Desperate and Scared....PLEASE HELP

[Guest guest]

Hi everyone...I hope your New Year is starting out better than mine is.

I know I haven't contributed anything in a while. Everything is just so up

and down with all the time. It seems like whenever I've posted that

thing's are going good...within a couple days....everything turns upside again

with her.

Other than the hospitalization after the first day of school, when she tried

to kill herself by overdosing on a bunch of pills.......because she was so

upset by having to start 9th grade at a different high school than all her

friends were going to.....(because she was put in an ED class (emotionally

disturbed) at a high school that had the program.) After she got out of the

hospital, she actually began to like the school...she was making lots of

friends....though they weren't the kind of friends I would have chosen....they

all are

dealing with their own issues. She got into the " punk-look " over the summer

and of course attracted those type of " friends " in her new high school. They

are all either in her ED class or have been at one time. Seems most of them

have been suicidal at some time or have drug or alcohol problems they're

dealing with. And most of them are senior's or 17-18 years old. (She's a

freshman..and just turned 15.) Well..because of all her new friend's....and the

fact

that the school gave her as her elective, a student-service " job " for one

period a day. She assists the teacher in helping these kids with their

work.....it

all helped in giving her some self-esteem or self-worth. She LOVES helping

these kids and just adores every one of them. So everything was going great

in her life. Her grades went from D's and F's last year to straight A's now.

They even have her helping seniors with algebra! (She got an A+ in advanced

Algebra!!) But in early Dec., thing's once again started changing. Though she

was still doing awesome with school work....her " mouth " and actions started

getting her in trouble at school. She would brag about alcohol...though the

teacher said that it all is obvious lies to try and make herself sound cool to

the other kids.... and talk explicitly and loudly about sex...especially after

she started having sex with her first " real boyfriend " . (Because of how

well she was doing in school with grades and how good her behavior had become

at home...we thought she had turned the corner on maturing...so I allowed the

boyfriend even though he was 17. He was very respectful of my " rules " He had

some previous issues around 15 years old...but was doing quite good now and

really seemed very mature. He's in a band and has a definite goal with his

life and assured me that he doesn't want to screw thing's up with his life. I

knew they'd have sex because was so open with me about how SHE wanted

to....though she assured me she'd use a condom. Plus after it became a

" regular " thing I took her to the doctor for the birth-control shot. I felt I

did my

part and protected her against pregnancy....though I made sure she knew that

I don't condone it....just protecting her from screwing up her life. The STD

protection would be on her. She still assured me she would make him use a

condom too.)

Anyway...like I was saying....her " mouth " was starting to get her in some

trouble. She had a one day in-school suspension for talking about sex after she

had been given a warning.....then I get a call from the school that the

police have her in handcuff's and are transporting her to the hospital because

someone told the teacher that was planning on killing herself. After a

couple days in the hospital, it turned out the person that reported this was

making it all up.... (she's in the ED class too and finally admitted she made

it up)....nice huh?? But it went on 's record at school as her being

suicidal anyway. Then just before Christmas vacation I get another call from

school that some kid in her ED class brought alcohol to school and

drank some and was being suspended and the kid who brought it was expelled. Now

Monday when school resumes after Xmas break....there will be an emergency IEP

meeting because of the suspension and according to a phone call I got

yesterday....they will be recommending she be put in a residential-treatment

center. They said that I have the final decision but that if I go against their

recommendation, that I stand the chance of being dropped from the AB3632

state program that has been funding everything regarding school. He said that

what they will do is give me a list of what (if anything he said) is

available in the state of CA...and I will be allowed to tour the facility and

choose.

He also said that placement in CA. is rarely available though, but we would

exhaust all resources within the state before going to another state like

Utah he said. I am so confused!! She's getting straight A's in school now and I

hate to disrupt that yet because of her social behavior's...sometimes she

does seem to need 24/7 help. She's just so up and down. I'm so damned if I put

her in residential and I'm damned if I don't!!!! The school believes she's

spiraling downward. I don't know what to believe!! Yes, she's had some

instances

at school but isn't that why they put her in the ED class??? What did they

expect? They never expected the straight A's, that's for sure....but c'mon,

didn't they expect some emotional issues since she was placed in that class???

I just think they're giving up too soon. I just don't know what to do. I know

though....and if I allow them to put her in residential...she will

totally hate me forever. It will seem to her that I've don't love her and have

given her up. This is killing me!!! I have not ever heard ANYTHING positive

coming out of putting a teen in residential.....NOTHING!! If anyone here has

any experience....please help me!!! I cannot even imagine how it will feel

with not living at home anymore. PLEASE HELP!!

/Los Angeles