Re: Mom not handling this well

March 29, 2006

In a message dated 3/29/2006 4:29:48 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

akdelgado@... writes:

How do I KNOW if my son's thoughts NEED medication? Maybe he's

analytical and imaginative and is scared of his own shawdow because

he is 6? The panic attacks were a problem. But, he's getting better.

Yes, he's different from the kids in his class. One kid called him

weird. But, other kids don't. Some days he cries and wishes his

worries would stop. But, I cried to my mom about my worries and bad

dreams too. I have no other frame of reference.

Kris

I know I read an article that explained it fairly well - the difference

between worrying, or specific behavior, in a " regular way " and worrying, or

behavior, in an " OCD way. " I will try and find it & forward it to you.

Basically

it said that everyone worries to a certain extent, but if the worrying or

behavior begins to affect your lifestyle or prevents you from doing daily tasks

or activities, THEN it becomes OCD. I remember they gave some specific

instances in the article, too. I'll really try to find it for you.

I think we've all gone through the mental 'inventory' of things we used to

do, our husbands used to do... family members do... desperately searching for

the connection because we need it to make sense. Sometimes you find it,

sometimes you don't. I'm equally as sure that everyone finds something in

their

past & say " AHA.. that's it - I was always afraid of spiders.... it must be

from me.... " Again, (personal opinion here) I think sometimes folks will grab

at nearly anything to make some type of connection for what's going on with

their child.

Many of the things you mention about your past seem to be normal childhood

fears or an active imagination (your grandpa dying in the bed you were in,

finding the shears & gloves in your basement & remembering a movie using the

same things to kill people, not plugging things in because you're afraid of

electricity....) and other seemed a little more OCDish (the math homework

issue).

Maybe you were afraid of electricity & refused to plug things in

yourself... but did you refuse to go into a room if there were electronic items

plugged

in? Did you refuse to get into ANY bed because you thought your grandpa

died in one? I think that is the " line " between a childhood fear or

over-active

imagination & OCD behavior (again, only my opinion on it.)

If your son is improving without meds, that's great. Maybe he would improve

at a faster rate or have less of a struggle if he were on meds. You'll

never know until you try. Again, just because you try something doesn't mean

you're stuck with it forever.

You have a lot to weigh-in on when you make these decisions. I totally

understand when parents don't want their child on meds - as I said before, we

were completely against it from the start until we saw how fast my daughter's

behavior deteriorated. That along with the explanation from the doctor about

catching it before the rituals become " entrenched " in her behavior, all made

sense to us. I have high hopes that one day my daughter won't be on meds at

all. We shall see.

LT

March 29, 2006

In a message dated 3/29/2006 10:23:18 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

@... writes:

I sign onto the group at the website at www. and once

I'm in this group, to the left of the screen are different

selections, FILES being one of them. I don't know how you access it

if you are getting the group's posts through your email address.

Look way at the bottom of anyone's email & there are websites automatically

added to the message - the first one being the address to this board:

_/_

(/)

go there & log in... then click on FILES to the left.

LT

March 29, 2006

In a message dated 3/29/2006 10:26:33 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

smoonirish@... writes:

but the last thing I want is for my brood to

get pushed aside b/c they aren't " normal " for whatever reason.

Hey - didn't you hear? " Normal " is just a setting on your washing machine

:-)

LT

March 30, 2006

In a message dated 3/30/2006 12:03:00 A.M. Eastern Standard Time,

kaitoula999@... writes:

This has been overwhelming for me and I don't know when to go along with

what the school is telling me or when to insist for a different approach.

Kathy

Chances are, if you're gut feeling is telling you something isn't right, or

someone isn't acting in your child's best interest - you're probably right.

Go with your gut feeling & armed with information. I always question

everything. Not only does it force the school to explain why their position on

something is best, but it's an educational process for me as well.

LT

March 30, 2006

My son started showing OCD symptoms at 2 years old. I kept wondering if what

he was doing was normal or not. One thing that can helped us was a program

called " Child FIND " .

We lived in Tennessee and the program is for free. I am sure whatever state

you are in has this program or a program similar to it. They will run test to

check to see if your child has any problems such as in language, auditory

processing, etc.

We took my child to be tested through child find right before he started

Kindergarten .They found my son has an expressive language problem and they

started him into speech for this before he even began kindergarten. Because we

got him help early, he tested out of speech for this at the end of fourth grade

and he can express himself now extremely well. They couldn't tell me my

child had OCD, but I expressed a concern that he had it, and they offered me

brochures on it. I am a teacher and I know that this means they think he had it

too. The laws prevent the schools from telling parents what you really think

,because they can be sued for it. The school system doesn't want to have to

pay for it. We proceeded to take my son to a psychologist who diagnosed him.

One thing my son Hayden did was worry all the time. He worried about me

especially. He too has a great imagination. He would get fixated on topics and

couldn't get off of them. Such as he had a badge that he thought he had to wear

everyday to school and it was like a security blanket for him. What ever he

was interested in he would play with it everyday for hours. He would involve

us into rituals such as .. he would ask us a question, knowing the answer,

over and over again until we gave him the answer he was looking for. The germ

problems appeared later. He also had " silly " rules for everything. He still

does that now.

Medication has been our biggest battle and I am a firm believer in giving a

child medication if they need it. We have been trying to find the best

medication for him since kindergarten and now he is in fifth grade. We have not

had

much success. Over the years maturity has helped but he is still EXTREMEMLY

obsessive and I worry about him ALL THE TIME. It affects his peer

relationships because he focuses on topics that kids could care less about or

his anxiety

causes him to act silly and the kids find him weird, or he has a rule to do

something a particular way and the kids find that weird. I am to the point

that I don't know what to do anymore. If your child needs medication it is

important to start it as soon as you can because you never know how long it will

take to find the right one. Once the child is in school it is harder because

it takes weeks to take affect and in the mean time the child is being

affected socially and sometimes academically.

One thing I do know is.. if you ignore it .. it doesn't go away.

Sheree

March 30, 2006

One more thing on the 504 plan verses the IEP. What I don't like about the

IEP is that most school systems will label children under IEP's as " Emotionally

Disturbed " or something along the lines of that category. It is under a

major label that will stay with the child through out the course of their

school

history. I just don't like labels. The 504 is better if your child can

function academically or has some trouble academically or has trouble with

their

behavior. This plan is very helpful and is designed by you and the teacher. It

carries less weight as a special education title but I feel if your child

can function with the 504 in the classroom, it is a better label to go under.

My sister has a degree as a special education teacher and she too recommended

to not go under the ED label. If you are in a state that has anxiety

disorders under the label " health impaired " that is a much better label.

I will warn you .. if the school system hears your child has OCD most

schools will immediately want to start the process to label your child and

shuffle

them to resource. One reason for this is they are worried about the test

scores your child might get and it affects the schools test scores, OR they want

to money they will receive by your child being labeled under special

education. One thing I do know is you have to be aware of your rights as a

parent and

act as an advocate for your child.

Sheree

March 30, 2006

Well, they do not get funding from 504 plans but do under special education

titles. But child is " protected " under IEP which the school does receive

funding for. For Middle Schools and High schools I don't think the funding is

as much or as important as it would be for elementary school. Yes, IEP's would

be more trouble then it is worth for the middle and high schools due to all

the paper work and the stress of accommodations for that child.

March 30, 2006

In a message dated 3/30/2006 9:25:02 A.M. Eastern Standard Time,

Skbradfield@... writes:

What I don't like about the

IEP is that most school systems will label children under IEP's as

" Emotionally

Disturbed " or something along the lines of that category. It is under a

major label that will stay with the child through out the course of their

school

history................................................. if the school

system hears your child has OCD most schools will immediately want to start

the

process to label your child and shuffle them to resource.

Sheree

We also heard of this happening. We are very fortunate that our daughter

has had no real problem in school (that affects her ability to do her work &

keep her grades up). I have no intentions of ever saying anything to anyone in

the school system unless it becomes absolutely necessary.

You also mentioned, " One thing I do know is you have to be aware of your

rights as a parent and act as an advocate for your child. "

Truer words have never been spoken. No one cares as much about your child's

welfare as you.

LT

March 30, 2006

.....OR they want to money they will receive by your child being

labeled under special education.

Back in middle school days when I wanted tested, I commented

to the special ed people at the school system office that I would

think they'd " jump " on having get an IEP vs a 504 due to

funding. And also, all I wanted were the accommodations/

modifications, no special ed services that I knew of, so I didn't

see where they would spend $$ on , but figured they'd still

get $$ for him having an IEP.

I don't know that I understood their reply 100%, but apparently they

already had received all the funding they would get for that year

(or some time period) and putting on an IEP wouldn't have

meant more funds. Might have been the time of the year we were

doing this, their " IEP numbers " were already turned in and processed

and funds already allocated.

And since he's now in 11th grade and still with a 504 Plan, I've

always wondered if IEPs are just more paperwork/problems and perhaps

the schools don't actually prefer 504 Plans to some degree.

Otherwise I would think some school official would have pushed me

for an IEP over the years.

Just recalled this and throwing out thoughts!

March 30, 2006

Our son has an IEP under " Other Health Impairment " . It was originally

for Sensory Integration Disorder, but we have added ADHD and now OCD,

and the label didn't change -- not sure what would have happened if

the OCD had come first, though. His grades and test scores have

always been good, but he needed classroom interventions to allow him

to have access to the natural social environment of the classroom --

and there have definitely been times where I don't think the teacher

would have gone along with it without the weight of the IEP.

DH was really worried about the potential effects of " labeling " too,

but eventually he came to see that if we didn't get help for our son,

he wouldn't ever get to the point where he'd even be in the position

of having to worry about college applications, job interviews, etc.

Now we can see a " normal " future for him, his teacher says he blends

in with all the other kids now. Parents start out thinking their

child is " special " , sometimes it is a blessing to have them be no

different from the other kids....

>

> One more thing on the 504 plan verses the IEP. What I don't like

about the

> IEP is that most school systems will label children under IEP's as

" Emotionally

> Disturbed " or something along the lines of that category. It is

under a

> major label that will stay with the child through out the course of

their school

> history. I just don't like labels. The 504 is better if your child can

> function academically or has some trouble academically or has

trouble with their

> behavior. This plan is very helpful and is designed by you and the

teacher. It

> carries less weight as a special education title but I feel if your

child

> can function with the 504 in the classroom, it is a better label to

go under.

> My sister has a degree as a special education teacher and she too

recommended

> to not go under the ED label. If you are in a state that has anxiety

> disorders under the label " health impaired " that is a much better label.

March 30, 2006