2nd diagnosis...

[Guest guest]

Today, I took my 4 year old in for a second diagnosis, the first

being December 14th with Aspergers.

The first was a psychologist, today a different clinic, with only

psychiatrists. Can anybody tell me the real difference between

psychologist and psychiatry, other than prescribing meds?

Today, I was told by the psychiatrist that the psychologist is

highly recognised as quite competant, so I felt that the rest of the

visit today was his attempt at feeling I didn't " waste my time " by

coming to see him.

Here is how I feel: lost. Henry (4 year old) sees the phychologist

next week. What questions should I ask? I believe her plan is play

therapy, then assignments for me to deal with him. What should I

expect--because I think my own expectations usually get me in

trouble! Part of me just wants to blow off the whole diagnosis and

just love him, and part of me desperately wants to " make him all

better " !

My other children think I " spoil " him, because I choose which

battles are worth fighting--and if he wants me to get him a

different cup, I just do without arguing. I seem to fluctuate in

what I think is wrong. For example, we spend a few " tolerable

days " , and I think he was just " going through a phase " . Then we have

a few days loaded with meltdowns. Or a friend tells me if I brought

her kids in, they would have some " malady " . I told her, " Yeah, but

it is not dominating your life the way Henry's problems do " . Or,

for example, Henry had to be to the clinic at 9:00 am. 3:00 am he

wakes me to say he is " ready " to get up. I set up a video for him,

and went back to bed; he has been awake since. My mother says I

should lay down the law that it is bed time. She doesn't know what

that is like: a meltdown that wakes the entire household. She says

he is strong willed--I say he has determination. He is quite

irrational--to him, because the moon showed, it was " light out " ,

hense morning. He doesn't seem to understand that we don't agree--

he acts like it is us that don't understand the obvious. Sigh.

Heidi

[Guest guest]

2nd

diagnosis...

Today, I took my 4 year old in for a second diagnosis, the first

being December 14th with Aspergers.

The first was a psychologist, today a different

clinic, with only

psychiatrists. Can anybody tell me the real

difference between

psychologist and psychiatry, other than

prescribing meds?

Heidi

*****Hi Heidi, I have some thoughts but

need to run right now. I will respond tomorrow. Maybe someone else will jump in……….Don’t

worry…Gail

[Guest guest]

2nd

diagnosis...

Today, I took my 4 year old in for a second diagnosis, the first

being December 14th with Aspergers.

Can anybody tell me the real difference between

psychologist and psychiatry, other than prescribing meds?

********Hi Heidi, Psychiatrist is a licensed medical Dr., you can do a web search for more specifics than I could

give…….

Today, I was told by the psychiatrist that the

psychologist is

highly recognised as quite competant,

********I think this is good….

Here is how I feel: lost. Henry (4 year old)

sees the phychologist

next week. What questions should I

ask? I believe her plan is play

therapy, then assignments for me to deal with

him. What should I

expect--because I think my own expectations usually get me in

trouble!

******** Just plan on the whole process being slow going but that

is OK. The Psychologist can ask questions and from there you may think of some.

You may not think so, but it is good that your son is only 4 and you can start

this now. My son was almost 10 and it was pretty tough for awhile, as we didn’t

know what was going on.

 Part of me just wants to blow

off the whole diagnosis and

just love him, and part of me desperately wants to " make him all

better " !

********Step by step is the way to go. The more you read for awhile,

the more you think you should be doing and you have to watch out for this. It’s

easy to feel overwhelmed and guilty. I think the Psychologist is a good

starting point. Do a search on OASIS Asperger’s and Barb Kirby has a very

good ‘all purpose’ book which would be good for family members as

well.

My other children think I " spoil " him,

because I choose which

battles are worth fighting--and if he wants me to get him a

different cup, I just do without arguing.

********I agree, give him the different cup. This is a question you can

ask the counselor at some time, the feelings of the other kids…Also there

are books for kids, Future Horizons would have some.  I seem to fluctuate in

what I think is wrong. For example, we spend a few " tolerable

days " , and I think he was just " going

through a phase " . Then we have

a few days loaded with meltdowns. Or a

friend tells me if I brought

her kids in, they would have some " malady " .

********She’s wrong. I just don’t talk about my son to

relatives, etc. who don’t get it…I only

discuss positives or nothing at all about my son. My brothers

family think I spoil my son as well. Not so, I take care of my son as a parent

should.

  Or,

for example, Henry had to be to the clinic at 9:00 am. 3:00 am he

wakes me to say he is " ready " to get

up. I set up a video for him,

and went back to bed; he has been awake

since. My mother says I

should lay down the law that it is bed time.

********Sorry, your mother is wrong in my opinion. These kids go

through times when they just can’t sleep. About 3-4 times a year my son

wakes at 4 and I just have him watch TV. Sometimes he goes back to sleep and

sometimes he doesn’t. For years my son couldn’t go to sleep. He

takes Melatonin(over the counter) and OK’d by

his Dr.’s. If your son has trouble falling a sleep you might try a very

low dose say ½ mg. You can check with his Dr.

She doesn't know what

that is like: a meltdown that wakes the entire household.

She says

he is strong willed--I say he has determination.

*********It’s just his system is different.

 He is quite

irrational--to him, because the moon showed, it was " light

out " ,

hense morning.

********I see where he is coming from. My son loves facts and the fact

is, it is light out mom! These are the lessons that

just take lots of time and patience, but it is worth it. Example, yesterday

,13,and I had lunch with my friend. Proud as can

be she takes out a gift of a small teddy bear with a knit sweater. It was very

cute but not for a 13 year old, 5’4”. just looked at it. He

didn’t really respond but he didn’t say,

that’s a ridicules gift either. I was very proud of him. I explained to

my friend to us it was cute, but for him it was a bit young. She was fine with

it. She’s actually given him great gifts through the years, like dog mugs

when he was into dogs and antique lanterns… The point is there are

certain things you will have to say a million times but eventually they do

click. My biggest suggestion to you is to read to your son lots and get down on

the floor and play with him. Sounds like the Psychologist will have play

activities for you to do which will be very helpful….Good luck and ask

any questions…Gail

[Guest guest]

Well, I can certainly sympathize. I was in your shoes 5-1/2 years ago. was very strong willed, and I was basically a prisoner in my own home, because going anywhere caused turmoil and meltdowns. His scream was unbearable at times, and I was exhausted. Just like you, I chose my battles. You have to give in at times, just know when you do have to lay down the law or I should say, teach him the rules.

Expect what you expect. has had at least 9 evals over his lifespan, and they all were different. However, it is clear he has high functioning autism, possibly Asperger's, but I wonder about this. Go ahead with the evaluation.

It does get better, so know that. As he matures and learns more about our world, some of these tantrums and meltdowns will evaporate. Get behavioral therapy into the picture, like playtime, to help teach him social skills.

today is 9-1/2 and believe me....he is my best behaved child. My oldest son is 11-1/2, and my youngest, a girl is almost 8, and they fight and pick on each other all the time. , he just minds his own business, or if he has trouble, he comes to me with a nice voice and tells me his mind. In school, he's even tempered, maybe....a bit weepy at times, because he is immature and emotional. Our only difficulty today is refusing to do school work, and all of it comes home as homework, which is another battle, not necessarily all his.

Good luck!

a - Peoria IL-- "Heidi" <hotcoolings@...> wrote:Here is how I feel: lost. Henry (4 year old) sees the phychologist next week. What questions should I ask? I believe her plan is play therapy, then assignments for me to deal with him. What should I expect--because I think my own expectations usually get me in trouble! Part of me just wants to blow off the whole diagnosis and just love him, and part of me desperately wants to "make him all better"!

[Guest guest]

Thanks, a, for your warmth. I really needed that. I cannot

talk to people about him, because of course they all know better,

how he is " just a little behind " , or I am expecting too much for his

age. I could assume that to be the case, but three of his siblings

are older than him, and I have been down the road with them as four

year olds. I cannot believe they were exceptionally gifted at this

age!

I can say, too, that he is probably the most joyful of my kids, if

we don't rattle his cage. However, I hate taking him out, as you

said, because I cannot predict how he will behave. He had a

meltdown on the way to church Sunday (30 L-O-N-G minutes), then on

the way back. I think he gets too " cramped " in our van, with

everybody there. He is so cute to watch--cause you see in his smile

and his eyes how much he loves life--pure JOY. Yet, in the middle

of a meltdown, I see despair in those same eyes! Very hard to watch.

Anyway, I am so happy to get encouragement from people who don't

make me feel like I " invented " his problems. Funny thing is, before

his little sister was born, we would rarely go to doctors, maybe

once every 2 or 3 years, so I cannot believe people think I enjoy

going now! Then, the baby was born with problems all her own, and I

have spent the last 13 months hauling her around MN to specialists,

and now this with Henry...argh! So those insinuations that I enjoy

the attention are ridiculous!

Anyhow, thanks for the encouragement! You guys are great!

>

> Here is how I feel: lost. Henry (4 year old) sees the

phychologist

> next week. What questions should I ask? I believe her plan is

play

> therapy, then assignments for me to deal with him. What should I

> expect--because I think my own expectations usually get me in

> trouble! Part of me just wants to blow off the whole diagnosis

and

> just love him, and part of me desperately wants to " make him all

> better " !

>

[Guest guest]

Well, I can relate. For the longest time everyone, including the hubby, made me feel as though nothing was wrong with . Yet, they weren't with him 24/7. They didn't see the magnitude of these meltdowns. The worst one I remember was when was just over 4 years old and I tried to go shopping at Target. His sister was with, and she was 2 at the time. could not walk through a store. He had to be strapped in a stroller or in a cart. So, this day, I had him in the basket of the cart. She was sitting in the seat above. I was trying to buy a birthday gift for a little girl's birthday party. It had been an exhausting week already with him, but this was the icing. I had a few necessities in the cart and proceeded towards the toy aisle. We turned the corner and went down the doll aisle. He began wildly screaming, and trying to climb out of the cart. He almost tipped it over and I was trying to keep him and her from falling out. His scream was so loud a crowd began to form. He jumped out of the cart, and started throwing his arms in the air and screaming, "The eyes!" "The eyes!" I had no idea what set him off, and I could not catch him, so I grabbed him by the shirt, and had her under my arm. She was now crying, because she was scared....and there were all those people starring at me...or should I say glaring at me. I finally got him and picked him up in my arms and left the cart where it was at. We got to my van, and I just began sobbing. He was still screaming and screamed all the way home. Once we got in the house, I called my sister, and fell apart. It was a Friday, and at the time we lived in Madison WI and she in Peoria IL. I told her I needed a break and I was coming to stay for a couple of days. I called the hubby, and he agreed. He got home that night and I was like, "I can't do this anymore!" I couldn't live like that, but I did. I got through it, one day at a time. was like you son, very adorable, but when he raged, he raged. I later figured out....he didn't like doll eyes, but he couldn't tell me then. He told me later. Today, like I said, he is just adorable...he no longer has behavior issues....knock on wood!

a

-- "Heidi" <hotcoolings@...> wrote:Anyway, I am so happy to get encouragement from people who don't make me feel like I "invented" his problems. Funny thing is, before his little sister was born, we would rarely go to doctors, maybe once every 2 or 3 years, so I cannot believe people think I enjoy going now! Then, the baby was born with problems all her own, and I have spent the last 13 months hauling her around MN to specialists, and now this with Henry...argh! So those insinuations that I enjoy the attention are ridiculous!

[Guest guest]

..

He jumped out of the cart, and started throwing his arms in the air and

screaming, " The eyes! " " The eyes! "

I had no idea what set him off,. I later figured

out....he didn't like doll eyes, but he couldn't tell me then.

a

*********My son has always hated dolls, clowns and

monkeys. He still shivers at 13 when he sees a doll………..Gail

[Guest guest]

That is exactly a " Henry episode " . And, two of my siblings don't

have children, so they always complain that " any time of the night

or day we can go into a store and hear a kid crying. Even in the

middle of the night, at a grocery store! " I always tell them I

sincerely doubt that a parent WANTED to take a kid out past their

naptime or bedtime, for the shear joy of annoying childless people,

and that maybe they should ask if they can help that parent speed up

that shopping experience.

Before Henry, I was never annoyed about seeing a screaming child,

but wondered what their story was (usually, I assumed they just

didn't like shopping! Ha ha!) That was before I even had Henry. I

always told people when he was even a TINY baby, that he would've

come out sideways to spite me. Everything is such a hassle! Now, I

find he is best left at home. Unfortunately, older sibs get mad

that we can't do certain things " because of Henry " . The

psychiatrist told me that they must be seeing his as a spoiled brat,

not as having a disability.

As for the doll eyes bothering , can you imagine what we take

for granted as tolerable, yet they are so horrible for some people!

It seems irrational that doll eyes would bother him, but with Henry,

nearly everything affects him strangely, and now even if I see a

movie, I analyse the people. Have you seen " Napoleon Dynamite " ? I

am certain his social disorder ranges somewhere along the autism

spectrum--something I never would have even thought of. Isn't it

interesting how God makes us aware of things in ways we never would

have dreamed. I would have preferred He just led me to a book, but

whatever!

>

> Anyway, I am so happy to get encouragement from people who don't

> make me feel like I " invented " his problems. Funny thing is,

before

> his little sister was born, we would rarely go to doctors, maybe

> once every 2 or 3 years, so I cannot believe people think I enjoy

> going now! Then, the baby was born with problems all her own, and

I

> have spent the last 13 months hauling her around MN to

specialists,

> and now this with Henry...argh! So those insinuations that I

enjoy

> the attention are ridiculous!

>

[Guest guest]

It isn't easy with siblings. My baby, , was too young to understand what was going on. She really never realized we were home bound when she was younger. Alec, the oldest, he knew from a very young age that something was wrong with . Alec was 5 when the worst of it began. By the time we moved to Peoria, and started Kindergarten Alec was 7. Alec's classroom was right across from 's and he could hear his brother on a daily basis. It was embarrassing for Alec, and it was painful to hear his brother melting down, and being yelled at by the teacher. Alec's teacher was the best. She would just quietly get up and close the door. She knew it was tough on Alec. However, Alec's experience with his brother has really helped shape him into a wonderful boy. He is very compassionate towards other children with disabilities and he does not judge any other child. He is always ready to defend his brother and despite the difficulty we've gone through with , he has never resented his brother. I'm so thankful for this. I can't imagine how tough it has been for Alec. It is about to get tougher though. begins middle school next year, and Alec will be responsible for getting his brother on the bus and off the bus. Alec will experience first hand how cruel kids will be towards his brother. Up till know, it really hasn't happened, but we all know middle school and high school aren't easy....even for NT kids. I'm dreading middle school.

a-- "Heidi" <hotcoolings@...> wrote:Unfortunately, older sibs get mad that we can't do certain things "because of Henry". The psychiatrist told me that they must be seeing his as a spoiled brat, not as having a disability.

[Guest guest]

It isn't easy with siblings. My baby, , was too young to understand what was going on. She really never realized we were home bound when she was younger. Alec, the oldest, he knew from a very young age that something was wrong with . Alec was 5 when the worst of it began. By the time we moved to Peoria, and started Kindergarten Alec was 7. Alec's classroom was right across from 's and he could hear his brother on a daily basis. It was embarrassing for Alec, and it was painful to hear his brother melting down, and being yelled at by the teacher. Alec's teacher was the best. She would just quietly get up and close the door. She knew it was tough on Alec. However, Alec's experience with his brother has really helped shape him into a wonderful boy. He is very compassionate towards other children with disabilities and he does not judge any other child. He is always ready to defend his brother and despite the difficulty we've gone through with , he has never resented his brother. I'm so thankful for this. I can't imagine how tough it has been for Alec. It is about to get tougher though. begins middle school next year, and Alec will be responsible for getting his brother on the bus and off the bus. Alec will experience first hand how cruel kids will be towards his brother. Up till know, it really hasn't happened, but we all know middle school and high school aren't easy....even for NT kids. I'm dreading middle school.

a-- "Heidi" <hotcoolings@...> wrote:Unfortunately, older sibs get mad that we can't do certain things "because of Henry". The psychiatrist told me that they must be seeing his as a spoiled brat, not as having a disability.

[Guest guest]

You know - i agree with you about the siblings. Most of them are compassionate caring kids - even from a young age. They "know " something is different and just accept.

I'm sure the reason (or one of them) that Louise wants to be a children's nurse is because of .

Re: Re: 2nd diagnosis...

It isn't easy with siblings. My baby, , was too young to understand what was going on. She really never realized we were home bound when she was younger. Alec, the oldest, he knew from a very young age that something was wrong with . Alec was 5 when the worst of it began. By the time we moved to Peoria, and started Kindergarten Alec was 7. Alec's classroom was right across from 's and he could hear his brother on a daily basis. It was embarrassing for Alec, and it was painful to hear his brother melting down, and being yelled at by the teacher. Alec's teacher was the best. She would just quietly get up and close the door. She knew it was tough on Alec. However, Alec's experience with his brother has really helped shape him into a wonderful boy. He is very compassionate towards other children with disabilities and he does not judge any other child. He is always ready to defend his brother and despite the diffiulty we've gone through with , he has never resented his brother. I'm so thankful for this. I can't imagine how tough it has been for Alec. It is about to get tougher though. begins middle school next year, and Alec will be responsible for getting his brother on the bus and off the bus. Alec will experience first hand how cruel kids will be towards his brother. Up till know, it really hasn't happened, but we all know middle school and high school aren't easy....even for NT kids. I'm dreading middle school.

a-- "Heidi" <hotcoolings@...> wrote:Unfortunately, older sibs get mad that we can't do certain things "because of Henry". The psychiatrist told me that they must be seeing his as a spoiled brat, not as having a disability.

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[Guest guest]

You know - i agree with you about the siblings. Most of them are compassionate caring kids - even from a young age. They "know " something is different and just accept.

I'm sure the reason (or one of them) that Louise wants to be a children's nurse is because of .

Re: Re: 2nd diagnosis...

It isn't easy with siblings. My baby, , was too young to understand what was going on. She really never realized we were home bound when she was younger. Alec, the oldest, he knew from a very young age that something was wrong with . Alec was 5 when the worst of it began. By the time we moved to Peoria, and started Kindergarten Alec was 7. Alec's classroom was right across from 's and he could hear his brother on a daily basis. It was embarrassing for Alec, and it was painful to hear his brother melting down, and being yelled at by the teacher. Alec's teacher was the best. She would just quietly get up and close the door. She knew it was tough on Alec. However, Alec's experience with his brother has really helped shape him into a wonderful boy. He is very compassionate towards other children with disabilities and he does not judge any other child. He is always ready to defend his brother and despite the diffiulty we've gone through with , he has never resented his brother. I'm so thankful for this. I can't imagine how tough it has been for Alec. It is about to get tougher though. begins middle school next year, and Alec will be responsible for getting his brother on the bus and off the bus. Alec will experience first hand how cruel kids will be towards his brother. Up till know, it really hasn't happened, but we all know middle school and high school aren't easy....even for NT kids. I'm dreading middle school.

a-- "Heidi" <hotcoolings@...> wrote:Unfortunately, older sibs get mad that we can't do certain things "because of Henry". The psychiatrist told me that they must be seeing his as a spoiled brat, not as having a disability.

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[Guest guest]

Well, Henry (4) is the fourth child of five. The one next up in age

is 6, and probably the most compassionate of all our kids (I am

embarassed to admit!). I guess the Asperger thing is all new to us--

so nobody has said much around here other than it is nice to know

WHY he does some of what he does.

Yesterday, out of the blue, my 11 year old son said he doesn't think

he will ever want to have kids because he doesn't think he could be

patient enough if he has one " like Henry " . I thought of about 100

things I could have said, using that as a " teachable moment " , but I

was just so surprised. This 11 year old, while not very

compassionate, tries to be kind. I think that once this diagnosis

sinks in, it will be easier to understand.

> Unfortunately, older sibs get mad

> that we can't do certain things " because of Henry " . The

> psychiatrist told me that they must be seeing his as a spoiled

brat,

> not as having a disability.

>