Re: Encouraging Independent Play

[Guest guest]

wow - he WANTS to play with you?? Did I understand that right? Mine would rather I be on the moon then play with me, although we have made some progress in that area.

I think this is great if I am understanding you correctly.

SharonI did not chose to have Autism in my life, God did

From: <sandsmertz@...>Subject: Encouraging Independent Playautism Date: Saturday, July 24, 2010, 7:49 PM

Hello! I am new to the group, and I have a question about encouraging independent play. My 4.5 yo was diagnosed in the spring with autism/aspergers, and one of the things I am really struggling with is his lack of ability to play independently. He will even say things such as, "If you can't play, then I won't play." He is seeing an OT weekly, and I have mentioned this concern to her, but so far I am not seeing any improvement in this area. Does anyone have any suggestions for encouraging him to play alone for a short period of time?Thank you so much!

[Guest guest]

I have had tackled this a few times. Use " playing with you " as reinforcement

for playing alone for specific period of time. Sit down and identify several

things that your son can do by himself (watch video, play on computer, cars,

etc.) and his favorite things to do with you. Take pictures of both types of

activities and make a " self play " picture activity menu, and a " mom play "

picture activity menu. Have him pick the activity he is going to do by himself,

and then the activity he wants to do with you. Start off by having him play

alone for a short time (use a visual timer)followed by playing with you. As he

learns the contingency, gradually lengthen the time he has to play alone. I

would extend using the pictures to build a structured routine. This way you can

schedule " mom play " in a structured daily routine including self play, personal

care, little chores, etc.

Since he enjoys " doing with you " , I would also start including him into simple

chores you are doing around the house. Do them together, helping each other

out.

Bill

>

> Hello! I am new to the group, and I have a question about encouraging

independent play. My 4.5 yo was diagnosed in the spring with autism/aspergers,

and one of the things I am really struggling with is his lack of ability to play

independently. He will even say things such as, " If you can't play, then I won't

play. " He is seeing an OT weekly, and I have mentioned this concern to her, but

so far I am not seeing any improvement in this area. Does anyone have any

suggestions for encouraging him to play alone for a short period of time?

>

> Thank you so much!

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

We have a visual timer. It is white with red for the time. Kind of like a pie chart. When the red or time disappears it is time for something else. I would set the timer for 5 minutes and say mommy has to clean for 5 minutes and you can help me or play by yourself. She hates to help me do anything unlike most children her age but it totally worked for me. when the time was up I would play whatever she wanted for a while and when I needed it again I would say ok it is time for mommy to do more chores and even if she cried I did it and she saw the timer and I followed through.From:

<sandsmertz@...>Subject: Encouraging Independent Playautism Date: Saturday, July 24, 2010, 6:49 PM

Hello! I am new to the group, and I have a question about encouraging independent play. My 4.5 yo was diagnosed in the spring with autism/aspergers, and one of the things I am really struggling with is his lack of ability to play independently. He will even say things such as, "If you can't play, then I won't play." He is seeing an OT weekly, and I have mentioned this concern to her, but so far I am not seeing any improvement in this area. Does anyone have any suggestions for encouraging him to play alone for a short period of time?

Thank you so much!

[Guest guest]

Dear : ("From:" says ?)

This son is showing normal characteristics of wanting to explore communication with other people. There is nothing wrong. Once son goes into school, he will have plenty of classmates to interact with. Trying to make young loved ones(children) to be independent is not typical. It's more towards parent's lack of love and responsibility to care for child. Every child needs those, but they won't know that unless parent expresses them often to him/her. Ignorance is also wrong. For any child to be happy is to give positive feedback. That does not mean rewarding. Rewarding of objects is bad habit, as child will expect parent to always spend money to give object to him/her.

Of course, child is only that - a child. Children aren't going to be able to defend for themselves alone nor do tasks they never learned how to do. At most, responsibility for one's own bedroom and eventually, school homework, is plenty for any child. Adding any more chores at home may overwhelm child, and should only come gradually as child ages.

Positive emotional support/feedback to child is very important for child to think positive of oneself. This will avoid depression, tantrums, and possible fights in ones future.

We are only human. Nobody is perfect. However, life will not be happy to him if parent doesn't show one's unconditional love to him.

God Bless.

(dx'ed autism and seizures at age 1 by MMR vaccine, causing encephalitis meningitis)

From: <sandsmertz@...>Autism and Aspergers Treatment Sent: Sat, July 24, 2010 12:05:49 PMSubject: Encouraging Independent Play

Hello! I have been reading the group messages for a few months, since my 4.5 yo was diagnosed with autism/aspergers in the spring, but I believe this is my first post.I am wondering how to encourage independent play. My son absolutely refuses to play independently, and he will even say things like, "If you don't play, I won't play." We are seeing an OT weekly, and I have discussed this with her, but so far I am not seeing any progress in the independence.Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!Thank you!

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[Guest guest]

It is a normal developmental stage between 4 & 5 for a child to want his/her mother to play with them for hours. Mine who is going to be 21 soon did that. And I was reassured when regular parents in our weekly playgroup also joked about if she as a mom played all the time her 4 year old wanted her to, she would have no time to get anything else done in the day. It does pass, by the way. . .

This is something I felt strongly about my daughter, learned it from her then practiced it throughout her life till late teens, that anything she wanted to learn to do, she did first with me. When she was smaller, we did it together. When she was older, she learned by my role modeling; and us talking about similar scenarios in her life. I imagine that is true to a large extent for regular children; but never more so than with a child with autism. We are their safe and familiar space, where they are not as well as trying to figure out a new behavior, trying to process noise, people, faces, mixed messages, things in a different location, mannerisms.. . .the myriad of things that shift and change among other people. In the calmness they uniquely feel with us, being that we have been trained by them since birth what works, they can learn and integrate new behaviors. The behaviors they are driven internally to try to acquire for their development.

A good lesson about autism kids to get, along the way, is that they are telling us what they need for a reason. We need to just hang up all those prompts society give us constantly about what they expect to see from us for our children. This is what makes our children so very controversial. I like what Tom said, our children need unconditional love to thrive. And I'd add, to be listened to. Most of the time, they are working very hard to do their day; and they have something they need help working out, when they approach us.

I feel like for my child, I am the translator for a foreign speaker. The person doing sign for those in the audience hearing challenged. She can't say and understand all that she needs to get thru an interaction; she needs me there to do the part her brain won't let her do. When I and others do that for her, she is brilliant, sweet, and charming; when not, children in former generations were kept at a diagnosis of mentally retarded and hopelessly retarded and such. . .

Nina

--

Nina Forest

autismlearning@...

[Guest guest]

I agree, typically children on the spectrum just want to parallel play,

especially at the age of your child. So think of that as a positive! I'm sure

it is wearing on you to always have to be the one playing but I would encourage

more pretend interaction and having him direct that play.

But for more independent work perhaps you can find cause and effect activities

that can interest him like a toy car ramp with cars that he can race down the

ramp. Sorting activities also can be done independently.

>

>

> From: <sandsmertz@...>

> Subject: Encouraging Independent Play

> autism

> Date: Saturday, July 24, 2010, 7:49 PM

>

>

>  

>

>

>

> Hello! I am new to the group, and I have a question about encouraging

independent play. My 4.5 yo was diagnosed in the spring with autism/aspergers,

and one of the things I am really struggling with is his lack of ability to play

independently. He will even say things such as, " If you can't play, then I won't

play. " He is seeing an OT weekly, and I have mentioned this concern to her, but

so far I am not seeing any improvement in this area. Does anyone have any

suggestions for encouraging him to play alone for a short period of time?

>

> Thank you so much!

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

,

Does he do parallel play? Please remember that people with autism are

delayed.... this means that although he has been on the planet for 4.5 years, he

is NOT functioning like a typical 4.5 year old. If he is able to play when you

play with him, I would consider that a plus. He is social enough to want

interaction. I would chalk it up to his not knowing how to play independently,

most likely because he hasn't developed enough to do that.

What does he do when you do not play with him? Does he stim? Does he simply sit

and stare? Does he scream? What is his activity when he is not being played

with? How does he play with other children? This is why the question re

parallel play. Does he ignore other children? Does he play with? Does he know

how to play with other children? What does he prefer to do when not playing

with either you or other children?

A few thoughts about independence and developmental delays:

*Delays are delays... not complete stops.

*We can encourage development with gentle exposure and support.

*We can block development using trauma/drama methods to force behavior and

external compliance. These methods can block development for years.

*Break down your observation into nano-pieces... even a flicker of an eye toward

something as opposed to avoidance is growth.

*My very bright autistic child learned to tie a bow this week - he is 12 and 1/2

years old; he has spent many years using his brain/body to do other things (like

read, cope, laugh, etc.). Every action is usually toward health/growth,

individual actions may not look like health, we just have to step back far

enough to see the progress.

*Most likely your son will learn to play independently, at his own pace. He may

need electronics or objects for play.

*It's always interesting to explore what you, the adult, calls " play " as opposed

to what your son calls " play " .

Priscilla in Kansas

>

> Hello! I have been reading the group messages for a few months, since my 4.5

yo was diagnosed with autism/aspergers in the spring, but I believe this is my

first post.

>

> I am wondering how to encourage independent play. My son absolutely refuses to

play independently, and he will even say things like, " If you don't play, I

won't play. " We are seeing an OT weekly, and I have discussed this with her, but

so far I am not seeing any progress in the independence.

>

> Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

>

> Thank you!

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hey , welcome to the group !

Is he willing to play with others, or only with you ? Maybe you can get a bit of

a break sometimes, not to mention stretching his horizons a bit, by convincing

him that it's time to play with his auntie, daddy, babysitter,well, you get the

idea.

Beyond that, how about working on projects with him ? Let's say you guys

normally do a puzzle together. You can start with him, excuse yourself to " go to

the bathroom " , and tell him to keep working on it, that you " ll be right back.

Return after a minute or so, and join back in with him. If that works OK, the

next day increase it to 2 minutes away, then the next day 5 minutes, etc., etc.

This way he slowly gets used to the idea without a being a big headache.

Other than that, what about videos that encourage the kids to sing or dance

along with the TV ? He might not think of those as " playing " , and therefore

might be willing to do it himself.

I haven't tried these personally, so no guarantees, but I hope it helps. Good

luck.

- Alyssa

>

> Hello! I am new to the group, and I have a question about encouraging

independent play. My 4.5 yo was diagnosed in the spring with autism/aspergers,

and one of the things I am really struggling with is his lack of ability to play

independently. He will even say things such as, " If you can't play, then I won't

play. " He is seeing an OT weekly, and I have mentioned this concern to her, but

so far I am not seeing any improvement in this area. Does anyone have any

suggestions for encouraging him to play alone for a short period of time?

>

> Thank you so much!

>

>

>