Re: Mom not handling this well

[Guest guest]

I'm thinking that it sounds like your son is 6th grade or under?

There's no reason on earth for you, him and the rest of the family to

go through this . . . sounds like you've tried it all (we've all been

in your shoes). If there was a way to make it better tomorrow you

WOULD have found it by now!

You can call the school tomorrow - and ask that all homework be

suspended until you can meet with them. You can call a meeting of

his teacher(s), the district psychologist, in-school hands-on

orchestrator type person and tell them what's going on - ask them if

it would be possible to call off all homework for a month...or

two...or until the end of the year. It's doing noone any good! He

would learn better during the day without the nightly battle of you

against the ocd brickwall.

As I recall reading here (we never had the opportunity to do it

ourself) the cbt/erp itself at times can take an hour or two each and

every night! But, the tradeoff there is it's to make life

better . . . not to make it the homeworkhellnightmare most of us are

familiar with at one time or another.

While you're at it you can all talk about what they're seeing in

their classrooms and suggestions can be shared on lots of ways to

make his learning the best it can be right now.

No need for a 504 plan just yet if you can enlist their cooperation.

Most teachers will be happy to help - they love knowing 1) there's a

parent at home who cares and is watching and wants to talk to them to

solve problems, 2)knowing what the heck is going on because it's so

much harder for them to see the big picture from their perspective,

and 3)you're willing to talk about it...that you won't get angry or

defensive or dismissive if they try to bring up a concern . . . that

you're open to sharing ideas about it and working out a plan with

them.

That way you can send along updates (email works well for me), when

or if a new medication is tried and possible early on noticable side

effects for them to be alert to (behavioral or super sleepy). You

can let them know, generally or specifically, what kind of behavioral

treatment he's doing, what they might expect to see, and how he seems

to be responding to it. And, they can let you know when they see

something . . . like PROGRESS (music to our stressed parental souls!)

or some new thing they're not sure what! Not easy for a teacher to

do unless they're sure the parents will be receptive and not freak

out.

I have to go to bed now, but I'll say one more thing.

I was always real open with my son's teachers - I gave them all a

copy of that pdf in the files here about the teacher's role with ocd

kids - and I kept them up to date on what was going on at home and

with his treatment . . .

His last year math teacher came to the highschool this year as Cody

started his freshman year. When Cody began faultering I asked for a

big group meeting with all his teachers to talk about it in depth.

He (the math teacher) told me, and the group, that from his

perspective the difference between last year and this year was like

night and day and he thinks Cody (despite that little problem at the

time of failing most of his classes) was doing really well!! I am

very very sure that he never would have said a word to me if I hadn't

been open all along . . . and a little bit pushy (is pushy the right

word??).

What he said though has been one of the biggest reliefs to me I've

had during this whole ordeal - Despite how it seems at times, I must

be on the right track with Cody - his math teacher gave me a

perspective I could never have!!

>

> I am new to this board and am very grateful that I've found it.

I've read many of the posts and they have been extremely informative

and supportive.

>

> My 7 year old son has just been diagnosed with OCD and possibly

Aspergers - we're still testing for that. No one in my family

understands what my son is going through, including my husband, so

they've told me to " fix it " . I've known that something was wrong for

quite some time but everyone insisted I was imaging things and that

my lack of discipline was the cause of his behavior.

>

> His behavior has become so frustrating and I'm afraid I'm not

handling it well. I have a tremendous amount of stress going on in

my life at the present and am doing my best to keep it together but

it's becoming harder and harder. I have two other children who have

basically become ignored and I am torn apart from guilt, anger and

sadness.

>

> Aside from the rituals and the patterns he has to follow for

everything he does, homework time has become my most dreaded time of

day. We do it in the same room, same time, I offer breaks, anything

I can think of. I make everyone else disappear onto other floors so

they aren't another distraction for him. Nothing helps!!

>

> He screams, he gets up, he yells at me and calls me stupid, he

calls himself stupid, he calls himself pathetic, and he erases,

erases, erases, erases, over and over again.

> We spend hours going through this exhaustive process and I am

wiped out by the end of it. He, on the other hand ,seems to recover

quite nicely once homework is done.

>

> I feel so bad for him when I see him struggling and it breaks my

heart to hear how he puts himself down. At the same time, I am

embarrassed to say that I also hate him sometimes for what he is

putting us all through. I don't get to see my children all day since

I work. I see them during dinner and then I have to hide everyone

while I spend the next few hours on HW. By the time we are done,

it's at least 10 o'clock and my other children are ready for bed.

>

> I'm sorry I'm rambling. I just needed to vent. I don't see any

light at the end of the tunnel right now so I guess I'm just feeling

sorry for myself.

>

> Kathy

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Talk is cheap. Use Messenger to make PC-to-Phone calls.

Great rates starting at 1 & cent;/min.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Pushy is the right word!

I know that you are discouraged. We have all been in your shoes, and know

that all of us have made it thru the initial fire.

There are a whole lot of kids just like yours and with time, therapy, and the

right meds things will get better. Talk to the teachers. Do exactly what

said and things will be easier.

However, know that sometimes it is an uphill battle to protect your child.

Your child has rights in the school system and sometimes you run into someone

that wants to withhold those rights. It is up to you as a parent to fight for

your child.

When you get down and discouraged, come to us, we love to support!

klwicklund77 <k777thorpe@...> wrote:

I'm thinking that it sounds like your son is 6th grade or under?

There's no reason on earth for you, him and the rest of the family to

go through this . . . sounds like you've tried it all (we've all been

in your shoes). If there was a way to make it better tomorrow you

WOULD have found it by now!

You can call the school tomorrow - and ask that all homework be

suspended until you can meet with them. You can call a meeting of

his teacher(s), the district psychologist, in-school hands-on

orchestrator type person and tell them what's going on - ask them if

it would be possible to call off all homework for a month...or

two...or until the end of the year. It's doing noone any good! He

would learn better during the day without the nightly battle of you

against the ocd brickwall.

As I recall reading here (we never had the opportunity to do it

ourself) the cbt/erp itself at times can take an hour or two each and

every night! But, the tradeoff there is it's to make life

better . . . not to make it the homeworkhellnightmare most of us are

familiar with at one time or another.

While you're at it you can all talk about what they're seeing in

their classrooms and suggestions can be shared on lots of ways to

make his learning the best it can be right now.

No need for a 504 plan just yet if you can enlist their cooperation.

Most teachers will be happy to help - they love knowing 1) there's a

parent at home who cares and is watching and wants to talk to them to

solve problems, 2)knowing what the heck is going on because it's so

much harder for them to see the big picture from their perspective,

and 3)you're willing to talk about it...that you won't get angry or

defensive or dismissive if they try to bring up a concern . . . that

you're open to sharing ideas about it and working out a plan with

them.

That way you can send along updates (email works well for me), when

or if a new medication is tried and possible early on noticable side

effects for them to be alert to (behavioral or super sleepy). You

can let them know, generally or specifically, what kind of behavioral

treatment he's doing, what they might expect to see, and how he seems

to be responding to it. And, they can let you know when they see

something . . . like PROGRESS (music to our stressed parental souls!)

or some new thing they're not sure what! Not easy for a teacher to

do unless they're sure the parents will be receptive and not freak

out.

I have to go to bed now, but I'll say one more thing.

I was always real open with my son's teachers - I gave them all a

copy of that pdf in the files here about the teacher's role with ocd

kids - and I kept them up to date on what was going on at home and

with his treatment . . .

His last year math teacher came to the highschool this year as Cody

started his freshman year. When Cody began faultering I asked for a

big group meeting with all his teachers to talk about it in depth.

He (the math teacher) told me, and the group, that from his

perspective the difference between last year and this year was like

night and day and he thinks Cody (despite that little problem at the

time of failing most of his classes) was doing really well!! I am

very very sure that he never would have said a word to me if I hadn't

been open all along . . . and a little bit pushy (is pushy the right

word??).

What he said though has been one of the biggest reliefs to me I've

had during this whole ordeal - Despite how it seems at times, I must

be on the right track with Cody - his math teacher gave me a

perspective I could never have!!

>

> I am new to this board and am very grateful that I've found it.

I've read many of the posts and they have been extremely informative

and supportive.

>

> My 7 year old son has just been diagnosed with OCD and possibly

Aspergers - we're still testing for that. No one in my family

understands what my son is going through, including my husband, so

they've told me to " fix it " . I've known that something was wrong for

quite some time but everyone insisted I was imaging things and that

my lack of discipline was the cause of his behavior.

>

> His behavior has become so frustrating and I'm afraid I'm not

handling it well. I have a tremendous amount of stress going on in

my life at the present and am doing my best to keep it together but

it's becoming harder and harder. I have two other children who have

basically become ignored and I am torn apart from guilt, anger and

sadness.

>

> Aside from the rituals and the patterns he has to follow for

everything he does, homework time has become my most dreaded time of

day. We do it in the same room, same time, I offer breaks, anything

I can think of. I make everyone else disappear onto other floors so

they aren't another distraction for him. Nothing helps!!

>

> He screams, he gets up, he yells at me and calls me stupid, he

calls himself stupid, he calls himself pathetic, and he erases,

erases, erases, erases, over and over again.

> We spend hours going through this exhaustive process and I am

wiped out by the end of it. He, on the other hand ,seems to recover

quite nicely once homework is done.

>

> I feel so bad for him when I see him struggling and it breaks my

heart to hear how he puts himself down. At the same time, I am

embarrassed to say that I also hate him sometimes for what he is

putting us all through. I don't get to see my children all day since

I work. I see them during dinner and then I have to hide everyone

while I spend the next few hours on HW. By the time we are done,

it's at least 10 o'clock and my other children are ready for bed.

>

> I'm sorry I'm rambling. I just needed to vent. I don't see any

light at the end of the tunnel right now so I guess I'm just feeling

sorry for myself.

>

> Kathy

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Talk is cheap. Use Messenger to make PC-to-Phone calls.

Great rates starting at 1 & cent;/min.

>

>

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 3/28/2006 11:31:25 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

kaitoula999@... writes:

I see them during dinner and then I have to hide everyone while I spend the

next few hours on HW. By the time we are done, it's at least 10 o'clock and

my other children are ready for bed.

Kathy -

It's like looking in a mirror for me. My daughter (14) went through the

same difficulties with homework for years (luckily for me, without the yelling

though - it just took her FOREVER to do it.) She started HW the minute she

got home, I had to make her stop for dinner, then right back to it, literally

until bedtime (10:30) and sometimes she would push beyond.

We had NO idea it was OCD - in retrospect, we now realize that's exactly

what it was. She was this way for years. I felt she was putting way too much

emphasis on grades, so much so that she was depriving herself of her own

childhood - always studying, always adding the extra hour or two to a project

or

report to be SURE she got an A. It was affecting her quality of life - and

ours as well. There were never any " family plans " during the week - that would

be unheard of! Never any time! She would break down & cry sometimes - " why

don't any of my friends have to work this hard --- they do fun things during

the week " I would cry by myself too when she would say these things - it

was just too much to watch.

It wasn't until she experienced 2 deaths recently (one in Oct '05 and one in

Dec '05) of people who were very, very close to her, that we noticed OCD

rearing it's ugly head - that's when she launched into the excessive hand

washing, long showers, & other bizarre rituals (afraid someone can see into her

room, the bathroom, spinning exactly 3 times before she could change her

clothes....). When those things started happening, it was obvious something

was

wrong. We NEVER would have guessed OCD with the homework situation - ever.

She

was a straight A student, always has been, and we just figured that's how

much work she had to do to get those grades. Never questioned it.

Once she went on the meds (Prozac 30mg daily.... but starting out on 10mg,

then to 20mg) the school work problems disappeared within a couple weeks! We

noticed she was a MUCH happier child almost immediately when it came to

school - not as stressed out, doesn't need all that time for homework - it's

like

a different person altogether - we honestly couldn't believe we let her

suffer all those years - all those years she MISSED OUT on her own childhood.

Other kids were out playing, having a good time, doing sports, etc... she never

did any of that because of the OCD that we didn't know was there. Talk about

your parental guilt! HA!

Is your son seeing a psychiatrist yet? If it works like it did for my

daughter - get him on meds... the sooner the better. We haven't even started

therapy yet (CBT, ERP) that starts on April 25th for us -- all the improvement

we've seen so far is from the medication alone. And it is HUGELY better for

her already. She still has a problem with the excessive washing, showering,

etc...but my baby has a life now that she hasn't had in YEARS - she can play

with friends after school - enjoy family movies with us, leisurely dinners

together - because there isn't 6 hours of homework to do every day. I LOVE IT.

As for your family not understanding - have them all attend a therapy

session with your son so his doctor can explain it all to them. Also, there is

lots of good reading material out there - books written especially for teens to

read too. And there's always the Internet for information. It's vitally

important that they understand & have more of a respect for what he's going

through -- and you as well, dealing with it.

I used to work, too. I quit my job because it just got to be too much with

my daughter going through this. We felt that it was just adding to her

stress & anxiety if I also came home all stressed out from work. We are

fortunate

that I was able to do this - I realize not every mom has a choice in working

or not working. We'll miss the extra money, but I wasn't making a huge

salary either - just a part time job - about 30 hours a week, so it did take

away

from home/family time more than I liked and it was a high-stress job too.

Good luck to you & your son. I hope you find at least a little bit of

relief soon.

LT

[Guest guest]

Kathy,

Bless your heart. Has your son been having these difficulties all

school year or have they increased lately? There are several things

the school can do to help with the homework issues if they know about

the diagnosis and the difficulties you are experiencing. You said

your son is erasing over and over again. Is there anyway you can

write his answers for him until you are able to get something started

at school (to at least ease your mind)? In primary grades, the

children generally only have one main teacher (from whom they receive

homework anyway), so do you think you could talk to the teacher (does

he/she seem to be a sympathetic teacher - or does he/she even know of

your son's struggles) immediately about what is happening to get some

relief TODAY - until you can get some other more formal plan in

place?

Do you have any plans for medication and/or therapy for your son, or

are the docs still in the process of firming up his diagnosis? I

understand the guilt about your other children, and you may want to

sit down and talk with them about what is going on and that you

understand it is taking time away from them, but you are working

toward making things better - but that it will take some time

(specific information given depending on the age). Children

generally understand when they know parents are working toward making

things better and they aren't just left to wonder what is happening

to their world. I know you don't feel as if it is going to get any

better at this point, but based on my own experience and the many I

have read on this board, it will get better once you family receives

proper/full education about the disorder and therapy and/or meds for

your son have time to begin working.

Hang in there. We are on your side.

>

> I am new to this board and am very grateful that I've found it.

I've read many of the posts and they have been extremely informative

and supportive.

>

> My 7 year old son has just been diagnosed with OCD and possibly

Aspergers - we're still testing for that. No one in my family

understands what my son is going through, including my husband, so

they've told me to " fix it " . I've known that something was wrong for

quite some time but everyone insisted I was imaging things and that

my lack of discipline was the cause of his behavior.

>

> His behavior has become so frustrating and I'm afraid I'm not

handling it well. I have a tremendous amount of stress going on in

my life at the present and am doing my best to keep it together but

it's becoming harder and harder. I have two other children who have

basically become ignored and I am torn apart from guilt, anger and

sadness.

>

> Aside from the rituals and the patterns he has to follow for

everything he does, homework time has become my most dreaded time of

day. We do it in the same room, same time, I offer breaks, anything

I can think of. I make everyone else disappear onto other floors so

they aren't another distraction for him. Nothing helps!!

>

> He screams, he gets up, he yells at me and calls me stupid, he

calls himself stupid, he calls himself pathetic, and he erases,

erases, erases, erases, over and over again.

> We spend hours going through this exhaustive process and I am

wiped out by the end of it. He, on the other hand ,seems to recover

quite nicely once homework is done.

>

> I feel so bad for him when I see him struggling and it breaks my

heart to hear how he puts himself down. At the same time, I am

embarrassed to say that I also hate him sometimes for what he is

putting us all through. I don't get to see my children all day since

I work. I see them during dinner and then I have to hide everyone

while I spend the next few hours on HW. By the time we are done,

it's at least 10 o'clock and my other children are ready for bed.

>

> I'm sorry I'm rambling. I just needed to vent. I don't see any

light at the end of the tunnel right now so I guess I'm just feeling

sorry for myself.

>

> Kathy

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Talk is cheap. Use Messenger to make PC-to-Phone calls.

Great rates starting at 1 & cent;/min.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Kathy

If it were me, I wouldn't allow the school to hold my child back.... let me

rephrase that... I would insist they try any other method before holding him

back - just because a child is behind doesn't mean they should be held back.

Ask them about special tutoring sessions for your boy. If you have the

financial means, get a private tutor to work with him out of school to help

with

his homework & to catch him up. Try anything.

With meds & therapy, your son's situation should improve. He could work

with a tutor over the summer as well so he's up to speed when next year starts.

Please don't discount any of these options before holding him back.

Just my thoughts.

LT

[Guest guest]

Kathy

One more suggestion, I know your son is a little young, but nowadays you

never know - what with how computers are and all --- can he type? Maybe his

teachers will allow him to type any homework he has whenever possible. Or

possibly he dictate to you & you type the answers. That way you eliminate any

erasing due to imperfect letters.

Just a thought.

LT

[Guest guest]

,

Thank you so much for all the great suggestions. My son is only 7 so he is

just in the 1st grade. His need to perform his rituals during the day takes

away his attention from the work being presented and he appears to not be paying

attention.

Miraculously, he knows the work, always ends up getting the right answer but

isn't able to explain how he got it. I've met with his teacher and guidance

counselor and have been told that he is a candidate for retention since overall,

he is about 5 months behind where he needs to be by public school standards.

This has freaked him out - he overheard a teacher mention it. Now he thinks

he is too stupid and that's why he is being left back. I didn't even think to

try and put a hold on the homework short term but I think it would be a great

idea.

I'm going to take all of your wonderful suggestions and reach out to his

teachers today. I'll keep you all posted.

Kathy

klwicklund77 <k777thorpe@...> wrote:

I'm thinking that it sounds like your son is 6th grade or under?

There's no reason on earth for you, him and the rest of the family to

go through this . . . sounds like you've tried it all (we've all been

in your shoes). If there was a way to make it better tomorrow you

WOULD have found it by now!

You can call the school tomorrow - and ask that all homework be

suspended until you can meet with them. You can call a meeting of

his teacher(s), the district psychologist, in-school hands-on

orchestrator type person and tell them what's going on - ask them if

it would be possible to call off all homework for a month...or

two...or until the end of the year. It's doing noone any good! He

would learn better during the day without the nightly battle of you

against the ocd brickwall.

As I recall reading here (we never had the opportunity to do it

ourself) the cbt/erp itself at times can take an hour or two each and

every night! But, the tradeoff there is it's to make life

better . . . not to make it the homeworkhellnightmare most of us are

familiar with at one time or another.

While you're at it you can all talk about what they're seeing in

their classrooms and suggestions can be shared on lots of ways to

make his learning the best it can be right now.

No need for a 504 plan just yet if you can enlist their cooperation.

Most teachers will be happy to help - they love knowing 1) there's a

parent at home who cares and is watching and wants to talk to them to

solve problems, 2)knowing what the heck is going on because it's so

much harder for them to see the big picture from their perspective,

and 3)you're willing to talk about it...that you won't get angry or

defensive or dismissive if they try to bring up a concern . . . that

you're open to sharing ideas about it and working out a plan with

them.

That way you can send along updates (email works well for me), when

or if a new medication is tried and possible early on noticable side

effects for them to be alert to (behavioral or super sleepy). You

can let them know, generally or specifically, what kind of behavioral

treatment he's doing, what they might expect to see, and how he seems

to be responding to it. And, they can let you know when they see

something . . . like PROGRESS (music to our stressed parental souls!)

or some new thing they're not sure what! Not easy for a teacher to

do unless they're sure the parents will be receptive and not freak

out.

I have to go to bed now, but I'll say one more thing.

I was always real open with my son's teachers - I gave them all a

copy of that pdf in the files here about the teacher's role with ocd

kids - and I kept them up to date on what was going on at home and

with his treatment . . .

His last year math teacher came to the highschool this year as Cody

started his freshman year. When Cody began faultering I asked for a

big group meeting with all his teachers to talk about it in depth.

He (the math teacher) told me, and the group, that from his

perspective the difference between last year and this year was like

night and day and he thinks Cody (despite that little problem at the

time of failing most of his classes) was doing really well!! I am

very very sure that he never would have said a word to me if I hadn't

been open all along . . . and a little bit pushy (is pushy the right

word??).

What he said though has been one of the biggest reliefs to me I've

had during this whole ordeal - Despite how it seems at times, I must

be on the right track with Cody - his math teacher gave me a

perspective I could never have!!

>

> I am new to this board and am very grateful that I've found it.

I've read many of the posts and they have been extremely informative

and supportive.

>

> My 7 year old son has just been diagnosed with OCD and possibly

Aspergers - we're still testing for that. No one in my family

understands what my son is going through, including my husband, so

they've told me to " fix it " . I've known that something was wrong for

quite some time but everyone insisted I was imaging things and that

my lack of discipline was the cause of his behavior.

>

> His behavior has become so frustrating and I'm afraid I'm not

handling it well. I have a tremendous amount of stress going on in

my life at the present and am doing my best to keep it together but

it's becoming harder and harder. I have two other children who have

basically become ignored and I am torn apart from guilt, anger and

sadness.

>

> Aside from the rituals and the patterns he has to follow for

everything he does, homework time has become my most dreaded time of

day. We do it in the same room, same time, I offer breaks, anything

I can think of. I make everyone else disappear onto other floors so

they aren't another distraction for him. Nothing helps!!

>

> He screams, he gets up, he yells at me and calls me stupid, he

calls himself stupid, he calls himself pathetic, and he erases,

erases, erases, erases, over and over again.

> We spend hours going through this exhaustive process and I am

wiped out by the end of it. He, on the other hand ,seems to recover

quite nicely once homework is done.

>

> I feel so bad for him when I see him struggling and it breaks my

heart to hear how he puts himself down. At the same time, I am

embarrassed to say that I also hate him sometimes for what he is

putting us all through. I don't get to see my children all day since

I work. I see them during dinner and then I have to hide everyone

while I spend the next few hours on HW. By the time we are done,

it's at least 10 o'clock and my other children are ready for bed.

>

> I'm sorry I'm rambling. I just needed to vent. I don't see any

light at the end of the tunnel right now so I guess I'm just feeling

sorry for myself.

>

> Kathy

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Talk is cheap. Use Messenger to make PC-to-Phone calls.

Great rates starting at 1 & cent;/min.

>

>

[Guest guest]

,

My son's therapist said that his IQ scores measure off the chart and she

doesn't think he should be held back in the 1st grade. She would like to see

him move on and get special educational services in the necessary areas.

How do I get the school to see this? Although they haven't officially said he

is being retained, they have sent me several letters indicating that he is a

candidate for probably retention.

Seale <siriuslives689@...> wrote:

Pushy is the right word!

I know that you are discouraged. We have all been in your shoes, and know

that all of us have made it thru the initial fire.

There are a whole lot of kids just like yours and with time, therapy, and the

right meds things will get better. Talk to the teachers. Do exactly what

said and things will be easier.

However, know that sometimes it is an uphill battle to protect your child.

Your child has rights in the school system and sometimes you run into someone

that wants to withhold those rights. It is up to you as a parent to fight for

your child.

When you get down and discouraged, come to us, we love to support!

klwicklund77 <k777thorpe@...> wrote:

I'm thinking that it sounds like your son is 6th grade or under?

There's no reason on earth for you, him and the rest of the family to

go through this . . . sounds like you've tried it all (we've all been

in your shoes). If there was a way to make it better tomorrow you

WOULD have found it by now!

You can call the school tomorrow - and ask that all homework be

suspended until you can meet with them. You can call a meeting of

his teacher(s), the district psychologist, in-school hands-on

orchestrator type person and tell them what's going on - ask them if

it would be possible to call off all homework for a month...or

two...or until the end of the year. It's doing noone any good! He

would learn better during the day without the nightly battle of you

against the ocd brickwall.

As I recall reading here (we never had the opportunity to do it

ourself) the cbt/erp itself at times can take an hour or two each and

every night! But, the tradeoff there is it's to make life

better . . . not to make it the homeworkhellnightmare most of us are

familiar with at one time or another.

While you're at it you can all talk about what they're seeing in

their classrooms and suggestions can be shared on lots of ways to

make his learning the best it can be right now.

No need for a 504 plan just yet if you can enlist their cooperation.

Most teachers will be happy to help - they love knowing 1) there's a

parent at home who cares and is watching and wants to talk to them to

solve problems, 2)knowing what the heck is going on because it's so

much harder for them to see the big picture from their perspective,

and 3)you're willing to talk about it...that you won't get angry or

defensive or dismissive if they try to bring up a concern . . . that

you're open to sharing ideas about it and working out a plan with

them.

That way you can send along updates (email works well for me), when

or if a new medication is tried and possible early on noticable side

effects for them to be alert to (behavioral or super sleepy). You

can let them know, generally or specifically, what kind of behavioral

treatment he's doing, what they might expect to see, and how he seems

to be responding to it. And, they can let you know when they see

something . . . like PROGRESS (music to our stressed parental souls!)

or some new thing they're not sure what! Not easy for a teacher to

do unless they're sure the parents will be receptive and not freak

out.

I have to go to bed now, but I'll say one more thing.

I was always real open with my son's teachers - I gave them all a

copy of that pdf in the files here about the teacher's role with ocd

kids - and I kept them up to date on what was going on at home and

with his treatment . . .

His last year math teacher came to the highschool this year as Cody

started his freshman year. When Cody began faultering I asked for a

big group meeting with all his teachers to talk about it in depth.

He (the math teacher) told me, and the group, that from his

perspective the difference between last year and this year was like

night and day and he thinks Cody (despite that little problem at the

time of failing most of his classes) was doing really well!! I am

very very sure that he never would have said a word to me if I hadn't

been open all along . . . and a little bit pushy (is pushy the right

word??).

What he said though has been one of the biggest reliefs to me I've

had during this whole ordeal - Despite how it seems at times, I must

be on the right track with Cody - his math teacher gave me a

perspective I could never have!!

>

> I am new to this board and am very grateful that I've found it.

I've read many of the posts and they have been extremely informative

and supportive.

>

> My 7 year old son has just been diagnosed with OCD and possibly

Aspergers - we're still testing for that. No one in my family

understands what my son is going through, including my husband, so

they've told me to " fix it " . I've known that something was wrong for

quite some time but everyone insisted I was imaging things and that

my lack of discipline was the cause of his behavior.

>

> His behavior has become so frustrating and I'm afraid I'm not

handling it well. I have a tremendous amount of stress going on in

my life at the present and am doing my best to keep it together but

it's becoming harder and harder. I have two other children who have

basically become ignored and I am torn apart from guilt, anger and

sadness.

>

> Aside from the rituals and the patterns he has to follow for

everything he does, homework time has become my most dreaded time of

day. We do it in the same room, same time, I offer breaks, anything

I can think of. I make everyone else disappear onto other floors so

they aren't another distraction for him. Nothing helps!!

>

> He screams, he gets up, he yells at me and calls me stupid, he

calls himself stupid, he calls himself pathetic, and he erases,

erases, erases, erases, over and over again.

> We spend hours going through this exhaustive process and I am

wiped out by the end of it. He, on the other hand ,seems to recover

quite nicely once homework is done.

>

> I feel so bad for him when I see him struggling and it breaks my

heart to hear how he puts himself down. At the same time, I am

embarrassed to say that I also hate him sometimes for what he is

putting us all through. I don't get to see my children all day since

I work. I see them during dinner and then I have to hide everyone

while I spend the next few hours on HW. By the time we are done,

it's at least 10 o'clock and my other children are ready for bed.

>

> I'm sorry I'm rambling. I just needed to vent. I don't see any

light at the end of the tunnel right now so I guess I'm just feeling

sorry for myself.

>

> Kathy

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Talk is cheap. Use Messenger to make PC-to-Phone calls.

Great rates starting at 1 & cent;/min.

>

>

[Guest guest]

,

We are still going through the process and I've met with his teacher and

guidance counselor to let them know about the situation and our progress. They

have been very supportive most of the time but they still have expectations that

he perform like everyone else.

The other night, I erased some of the scribbles he had made on a HW

assignment. The next day, there was a note from the teacher on that page saying

" He must do his homework on his own " !

The other problem is that if I erase something, my son gets upset and

re-writes it the wrong way so HE can be the eraser and then re-writes it the

right way. If it isn't perfect, he keeps erasing until he is comfortable with

it or I start yelling and threaten to stop the homework. He is such a

perfectionist so generally, he is never satisfied with the work he has done.

I really do appreciate the support from everyone. I pray that we can get over

this stage quickly and start moving into a more therapeutic stage.

Kathy

mctodd444 <mctodd444@...> wrote:

Kathy,

Bless your heart. Has your son been having these difficulties all

school year or have they increased lately? There are several things

the school can do to help with the homework issues if they know about

the diagnosis and the difficulties you are experiencing. You said

your son is erasing over and over again. Is there anyway you can

write his answers for him until you are able to get something started

at school (to at least ease your mind)? In primary grades, the

children generally only have one main teacher (from whom they receive

homework anyway), so do you think you could talk to the teacher (does

he/she seem to be a sympathetic teacher - or does he/she even know of

your son's struggles) immediately about what is happening to get some

relief TODAY - until you can get some other more formal plan in

place?

Do you have any plans for medication and/or therapy for your son, or

are the docs still in the process of firming up his diagnosis? I

understand the guilt about your other children, and you may want to

sit down and talk with them about what is going on and that you

understand it is taking time away from them, but you are working

toward making things better - but that it will take some time

(specific information given depending on the age). Children

generally understand when they know parents are working toward making

things better and they aren't just left to wonder what is happening

to their world. I know you don't feel as if it is going to get any

better at this point, but based on my own experience and the many I

have read on this board, it will get better once you family receives

proper/full education about the disorder and therapy and/or meds for

your son have time to begin working.

Hang in there. We are on your side.

>

> I am new to this board and am very grateful that I've found it.

I've read many of the posts and they have been extremely informative

and supportive.

>

> My 7 year old son has just been diagnosed with OCD and possibly

Aspergers - we're still testing for that. No one in my family

understands what my son is going through, including my husband, so

they've told me to " fix it " . I've known that something was wrong for

quite some time but everyone insisted I was imaging things and that

my lack of discipline was the cause of his behavior.

>

> His behavior has become so frustrating and I'm afraid I'm not

handling it well. I have a tremendous amount of stress going on in

my life at the present and am doing my best to keep it together but

it's becoming harder and harder. I have two other children who have

basically become ignored and I am torn apart from guilt, anger and

sadness.

>

> Aside from the rituals and the patterns he has to follow for

everything he does, homework time has become my most dreaded time of

day. We do it in the same room, same time, I offer breaks, anything

I can think of. I make everyone else disappear onto other floors so

they aren't another distraction for him. Nothing helps!!

>

> He screams, he gets up, he yells at me and calls me stupid, he

calls himself stupid, he calls himself pathetic, and he erases,

erases, erases, erases, over and over again.

> We spend hours going through this exhaustive process and I am

wiped out by the end of it. He, on the other hand ,seems to recover

quite nicely once homework is done.

>

> I feel so bad for him when I see him struggling and it breaks my

heart to hear how he puts himself down. At the same time, I am

embarrassed to say that I also hate him sometimes for what he is

putting us all through. I don't get to see my children all day since

I work. I see them during dinner and then I have to hide everyone

while I spend the next few hours on HW. By the time we are done,

it's at least 10 o'clock and my other children are ready for bed.

>

> I'm sorry I'm rambling. I just needed to vent. I don't see any

light at the end of the tunnel right now so I guess I'm just feeling

sorry for myself.

>

> Kathy

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Talk is cheap. Use Messenger to make PC-to-Phone calls.

Great rates starting at 1 & cent;/min.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Kathy, welcome!

Some quick thoughts this a.m. on this (have to get to work!).

I have a son, 17, with OCD and he's also an Aspie.

One thing - your son knows how hard things are at homework time.

He's a perfectionist but I would sit down at a calm time and talk to

him about homework. He knows it's causing problems at school -

possible retention, falling behind... - so suggest to him that he

really needs to let you help (more on this below) for now until

things can settle down (OCD-wise) and get easier for him. -- that

might be confusing, sorry!

Anyway - for my son in 6th grade OCD hit! So, we had to set up

accommodations/modifications with school. *I* did all the writing

for him at home. (This is where you need to let your son let you

help) When my son could, he did some writing. But generally at its

worst with OCD, I just did it. Over much time as OCD got better, he

would take some of the writing back. Sometimes he would just do the

easy things like where it was fill-in-the-blank or multiple choice

(not much writing there) and the other things I did. This really

helped ease the stress of homework during the worst of OCD.

With problems where you know the answer but can't tell how you got

it - that was my son!! Some teachers were better about this than

others. What I ended up doing at one point was to tell the school

to test him. I told them he MUST have something wrong with

processing or whatever if he was having problems in this area.

Actually I think it was the Aspie part of him maybe or just

some " high intelligence " part, but I was (1) actually checking to

see if tests showed up anything, and (2) getting the school off his

back about this. His grades were being affected. I still say if he

can get the answer right 99.9% of the time, then he apparently KNOWS

the work, just can't explain/show it.

I know at your son's age, he needs to practice writing. So they

could maybe cut this to some shorter assignment?? Have him do it

less often maybe?? -- One thing with my son was I would prompt him

NOT to erase. Or if he was tracing over letters, would prompt him

to " move on. " This sort of worked over time, erasing less times,

etc. He knew we were working on this though, your son needs to

understand that.

Another thing as homework kept us up late too - was that my son

could turn in work " late " with no penalty. We would try to get this

week's assignments turned in the following Monday. That gave us

more time to do them and some nights to skip working at all if

things were stressful/anxious. Of course, that means working on it

Sat/Sundays!

Oh - and each of my sons went through a bit of this at your son's

age. Wanting the writing to look nice/right and erasing holes in

paper. Was emotional for them & me. But my other 2 got past it. I

think a lot of kids want it " right " at that age when learning.

Yours has just had OCD take it to the extreme!!! Which OCD will

easily do.

Well, I hurriedly typed/thought, but wanted to share a bit and tell

you that things WILL get better over time, it's just soooo hard in

the middle of it all! And with 2 other sons, mine got ignored too

and it was exhausting, emotional, and I shooed them away each night

during 's homework time too!

Later!

single mom, 3 sons

, 17, with OCD, dysgraphia and Aspergers

, 17 - twin (not identical)

Randall - soon to be 21!

>

> I am new to this board and am very grateful that I've found it.

I've read many of the posts and they have been extremely informative

and supportive.

>

> My 7 year old son has just been diagnosed with OCD and possibly

Aspergers - we're still testing for that. No one in my family

understands what my son is going through, including my husband, so

they've told me to " fix it " . I've known that something was wrong

for quite some time but everyone insisted I was imaging things and

that my lack of discipline was the cause of his behavior.

>

> His behavior has become so frustrating and I'm afraid I'm not

handling it well. I have a tremendous amount of stress going on in

my life at the present and am doing my best to keep it together but

it's becoming harder and harder. I have two other children who have

basically become ignored and I am torn apart from guilt, anger and

[Guest guest]

My son (also 7) does not have the homework problem, but I was going to

suggest the same thing did (take dictation). Call your school's

guidance counselor (or child study team) and arrange an appointment

with him and your son's teacher to figure out how you will go about

things until a formal plan (IEP and/or 504) are in place. I agree

with about being open with school personnel - it has been a

lifesaver for me.

Best wishes,

Bonnie

> >

> > I am new to this board and am very grateful that I've found it.

> I've read many of the posts and they have been extremely informative

> and supportive.

> >

> > My 7 year old son has just been diagnosed with OCD and possibly

> Aspergers - we're still testing for that. No one in my family

> understands what my son is going through, including my husband, so

> they've told me to " fix it " . I've known that something was wrong

> for quite some time but everyone insisted I was imaging things and

> that my lack of discipline was the cause of his behavior.

> >

> > His behavior has become so frustrating and I'm afraid I'm not

> handling it well. I have a tremendous amount of stress going on in

> my life at the present and am doing my best to keep it together but

> it's becoming harder and harder. I have two other children who have

> basically become ignored and I am torn apart from guilt, anger and

>

[Guest guest]

Get a copy of the iq assessment and give the district psychologist a

copy - it will give him something concrete to work with while they're

figuring out what's best for him right now and next year.

It'll make a huge difference for them to see the high iq compared to

his performance in academics . . .

> >

> > I am new to this board and am very grateful that I've found it.

> I've read many of the posts and they have been extremely

informative

> and supportive.

> >

>

>

>

> > My 7 year old son has just been diagnosed with OCD and possibly

> Aspergers - we're still testing for that. No one in my family

> understands what my son is going through, including my husband, so

> they've told me to " fix it " . I've known that something was wrong

for

> quite some time but everyone insisted I was imaging things and that

> my lack of discipline was the cause of his behavior.

> >

> > His behavior has become so frustrating and I'm afraid I'm not

> handling it well. I have a tremendous amount of stress going on in

> my life at the present and am doing my best to keep it together but

> it's becoming harder and harder. I have two other children who

have

> basically become ignored and I am torn apart from guilt, anger and

> sadness.

> >

> > Aside from the rituals and the patterns he has to follow for

> everything he does, homework time has become my most dreaded time

of

> day. We do it in the same room, same time, I offer breaks,

anything

> I can think of. I make everyone else disappear onto other floors

so

> they aren't another distraction for him. Nothing helps!!

> >

> > He screams, he gets up, he yells at me and calls me stupid, he

> calls himself stupid, he calls himself pathetic, and he erases,

> erases, erases, erases, over and over again.

> > We spend hours going through this exhaustive process and I am

> wiped out by the end of it. He, on the other hand ,seems to

recover

> quite nicely once homework is done.

> >

> > I feel so bad for him when I see him struggling and it breaks

my

> heart to hear how he puts himself down. At the same time, I am

> embarrassed to say that I also hate him sometimes for what he is

> putting us all through. I don't get to see my children all day

since

> I work. I see them during dinner and then I have to hide everyone

> while I spend the next few hours on HW. By the time we are done,

> it's at least 10 o'clock and my other children are ready for bed.

> >

> > I'm sorry I'm rambling. I just needed to vent. I don't see

any

> light at the end of the tunnel right now so I guess I'm just

feeling

> sorry for myself.

> >

> > Kathy

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > ---------------------------------

> > Talk is cheap. Use Messenger to make PC-to-Phone calls.

> Great rates starting at 1 & cent;/min.

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Hang in there Kathy. Have you found a good CBT

therapist? We had homework issues (writing over

letters/periods) and Exposure Therapy did wonders on

it!

Lots of books on how to do it also (if you don't

already know) so even if you find a good therapist you

can do it yourself at home more successfully.

Lynn

--- Kathy Ioannou <kaitoula999@...> wrote:

---------------------------------

I am new to this board and am very grateful that I've

found it. I've read many of the posts and they have

been extremely informative and supportive.

My 7 year old son has just been diagnosed with OCD

and possibly Aspergers - we're still testing for that.

No one in my family understands what my son is going

through, including my husband, so they've told me to

" fix it " . I've known that something was wrong for

quite some time but everyone insisted I was imaging

things and that my lack of discipline was the cause of

his behavior.

His behavior has become so frustrating and I'm

afraid I'm not handling it well. I have a tremendous

amount of stress going on in my life at the present

and am doing my best to keep it together but it's

becoming harder and harder. I have two other children

who have basically become ignored and I am torn apart

from guilt, anger and sadness.

Aside from the rituals and the patterns he has to

follow for everything he does, homework time has

become my most dreaded time of day. We do it in the

same room, same time, I offer breaks, anything I can

think of. I make everyone else disappear onto other

floors so they aren't another distraction for him.

Nothing helps!!

He screams, he gets up, he yells at me and calls me

stupid, he calls himself stupid, he calls himself

pathetic, and he erases, erases, erases, erases, over

and over again.

We spend hours going through this exhaustive process

and I am wiped out by the end of it. He, on the other

hand ,seems to recover quite nicely once homework is

done.

I feel so bad for him when I see him struggling and

it breaks my heart to hear how he puts himself down.

At the same time, I am embarrassed to say that I also

hate him sometimes for what he is putting us all

through. I don't get to see my children all day since

I work. I see them during dinner and then I have to

hide everyone while I spend the next few hours on HW.

By the time we are done, it's at least 10 o'clock and

my other children are ready for bed.

I'm sorry I'm rambling. I just needed to vent. I

don't see any light at the end of the tunnel right now

so I guess I'm just feeling sorry for myself.

Kathy

---------------------------------

Talk is cheap. Use Messenger to make

PC-to-Phone calls. Great rates starting at

1 & cent;/min.

[Guest guest]

's advice is right on. Hugs to you, it's really tough in the

beginning but hang on. You might be surprised at how well the school

comes through (I know I was). We hear all the horror stories, but I

think most teachers really do want to do the right thing -- they just

don't know what that is. If you can give them helpful information,

they will eat it up.

>

> I'm thinking that it sounds like your son is 6th grade or under?

>

> There's no reason on earth for you, him and the rest of the family to

> go through this . . . sounds like you've tried it all (we've all been

> in your shoes). If there was a way to make it better tomorrow you

> WOULD have found it by now!

>

> You can call the school tomorrow - and ask that all homework be

> suspended until you can meet with them. You can call a meeting of

> his teacher(s), the district psychologist, in-school hands-on

> orchestrator type person and tell them what's going on - ask them if

> it would be possible to call off all homework for a month...or

> two...or until the end of the year. It's doing noone any good! He

> would learn better during the day without the nightly battle of you

> against the ocd brickwall.

>

> As I recall reading here (we never had the opportunity to do it

> ourself) the cbt/erp itself at times can take an hour or two each and

> every night! But, the tradeoff there is it's to make life

> better . . . not to make it the homeworkhellnightmare most of us are

> familiar with at one time or another.

>

> While you're at it you can all talk about what they're seeing in

> their classrooms and suggestions can be shared on lots of ways to

> make his learning the best it can be right now.

>

> No need for a 504 plan just yet if you can enlist their cooperation.

>

> Most teachers will be happy to help - they love knowing 1) there's a

> parent at home who cares and is watching and wants to talk to them to

> solve problems, 2)knowing what the heck is going on because it's so

> much harder for them to see the big picture from their perspective,

> and 3)you're willing to talk about it...that you won't get angry or

> defensive or dismissive if they try to bring up a concern . . . that

> you're open to sharing ideas about it and working out a plan with

> them.

>

> That way you can send along updates (email works well for me), when

> or if a new medication is tried and possible early on noticable side

> effects for them to be alert to (behavioral or super sleepy). You

> can let them know, generally or specifically, what kind of behavioral

> treatment he's doing, what they might expect to see, and how he seems

> to be responding to it. And, they can let you know when they see

> something . . . like PROGRESS (music to our stressed parental souls!)

> or some new thing they're not sure what! Not easy for a teacher to

> do unless they're sure the parents will be receptive and not freak

> out.

>

> I have to go to bed now, but I'll say one more thing.

>

> I was always real open with my son's teachers - I gave them all a

> copy of that pdf in the files here about the teacher's role with ocd

> kids - and I kept them up to date on what was going on at home and

> with his treatment . . .

>

> His last year math teacher came to the highschool this year as Cody

> started his freshman year. When Cody began faultering I asked for a

> big group meeting with all his teachers to talk about it in depth.

> He (the math teacher) told me, and the group, that from his

> perspective the difference between last year and this year was like

> night and day and he thinks Cody (despite that little problem at the

> time of failing most of his classes) was doing really well!! I am

> very very sure that he never would have said a word to me if I hadn't

> been open all along . . . and a little bit pushy (is pushy the right

> word??).

>

> What he said though has been one of the biggest reliefs to me I've

> had during this whole ordeal - Despite how it seems at times, I must

> be on the right track with Cody - his math teacher gave me a

> perspective I could never have!!

>

>

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 3/29/2006 4:53:07 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

@... writes:

Meds/alternative can be something you

just " trial " to see a difference, say, for 3 or 4 months. You don't

have to go in with a " lifetime " thought when trying them.

Chris....

EXACTLY. A point that is very important to remember -- you can try whatever

you feel might help -- in no way does it mean once you try something you can

never stop it.

I guess the decision it comes down to is - if you try meds & your child

shows much improvement & a happier life -- would you pull them off just because

you are opposed to such things? And also, consider what your concerns are in

the first place... is it possibly that your child would become addicted to a

medication? Are SSRIs even an addictive drug??? ( I'm not sure I know the

answer to that). Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

Just a thought to ponder....

LT

[Guest guest]

Hi Kathy,

{{{HUGS}}}. I could have written your post - I lived every word of it

last year. The tension in our house was unbearable and my husband of

nearly 17 years and I *almost* separated. He couldn't take the stress

and just wanted quiet.

We are 180 degrees from where we were just 6 months ago. My husband

heard, first hand, from the professionals about what my son needed

and stopped believing our son's behavior was just caused by a lenient

mom.

Homework was torture for us too. My son REFUSED to erase, so he had

great difficulty writing because he anticipated needing to erase.

Many nights, I had to stand up and walk away as my own frustrations

reached the limit. That would only send my son further into panic,

because things (me) were out of place. He would demand that I return

to the table, along the exact same path that I took to walk away. He

would demand that I place the pencil that I moved in the exact same

place on the table, at the exact same angle. I couldn't remember how

it was lying, but my son hysterically refused to place it himself,

because I had been the one who moved it. Meanwhile, my husband was

climbing the walls with anger over the absurdity and chaos of the

situation. My 2 yr old was crying and trying to climb in my lap. My

husband would try to take the baby, but he would cry for only me. My

6 yr old would get even more aggitated by his crying brother and his

frazzled father. Yet, trying to coax my 6 yr old to take a break from

homework to finish later or tomorrow, was met with more sobs, because

we started the task, so it must be completed. I cried myself to sleep

many, many nights. The next morning, my son was exhausted and picked

up right where he left off. One night at 2:00am, he got up and

insisted that he finish an imaginary game that he was playing, so he

tapped me on the shoulder, every ten minutes, for two hours, begging

me to get up with him, because he was too scared to be up alone.

Finally, we got the diagnosis and although, things were still

difficult, it finally made sense why nothing made sense before.

The things we tried which helped:

* Doing spelling words with scrabble pieces

* Having my son sit/bounce on a big exercise ball, while reciting

spelling words

* Food, food, food!!!!

* Doing homework in the afternoon, rather than the evening

* Having my son verbally commit to homework with " no hassles " in the

hours and minutes before sitting down and many reminders that there

are many correct ways to do things ( " Is this a couch, a sofa or

furniture?...that's right, they're ALL correct " ).

* I spend 30 mintues with my younger son, with my full attention

prior to attempting homework with my older son (this is no small

task, since I don't get home from work until 5:30pm and there's still

dinner to handle).

Otherwise, my son is slowly making progress by attending therapy. He

no longer has panic attacks, and he can now stop the homework if he's

just too tired. He can explain why he feels anxiety, although he

still struggles to challenge his thoughts. On a good day, he'll make

a joke about it (suggesting that I have OCD because I INSISTED on

watching the TV show ER)...on a bad day, he angrily insists that he's

right and I'm lying to him (which makes me very sad).

We are still avoiding medication. I honestly don't know if that's the

right decision or not. I keep feeling that my son must learn to deal

with his anxiety, or he'll be on meds for the rest of his life. I

admit that may be ignorant, but it's our guiding mindset at the

moment. I can remember my childhood, filled with similar feelings and

worries. On the good days, I KNOW he'll be just fine...on the bad

days, I'm ready to medicate (us all!). But, the bad days no longer

last more than a day (UNLESS he's got a virus or something) and never

last long enough for me to even arrange for a prescription. I'm glad

that I don't have any medication on hand. I guess it's the same

reason that I threw away the formula that the hospital gave us when

my son was born. Many exhausted nights, I was ready to quit

breatfeeding and would have gladly set my husband downstairs to fix a

bottle, but it wasn't there, so I didn't do it. I was always glad the

next day that I stuck it out. I don't want my son to have to " stick

it out " if that's not in his best interest, but I have a hard time

telling. I vowed to be guided by his parent-teacher conference talks.

If he was suffering in school, then I'd medicate. But, his teacher

said that he was doing well with the work and friends, despite

quietly dealing with some rituals during the day. My son is just

worse at home because he finally lets his guard down and he's tired.

It just took at least two months of consistent routine to make

homework time easier. But, I'll admit that when we break the routine

for a few days (like over Spring Break), we struggle, every time, for

a few days to settle back into it.

Kris

>

> I am new to this board and am very grateful that I've found it.

I've read many of the posts and they have been extremely informative

and supportive.

>

> My 7 year old son has just been diagnosed with OCD and possibly

Aspergers - we're still testing for that. No one in my family

understands what my son is going through, including my husband, so

they've told me to " fix it " . I've known that something was wrong for

quite some time but everyone insisted I was imaging things and that

my lack of discipline was the cause of his behavior.

>

> His behavior has become so frustrating and I'm afraid I'm not

handling it well. I have a tremendous amount of stress going on in

my life at the present and am doing my best to keep it together but

it's becoming harder and harder. I have two other children who have

basically become ignored and I am torn apart from guilt, anger and

sadness.

>

> Aside from the rituals and the patterns he has to follow for

everything he does, homework time has become my most dreaded time of

day. We do it in the same room, same time, I offer breaks, anything

I can think of. I make everyone else disappear onto other floors so

they aren't another distraction for him. Nothing helps!!

>

> He screams, he gets up, he yells at me and calls me stupid, he

calls himself stupid, he calls himself pathetic, and he erases,

erases, erases, erases, over and over again.

> We spend hours going through this exhaustive process and I am

wiped out by the end of it. He, on the other hand ,seems to recover

quite nicely once homework is done.

>

> I feel so bad for him when I see him struggling and it breaks my

heart to hear how he puts himself down. At the same time, I am

embarrassed to say that I also hate him sometimes for what he is

putting us all through. I don't get to see my children all day since

I work. I see them during dinner and then I have to hide everyone

while I spend the next few hours on HW. By the time we are done,

it's at least 10 o'clock and my other children are ready for bed.

>

> I'm sorry I'm rambling. I just needed to vent. I don't see any

light at the end of the tunnel right now so I guess I'm just feeling

sorry for myself.

>

> Kathy

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Talk is cheap. Use Messenger to make PC-to-Phone calls.

Great rates starting at 1 & cent;/min.

>

>

[Guest guest]

LT,

Hi and thanks for your input. I really do need to hear success

stories. And I do need to others' perspectives because I am,

honestly, not sure if I can trust my judgement.

I've always felt like I understood my son, long before the OCD crept

in. I still feel like I understand him, even when his behavior isn't

logical. His fears have reminded me of my own childhood.

I remember screaming and crying once when I was only 5 yrs old, when

we visited my grandmother's house. My mom tried to put me to bed and

I refused to sleep in that bed because I thought that my grandfather

died there. (Years later, I found out that he died in a hospital). My

mother never knew why I carried on so.

Once, I saw an episode of the TV show Ironside about two sisters who

killed people with large sewing shears. When I found similar looking

shears in our basement and black leather gloves in my dad's dresser

drawer (we lived in snowy Chicago), I became CONVINCED that my

parents were killing people.

I was afraid of the extra table leaf in the dining room closet

because I thought it was used to stone witches to death...

I was terrified of electricity and refused to plug in any appliance...

I would cry and spend a half hour explaining to my stuffed animals

why I could only take one of them to a sleep over and promised to

take turns with all of them...

I used to redo my math homework 3 and 4 times, in order to make the

problems which were worked out down the page, " balance " compared to

each other and balance the ratio of black pencil with white paper...

One night, in High School, I remember seeing a spoon that was used

earlier to give my younger brother cough medicine, left on the

bathroom counter. I was trying to sleep, but I remembered how one of

the Manson Family stabbed that woman with a fork. I couldn't sleep

until I got up and took the spoon downstairs. Then, I had to get back

up to wash my hands because I had touched the spoon (which was now

associated with evil)...

I once saw my dad pick his nose, so I refused to eat anything that he

cooked or prepared and to this day, cringe if my dad hands my

children a cookie...

I spent summer camp watching my sister and friends jump on a

trampoline and desperately wanted to join them, but didn't because I

was too afraid of looking ridiculous...spent hours on makeup in

HS...extremely introverted...

I've had vivid nightmares all my life and still refuse to sleep in

the position of a dead body that was in one of my dreams as a child...

I have hundreds of other examples...I'm near 40 now and work in

electrical engineering (still jumpy around electricity, but I try to

be careful). Now, I easily speak in front of a class of people. I'm

analytical and sometimes obsessive over details, but it's productive.

Sometimes, it makes my husband shake his head, but it's nothing

major.

How do I KNOW if my son's thoughts NEED medication? Maybe he's

analytical and imaginative and is scared of his own shawdow because

he is 6? The panic attacks were a problem. But, he's getting better.

Yes, he's different from the kids in his class. One kid called him

weird. But, other kids don't. Some days he cries and wishes his

worries would stop. But, I cried to my mom about my worries and bad

dreams too. I have no other frame of reference.

Is anyone else waging the same war in their heads?

Kris

>

>

> In a message dated 3/29/2006 1:22:51 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

> akdelgado@... writes:

>

> We are still avoiding medication. I honestly don't know if that's

the

> right decision or not. I keep feeling that my son must learn to

deal

> with his anxiety, or he'll be on meds for the rest of his life.

>

>

> Kris

>

> We were also dead-set against meds for our daughter....at first.

When we

> saw how fast she went " down hill " with OCD, we quickly changed our

minds.

>

> I am a HUGE believer in the fact that everyone is different, and

therefore

> are best treated with the way that works for them - we're not

cookie-cutter

> people - what works for one might not work for another. That being

said, the

> first psychologist my daughter saw explained the reason for taking

medication

> like this:

>

> Behavior therapy works best when the person being treated can

think

> clearly & understand the treatment & exercises, until OCD

is " calmed down " enough

> that the person can think clearly & realize their behavior needs

to change,

> it is more difficult for them to concentrate on the therapy &

learn from it.

> They see no reason for it. Once the medication has worked

to " calm " the OCD

> & the patient, they are capable of fully addressing the issue &

learn the

> tools they need to in therapy. Once they learn these things, they

can then use

> them on their own to deal with the OCD & (hopefully) taper off the

> medication - best case scenario, stop meds completely.

>

> Whether or not this opinion is correct ---- who knows? It sounded

like good

> advice to us & certainly made sense. There was no talking to our

daughter

> when she first started showing symptoms. To see how happy she is

now, a

> actual " happy " kid again, was fully worth taking the medication.

She is currently

> on a very low dose of Prozac & the results have been dramatic in

her life

> already. I CAN'T WAIT FOR THERAPY TO START!!!!

> LT

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Kris,

Your story actually sounds a bit familiar, reminded me of me! I had

a vivid imagination also growing up, some OCDish type things, fears,

superstitious..., only I never cried about it to anyone. All kept

to myself.

Anyway, about meds or not. It can be a hard decision. Would meds

have helped me? Dunno. My OCDish behaviors/thoughts didn't really

disrupt much of my life. The introverted/shy part did (I can

identify with the trampoline/camp story!). Now with my son, now age

17, his OCD began in 6th grade. The real " disorder " with 24/7

worries, compulsions, tears.... Disrupted family life too. At the

time for him, it was pretty bad, thought he might need

hospitalized. But even then I, being me, sought out first

alternative treatments rather than prescribed.

Your son might not be affected so much as was. But even

when he was somewhat better (didn't feel hospitalization necessary),

he was still affected by his constant OCD, he hated it! (heck I

hated it!!)

Just a thought that if most of their time is spent " hating " their

days, their OCD, that medication or an alternatve (we used inositol

powder, but that hasn't worked for everyone) can be VERY beneficial

and let them enjoy their growing up years (school, family, friends,

playing...). Oh, I did have enjoyable times, I'm sure you did

too! But somehow I seemed to have managed all my OCD type

behaviors/thoughts and was able to usually just soon shrug them off

as " my contrary brain " or other. apparently didn't develop

that knack.

Just my rambling thoughts. Meds/alternative can be something you

just " trial " to see a difference, say, for 3 or 4 months. You don't

have to go in with a " lifetime " thought when trying them.

>

> LT,

> Hi and thanks for your input. I really do need to hear success

> stories. And I do need to others' perspectives because I am,

> honestly, not sure if I can trust my judgement.

>

> I've always felt like I understood my son, long before the OCD

crept

> in. I still feel like I understand him, even when his behavior

isn't

> logical. His fears have reminded me of my own childhood.

[Guest guest]

Oh Kris,

Wow!!!! You made me cry and laugh and hope. I didn't mention it in my note

but my husband of 19 years and I are at each other's throat too over this.

We've had a great marriage up until now and he keeps saying things like, " you

did this to him " . I know deep down he doesn't really mean it but of course, it

makes me wonder if this is something I brought on.

I'd like to ask how often your son is going to therapy? The therapist he is

seeing wants to see him once a week but the insurance we have (UHC) only allows

certain mental health visits and then you're on your own. I don't want to

compromise my son's treatment but I do worry that coverage is going to run out

before he is better.

I saw someone's post mention that their child only goes to therapy once a

month but that seems to little to me for our current situation. I know it's

different for everyone but I'd be curious to see how often your son visits his

therapist.

Thanks!

Kathy

Kris <akdelgado@...> wrote:

Hi Kathy,

{{{HUGS}}}. I could have written your post - I lived every word of it

last year. The tension in our house was unbearable and my husband of

nearly 17 years and I *almost* separated. He couldn't take the stress

and just wanted quiet.

We are 180 degrees from where we were just 6 months ago. My husband

heard, first hand, from the professionals about what my son needed

and stopped believing our son's behavior was just caused by a lenient

mom.

Homework was torture for us too. My son REFUSED to erase, so he had

great difficulty writing because he anticipated needing to erase.

Many nights, I had to stand up and walk away as my own frustrations

reached the limit. That would only send my son further into panic,

because things (me) were out of place. He would demand that I return

to the table, along the exact same path that I took to walk away. He

would demand that I place the pencil that I moved in the exact same

place on the table, at the exact same angle. I couldn't remember how

it was lying, but my son hysterically refused to place it himself,

because I had been the one who moved it. Meanwhile, my husband was

climbing the walls with anger over the absurdity and chaos of the

situation. My 2 yr old was crying and trying to climb in my lap. My

husband would try to take the baby, but he would cry for only me. My

6 yr old would get even more aggitated by his crying brother and his

frazzled father. Yet, trying to coax my 6 yr old to take a break from

homework to finish later or tomorrow, was met with more sobs, because

we started the task, so it must be completed. I cried myself to sleep

many, many nights. The next morning, my son was exhausted and picked

up right where he left off. One night at 2:00am, he got up and

insisted that he finish an imaginary game that he was playing, so he

tapped me on the shoulder, every ten minutes, for two hours, begging

me to get up with him, because he was too scared to be up alone.

Finally, we got the diagnosis and although, things were still

difficult, it finally made sense why nothing made sense before.

The things we tried which helped:

* Doing spelling words with scrabble pieces

* Having my son sit/bounce on a big exercise ball, while reciting

spelling words

* Food, food, food!!!!

* Doing homework in the afternoon, rather than the evening

* Having my son verbally commit to homework with " no hassles " in the

hours and minutes before sitting down and many reminders that there

are many correct ways to do things ( " Is this a couch, a sofa or

furniture?...that's right, they're ALL correct " ).

* I spend 30 mintues with my younger son, with my full attention

prior to attempting homework with my older son (this is no small

task, since I don't get home from work until 5:30pm and there's still

dinner to handle).

Otherwise, my son is slowly making progress by attending therapy. He

no longer has panic attacks, and he can now stop the homework if he's

just too tired. He can explain why he feels anxiety, although he

still struggles to challenge his thoughts. On a good day, he'll make

a joke about it (suggesting that I have OCD because I INSISTED on

watching the TV show ER)...on a bad day, he angrily insists that he's

right and I'm lying to him (which makes me very sad).

We are still avoiding medication. I honestly don't know if that's the

right decision or not. I keep feeling that my son must learn to deal

with his anxiety, or he'll be on meds for the rest of his life. I

admit that may be ignorant, but it's our guiding mindset at the

moment. I can remember my childhood, filled with similar feelings and

worries. On the good days, I KNOW he'll be just fine...on the bad

days, I'm ready to medicate (us all!). But, the bad days no longer

last more than a day (UNLESS he's got a virus or something) and never

last long enough for me to even arrange for a prescription. I'm glad

that I don't have any medication on hand. I guess it's the same

reason that I threw away the formula that the hospital gave us when

my son was born. Many exhausted nights, I was ready to quit

breatfeeding and would have gladly set my husband downstairs to fix a

bottle, but it wasn't there, so I didn't do it. I was always glad the

next day that I stuck it out. I don't want my son to have to " stick

it out " if that's not in his best interest, but I have a hard time

telling. I vowed to be guided by his parent-teacher conference talks.

If he was suffering in school, then I'd medicate. But, his teacher

said that he was doing well with the work and friends, despite

quietly dealing with some rituals during the day. My son is just

worse at home because he finally lets his guard down and he's tired.

It just took at least two months of consistent routine to make

homework time easier. But, I'll admit that when we break the routine

for a few days (like over Spring Break), we struggle, every time, for

a few days to settle back into it.

Kris

>

> I am new to this board and am very grateful that I've found it.

I've read many of the posts and they have been extremely informative

and supportive.

>

> My 7 year old son has just been diagnosed with OCD and possibly

Aspergers - we're still testing for that. No one in my family

understands what my son is going through, including my husband, so

they've told me to " fix it " . I've known that something was wrong for

quite some time but everyone insisted I was imaging things and that

my lack of discipline was the cause of his behavior.

>

> His behavior has become so frustrating and I'm afraid I'm not

handling it well. I have a tremendous amount of stress going on in

my life at the present and am doing my best to keep it together but

it's becoming harder and harder. I have two other children who have

basically become ignored and I am torn apart from guilt, anger and

sadness.

>

> Aside from the rituals and the patterns he has to follow for

everything he does, homework time has become my most dreaded time of

day. We do it in the same room, same time, I offer breaks, anything

I can think of. I make everyone else disappear onto other floors so

they aren't another distraction for him. Nothing helps!!

>

> He screams, he gets up, he yells at me and calls me stupid, he

calls himself stupid, he calls himself pathetic, and he erases,

erases, erases, erases, over and over again.

> We spend hours going through this exhaustive process and I am

wiped out by the end of it. He, on the other hand ,seems to recover

quite nicely once homework is done.

>

> I feel so bad for him when I see him struggling and it breaks my

heart to hear how he puts himself down. At the same time, I am

embarrassed to say that I also hate him sometimes for what he is

putting us all through. I don't get to see my children all day since

I work. I see them during dinner and then I have to hide everyone

while I spend the next few hours on HW. By the time we are done,

it's at least 10 o'clock and my other children are ready for bed.

>

> I'm sorry I'm rambling. I just needed to vent. I don't see any

light at the end of the tunnel right now so I guess I'm just feeling

sorry for myself.

>

> Kathy

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Talk is cheap. Use Messenger to make PC-to-Phone calls.

Great rates starting at 1 & cent;/min.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Kathy,

One of the first things my husband said when son first

diagnosed was, " It's your fault " . He has since read

Tamar Chansky's book and definitely doesn't blame me

or anyone anymore. But it's probly why I haven't told

anyone else.

I heard, in a lecture by a therapist, of a law called

the Parody Law which REQUIRES insurance to provide

therapy (tried to look online with no luck). I'm not

sure if it's a state (I'm in CA) or federal law but

maybe it could help you.

If your child's OCD calls for more than once a month

therapy they would HAVE to provide it?

--- Kathy Ioannou <kaitoula999@...> wrote:

---------------------------------

Oh Kris,

Wow!!!! You made me cry and laugh and hope. I

didn't mention it in my note but my husband of 19

years and I are at each other's throat too over this.

We've had a great marriage up until now and he keeps

saying things like, " you did this to him " . I know

deep down he doesn't really mean it but of course, it

makes me wonder if this is something I brought on.

I'd like to ask how often your son is going to

therapy? The therapist he is seeing wants to see him

once a week but the insurance we have (UHC) only

allows certain mental health visits and then you're on

your own. I don't want to compromise my son's

treatment but I do worry that coverage is going to run

out before he is better.

I saw someone's post mention that their child only

goes to therapy once a month but that seems to little

to me for our current situation. I know it's

different for everyone but I'd be curious to see how

often your son visits his therapist.

Thanks!

Kathy

Kris <akdelgado@...> wrote:

Hi Kathy,

{{{HUGS}}}. I could have written your post - I lived

every word of it

last year. The tension in our house was unbearable and

my husband of

nearly 17 years and I *almost* separated. He couldn't

take the stress

and just wanted quiet.

We are 180 degrees from where we were just 6 months

ago. My husband

heard, first hand, from the professionals about what

my son needed

and stopped believing our son's behavior was just

caused by a lenient

mom.

Homework was torture for us too. My son REFUSED to

erase, so he had

great difficulty writing because he anticipated

needing to erase.

Many nights, I had to stand up and walk away as my own

frustrations

reached the limit. That would only send my son further

into panic,

because things (me) were out of place. He would demand

that I return

to the table, along the exact same path that I took to

walk away. He

would demand that I place the pencil that I moved in

the exact same

place on the table, at the exact same angle. I

couldn't remember how

it was lying, but my son hysterically refused to place

it himself,

because I had been the one who moved it. Meanwhile, my

husband was

climbing the walls with anger over the absurdity and

chaos of the

situation. My 2 yr old was crying and trying to climb

in my lap. My

husband would try to take the baby, but he would cry

for only me. My

6 yr old would get even more aggitated by his crying

brother and his

frazzled father. Yet, trying to coax my 6 yr old to

take a break from

homework to finish later or tomorrow, was met with

more sobs, because

we started the task, so it must be completed. I cried

myself to sleep

many, many nights. The next morning, my son was

exhausted and picked

up right where he left off. One night at 2:00am, he

got up and

insisted that he finish an imaginary game that he was

playing, so he

tapped me on the shoulder, every ten minutes, for two

hours, begging

me to get up with him, because he was too scared to be

up alone.

Finally, we got the diagnosis and although, things

were still

difficult, it finally made sense why nothing made

sense before.

The things we tried which helped:

* Doing spelling words with scrabble pieces

* Having my son sit/bounce on a big exercise ball,

while reciting

spelling words

* Food, food, food!!!!

* Doing homework in the afternoon, rather than the

evening

* Having my son verbally commit to homework with " no

hassles " in the

hours and minutes before sitting down and many

reminders that there

are many correct ways to do things ( " Is this a couch,

a sofa or

furniture?...that's right, they're ALL correct " ).

* I spend 30 mintues with my younger son, with my full

attention

prior to attempting homework with my older son (this

is no small

task, since I don't get home from work until 5:30pm

and there's still

dinner to handle).

Otherwise, my son is slowly making progress by

attending therapy. He

no longer has panic attacks, and he can now stop the

homework if he's

just too tired. He can explain why he feels anxiety,

although he

still struggles to challenge his thoughts. On a good

day, he'll make

a joke about it (suggesting that I have OCD because I

INSISTED on

watching the TV show ER)...on a bad day, he angrily

insists that he's

right and I'm lying to him (which makes me very sad).

We are still avoiding medication. I honestly don't

know if that's the

right decision or not. I keep feeling that my son must

learn to deal

with his anxiety, or he'll be on meds for the rest of

his life. I

admit that may be ignorant, but it's our guiding

mindset at the

moment. I can remember my childhood, filled with

similar feelings and

worries. On the good days, I KNOW he'll be just

fine...on the bad

days, I'm ready to medicate (us all!). But, the bad

days no longer

last more than a day (UNLESS he's got a virus or

something) and never

last long enough for me to even arrange for a

prescription. I'm glad

that I don't have any medication on hand. I guess it's

the same

reason that I threw away the formula that the hospital

gave us when

my son was born. Many exhausted nights, I was ready to

quit

breatfeeding and would have gladly set my husband

downstairs to fix a

bottle, but it wasn't there, so I didn't do it. I was

always glad the

next day that I stuck it out. I don't want my son to

have to " stick

it out " if that's not in his best interest, but I have

a hard time

telling. I vowed to be guided by his parent-teacher

conference talks.

If he was suffering in school, then I'd medicate. But,

his teacher

said that he was doing well with the work and friends,

despite

quietly dealing with some rituals during the day. My

son is just

worse at home because he finally lets his guard down

and he's tired.

It just took at least two months of consistent routine

to make

homework time easier. But, I'll admit that when we

break the routine

for a few days (like over Spring Break), we struggle,

every time, for

a few days to settle back into it.

Kris

>

> I am new to this board and am very grateful that

I've found it.

I've read many of the posts and they have been

extremely informative

and supportive.

>

> My 7 year old son has just been diagnosed with OCD

and possibly

Aspergers - we're still testing for that. No one in

my family

understands what my son is going through, including my

husband, so

they've told me to " fix it " . I've known that

something was wrong for

quite some time but everyone insisted I was imaging

things and that

my lack of discipline was the cause of his behavior.

>

> His behavior has become so frustrating and I'm

afraid I'm not

handling it well. I have a tremendous amount of

stress going on in

my life at the present and am doing my best to keep it

together but

it's becoming harder and harder. I have two other

children who have

basically become ignored and I am torn apart from

guilt, anger and

sadness.

>

> Aside from the rituals and the patterns he has to

follow for

everything he does, homework time has become my most

dreaded time of

day. We do it in the same room, same time, I offer

breaks, anything

I can think of. I make everyone else disappear onto

other floors so

they aren't another distraction for him. Nothing

helps!!

>

> He screams, he gets up, he yells at me and calls

me stupid, he

calls himself stupid, he calls himself pathetic, and

he erases,

erases, erases, erases, over and over again.

> We spend hours going through this exhaustive

process and I am

wiped out by the end of it. He, on the other hand

,seems to recover

quite nicely once homework is done.

>

> I feel so bad for him when I see him struggling

and it breaks my

heart to hear how he puts himself down. At the same

time, I am

embarrassed to say that I also hate him sometimes for

what he is

putting us all through. I don't get to see my

children all day since

I work. I see them during dinner and then I have to

hide everyone

while I spend the next few hours on HW. By the time

we are done,

it's at least 10 o'clock and my other children are

ready for bed.

>

> I'm sorry I'm rambling. I just needed to vent. I

don't see any

light at the end of the tunnel right now so I guess

I'm just feeling

sorry for myself.

>

> Kathy

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Talk is cheap. Use Messenger to make

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[Guest guest]

Kathy, check the FILES section of this group, there's some info there

for schools. Plus I, and others, have info regarding schools & OCD.

Since you have the diagnosis and his OCD is affecting his

education/learning, the school can either " offically " set up an IEP

or a 504 Plan or just accommodate him off the record. Most people

seem to prefer an IEP, but a 504 Plan has worked well for us.

just needed accommodations & modifications regarding

schoolwork, which a 504 Plan will do. If there were any special

educations services that I wanted him to receive, then we'd have

needed an IEP.

Does your son have any problem with writing skills besides the OCD?

has this awkward grip. And fine motor skills, and gross,

were harder for him when young.

>

>

>

> Bless you for all the helpful information, especially when you

were trying to dash off to work. I am definitely going to take all

this good advice and start using it. Hopefully, something will start

to fall into place. I think a meeting with his teacher is the next

step so we can come up with some reasonable compromises that meets

everyones expectations.

>

> Thanks!

> Kathy

>

[Guest guest]

Kathy, I *think* that with insurance, if you find your son needs more

visits than the insurance allows, you can sometimes get that

approved! Others here have done that with their's.

In the beginning of therapy, more frequent visits are done. Then

they will space them out at some point, like once a month. With

medication/psychiatrists, it's the same as a person begins medication

so they can monitor the med. Then when things seem to be going well

with medication, they'll space it out to every 3 months for a visit.

I have never understood why state insurances (Medicaid, Children's

Health Insurance) cover things so well, like mental health, but

private insurances won't!!

>

> Oh Kris,

>

> Wow!!!! You made me cry and laugh and hope. I didn't mention it

in my note but my husband of 19 years and I are at each other's

throat too over this. We've had a great marriage up until now and he

keeps saying things like, " you did this to him " . I know deep down he

doesn't really mean it but of course, it makes me wonder if this is

something I brought on.

>

> I'd like to ask how often your son is going to therapy? The

therapist he is seeing wants to see him once a week but the insurance

we have (UHC) only allows certain mental health visits and then

[Guest guest]

My kids have been on Medicaid and are now on the state children's

insurance (called Health Choice here in NC); except for my oldest, he

aged out. Like you said, they cover everything practically!

I work at our local mental health center (office assistant) and

Medicaid really is the one that pays the bills and salaries. AND

Medicaid is really the only one that covers about all mental health

services. (some services the state will pay for out of state funds)

Although Medicaid is getting stricter, or perhaps paying more

attention these days, all services really have to be justified and

they really look at the medical diagnosis vs services billed.

Right now NC is in the middle of " mental health reform " and it's

still to be seen whether this " reform " will work!

>

>

>

> I have to laugh at your last line because it really is ironic.

When I wasn't working, I covered my children with state insurance and

everything under the sun was covered. We had no deductibles, no co

pays, and no limits. Now that we are privately insured, we have to

continue to shell out money and justify the need for the visit. Go

figure!

>

> So far, although it's only been two visits, my son seems to be ok

with the therapist. I have been with them for both visits but she

suggested that at some point, they will meet alone. They played

Candy Land last time while she talked to him and he seemed to warm up

quite a bit.

>

> Kathy

[Guest guest]

Well, I just noticed the FILES section isn't accessible at the

moment. Maybe tomorrow?

I sign onto the group at the website at www. and once

I'm in this group, to the left of the screen are different

selections, FILES being one of them. I don't know how you access it

if you are getting the group's posts through your email address.

An IEP (Individualized Educational Plan --something like that) falls

under IDEA (Individual with Disabilities Education Act). These are

your special education services (includes speech therapy,

occupational therapy...other services and programs, equipment...).

And with an IEP, you can also set up goals for the student to work

for and should be making progress. Of course, accommodations and

modifications can be made in an IEP too.

The 504 Plan refers to Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act, and

this is under the Office for Civil Rights (OCR). Regarding students

with disabilities, the phrase I see most used with this is that

it " levels the playing field " for students, i.e., to help make things

more equal, eliminate barriers, etc. Actually, students with IEPs

are protected under Section 504 also. So, like with my son who just

needed some accommodations/modifications due to his OCD, a 504 Plan

works fine. And schools HAVE to follow a 504 Plan, just as they do

an IEP. I hadn't heard of a 504 Plan either until 's OCD came

along and we had just ended the IEP he had been using for speech

therapy! So I read/researched on the subject when the school offered

the Plan.

So - you can end up with the IEP paperwork or the 504 Plan paperwork;

different forms! My explanations above are sort of " basic. "

When you feel the need to learn a bit, here's some good sites/info:

http://www.ldonline.org/ld_indepth/legal_legislative/edlaw504.html

http://www.ed.gov/about/offices/list/ocr/504faq.html

http://www.wrightslaw.com/info/iep.index.htm

Well, don't want to overwhelm you with info, you might not need it!

But always good to educate yourself a bit, especially regarding

education and student's rights.

>

>

>

> I'm afraid that I am completely ignorant Iwith regard to IEP or

504 plan are. Other than OCD, we're still waiting for conformation

on the Aspergers but he doesn't have any other problems with his

writing skills - as far as I know. Sorry to be so dense but how do I

check the files?

[Guest guest]

I agree with getting all the info you can find and give it to the

school. I have been very pushy this year and have finally gotten my

point through...My 7 year old is my OCD'er too and luckily he likes

school. But he erases and erases too. Luck for us her ended up with a

teacher who is just great with " special " kids or all areas. My oldest

and boldest is gifted so I was able to establish a relationship with

the gifted teacher who is aware of ds and my youngest dd. I'm

constantly bugging their teachers, who I'm sure by this point cringe

whenever they see me...but the last thing I want is for my brood to

get pushed aside b/c they aren't " normal " for whatever reason. I know

your frustrations...have been to the brink myself this week. I've

gotten similar comments about discipline and comments to the extent

that I have planted all of this in his head, but anymore there are

better things to stress over. I'm really glad I found this board

too...just to know that other people have or are going through the

same things makes it not so lonely.

> > >

> > > I am new to this board and am very grateful that I've found

it.

> > I've read many of the posts and they have been extremely

> informative

> > and supportive.

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> > > My 7 year old son has just been diagnosed with OCD and

possibly

> > Aspergers - we're still testing for that. No one in my family

> > understands what my son is going through, including my husband,

so

> > they've told me to " fix it " . I've known that something was wrong

> for

> > quite some time but everyone insisted I was imaging things and

that

> > my lack of discipline was the cause of his behavior.

> > >

> > > His behavior has become so frustrating and I'm afraid I'm not

> > handling it well. I have a tremendous amount of stress going on

in

> > my life at the present and am doing my best to keep it together

but

> > it's becoming harder and harder. I have two other children who

> have

> > basically become ignored and I am torn apart from guilt, anger

and

> > sadness.

> > >

> > > Aside from the rituals and the patterns he has to follow for

> > everything he does, homework time has become my most dreaded time

> of

> > day. We do it in the same room, same time, I offer breaks,

> anything

> > I can think of. I make everyone else disappear onto other floors

> so

> > they aren't another distraction for him. Nothing helps!!

> > >

> > > He screams, he gets up, he yells at me and calls me stupid,

he

> > calls himself stupid, he calls himself pathetic, and he erases,

> > erases, erases, erases, over and over again.

> > > We spend hours going through this exhaustive process and I am

> > wiped out by the end of it. He, on the other hand ,seems to

> recover

> > quite nicely once homework is done.

> > >

> > > I feel so bad for him when I see him struggling and it breaks

> my

> > heart to hear how he puts himself down. At the same time, I am

> > embarrassed to say that I also hate him sometimes for what he is

> > putting us all through. I don't get to see my children all day

> since

> > I work. I see them during dinner and then I have to hide

everyone

> > while I spend the next few hours on HW. By the time we are done,

> > it's at least 10 o'clock and my other children are ready for

bed.

> > >

> > > I'm sorry I'm rambling. I just needed to vent. I don't see

> any

> > light at the end of the tunnel right now so I guess I'm just

> feeling

> > sorry for myself.

> > >

> > > Kathy

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > ---------------------------------

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> > >

> > >