Re: my story... sorry it is so long!!

[Guest guest]

Nicci,

you got a movie of the week or a bestselling novel material here

start keeping a journal if you already haven't been

Barb

who is hoping for a happy ending

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 2/14/00 8:22:18 AM Hawaiian Standard Time,

casper_024@... writes:

<< phew!!! sorry that was so long!!!!

~Nicci >>

Hey, I hope everything works out for you Nicci. I will be praying for you!!!

B

[Guest guest]

Nicci,

I'm sorry that you have been through so much. Traumatic events can often lead

us to do crazy things. If you havent already I would suggest that you seek

counseling.

Often times you can find government assistance for counseling, especially if you

are a mother.

Rob did horrible things to you and you will have to learn how to trust again.

Trust is a two way relationship and you have been avoiding it by not giving

your roomate a reason to trust you. You are someone special and he sees that,

but he probably wants you to heal, more than physically so that the two of you

can have a healthy relationship.

I would also like to add that when you work towards your fitness goals do it for

you and your daughter, not for the love of anyone else!

Hugs!

In a message dated Mon, 14 Feb 2000 1:22:25 PM Eastern Standard Time, " silly

girl " <casper_024@...> writes:

> hi everyone!! i have been thinking about the fact that you all don't really

> know as much about me and my life as i do you guys, so i figured i should

> tell you a little bit about me.

>

> i had a normal childhood, 2 loving parents, oldest of 4 kids. when i was 15

> i met this guy Rob that i thought was the greatest thing in the entire

> world. we were together for 7 years, lived together, never married (thank

> God!!) but we had a wonderful little girl named Cassandra. When i met him i

> weighed about 150 pounds, when i left him 7 years later i weigh 350lbs. he

> used to beat me up all the time, treat me terrible, call me names, make me

> feel totally worthless. when my daughter was a baby he even burned our

> house down and i lost all my stuff as well as hers! it was a horrible thing

> to endure, and i don't know why i stayed for so long. but the good thing is

> that i got out!! we split up 2 years ago, and he still harassed me up until

> the day i left for florida. maybe he won't want to try to go the distance

> to come here after me. i hope anyway. i have been through the courts time

> and time again and the legal system has failed and let me down big time!!!

> when i left him i was 5 months pregnant with our second child, and he beat

> me so badly that the baby died. it was the lowest point in my entire life.

> somehow, i got through it, although i don't really know how. what happened

> to me after that was crazy, i got so into the internet that it was all i

> did. i would go to work and come home and get online and stay there till it

> was time for bed. some nights, i wouldn't even sleep at all, i would just

> stay on there chatting all night and go to work exhausted. thank God i

> lived with my parents who god bless them took wonderful care of my daughter.

> because i really have not been much of a mom over the past 2 years. while

> on the net i would lie to men about my weight and they would fall madly in

> love with me, and i would lead them on for months and months. i have had

> men buy me things, like a webcam, scanner, more memory for my computer, the

> list goes on and on. then sooner or later they would find out that i lied

> and hate me forever and i would be devestated!! LOL!! imagine that, i knew

> going into it what i was doing, and for the life of me i don't know why the

> hell i did it??? i was totally setting myself up to be hurt over and over,

> because honestly, i really cared for them all in my own sick way, and i felt

> so hurt and rejected when they would tell me they never wanted to speak to

> me again!! i guess i was hoping that i would make them fall in love with me

> for the person i am not the size i am. but it never really worked out that

> way. , the guy i am living with in florida, started out the exact same

> way. when we met 10 months ago on icq i sent him my cousins picture and

> said it was me (she is 5'7 " and 110lbs) after a few months of talking he

> told me that he was falling in love with me, and man was i falling hard for

> him too!! then he said he was buying me a plane ticket, so i knew that i

> had to tell him the truth. he was sooooooooo hurt and angry and he said

> that he never wanted to talk to me again! then 2 days later he called me

> and said that he couldn't stand being without me and said he would stick by

> me. he said that although he is not attracted to severely overweight women,

> he would stick by me and help me do whatever it takes to lose the weight.

> all i had to do was ask and he would give whatever support i needed. so for

> the next several months i tried so hard to lose weight and do my taebo and

> stuff like that, but it was all just a rollercoaster. i would do well for a

> week or two and then go back to where i was at. i really didn't lose much

> at all. but once again i lied to gary and told him i was making progress

> when i wasn't, so that he wouldn't give up on me. finally about 3 weeks ago

> he asked me to come live with him in florida. he said that he couldn't

> stand living away from each other any longer, and that whatever weight i had

> left to lose i could do from here. so i had to tell him that i hadn't made

> any of the progress he thought i had... which i had told him i was about

> half way there. once again he was devestated and hurt and could not

> understand why i lied to him again, and neither can i really. he said he

> never wanted to talk to me again, not because of my weight, but because of

> my lies. 2 days later i called him up and told him that i was sorry and he

> said that he hated what i did to us, but that he understood and that he was

> thinking that i should come to florida anyway and he would help me from here

> with my weight loss. he said that we would not live as a couple though,

> until he was sure that i was going to be honest with him and not hurt him

> anymore, but we will live as roommates with the agreement that we don't date

> anyone else. he takes me out places and we do everything together just as a

> couple. but every night we go to our seperate bedrooms ( and that is the

> way it has to be for now. i love this man more than i could ever thought

> possible, and he shows me how much he loves me every day just in the way

> that he treats me. i pray every day that he will one day say that he is

> ready for more than roomies, but i know i have to be patient, so i am just

> loving it the way it is for now. my daughter is in maine with my parents

> just until i get settled. they asked me to leave her there until i was sure

> of what i was doing, and since they are the ones that have pretty much cared

> for her over the past 2 years i didn't go against them. i miss her very

> much, and i know that a lot of people think i ran out on her, and that makes

> me very sad. i know in my heart that she will be here with me in a month or

> two once i am all settled.

>

> phew!!! sorry that was so long!!!!

> ~Nicci

> ______________________________________________________

>

> ------------------------------------------------------------------------

> " We are all athletes in training for life rather than overweight folks trying

to drop some pounds temporarily cuz Haste doe not make a Waist "

>

[Guest guest]

" silly girl " <casper_02-@...> wrote:

original article:tae-bo_on/?start=11579

> i pray every day that he will one day say that he is

> ready for more than roomies, but i know i have to be patient, so i am

just

> loving it the way it is for now. >

Nicci,

Wow...that sure is some story! I'm sorry that you have suffered such

abuse in the past and that you lost your baby. I am glad that you have

moved away from that man and maybe now can get on with your life.

Hopefully he will not bother you anymore. I hope that things work out

for you with this new man and the new move. As hard as it is not to be

anything more than roomates, it's probably a good idea for now. Then

if it happens, you'll really know it was meant to be. My only advice

to you is to make sure you are doing this for you. You can't use

another person as your motivation for losing weight or it will never

work. It has to be because you want it for yourself. Just take it

slow and do your tae-bo and I'm sure you will succeed! Let us know

about your progress....we'll all be cheering for you!

[Guest guest]

thank you so much everyone for all your kind words of encouragement! i am

so thankful to be a part of such a wonderful group!!

~Nicci

______________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

thank you so much everyone for all your kind words of encouragement! i am

so thankful to be a part of such a wonderful group!!

~Nicci

______________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Nicci,

I send you love! I am sorry for your losses and pain.

Do not let the pain overwhelm you..I know it is so

hard..I have been through some pretty horrible things

myself as a child and as an adult. I will pray for

you..if you do not mind. You will find the strength

you need. If you need counseling, do not feel " weak "

for seeking help! It is ok..that is why they are

there. You must look to the future and for your

daughter...You can do it! Be strong!

Love, Stefanie

--- GalofGOP@... wrote:

> Nicci,

>

> I'm sorry that you have been through so much.

> Traumatic events can often lead us to do crazy

> things. If you havent already I would suggest that

> you seek counseling.

> Often times you can find government assistance for

> counseling, especially if you are a mother.

>

> Rob did horrible things to you and you will have to

> learn how to trust again. Trust is a two way

> relationship and you have been avoiding it by not

> giving your roomate a reason to trust you. You are

> someone special and he sees that, but he probably

> wants you to heal, more than physically so that the

> two of you can have a healthy relationship.

>

> I would also like to add that when you work towards

> your fitness goals do it for you and your daughter,

> not for the love of anyone else!

>

> Hugs!

>

>

>

> In a message dated Mon, 14 Feb 2000 1:22:25 PM

> Eastern Standard Time, " silly girl "

> <casper_024@...> writes:

>

> > hi everyone!! i have been thinking about the fact

> that you all don't really

> > know as much about me and my life as i do you

> guys, so i figured i should

> > tell you a little bit about me.

> >

> > i had a normal childhood, 2 loving parents, oldest

> of 4 kids. when i was 15

> > i met this guy Rob that i thought was the greatest

> thing in the entire

> > world. we were together for 7 years, lived

> together, never married (thank

> > God!!) but we had a wonderful little girl named

> Cassandra. When i met him i

> > weighed about 150 pounds, when i left him 7 years

> later i weigh 350lbs. he

> > used to beat me up all the time, treat me

> terrible, call me names, make me

> > feel totally worthless. when my daughter was a

> baby he even burned our

> > house down and i lost all my stuff as well as

> hers! it was a horrible thing

> > to endure, and i don't know why i stayed for so

> long. but the good thing is

> > that i got out!! we split up 2 years ago, and he

> still harassed me up until

> > the day i left for florida. maybe he won't want

> to try to go the distance

> > to come here after me. i hope anyway. i have

> been through the courts time

> > and time again and the legal system has failed and

> let me down big time!!!

> > when i left him i was 5 months pregnant with our

> second child, and he beat

> > me so badly that the baby died. it was the lowest

> point in my entire life.

> > somehow, i got through it, although i don't really

> know how. what happened

> > to me after that was crazy, i got so into the

> internet that it was all i

> > did. i would go to work and come home and get

> online and stay there till it

> > was time for bed. some nights, i wouldn't even

> sleep at all, i would just

> > stay on there chatting all night and go to work

> exhausted. thank God i

> > lived with my parents who god bless them took

> wonderful care of my daughter.

> > because i really have not been much of a mom

> over the past 2 years. while

> > on the net i would lie to men about my weight and

> they would fall madly in

> > love with me, and i would lead them on for months

> and months. i have had

> > men buy me things, like a webcam, scanner, more

> memory for my computer, the

> > list goes on and on. then sooner or later they

> would find out that i lied

> > and hate me forever and i would be devestated!!

> LOL!! imagine that, i knew

> > going into it what i was doing, and for the life

> of me i don't know why the

> > hell i did it??? i was totally setting myself up

> to be hurt over and over,

> > because honestly, i really cared for them all in

> my own sick way, and i felt

> > so hurt and rejected when they would tell me they

> never wanted to speak to

> > me again!! i guess i was hoping that i would make

> them fall in love with me

> > for the person i am not the size i am. but it

> never really worked out that

> > way. , the guy i am living with in florida,

> started out the exact same

> > way. when we met 10 months ago on icq i sent him

> my cousins picture and

> > said it was me (she is 5'7 " and 110lbs) after a

> few months of talking he

> > told me that he was falling in love with me, and

> man was i falling hard for

> > him too!! then he said he was buying me a plane

> ticket, so i knew that i

> > had to tell him the truth. he was sooooooooo hurt

> and angry and he said

> > that he never wanted to talk to me again! then 2

> days later he called me

> > and said that he couldn't stand being without me

> and said he would stick by

> > me. he said that although he is not attracted to

> severely overweight women,

> > he would stick by me and help me do whatever it

> takes to lose the weight.

> > all i had to do was ask and he would give whatever

> support i needed. so for

> > the next several months i tried so hard to lose

> weight and do my taebo and

> > stuff like that, but it was all just a

> rollercoaster. i would do well for a

> > week or two and then go back to where i was at. i

> really didn't lose much

> > at all. but once again i lied to gary and told

> him i was making progress

> > when i wasn't, so that he wouldn't give up on me.

> finally about 3 weeks ago

> > he asked me to come live with him in florida. he

> said that he couldn't

> > stand living away from each other any longer, and

> that whatever weight i had

> > left to lose i could do from here. so i had to

> tell him that i hadn't made

> > any of the progress he thought i had... which i

> had told him i was about

> > half way there. once again he was devestated and

> hurt and could not

> > understand why i lied to him again, and neither

> can i really. he said he

> > never wanted to talk to me again, not because of

> my weight, but because of

> > my lies. 2 days later i called him up and told

> him that i was sorry and he

> > said that he hated what i did to us, but that he

> understood and that he was

> > thinking that i should come to florida anyway and

> he would help me from here

> > with my weight loss. he said that we would not

> live as a couple though,

> > until he was sure that i was going to be honest

> with him and not hurt him

> > anymore, but we will live as roommates with the

> agreement that we don't date

> > anyone else. he takes me out places and we do

> everything together just as a

> > couple. but every night we go to our seperate

> bedrooms ( and that is the

> > way it has to be for now. i love this man more

> than i could ever thought

> > possible, and he shows me how much he loves me

> every day just in the way

> > that he treats me. i pray every day that he will

> one day say that he is

> > ready for more than roomies, but i know i have to

> be patient, so i am just

> > loving it the way it is for now. my daughter is

> in maine with my parents

> > just until i get settled. they asked me to leave

> her there until i was sure

> > of what i was doing, and since they are the ones

> that have pretty much cared

> > for her over the past 2 years i didn't go against

> them. i miss her very

> > much, and i know that a lot of people think i ran

> out on her, and that makes

> > me very sad. i know in my heart that she will be

> here with me in a month or

> > two once i am all settled.

> >

> > phew!!! sorry that was so long!!!!

> > ~Nicci

> >

>

______________________________________________________

> >

> >

>

------------------------------------------------------------------------

> > " We are all athletes in training for life rather

> than overweight folks trying to drop some pounds

> temporarily cuz Haste doe not make a Waist "

> >

[Guest guest]

" silly girl " <casper_02-@...> wrote:

original article:tae-bo_on/?start=11579

> hi everyone!! i have been thinking about the fact that you all don't

really

> know as much about me and my life as i do you guys, so i figured i

should

> tell you a little bit about me.

>

> i had a normal childhood, 2 loving parents, oldest of 4 kids. when i

was 15

> i met this guy Rob that i thought was the greatest thing in the

entire

> world. we were together for 7 years, lived together, never married

(thank

> God!!) but we had a wonderful little girl named Cassandra. When i

met him i

> weighed about 150 pounds, when i left him 7 years later i weigh

350lbs. he

> used to beat me up all the time, treat me terrible, call me names,

make me

> feel totally worthless. when my daughter was a baby he even burned

our

> house down and i lost all my stuff as well as hers! it was a

horrible thing

> to endure, and i don't know why i stayed for so long. but the good

thing is

> that i got out!! we split up 2 years ago, and he still harassed me

up until

> the day i left for florida. maybe he won't want to try to go the

distance

> to come here after me. i hope anyway. i have been through the

courts time

> and time again and the legal system has failed and let me down big

time!!!

> when i left him i was 5 months pregnant with our second child, and he

beat

> me so badly that the baby died.

> ~Nicci

> ______________________________________________________

Hi Nicci,

I had to right to you and Give you a BIG HUG!!!!! The only way I can

this way. I know how you feel cuz my oldest child (my son) his natural

father was exactly the same way as your daughters father. I understand

how you feel in every way. It is one of the hardest things to get

through and try to recover from. If you ever need to talk to some one

that has gone through the same thing then please right to me. I will be

so glad to talk to you.

who believes what does not kill us does make us stronger and better

people.

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 02/15/2000 10:39:19 PM Eastern Standard Time,

lucihs@... writes:

<< I just wanted to let you know that people who have through these awful

things can get out and make their lives what they want them to be. Be strong.

>>

great advice and sharing Luci

my weight journey was alot like yours cept I lost the weight the first time

BEFORE leaving my first husband who had no libido whether I was thin like he

met me, fat how I became then thin again. Seemed like his friends looked at

my new body more than he did and I saw no reason to waste my life with a

person who treated me like a piece of furniture. My second and lifetime

husband married me with an almost perfect body but had met me during my fat

days, years before. I gained with each pregnancy and became less and less

active although I didn't really over-eat. The pounds sort of sneaked up on

me. My husband has treated me like the love of his life no matter what I have

weighed. Now that I am finally the fitter half in this marriage, he is waking

up and trying to catch up.

Barb

whose hubby isn't overweight but has a family history of heart disease

[Guest guest]

Luci, what a touching story! You are so strong. You didn't just lose

90 pounds and then 70 pounds this year, you grew and changed. What an

example you have set for your kids. I bet you bounce back with extra

energy after the flu when you restart taebo.

Elena