Re: Help how do i parent my 10 year old son with OCD

[Guest guest]

Is your son getting CBT and ERP therapy? Are you

working yet on these specific problems? We've been in

therapy a little while now but really haven't done

true exposures to the most intense OCD problems. We do

little ones, but they don't seem to make a huge

difference and our psychologist wouldn't even consider

them real exposures because she says 90 minutes would

be minimum for the more difficult ones. To be honest,

I can't even imagine getting there. Regardless we have

to get the easier difficulties out of the way before

we can begin the more difficult ones. Have you had any

type of progress? You should see at least a little

with the easier ones. I know for us the difficult ones

are SUPER difficult and very very hard to live with on

a daily basis. I'm DREADING Christmas day because my

son can't stand the sound of people eating and he's

going to have to be a house full of people eating. My

son says the same thing about us not understanding

what it's like. In fact, just this moment he ran in

from being outside (my husband is eating a late lunch

in his office) and asked me if his dad is still eating

(he's ready to bolt outside at the sound of smacking

lips or swallowing!). I probably get asked if anyone

is eating about 30x a day. And then he comes over and

wants to inspect my mouth for food!!! :-o

Anyhow, I do think sometimes it does can take a bit of

time to get the more difficult issues under control

and somehow we have to try and stay patient even when

it's driving us completely batty. However, you should

see at least a little progress being made (which is

the only thing that's giving me any hope and helping

keep me sane through all this OCD insanity!). Sorry to

keep rambling here!... hopefully I'm being helpful....

Tess (whose son just ran outside because someone

" could " be eating in the house!)

>

>

> >

> > I am having a problem with having to go by my

> son's rules in order

> to

> > appease his OCD. In order for him to get ready

> for bed he wants us

> to

> > go downstairs, and then he will even ask us to

> turn the tv off or

> > down, so he can have a better concentration on

> getting his routine

> > " right " . Then he gets frustrated if it takes to

> long and takes it

> out

> > on us(Mom, and Dad). He oftens says? " you dont

> know what its like! "

> > Sometimes screaming as though he was mad at us.

> He sometimes takes

> so

> > long with his rituals that hes going to bed late.

> I feel like i

> have

> > no control and can not discipline him due to the

> OCD and not being

> his

> > fault. I feel like we are spinning out of control

> and everynight

> its

> > such a hassle. He was diagnosed this past summer.

> He is currently

> on

> > Paxil and going to therapy (3 visits into it). I

> just dont know

> what

> > to do and i question my son's quality of life.

> Can someone help

> with

> > their experience and advise.

> > Thanks

> >

> >

>

>

>

>

>

__________________________________

for Good - Make a difference this year.

http://brand./cybergivingweek2005/

[Guest guest]

Thank you so much for responding,. First Im sorry that your family

and son have to go through this. Its so frustrating and difficult to

deal with. My son hasnt started exposure yet. The doctor has him

doing a journal of his routines then rating them 1-10. 1 being the

easiest and 10 being the hardest. Then we will start with the 1's

and work on those. To be honest i think to myself how are we going

to work on them all. I know its a slow process, but he has sooooo

many things, its hard to remeber them, let alone write all of them

down. Alot of times new ones occur. His biggest ones are pictures(he

sees himself in a picture and he has to do this whole routine until

he gets it " right " .), brushing his teeth, going to bed, and getting

dressed. Its amazing how the brain puts these things in their head.

How exhausting that must be for them. Oh how i feel for them. Do

you find it difficult to control or properly discipline him. I sure

do, For example we were driving in the car and my son said I cant put

my seatbelt on, because in his head he was thinking we would get into

a car accident if he put it on. Im like look that is the law and its

for your safety, KEEP IT ON! He had a fit. Those are times i can

not give in and i end up so mad and he does too. How do you

discipline and what are the boundaries. I wish we had a parents with

ocd support class in our town. I just feel so alone sometimes. Not

that i would want this for any other family or child, but I just

think why? why? I cant believe this disorder exsist and my son has

it. Well enough of ME babaling. Thank you for you response, and my

prayers go out to your family and i hope that it gets better for your

son, and your xmas works out for you both. Happy holidays. Hope to

hear from you again.

In , <comtesse_de_provence@y...> wrote:

>

> Is your son getting CBT and ERP therapy? Are you

> working yet on these specific problems? We've been in

> therapy a little while now but really haven't done

> true exposures to the most intense OCD problems. We do

> little ones, but they don't seem to make a huge

> difference and our psychologist wouldn't even consider

> them real exposures because she says 90 minutes would

> be minimum for the more difficult ones. To be honest,

> I can't even imagine getting there. Regardless we have

> to get the easier difficulties out of the way before

> we can begin the more difficult ones. Have you had any

> type of progress? You should see at least a little

> with the easier ones. I know for us the difficult ones

> are SUPER difficult and very very hard to live with on

> a daily basis. I'm DREADING Christmas day because my

> son can't stand the sound of people eating and he's

> going to have to be a house full of people eating. My

> son says the same thing about us not understanding

> what it's like. In fact, just this moment he ran in

> from being outside (my husband is eating a late lunch

> in his office) and asked me if his dad is still eating

> (he's ready to bolt outside at the sound of smacking

> lips or swallowing!). I probably get asked if anyone

> is eating about 30x a day. And then he comes over and

> wants to inspect my mouth for food!!! :-o

>

> Anyhow, I do think sometimes it does can take a bit of

> time to get the more difficult issues under control

> and somehow we have to try and stay patient even when

> it's driving us completely batty. However, you should

> see at least a little progress being made (which is

> the only thing that's giving me any hope and helping

> keep me sane through all this OCD insanity!). Sorry to

> keep rambling here!... hopefully I'm being helpful....

>

> Tess (whose son just ran outside because someone

> " could " be eating in the house!)

>

>

> >

> >

> > >

> > > I am having a problem with having to go by my

> > son's rules in order

> > to

> > > appease his OCD. In order for him to get ready

> > for bed he wants us

> > to

> > > go downstairs, and then he will even ask us to

> > turn the tv off or

> > > down, so he can have a better concentration on

> > getting his routine

> > > " right " . Then he gets frustrated if it takes to

> > long and takes it

> > out

> > > on us(Mom, and Dad). He oftens says? " you dont

> > know what its like! "

> > > Sometimes screaming as though he was mad at us.

> > He sometimes takes

> > so

> > > long with his rituals that hes going to bed late.

> > I feel like i

> > have

> > > no control and can not discipline him due to the

> > OCD and not being

> > his

> > > fault. I feel like we are spinning out of control

> > and everynight

> > its

> > > such a hassle. He was diagnosed this past summer.

> > He is currently

> > on

> > > Paxil and going to therapy (3 visits into it). I

> > just dont know

> > what

> > > to do and i question my son's quality of life.

> > Can someone help

> > with

> > > their experience and advise.

> > > Thanks

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

>

> __________________________________

> for Good - Make a difference this year.

> http://brand./cybergivingweek2005/

>

[Guest guest]

Your post brings back memories - you have the advantage of knowing

it's ocd - I battled those battles just knowing that my son was kind

of difficult about certain things. Such an understatement!

The seatbelt - that was a battleground for us, too.

Like you said, it's one of those things where you have to fight back.

I admit that I allowed my son to wear it below his armpit instead of

up over his collarbone where it belongs - until he was 11. . . he was

short so it hit his neck until he was tall enough.

From what I hear it isn't as big a job as it seems at first to break

down the obsessions through cbt/erp . . . they start cascading away

once initial progress is made - especially once the kids start to

experience success with it - then they buy into it and it moves along

a lot quicker than it may seem like it will now.

Except maybe the 'big' things - seems they take longer. But, maybe

they won't look so bad when a zillion of the little things are gone

and you're just taking care of the new little things that pop up.

> > > >

> > > > I am having a problem with having to go by my

> > > son's rules in order

> > > to

> > > > appease his OCD. In order for him to get ready

> > > for bed he wants us

> > > to

> > > > go downstairs, and then he will even ask us to

> > > turn the tv off or

> > > > down, so he can have a better concentration on

> > > getting his routine

> > > > " right " . Then he gets frustrated if it takes to

> > > long and takes it

> > > out

> > > > on us(Mom, and Dad). He oftens says? " you dont

> > > know what its like! "

> > > > Sometimes screaming as though he was mad at us.

> > > He sometimes takes

> > > so

> > > > long with his rituals that hes going to bed late.

> > > I feel like i

> > > have

> > > > no control and can not discipline him due to the

> > > OCD and not being

> > > his

> > > > fault. I feel like we are spinning out of control

> > > and everynight

> > > its

> > > > such a hassle. He was diagnosed this past summer.

> > > He is currently

> > > on

> > > > Paxil and going to therapy (3 visits into it). I

> > > just dont know

> > > what

> > > > to do and i question my son's quality of life.

> > > Can someone help

> > > with

> > > > their experience and advise.

> > > > Thanks

> > > >

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > __________________________________

> > for Good - Make a difference this year.

> > http://brand./cybergivingweek2005/

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hi,

I didn't know what I know now. I grew up n a family that didn't express what

they felt.

My father drank too much and my mother was emotionally unavailable.

I know I gave this illness to my son because my husband doesn't have any of

these

traits. I hoped and prayed when I became pregnant that he/she would not have

my

genes/ -------------not the case.

I know the pain you are feeling

Toni

klwicklund77 <k777thorpe@...> wrote:

Your post brings back memories - you have the advantage of knowing

it's ocd - I battled those battles just knowing that my son was kind

of difficult about certain things. Such an understatement!

The seatbelt - that was a battleground for us, too.

Like you said, it's one of those things where you have to fight back.

I admit that I allowed my son to wear it below his armpit instead of

up over his collarbone where it belongs - until he was 11. . . he was

short so it hit his neck until he was tall enough.

From what I hear it isn't as big a job as it seems at first to break

down the obsessions through cbt/erp . . . they start cascading away

once initial progress is made - especially once the kids start to

experience success with it - then they buy into it and it moves along

a lot quicker than it may seem like it will now.

Except maybe the 'big' things - seems they take longer. But, maybe

they won't look so bad when a zillion of the little things are gone

and you're just taking care of the new little things that pop up.

> > > >

> > > > I am having a problem with having to go by my

> > > son's rules in order

> > > to

> > > > appease his OCD. In order for him to get ready

> > > for bed he wants us

> > > to

> > > > go downstairs, and then he will even ask us to

> > > turn the tv off or

> > > > down, so he can have a better concentration on

> > > getting his routine

> > > > " right " . Then he gets frustrated if it takes to

> > > long and takes it

> > > out

> > > > on us(Mom, and Dad). He oftens says? " you dont

> > > know what its like! "

> > > > Sometimes screaming as though he was mad at us.

> > > He sometimes takes

> > > so

> > > > long with his rituals that hes going to bed late.

> > > I feel like i

> > > have

> > > > no control and can not discipline him due to the

> > > OCD and not being

> > > his

> > > > fault. I feel like we are spinning out of control

> > > and everynight

> > > its

> > > > such a hassle. He was diagnosed this past summer.

> > > He is currently

> > > on

> > > > Paxil and going to therapy (3 visits into it). I

> > > just dont know

> > > what

> > > > to do and i question my son's quality of life.

> > > Can someone help

> > > with

> > > > their experience and advise.

> > > > Thanks

> > > >

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > __________________________________

> > for Good - Make a difference this year.

> > http://brand./cybergivingweek2005/

> >

>

Our list archives, bookmarks, files, and chat feature may be accessed at:

/ .

Our list advisors are Gail B. , Ed.D., Tamar Chansky, Ph.D.(

http://www.worrywisekids.org ), Dan Geller, M.D.,Aureen Pinto Wagner, Ph.D., (

http://www.lighthouse-press.com ). Our list moderators are Birkhan,

Castle, Fowler, Kathy Hammes, Joye, Kathy Mac, Gail

Pesses, and Kathy . Subscription issues or suggestions may be

addressed to Louis Harkins, list owner, at louisharkins@... ,

louisharkins@... , louisharkins@... .

[Guest guest]

Hi,

I'm sorry to hear about your son. You can get help immediately and you

should!

Call you city or county and check with y our insurance to see where you can

go.

Seek help as soon as possible.

Best Wishes,

Toni

klwicklund77 <k777thorpe@...> wrote:

Your post brings back memories - you have the advantage of knowing

it's ocd - I battled those battles just knowing that my son was kind

of difficult about certain things. Such an understatement!

The seatbelt - that was a battleground for us, too.

Like you said, it's one of those things where you have to fight back.

I admit that I allowed my son to wear it below his armpit instead of

up over his collarbone where it belongs - until he was 11. . . he was

short so it hit his neck until he was tall enough.

From what I hear it isn't as big a job as it seems at first to break

down the obsessions through cbt/erp . . . they start cascading away

once initial progress is made - especially once the kids start to

experience success with it - then they buy into it and it moves along

a lot quicker than it may seem like it will now.

Except maybe the 'big' things - seems they take longer. But, maybe

they won't look so bad when a zillion of the little things are gone

and you're just taking care of the new little things that pop up.

> > > >

> > > > I am having a problem with having to go by my

> > > son's rules in order

> > > to

> > > > appease his OCD. In order for him to get ready

> > > for bed he wants us

> > > to

> > > > go downstairs, and then he will even ask us to

> > > turn the tv off or

> > > > down, so he can have a better concentration on

> > > getting his routine

> > > > " right " . Then he gets frustrated if it takes to

> > > long and takes it

> > > out

> > > > on us(Mom, and Dad). He oftens says? " you dont

> > > know what its like! "

> > > > Sometimes screaming as though he was mad at us.

> > > He sometimes takes

> > > so

> > > > long with his rituals that hes going to bed late.

> > > I feel like i

> > > have

> > > > no control and can not discipline him due to the

> > > OCD and not being

> > > his

> > > > fault. I feel like we are spinning out of control

> > > and everynight

> > > its

> > > > such a hassle. He was diagnosed this past summer.

> > > He is currently

> > > on

> > > > Paxil and going to therapy (3 visits into it). I

> > > just dont know

> > > what

> > > > to do and i question my son's quality of life.

> > > Can someone help

> > > with

> > > > their experience and advise.

> > > > Thanks

> > > >

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > __________________________________

> > for Good - Make a difference this year.

> > http://brand./cybergivingweek2005/

> >

>

Our list archives, bookmarks, files, and chat feature may be accessed at:

/ .

Our list advisors are Gail B. , Ed.D., Tamar Chansky, Ph.D.(

http://www.worrywisekids.org ), Dan Geller, M.D.,Aureen Pinto Wagner, Ph.D., (

http://www.lighthouse-press.com ). Our list moderators are Birkhan,

Castle, Fowler, Kathy Hammes, Joye, Kathy Mac, Gail

Pesses, and Kathy . Subscription issues or suggestions may be

addressed to Louis Harkins, list owner, at louisharkins@... ,

louisharkins@... , louisharkins@... .

[Guest guest]

,

God I feel for you and your family. Especially since you are

getting treatment and not seeing any results. That has to be the

most frustrating thing of all. We thought when we started to see a

therapist (who had no clue that it was OCD, and neither did we) that

we had found the magic pill. 6 months later we weren't in any

better shape. That was extremely disappointing.

First, and I stress *first* you are on the right path. Second I

would go back to your psychiatrist and tell them the meds aren't

working. The difference b/t meds and CBT/ERP is that responses to

meds are almost immediate. After their body gets a built up dose

you should start seeing signs of progress, usually within one to two

weeks. In our case, once we started seeing progress it was fast and

dramatic! Therapy takes time, but is the best for your child.

The OCD foundation has a great section on meds. You have to ask the

psychiatrist if he is on the right dose, or even the right med.

Smaller doses do show some signs, but OCD often requires much higher

(and safe) doses to treat. We tried Paxil, but I don't believe our

doc was comfortable giving higher doses (she's ignorant) because she

had little experience with OCD and is too scared to go higher, even

though there's a TON of literature telling her too. So Paxil may

have worked, but she would only give a fraction of what OCD needed

so we didn't see any results. Even our therapist scoffed (a PhD

with close ties to a pdoc who doesn't take our insurance) at the max

dose our doc was willing to prescribe. We eventually found Prozac

to be the miracle drug (after a month on Paxil and another month on

Zoloft). But it took about 6 months, and that was after 6 months of

trying to figure out what her real diagnoses was and a therapist who

was competent to treat her.

Meds first, dosing and type, and therapy for sure. Best of luck,

and hang in there. There is help, it just takes time and

perserverance.

FD

>

> I am having a problem with having to go by my son's rules in order

to

> appease his OCD. In order for him to get ready for bed he wants

us to

> go downstairs, and then he will even ask us to turn the tv off or

> down, so he can have a better concentration on getting his routine

> " right " . Then he gets frustrated if it takes to long and takes it

out

> on us(Mom, and Dad). He oftens says? " you dont know what its like! "

> Sometimes screaming as though he was mad at us. He sometimes

takes so

> long with his rituals that hes going to bed late. I feel like i

have

> no control and can not discipline him due to the OCD and not being

his

> fault. I feel like we are spinning out of control and everynight

its

> such a hassle. He was diagnosed this past summer. He is

currently on

> Paxil and going to therapy (3 visits into it). I just dont know

what

> to do and i question my son's quality of life. Can someone help

with

> their experience and advise.

> Thanks

>

>

[Guest guest]

> > > >

> > > > I am having a problem with having to go by my

> > > son's rules in order

> > > to

> > > > appease his OCD. In order for him to get ready

> > > for bed he wants us

> > > to

> > > > go downstairs, and then he will even ask us to

> > > turn the tv off or

> > > > down, so he can have a better concentration on

> > > getting his routine

> > > > " right " . Then he gets frustrated if it takes to

> > > long and takes it

> > > out

> > > > on us(Mom, and Dad). He oftens says? " you dont

> > > know what its like! "

> > > > Sometimes screaming as though he was mad at us.

> > > He sometimes takes

> > > so

> > > > long with his rituals that hes going to bed late.

> > > I feel like i

> > > have

> > > > no control and can not discipline him due to the

> > > OCD and not being

> > > his

> > > > fault. I feel like we are spinning out of control

> > > and everynight

> > > its

> > > > such a hassle. He was diagnosed this past summer.

> > > He is currently

> > > on

> > > > Paxil and going to therapy (3 visits into it). I

> > > just dont know

> > > what

> > > > to do and i question my son's quality of life.

> > > Can someone help

> > > with

> > > > their experience and advise.

> > > > Thanks

> > > >

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > __________________________________

> > for Good - Make a difference this year.

> > http://brand./cybergivingweek2005/

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Also wanted to add to my previous post that drugs for my daughter

helped very slowly, and therapy was much quicker results. We tried

many drugs over 2-3 years. Current combination of Luvox and

Resperdal was started approx 9 months ago and it took about 3-4

months to see any effects/results at all. Our MD kept telling us to

hang in there, and actually eventually they kicked in. Once the drugs

were helping, she was able to tolerate the therapy and the therapy

results have been excellent (especially the family therapy of

unintwining all of us from her ocd!). Good luck and God bless you

all.

> I am having a problem with having to go by my son's rules in order

to

> appease his OCD. In order for him to get ready for bed he wants us

to

> go downstairs, and then he will even ask us to turn the tv off or

> down, so he can have a better concentration on getting his routine

> " right " . Then he gets frustrated if it takes to long and takes it

out

> on us(Mom, and Dad). He oftens says? " you dont know what its like! "

> Sometimes screaming as though he was mad at us. He sometimes takes

so

> long with his rituals that hes going to bed late. I feel like i

have

> no control and can not discipline him due to the OCD and not being

his

> fault. I feel like we are spinning out of control and everynight

its

> such a hassle. He was diagnosed this past summer. He is currently

on

> Paxil and going to therapy (3 visits into it). I just dont know

what

> to do and i question my son's quality of life. Can someone help

with

> their experience and advise.

> Thanks

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

Wanted to comment that once my son got past a couple or so

compulsions, the others seemed to be so much easier for him to

overcome. And some just seemed to disappear! However, the bedtime

issue stayed quite a while. That was his/our hardest time but,

somehow, he eventually stopped having problems there. I can't even

say we worked on bedtime really; since that was such a huge deal, we

just stayed on the seemingly easier compulsions.

As to discipline - well, with the seatbelt, I guess this was just a

*one time* thing, not an *every time* thing. I think that I would

just talk to him about it, that there are certain times (like safety

or the law) that there is no way he will be able to accommodate OCD.

I guess when you got home, he realized there was no car accident?? I

know, I know, the logic won't work when OCD takes control!

The bedtime issue with my son (this was thru middle school; he's now

in 11th grade and doing well) was just getting *in* bed and staying

there. He might get on his bed, then have to get up, wait, get on

again, still not *right*, try again...could last minutes or hours!!

It was something about bedtime. It wasn't such a big deal to get

on/in his bed any other time of the day. Once in, it's like he

got " in position " and just stayed, sort of stiff/frozen-like. Boy

I'm glad that is behind us, I was NOT nice many times as I couldn't

go to bed until he was settled (that's just me), and I like my sleep,

especially if I work the next day!

I'm glad you seem to have found a doctor who understands about OCD!

We didn't have anyone in our sort of " rural " area close by, and

managed on our own with the tremendous help of this group and lots of

reading & research!

Hang in there, things do get better!

>

> Thank you so much for responding,. First Im sorry that your

family

> and son have to go through this. Its so frustrating and difficult

to

> deal with. My son hasnt started exposure yet. The doctor has him

> doing a journal of his routines then rating them 1-10. 1 being the

> easiest and 10 being the hardest. Then we will start with the 1's

> and work on those. To be honest i think to myself how are we going