Re: discipline/help

[Guest guest]

Laurie,

I think I can help you. First of all it is great the Mic doesn't need to

wear glasses or go back for 2 years, we just got the same news about Brook

last week. Brook also hates anything touching his head. Because he has such

panic attacks with haircuts we have been giving him extra rubbing on his head

with a towel after his bath, to try and desensitize his head. His Dr. at the

psychopharmacology clinic thought that this would be a good idea.

We have been through the biting, hair pulling, hitting, etc., and there

are some good techniques that can help you deal with it. Don't feel guilty

about your reaction, it's natural for you to get mad or furious and upset

that he would bite or hit you. We never hit our children and strongly believe

it is wrong to do so. Brook still did these things and still does from time

to time. You don't hit Mic so don't worry that you have taught him this kind

of aggression somewhere.

There are different reasons why he may be doing it. You may want to start

a simple chart called, ABC, you keep a daily log of his behavior. You set it

up like this Antecedent for A Behavior for B Consequences

for C.

This will help you see if there is a pattern and will give you insight into

why he is doing it, if something precipitates it and what he is getting out

of it.

Now for our story, the first time he was hitting himself in the head

all day long was because he was in pain, he had GERD and had reflux. He was

doing it due to the pain of the acid going up and down his esophagus. He had

surgery and slowly the behavior improved greatly. So that time the

antecedent was hard to figure out, since we couldn't know when the acid was

hurting him all the time. Brook is nonverbal. Always check for medical

problems as a reason for behavior problems is good advice.

Later the pinching and hair pulling and biting started to become a

problem, this was a completely different situation. If Brook pulled my hair

softly I gently told him no and removed his hand. I would say " touch nice " or

" nice hands " etc. But Brook was not getting his desired reaction from that as

it turned out, so he pulled harder to get a stronger reaction. We learned

that the stronger reaction that Brook received from us the more he got out of

it. He was looking for a really intense reaction from us, such as a very

harsh " No. " He would even start to cry. The behavior was escalating instead

of getting better the more harshly we told him " No " or showed strong angry

emotions. Your situation sounds a lot like ours in that Mic is looking you

straight in the eye, Brook does that too, when he is looking for that

reaction he wants.

The best thing to do in our situation was to have no reaction to the

behavior and to put Brook in a mini time out. That was for about a minute in

a little chair. No angry faces or words at all. This is very important!! Sure

enough when we stopped giving Brook the intense reaction that he was looking

for, he stopped the behavior almost immediately. It was amazing! Brook would

also look us straight in the eye, looking for that intense response that he

wanted. So don't look at him after he does this behavior, avoid his eyes.

Also try to avoid situations where it might happen, look at your ABC chart

and see if you see a pattern. Hold him carefully so that he can't bite or

hit you whenever possible.

We recently started having this whole problem start up again right

before Thanksgiving, with Brook and my DH. Brook has been purposefully

pinching, scratching and hitting his poor dad, looking him straight in the

eye and trying to get dad to shout at him and tell him " NO. " Well, dad did

do this for a while and things got worse of course. So we started our whole

program again, with no reaction, etc., and things have improved a lot.

I hope this helps, let me know if you need more specifics and let me know

how it is going and maybe I can be of more help. We have had behavior

specialists work with us with Brook on 3 different occasions and we have the

experience.

Marisa,

Miles 15, Brook 12, Genevieve 5

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 12/18/02 9:16:18 AM Eastern Standard Time,

mick8_7@... writes:

> I have never been that mad at him.I put him down firmly and signed mad and

> told him to GET.I felt really bad after my bloodpressure dropped.It worked

> though.Do any of you get so mad

Laurie, We all have some bad days. In the past I have hit both my children

and regretted it. It did not help them understand. Although my son never bit

me again. He was two and not down syndrome. I cried more than he did. Same

thing with Rochelle. It didn't stop her from biting. It was communication

with both of them. They were frustrated. Your not alone.

Diane

[Guest guest]

we ALL get mad at ourkids at one time or antoher and boy i know nathan does

like to try our patience, eventually we do lose it but we just yell whenn

get to this point, and ofcourse he gets upset and cries, but he does stop,

understanding mom and/or dad have had enough. (((HUGS)))shawna

Re: discipline/help

> In a message dated 12/18/02 9:16:18 AM Eastern Standard Time,

> mick8_7@... writes:

>

> > I have never been that mad at him.I put him down firmly and signed mad

and

> > told him to GET.I felt really bad after my bloodpressure dropped.It

worked

> > though.Do any of you get so mad

>

> Laurie, We all have some bad days. In the past I have hit both my children

> and regretted it. It did not help them understand. Although my son never

bit

> me again. He was two and not down syndrome. I cried more than he did. Same

> thing with Rochelle. It didn't stop her from biting. It was communication

> with both of them. They were frustrated. Your not alone.

> Diane

>

>

>