Loving our bodies

[Guest guest]

I've been reading through some of my old journals lately and wanted to

share an entry with you all. I realize this is a little bit personal

and I hope that nobody thinks it is inappropriate. One of the things

that got me thinking about it was a message that le wrote when

she said

" oops, should say " why can't I love my body " . I do realize that some

people actually have peace with their bodies and I wish I could, too "

That statement really hit me, because I realized how far I had come. I

never would have believed that I would ever be at peace with my body

and I can honestly say that I do have peace now. My reason for sharing

this particular journal entry is to show some of you exactly how far

I've come and to let you know that it is possible to obtain that peace,

even though you might not think so. When I read through these old

journal entries, I couldn't believe that I had actually written these

things about myself. And so many of you have written lately about how

supportive I am of others(thank you, by the way, everyone for all those

kind words..they really mean so much to me), but I wanted you all to

know that I've been through a lot to get to the place where I am now.

I am glad that I have gone through it all because I'm not sure I'd have

the same perspective that I have now. Anyway, I hope this can give

some of you hope (those of you who are struggling with your body

image)...and I hope it doesn't make anyone uncomfortable. I just found

it so amazing how much my outlook has changed for the better!

Here goes:

" Once again food has consumed my life. I cannot believe I have let it

happen again. I am completely out of control this time. I am

disgusted with myself and feel worthless and ashamed. I am a failure.

At everything I have attempted to do with my life. Why am I so out of

control? Why has food come to mean so much? Why am I so out of

control...eating everything in sight...making myself fat and ugly.

Making myself into everything that I hate. I hate myself right now. I

am ashamed to admit my problem. I know that I need to talk to someone,

but I don't know who. I cannot cure this on my own. I have a serious

problem and I need help. I am going to stop eating, because I can't

seem to eat without binging. Somehow, I have to lose weight. Right

now, it's all that matters to me..it's all I have to do. I am totally

miserable. I am the heaviest that I have ever been and if I don't lose

30 lbs, I don't know what I will do. So, starting right now...the

binging is over. I will be in control...so much control...I have to.

The first few days will be hard, but once I begin to see results, I

will be ok. I just need to start feeling better. Eating all this food

has not only made me look disgusting...I feel disgusting. Let's face

it, I am disgusting. I am a pathetic, disgusting fat person with

absoulutely no will power and I am a complete and total failure. Well,

maybe I've reached the bottom....no where to go but up. Please help me

not to eat. Please help me to lose weight. Please help me. I just

can't seem to get anywhere. I just can't seem to do it anymore. I

don't want to do it anymore. I just want it all to be over. I'm not

happy and I can't seem to smile anymore. I'm not going anywhere. I'm

sick of failing. My life is at a dead end and there doesn't seem to be

anywhere to go. I'm stuck. And I don't know which way to turn. I

don't have the strength or the courage to go on. I just want to give

up. I'm tired of losing. "

That was about 3 or 4 years ago and I just can't believe how much I

have changed. I contribute a lot of that to tae-bo because it's the

first time I ever made the inner connection and realized that the

answer to all my problems would not be solved by losing 5, 10, 20 or 30

pounds. I hope this gives some of you hope that things can change for

you! I wouldn't have ever believed it was possible, but I'm here to

tell you that it is!

who can't believe she is sharing this with you guys and hope you all

don't mind the personal information