Re: Introduction and questions about taking care of an adult brother with Autism

[Guest guest]

Hi, welcome to the group. I am Astrid, aged 24 and I have autism. I can also caneldnar calculate, and have behavioral problems, but I think think mine stem from being spoiled. I hope you find the support you need here.

Astridastrid@...http://www.astridvanwoerkom.com/http://astridvanwoerkom.wordpress.com/

Introduction and questions about taking care of an adult brother with Autism

Hello. My name is Tiff and I have a younger brother who Autistic. He will be turning 21 on the 24th of this month. I am turning 23 this year so I've spent nearly my entire life with dealing with Autism.My main question/concern is what to do about his behavioral issues. My brother has been used to getting his way ever since my father passed nearly six years ago. This has been becoming a serious issue because when he is told that he cannot go somewhere (because of time or money) or have something, he becomes very hostile. He screams, uses a large abundance of profanities, kicks walls, punches walls, and sometimes, threatens my mother and myself with physical harm. There has been occasions when he has hit my mother and grabbed a hold of her arms ("Mom, I'm holding you down!" he says while doing it). I don't know where he learned such behavior.I am asking about how to deal with his tantrums and how to teach him that acting that way is improper. My mother is not in the best of health and due to my father being deceased, a lot of responsibility is shouldered by me. I love my brother but it hurts me that I can't do anything to help him. Please give me some advice.On a positive note, my brother has this amazing talent of being able to tell a person what day of the week his or her birthday will fall. Simply give him a date and he can tell you. He is able to figure it out not only for the current year but also up to two or three years in the future. I'm very proud of him.Thank you for reading. It means a lot to me.

[Guest guest]

Astrid, we have a 3 year old with Autism. He is doing beautifully in ABA therapy. But I am fascinated by adults with Autism to know what are the thought processes they go through to function. How do you self-monitor your behaviors? How can I start teaching these skills to our son? We try not to spoil him, but I would love to know what you consider spoiling.Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device from LIME.From: "Astrid" <astrid@...>Sender: autism Date: Thu, 19 Aug 2010 13:52:14 +0200<autism >Reply autism Subject: Re: Introduction and questions about taking care of an adult brother with Autism Hi, welcome to the group. I am Astrid, aged 24 and I have autism. I can also caneldnar calculate, and have behavioral problems, but I think think mine stem from being spoiled. I hope you find the support you need here.Astridastrid@...http://www.astridvanwoerkom.com/http://astridvanwoerkom.wordpress.com/----- Original Message ----- From: Tiff autism Sent: Thursday, August 19, 2010 1:31 PMSubject: Introduction and questions about taking care of an adult brother with Autism Hello. My name is Tiff and I have a younger brother who Autistic. He will be turning 21 on the 24th of this month. I am turning 23 this year so I've spent nearly my entire life with dealing with Autism.My main question/concern is what to do about his behavioral issues. My brother has been used to getting his way ever since my father passed nearly six years ago. This has been becoming a serious issue because when he is told that he cannot go somewhere (because of time or money) or have something, he becomes very hostile. He screams, uses a large abundance of profanities, kicks walls, punches walls, and sometimes, threatens my mother and myself with physical harm. There has been occasions when he has hit my mother and grabbed a hold of her arms ("Mom, I'm holding you down!" he says while doing it). I don't know where he learned such behavior.I am asking about how to deal with his tantrums and how to teach him that acting that way is improper. My mother is not in the best of health and due to my father being deceased, a lot of responsibility is shouldered by me. I love my brother but it hurts me that I can't do anything to help him. Please give me some advice.On a positive note, my brother has this amazing talent of being able to tell a person what day of the week his or her birthday will fall. Simply give him a date and he can tell you. He is able to figure it out not only for the current year but also up to two or three years in the future. I'm very proud of him.Thank you for reading. It means a lot to me.

[Guest guest]

Tiff, you sound like a very loving and kind sister. The problem with your brother is a very difficult one. Has your mother tried any meds? Has your brother had any ABA training? Risperdol has been helpful in controling the aggression of some autistic children. With my almost 18 year old autistic grandson, we have taught him to go in the back yard or upstairs to him room until he gains control of himself. We also keep our distance. I'm sorry that you are having to deal with this. hugs, Pat K

Introduction and questions about taking care of an adult brother with Autism

Hello. My name is Tiff and I have a younger brother who Autistic. He will be turning 21 on the 24th of this month. I am turning 23 this year so I've spent nearly my entire life with dealing with Autism.

My main question/concern is what to do about his behavioral issues. My brother has been used to getting his way ever since my father passed nearly six years ago. This has been becoming a serious issue because when he is told that he cannot go somewhere (because of time or money) or have something, he becomes very hostile. He screams, uses a large abundance of profanities, kicks walls, punches walls, and sometimes, threatens my mother and myself with physical harm. There has been occasions when he has hit my mother and grabbed a hold of her arms ("Mom, I'm holding you down!" he says while doing it). I don't know where he learned such behavior.

I am asking about how to deal with his tantrums and how to teach him that acting that way is improper. My mother is not in the best of health and due to my father being deceased, a lot of responsibility is shouldered by me. I love my brother but it hurts me that I can't do anything to help him. Please give me some advice.

On a positive note, my brother has this amazing talent of being able to tell a person what day of the week his or her birthday will fall. Simply give him a date and he can tell you. He is able to figure it out not only for the current year but also up to two or three years in the future. I'm very proud of him.

Thank you for reading. It means a lot to me.

[Guest guest]

Astrid <astrid@...> wrote:

>Hi, welcome to the group. I am Astrid, aged 24 and I have autism. I can also

caneldnar calculate, and have behavioral problems, but I think think mine stem

from being spoiled. I hope you find the support you need here.

>Astrid

>astrid@...

>http://www.astridvanwoerkom.com/

>http://astridvanwoerkom.wordpress.com/

> Introduction and questions about taking care of an

adult brother with Autism

>

>

>

> Hello. My name is Tiff and I have a younger brother who Autistic. He will be

turning 21 on the 24th of this month. I am turning 23 this year so I've spent

nearly my entire life with dealing with Autism.

>

> My main question/concern is what to do about his behavioral issues. My

brother has been used to getting his way ever since my father passed nearly six

years ago. This has been becoming a serious issue because when he is told that

he cannot go somewhere (because of time or money) or have something, he becomes

very hostile. He screams, uses a large abundance of profanities, kicks walls,

punches walls, and sometimes, threatens my mother and myself with physical harm.

There has been occasions when he has hit my mother and grabbed a hold of her

arms ( " Mom, I'm holding you down! " he says while doing it). I don't know where

he learned such behavior.

>

> I am asking about how to deal with his tantrums and how to teach him that

acting that way is improper. My mother is not in the best of health and due to

my father being deceased, a lot of responsibility is shouldered by me. I love my

brother but it hurts me that I can't do anything to help him. Please give me

some advice.

>

> On a positive note, my brother has this amazing talent of being able to tell

a person what day of the week his or her birthday will fall. Simply give him a

date and he can tell you. He is able to figure it out not only for the current

year but also up to two or three years in the future. I'm very proud of him.

>

> Thank you for reading. It means a lot to me.

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

My brother takes Abilify but it's a tricky medication. If he gets the minimum

dose, he's difficult to deal with. If he gets the maximum dose, he's a zombie.

It also causes problems with his toileting.

He used to get a type of ABA training while in school and when he had people

come in from the Mental Health groups. But, with budget cuts and these places

being forced to close, he hasn't gotten much outside help.

My mother coddles him far too much. I understand that it is difficult being a

single parent for the past six years but she gives him far too much leniency. My

greatest fear is if something, heaven forbid, happened to her, I would be posed

with the decision of what to do with my brother. It's a depressing but realistic

concern.

I'm hoping that there is still time for him to learn a different way to deal

with his anger and frustration.

>

> Tiff, you sound like a very loving and kind sister. The problem with your

brother is a very difficult one. Has your mother tried any meds? Has your

brother had any ABA training? Risperdol has been helpful in controling the

aggression of some autistic children. With my almost 18 year old autistic

grandson, we have taught him to go in the back yard or upstairs to him room

until he gains control of himself. We also keep our distance. I'm sorry that

you are having to deal with this. hugs, Pat K

>

>

>

>

>

> Introduction and questions about taking care of an adult

brother with Autism

>

>

>

>

> Hello. My name is Tiff and I have a younger brother who Autistic. He will be

turning 21 on the 24th of this month. I am turning 23 this year so I've spent

nearly my entire life with dealing with Autism.

>

> My main question/concern is what to do about his behavioral issues. My brother

has been used to getting his way ever since my father passed nearly six years

ago. This has been becoming a serious issue because when he is told that he

cannot go somewhere (because of time or money) or have something, he becomes

very hostile. He screams, uses a large abundance of profanities, kicks walls,

punches walls, and sometimes, threatens my mother and myself with physical harm.

There has been occasions when he has hit my mother and grabbed a hold of her

arms ( " Mom, I'm holding you down! " he says while doing it). I don't know where

he learned such behavior.

>

> I am asking about how to deal with his tantrums and how to teach him that

acting that way is improper. My mother is not in the best of health and due to

my father being deceased, a lot of responsibility is shouldered by me. I love my

brother but it hurts me that I can't do anything to help him. Please give me

some advice.

>

> On a positive note, my brother has this amazing talent of being able to tell a

person what day of the week his or her birthday will fall. Simply give him a

date and he can tell you. He is able to figure it out not only for the current

year but also up to two or three years in the future. I'm very proud of him.

>

> Thank you for reading. It means a lot to me.

>

[Guest guest]

Welcome tiff! I am mom to Jj () age 22. I have some of the same problems here. Does he have a day program he go's too? JJ does. J takes Zpraxa. It helps alot with the behaviour but he still has his days. Lois

Introduction and questions about taking care of an adult brother with Autism

Hello. My name is Tiff and I have a younger brother who Autistic. He will be turning 21 on the 24th of this month. I am turning 23 this year so I've spent nearly my entire life with dealing with Autism.My main question/concern is what to do about his behavioral issues. My brother has been used to getting his way ever since my father passed nearly six years ago. This has been becoming a serious issue because when he is told that he cannot go somewhere (because of time or money) or have something, he becomes very hostile. He screams, uses a large abundance of profanities, kicks walls, punches walls, and sometimes, threatens my mother and myself with physical harm. There has been occasions when he has hit my mother and grabbed a hold of her arms ("Mom, I'm holding you down!" he says while doing it). I don't know where he learned such behavior.I am asking about how to deal with his tantrums and how to teach him that acting that way is improper. My mother is not in the best of health and due to my father being deceased, a lot of responsibility is shouldered by me. I love my brother but it hurts me that I can't do anything to help him. Please give me some advice.On a positive note, my brother has this amazing talent of being able to tell a person what day of the week his or her birthday will fall. Simply give him a date and he can tell you. He is able to figure it out not only for the current year but also up to two or three years in the future. I'm very proud of him.Thank you for reading. It means a lot to me.

[Guest guest]

My brother does have a day program but he is very antisocial and doesn't like

going to it. He throws a fit when we try to make him go. We actually had him at

another day program but there were people there that scream and my brother is

hypersensitive to sounds.

His doctors won't give him any other kind of medication. I wish that I could

find a specialist in this area for him to visit.

>

> Welcome tiff! I am mom to Jj () age 22. I have some of the same problems

here. Does he have a day program he go's too? JJ does. J takes Zpraxa. It helps

alot with the behaviour but he still has his days. Lois

[Guest guest]

Hi, Tiff. Your brother is lucky to have such a caring and concerned sister!

I have two suggestions for you. First, for the hypersensitivity to sounds, he

should get AIT (Berard-type, not a home-version). It works remarkable quickly

and very reliably on decreasing hypersensitivity to sounds. You can read about

it on my website, www.listenbetterwithAIT.com. This treatment, alone, may

decrease his behavior problems because if he's always on edge with sounds in his

environment bothering him, he'll be irritable as his baseline. Then it doesn't

take much to push him to " explode " mode. Even if it doesn't directly affect his

behavioral outbursts -- if the habit is too ingrained -- he'll be happier and

more comfortable with his environment.

As for a direct approach on the behavior, I'd start giving him an allowance.

Decide what you want to give him weekly based on (a) what he wants to buy, (

what you're already spending on his requests, and © what you can reasonably

afford, both now and in the short-term future (so you can increase his

opportunities to earn). Once you know what you're willing to give him per week,

break it down into daily tasks. If he understands the concept of money, you can

give different amounts for different tasks, based on their importance, but if he

doesn't, just give a straight amount for each task. (And as the money becomes

meaningful, you can start changing the amount he gets for each task without

changing the overall amount he can earn weekly.)

For example, if you can afford and it's reasonable for him to get $10 per week,

figure that's about 1.50/day. Daily tasks are each worth .25 and can include

putting his dirty PJs in the laundry basket each morning, making his bed, going

to his program on weekdays, going to his scheduled activities on weekends,

setting the table for dinner, taking out the trash, bringing the laundry to/from

the laundry room, etc. Most tasks will be the same every day, but some may be

once or twice a week, like the trash.

Write a social story in simple terms to explain how it works. Include in it

that he can use the money on whatever he wants, and that you'll take him to a

shop each Sunday (or whenever is best) to spend his money on whatever he chose.

Post the story next to a nice visual chart where you track what he's done each

day. Initially, read the story before each activity you expect him to do (e.g.,

when he's about to get dressed, so you're reminding him about putting his p.j.s

in the basket). As he gets the hang of it, you'll be able to use small

reminders.

Keep everything positive -- about what he's going to do, not what he's not going

to do. " You can earn a quarter for that! " instead of " You don't want to lose

that quarter, to do you? "

Once the routine is established, you can make a new task of " finishing the day

with only nice behavior " or " talked nicely all day " or something that is the

positive flip side to using curses and threats.

Later, after that's established, you can have a curse jar where he has to put in

coins/tokens every time he loses his cool. But that's a tricky one as it can

undermine the earning quite easily. There are alternatives to money with this,

e.g., every time he curses he loses 5 min of a favorite activity, such as

computer games, a visit with a friend, etc. But that's down the line. You may

not need it. If the token economy I've outlined works well, then cursing may be

managed easily with a simple reminder of " Think before you finish that -- if you

stop that language and use your nice language now, you'll still be able to earn

that quarter. What do you want to do? "

NB: design the chart so it's motivating to him. My thought is that you would

use tokens that look like quarters. At the end of the day, you and he take off

all the paper quarters, count them up, and trade them for plastic quarters which

he keeps in a piggy bank. At the end of the week, he can trade these for real

dollars and coins from you. That way you have a physical presence of money

without the risk of him taking the money out of the house and spending it

without your awareness, as this could be problematic, at least while you're

establishing the routine. Depending on his skill level, that may be fine,

later, but it's chancy at the start. Whatever design/system you use, make it

attractive to him. Maybe instead of tokens that look lke quarters, maybe

Poke-money if he's into Pokemon, or wizard gold if he's into Harry Potter, etc.

Good luck!

Dena Page, M.Ed., CBA

Certified Behavior Analyst

Certified DAA/AIT Pracitioner

>

> My brother does have a day program but he is very antisocial and doesn't like

going to it. He throws a fit when we try to make him go. We actually had him at

another day program but there were people there that scream and my brother is

hypersensitive to sounds.

>