Re: the Easter Bunny talk

[Guest guest]

, for all it is worth, I think you did the right thing. She

point blank asked you and considering her age, who knows how much

longer she would of believed anyway. If she had heard it at school

or from a friend, etc. she would of been upset you lied to her. So

yes, it is tough when they first find out because deep down it is

fun to believe! Bre now enjoys filling the eggs for church and

watching the young children run around picking them up. Funny I do

not remember when or how she found out! I just am thankful we can

talk about anything now. It is pretty amazing considering she is 15!

Sandy

>

> Hi, All

>

> Well, it finally happened. My just-turned-11-on-Saturday dd with

OCD asked me point blank last night whether Daddy & I are the ones

who put out the Easter candy. Since she asked me straight out, I

admitted it. Then she got pretty upset. We talked about it for a

while and I got her to admit that she really did suspect as much,

but was hoping I'd say no. And here's where the OCD/black & white

thinking came in: she decided we had been lying to her all these

years. Then she decided that ALL parents who tell their kids about

the Easter Bunny are lying to their kids. I finally convinced her, I

think, that parents tell their kids " stories " because they like to

see them happy on Easter. I also pointed out that if I had said " no "

to her direct question I really WOULD have been lying. Then, just

about the time I got her calmed down, the inevitable happened --

" What about Santa? Is that you, too? " So we started all over again.

It was a tough night for both of us. Not surprisingly,

> some of her OCD stuff appeared as she was showering and getting

ready for bed. But I think she was OK by the time she got to bed,

and didn't mention it this morning.

>

> Meanwhile, my husband was upstairs and had no idea this was

going on. He kept calling to see if she was on her way up to take a

shower. When I reported our conversation to him later, his response

was " Just don't tell her about leprechauns! " I told him I had

adopted a " didn't ask, didn't tell " approach to any other " legends " !

By the way, it did seem to help a little bit when I told her there

was a real St. who gave presents to kids.

>

> I guess I'm just writing this partly to vent, and partly to see

how others of you have dealth with this.

>

> P.

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Talk is cheap. Use Messenger to make PC-to-Phone calls.

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[Guest guest]

Hi . We just can't win with this stuff! I learned my lesson a few years

ago with my then-10 yr old non-ocd daughter. She had heard about the Santa

thing at school. She came home and, with a very sad/scared face, told me that

she was hearing things at school that she didn't want to hear. Well, I imagined

all sorts of horrible things, so was actually relieved to hear it was about

Santa. She, like your dd, asked me point-blank if it was me & daddy. I reacted

same as you, figuring a direct question deserves a direct answer. She was so

upset! Crying and saying things like " all the magic is gone " . I felt awful.

Afterwards, I decided that I should have answered her with a non-answer like,

" What do you think? " and just let her ride with it as long as she wanted to.

That's what I've done with my now-10 yr old ocd daughter. This past Xmas, she

still believed in Santa even though no one else in her class did. She just

thought they were nuts as there was so much evidence to prove his existence. It

was really funny, not to mention adorable. The funniest thing was when she

brought it up again last month. Out of the blue, she said, " When I'm a

grown-up, will you promise to tell me if there really isn't a Santa Claus?

Because if I have children and think that Santa is going to get them presents,

and there really is no Santa, there'll be nothing under the tree for them. "

I realize all kids are different, but in this house, I've figured out that it's

better to let them figure it out. They'll come around to the truth when they're

ready. Leprechauns haven't come up yet!

Mo

the " Easter Bunny " talk

Hi, All

Well, it finally happened. My just-turned-11-on-Saturday dd with OCD asked

me point blank last night whether Daddy & I are the ones who put out the Easter

candy. Since she asked me straight out, I admitted it. Then she got pretty

upset. We talked about it for a while and I got her to admit that she really did

suspect as much, but was hoping I'd say no. And here's where the OCD/black &

white thinking came in: she decided we had been lying to her all these years.

Then she decided that ALL parents who tell their kids about the Easter Bunny are

lying to their kids. I finally convinced her, I think, that parents tell their

kids " stories " because they like to see them happy on Easter. I also pointed out

that if I had said " no " to her direct question I really WOULD have been lying.

Then, just about the time I got her calmed down, the inevitable happened --

" What about Santa? Is that you, too? " So we started all over again. It was a

tough night for both of us. Not surprisingly,

some of her OCD stuff appeared as she was showering and getting ready for bed.

But I think she was OK by the time she got to bed, and didn't mention it this

morning.

Meanwhile, my husband was upstairs and had no idea this was going on. He

kept calling to see if she was on her way up to take a shower. When I reported

our conversation to him later, his response was " Just don't tell her about

leprechauns! " I told him I had adopted a " didn't ask, didn't tell " approach to

any other " legends " ! By the way, it did seem to help a little bit when I told

her there was a real St. who gave presents to kids.

I guess I'm just writing this partly to vent, and partly to see how others

of you have dealth with this.

[Guest guest]

Sounds like your dd and mine have a LOT of similarities. Even to using some of

the same language about " the magic is out of it now " . I tried the " what do you

think? " approach, which has usually been successful in the past. But it wasn't

flying this time, I was getting her OCDish " I'm not sure! " response. We also

talked about what would happen if she grew up and had kids and had never been

told!

She also wanted to know why her older (will be 14 in June) brother still

believed. I explained that he had kept the secret from her (as well as the

all-important explaining that she should do the same with other kids!). He

happens to be away on a church mission trip right now, and she is debating

whether or not to thank him for keeping it when he gets home. On the other hand,

he was still talking about Santa with me this Christmas and I felt it really was

time to be blunt -- albeit gently -- with him at that age. But we agreed that he

is " real in our hearts " -- which is also language I tried using with L last

night.

Ah, well, we do the best we can on this issue as with so many others.

P.

Maureen s <maureenpeters@...> wrote:

Hi . We just can't win with this stuff! I learned my lesson a few years

ago with my then-10 yr old non-ocd daughter. She had heard about the Santa

thing at school. She came home and, with a very sad/scared face, told me that

she was hearing things at school that she didn't want to hear. Well, I imagined

all sorts of horrible things, so was actually relieved to hear it was about

Santa. She, like your dd, asked me point-blank if it was me & daddy. I reacted

same as you, figuring a direct question deserves a direct answer. She was so

upset! Crying and saying things like " all the magic is gone " . I felt awful.

Afterwards, I decided that I should have answered her with a non-answer like,

" What do you think? " and just let her ride with it as long as she wanted to.

That's what I've done with my now-10 yr old ocd daughter. This past Xmas, she

still believed in Santa even though no one else in her class did. She just

thought they were nuts as there was so much evidence to prove his existence. It

was really funny, not to mention adorable. The funniest thing was when she

brought it up again last month. Out of the blue, she said, " When I'm a

grown-up, will you promise to tell me if there really isn't a Santa Claus?

Because if I have children and think that Santa is going to get them presents,

and there really is no Santa, there'll be nothing under the tree for them. "

I realize all kids are different, but in this house, I've figured out that it's

better to let them figure it out. They'll come around to the truth when they're

ready. Leprechauns haven't come up yet!

Mo

the " Easter Bunny " talk

Hi, All

Well, it finally happened. My just-turned-11-on-Saturday dd with OCD asked

me point blank last night whether Daddy & I are the ones who put out the Easter

candy. Since she asked me straight out, I admitted it. Then she got pretty

upset. We talked about it for a while and I got her to admit that she really did

suspect as much, but was hoping I'd say no. And here's where the OCD/black &

white thinking came in: she decided we had been lying to her all these years.

Then she decided that ALL parents who tell their kids about the Easter Bunny are

lying to their kids. I finally convinced her, I think, that parents tell their

kids " stories " because they like to see them happy on Easter. I also pointed out

that if I had said " no " to her direct question I really WOULD have been lying.

Then, just about the time I got her calmed down, the inevitable happened --

" What about Santa? Is that you, too? " So we started all over again. It was a

tough night for both of us. Not surprisingly,

some of her OCD stuff appeared as she was showering and getting ready for bed.

But I think she was OK by the time she got to bed, and didn't mention it this

morning.

Meanwhile, my husband was upstairs and had no idea this was going on. He

kept calling to see if she was on her way up to take a shower. When I reported

our conversation to him later, his response was " Just don't tell her about

leprechauns! " I told him I had adopted a " didn't ask, didn't tell " approach to

any other " legends " ! By the way, it did seem to help a little bit when I told

her there was a real St. who gave presents to kids.

I guess I'm just writing this partly to vent, and partly to see how others

of you have dealth with this.

[Guest guest]

LOL " When I'm a grown-up, will you promise to tell me if there really isn't a

Santa Claus? Because if I have children and think that Santa is going to get

them presents, and there really is no Santa, there'll be nothing under the tree

for them. "

Had to laugh that is exactly what my 10 year old son said a few months a go -

just about word for word..... The other day he lost a tooth and asked about the

tooth fairy, I told him the truth that is was me, thinking it would be alright

YEAH RIGHT he burst into tears and got really upset, so I then rephrased it and

see you will have to see if the tooth fairy comes tonight and you decide... well

he was happy after that and the tooth fairy did come :)

Cheers Jaxx (New Zealand)

the " Easter Bunny " talk

Hi, All

Well, it finally happened. My just-turned-11-on-Saturday dd with OCD asked

me point blank last night whether Daddy & I are the ones who put out the Easter

candy. Since she asked me straight out, I admitted it. Then she got pretty

upset. We talked about it for a while and I got her to admit that she really did

suspect as much, but was hoping I'd say no. And here's where the OCD/black &

white thinking came in: she decided we had been lying to her all these years.

Then she decided that ALL parents who tell their kids about the Easter Bunny are

lying to their kids. I finally convinced her, I think, that parents tell their

kids " stories " because they like to see them happy on Easter. I also pointed out

that if I had said " no " to her direct question I really WOULD have been lying.

Then, just about the time I got her calmed down, the inevitable happened --

" What about Santa? Is that you, too? " So we started all over again. It was a

tough night for both of us. Not surprisingly,

some of her OCD stuff appeared as she was showering and getting ready for

bed. But I think she was OK by the time she got to bed, and didn't mention it

this morning.

Meanwhile, my husband was upstairs and had no idea this was going on. He

kept calling to see if she was on her way up to take a shower. When I reported

our conversation to him later, his response was " Just don't tell her about

leprechauns! " I told him I had adopted a " didn't ask, didn't tell " approach to

any other " legends " ! By the way, it did seem to help a little bit when I told

her there was a real St. who gave presents to kids.

I guess I'm just writing this partly to vent, and partly to see how others

of you have dealth with this.

[Guest guest]

I always felt guilty about the santa/easterbunny/toothfairy " lies "

Was it because he was an ocd kid and mom lying was the last thing he

needed?

Was it my own ocd making me feel guilty?

Both?

I was Sooooo relieved at 9years old when he asked me if I was

santa . . . I said yes . . . a few minutes later and he asked if I

was the easter bunny too.

From that point on I told him that I always felt guilty about it -

tried to minimize the stories of it -

Someone once told him that he better watch out because santa and the

elves are watching everything he does . . . a few days later (he was

four years old) he told me he'd decided to skip christmas and just

wait for his birthday presents instead - too much pressure for an ocd

boy . . . after all, no matter how hard you try to be good when

you're a kid (and he did try hard) you're bound to mess up and be bad

by accident - not worth it in his mind.

I sure was relieved once he knew so I didn't have to lie to him any

more.

People with regular kids can say stuff like " some people believe and

some people don't and everyone is different " - but that was way too

much gray area for my ocd boy.

>

> Hi, All

>

> Well, it finally happened. My just-turned-11-on-Saturday dd with

OCD asked me point blank last night whether Daddy & I are the ones

who put out the Easter candy. Since she asked me straight out, I

admitted it. Then she got pretty upset. We talked about it for a

while and I got her to admit that she really did suspect as much, but

was hoping I'd say no. And here's where the OCD/black & white

thinking came in: she decided we had been lying to her all these

years. Then she decided that ALL parents who tell their kids about

the Easter Bunny are lying to their kids. I finally convinced her, I

think, that parents tell their kids " stories " because they like to

see them happy on Easter. I also pointed out that if I had said " no "

to her direct question I really WOULD have been lying. Then, just

about the time I got her calmed down, the inevitable happened --

" What about Santa? Is that you, too? " So we started all over again.

It was a tough night for both of us. Not surprisingly,

> some of her OCD stuff appeared as she was showering and getting

ready for bed. But I think she was OK by the time she got to bed, and

didn't mention it this morning.

>

> Meanwhile, my husband was upstairs and had no idea this was going

on. He kept calling to see if she was on her way up to take a shower.

When I reported our conversation to him later, his response was " Just

don't tell her about leprechauns! " I told him I had adopted a " didn't

ask, didn't tell " approach to any other " legends " ! By the way, it did

seem to help a little bit when I told her there was a real St.

who gave presents to kids.

>

> I guess I'm just writing this partly to vent, and partly to see

how others of you have dealth with this.

>

> P.

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Talk is cheap. Use Messenger to make PC-to-Phone calls.

Great rates starting at 1 & cent;/min.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi,

My family taught me there was a Santa Claus and when my Aunt who was

only 9 months older then me told me there was no Santa Claus, and my

parents verified this, I just cried & cried. So, I didn't think it was

a good idea to pretend it was real.

I wanted to keep the focus of Christmas and Easter on our Christian

beliefs (although these holidays are set on pagan holidays). So, I

focused on wonderful St. and avoided the Easter bunny. When

my daughter was 8 or 9 (I think) she told me she wanted to believe in

Santa Claus and could we do that. I said, " Sure " and I think it just

faded away after that.

But you know, we pretended that the tooth fairy was real. As my girl

got older she kept asking whether or not it was true, I just kept

saying yes or no depending on how she asked, with a twinkle in my eye.

She seemed to like this.

Boy, how inconsistant I am as a parent.

I don't think her OCD bothered her on this issue.

[Guest guest]

>

> " When I'm a grown-up, will you promise to tell me if there really

isn't a Santa Claus? Because if I have children and think that Santa

is going to get them presents, and there really is no Santa, there'll

be nothing under the tree for them. "

>

That is so precious. ez

[Guest guest]

We also focus primarily on the Christian meanings of Christmas and Easter, but

chose to also include what we felt were the " fun " (albeit secular) aspects of

these holidays. As I told my dd the other night, parents tell these " stories "

because they like to see the anticipation & happiness of their children. I also

assured her that " knowing " would not mean any fewer presents/less candy! As for

the tooth fairy, she hasn't asked yet. She is also very interested in

leprechauns and has asked in the past about them but never " point blank, " so we

haven't dealt with that one yet.

P.

mezuro <mezuro@...> wrote:

Hi,

My family taught me there was a Santa Claus and when my Aunt who was

only 9 months older then me told me there was no Santa Claus, and my

parents verified this, I just cried & cried. So, I didn't think it was

a good idea to pretend it was real.

I wanted to keep the focus of Christmas and Easter on our Christian

beliefs (although these holidays are set on pagan holidays). So, I

focused on wonderful St. and avoided the Easter bunny. When

my daughter was 8 or 9 (I think) she told me she wanted to believe in

Santa Claus and could we do that. I said, " Sure " and I think it just

faded away after that.

But you know, we pretended that the tooth fairy was real. As my girl

got older she kept asking whether or not it was true, I just kept

saying yes or no depending on how she asked, with a twinkle in my eye.

She seemed to like this.

Boy, how inconsistant I am as a parent.

I don't think her OCD bothered her on this issue.

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[Guest guest]

Yes, you did the right thing. What else could you do? It's unfortunate

that this was intertwined with your daughter's OCD (black & white/logical

thinking). My daughter has known all about everything for a few years now.

Our

son (non-OCD) was the hardest because he figured it out for himself with the

first " mythical being " then just assumed all others were the same - our fear

was that he would say something to his baby sister... which he never did

because we allowed him to " play " Santa & Easter Bunny for her and he got a real

big

kick out of it (staying up late to put out presents or baskets.. etc).

DD was upset simply because she didn't want to " grow up " HAHA, can't blame

her!

LT

[Guest guest]

Thanks for the reassurance. She hasn't brought it up again, although we'll see

what happens tomorrow night/Sunday morning ...

P.

jtlt@... wrote:

Yes, you did the right thing. What else could you do? It's unfortunate

that this was intertwined with your daughter's OCD (black & white/logical

thinking). My daughter has known all about everything for a few years now.

Our

son (non-OCD) was the hardest because he figured it out for himself with the

first " mythical being " then just assumed all others were the same - our fear

was that he would say something to his baby sister... which he never did

because we allowed him to " play " Santa & Easter Bunny for her and he got a real

big

kick out of it (staying up late to put out presents or baskets.. etc).

DD was upset simply because she didn't want to " grow up " HAHA, can't blame

her!

LT

[Guest guest]

I have been out of town so I am a bit late in responding to this but I just

had to. Several years ago, my oldest daughter caught my husband sneaking into

her room on Valentine's Day to leave a pair of earrings. Hannah didn't want

to believe that all of the holiday characters were not real but her younger

sister, , nailed me at a doctor's appointment by asking me about it. I

told

her the truth, that her father and I were all of them, including the tooth

fairy and she was furious. She took her shoe off and threw it at me saying, " I

knew it! I knew it! This is just one more way growns try to control and

manipulate children! " The therapist and I were horrified and to make matters

worse, I couldn't help laughing. was about eight. When we got home,

told her sister who was also upset. Both girls agreed that " growing up " gifts

would help and on the way to the toy store, a very small voice from the back

seat of our car asked me if Santa would be still coming. I said that as long

as no more shoes were thrown, he would and it was done. Both girls recovered

that day but I'm not sure about myself and the doctor! Kelley in NV

[Guest guest]

That's so funny -- very dramatic 8 yr old!

You have a Valentine's Guy delivering presents?? Who is it, Cupid? I've not

heard of that one before. For us, it's just The Big Three: Santa, Easter Bunny

and the Tooth Fairy. It's just plain ol' Mommy & Daddy at Valentine's Day.

Mo

Re: the " Easter Bunny " talk

I have been out of town so I am a bit late in responding to this but I just

had to. Several years ago, my oldest daughter caught my husband sneaking into

her room on Valentine's Day to leave a pair of earrings.

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 4/20/2006 1:25:22 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

kelleydinkins@... writes:

a very small voice from the back

seat of our car asked me if Santa would be still coming. I said that as

long

as no more shoes were thrown, he would and it was done. Both girls

recovered

that day but I'm not sure about myself and the doctor!

Kelley -

Now that's some funny stuff!!!!

LT