt that it would be a good fit for him. They had a two month long waiting list and it wasNovember 4th before he was able to begin classesthere. We started out slowly - just a couple of hoursat first and built up from there. By the end ofJanuary he was going full days as well as attendingtwo hour long night classes three days a week.About the same time in January we began to seeincreased symptoms - heightened stress levels, loweredfrustration tolerance, acting out (getting violent)and increased symptoms of anxiety (stomach upset,headaches, etc. I have tried to make things asnon-stressful as I can at home.Now, due to his frequent absences (stomaches, etc. Heis also insulin dependent diabetic), the alternativeschool is now pushing him to drop out of their schooland pursue getting his GED. This suggestion bothers me for a couple of reasons. Firstly, the teacher that suggested this alsoadministers the GED program and gets additionly moniesfor the GED program with each student she places init. Also, my son's father and stepmother are alreadypushing that he do the GED route as it would mean lessnecessary involvement with his schooling (right now Itake him to school in the morning and they pick him upand take him to night school and then bring him homeafterward due to my working hours. Doing his GEDwould entail him working more at home on his ownwithout much assistance (something that he doesn''t dowell unless it involves tinkering with computers)I am seriously afraid that should he be pushed intothis option (the alternative school has quite a longwaiting list and if he does not show progress theywill opt him out so that they can assist anotherstudent that they feel WILL make progress. He iscurrently a JUNIOR with only 3 credits. He is bright(IQ in the 130's) but I am afraid that if he is forcedto leave the alternative school he will give up on hiseducation. He is innately talented with electronics,but lacks the self motivation and self direction to besuccessful in pursuing a GED.The school system has failed him on almost every levelfor nearly half of his educational career. I DO NOTWANT THEM TO FAIL HIM YET AGAIN! What would some of you do, if he was your child ? Iwould appreciate any and all comments, insights, orideas that anyone may have.Thanks,__________________________________________________