Re: New Member On A Mission...

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 8/4/2003 4:47:45 AM Central Daylight Time,

txlamb@... writes:

> Hello,

>

> My name is from Houston, Texas. I have a 14-year-old son who

> has Autism, and I'm divorced.

> I was in a physically abusive marriage for 17 years, why did I stay

> in there for so long you ask? Because I wanted my children to have a

> father figure around the house. My kids along with myself were

> scared of my then husband. I didn't want to live the rest of my

> life, hiding children from getting hurt, or one day witnessing their

> mother being killed. With those possibilities in mind, I decided to

> leave with my children.

>

> I have been divorce for some time now, 7 years to be exact, and now

> I'm (still being young) would like to find someone who would accept

> my son . Everywhere I turn, people are telling me, that no

> guy would be interested in becoming a stepfather to an Autistic

> child. I guess the reason that I joined your group is to find others

> who are experiencing the same thing. I'm seriously thinking about

> returning to my very abusive husband; I don't want to spend my life

> alone. And he's the only one who is interested. Anyway, I'm glad to

> be here.

>

I suffered severe abuse from birth until I got a gut at age 21 and moved out.

Actually, I kind of got thrown out lol but no biggie, I am very happy

For the Past 9 years now I have been married and have 2 beautiful children both

on the autism scale. My husband is wonderful with both our girls. It may be

far and few but there is someone out there that can love you and your children

as well as to be good to you and your children. You are not alone! There

are so many women and men for that matter who have an autistic child or autistic

children and have seperated or divorced because of abuse or fighting over

even the autistic child. There are some of of on this list who do have autistic

children and yet dispite all of the challenges our marriages are still very

much in tact. I think you are awesome and were very wise to leave that

situation if not for you don't go back to that for your children's sake. Even

if he

never touches a hair on their heads if they witness him abusive in any way to

you they will learn that is okay and later do the same to their familys of one

day turn their back on you with hate and disrespect. If you have gone this

far honey then you have a good head and you can move foward. It is much better

for those children to have one parent then two fighting and one abusive. I am

praying for you.

Take care and God bless you and your family,

Tammy

PS by the way there is one way that it would work to go back to your ex

safely, but it would take alot of time, money and work if it would even work for

you and him that is this if he is willing to go to counseling and work on his

behavior and you and him go to counseling, this is very hard and it gets worse

before it gets better. You see, when our oldest first started showing signs of

autism we had no clue and we started fighting bad then he got very abusive so

I also left. He loved me enough that I convencend him to go to counseling

and anger management classes then we went to individual counseling and then

together we went to marriage counseling boy things got really bad I left again

even then finally things changed over about a 5 year time period and all that

abuse is gone. In this situation he had layed a hand on me twiced he hasn't

since the last time I left. Trust me I was gone for good the last time until

one

day I got a call from his counselor that changed my life and we have been

doing great every since Not everyone is big enough to admit they made

mistakes

and get help for them though and you cannot go back until you know it is

safe, because you are just as bad as the abuser if you do that. I learned the

hard way when I almost got my fingers broken and right in front of my oldest

child at that.

And the rest of you can believe what you want but counseling can work for

some and it did here

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 8/4/2003 4:47:45 AM Central Daylight Time,

txlamb@... writes:

> Hello,

>

> My name is from Houston, Texas. I have a 14-year-old son who

> has Autism, and I'm divorced.

> I was in a physically abusive marriage for 17 years, why did I stay

> in there for so long you ask? Because I wanted my children to have a

> father figure around the house. My kids along with myself were

> scared of my then husband. I didn't want to live the rest of my

> life, hiding children from getting hurt, or one day witnessing their

> mother being killed. With those possibilities in mind, I decided to

> leave with my children.

>

> I have been divorce for some time now, 7 years to be exact, and now

> I'm (still being young) would like to find someone who would accept

> my son . Everywhere I turn, people are telling me, that no

> guy would be interested in becoming a stepfather to an Autistic

> child. I guess the reason that I joined your group is to find others

> who are experiencing the same thing. I'm seriously thinking about

> returning to my very abusive husband; I don't want to spend my life

> alone. And he's the only one who is interested. Anyway, I'm glad to

> be here.

>

I suffered severe abuse from birth until I got a gut at age 21 and moved out.

Actually, I kind of got thrown out lol but no biggie, I am very happy

For the Past 9 years now I have been married and have 2 beautiful children both

on the autism scale. My husband is wonderful with both our girls. It may be

far and few but there is someone out there that can love you and your children

as well as to be good to you and your children. You are not alone! There

are so many women and men for that matter who have an autistic child or autistic

children and have seperated or divorced because of abuse or fighting over

even the autistic child. There are some of of on this list who do have autistic

children and yet dispite all of the challenges our marriages are still very

much in tact. I think you are awesome and were very wise to leave that

situation if not for you don't go back to that for your children's sake. Even

if he

never touches a hair on their heads if they witness him abusive in any way to

you they will learn that is okay and later do the same to their familys of one

day turn their back on you with hate and disrespect. If you have gone this

far honey then you have a good head and you can move foward. It is much better

for those children to have one parent then two fighting and one abusive. I am

praying for you.

Take care and God bless you and your family,

Tammy

PS by the way there is one way that it would work to go back to your ex

safely, but it would take alot of time, money and work if it would even work for

you and him that is this if he is willing to go to counseling and work on his

behavior and you and him go to counseling, this is very hard and it gets worse

before it gets better. You see, when our oldest first started showing signs of

autism we had no clue and we started fighting bad then he got very abusive so

I also left. He loved me enough that I convencend him to go to counseling

and anger management classes then we went to individual counseling and then

together we went to marriage counseling boy things got really bad I left again

even then finally things changed over about a 5 year time period and all that

abuse is gone. In this situation he had layed a hand on me twiced he hasn't

since the last time I left. Trust me I was gone for good the last time until

one

day I got a call from his counselor that changed my life and we have been

doing great every since Not everyone is big enough to admit they made

mistakes

and get help for them though and you cannot go back until you know it is

safe, because you are just as bad as the abuser if you do that. I learned the

hard way when I almost got my fingers broken and right in front of my oldest

child at that.

And the rest of you can believe what you want but counseling can work for

some and it did here

[Guest guest]

never accept abuse..you do not deserve that .and there are really

wonderful men out there who would not feel that way. I speak of that

from experience. My daughter has a wonderful man in her life that has

embraced her autistic son. He is wonderful with him and very kind.

Find a support group that can help you. You are not the only one out

there and just like this site..there are places to go and share and meet

nice people. Please don't put yourself in that situation to be hurt. I

have been there and life is better alone than living in fear. I know it

seems so hard at times and you feel all alone and like it wont feel

better but it will. Lean on those around you that care. Find other

sources of comfort.like church or support group or family or friends.

As long as we have life we have hope. Abuse is not acceptable. You

deserve to live in peace and without fear. Don't laugh but I got a

dog.and he was warm and cuddly at night and never hit me. I learned

there was much more in life and I was capable of living a better life

once I got out. It took courage to walk away.that tells me you have

inner strength that you have just tapped into. Use that strength to

believe you can have a better , happy life because there is one out

there.and there are good people out there. I had to find new friends

who supported me instead of making me feel I would not find someone

again. Put positive people and thoughts in your life. If that person

does not support you and your son, then he does not deserve you. There

are beautiful hearts out there to love. Believe in yourself and the

rest will come in time. I will be keeping you in my thoughts and hoping

you find peace and happiness.

New Member On A Mission...

Hello,

My name is from Houston, Texas. I have a 14-year-old son who

has Autism, and I'm divorced.

I was in a physically abusive marriage for 17 years, why did I stay

in there for so long you ask? Because I wanted my children to have a

father figure around the house. My kids along with myself were

scared of my then husband. I didn't want to live the rest of my

life, hiding children from getting hurt, or one day witnessing their

mother being killed. With those possibilities in mind, I decided to

leave with my children.

I have been divorce for some time now, 7 years to be exact, and now

I'm (still being young) would like to find someone who would accept

my son . Everywhere I turn, people are telling me, that no

guy would be interested in becoming a stepfather to an Autistic

child. I guess the reason that I joined your group is to find others

who are experiencing the same thing. I'm seriously thinking about

returning to my very abusive husband; I don't want to spend my life

alone. And he's the only one who is interested. Anyway, I'm glad to

be here.

[Guest guest]

never accept abuse..you do not deserve that .and there are really

wonderful men out there who would not feel that way. I speak of that

from experience. My daughter has a wonderful man in her life that has

embraced her autistic son. He is wonderful with him and very kind.

Find a support group that can help you. You are not the only one out

there and just like this site..there are places to go and share and meet

nice people. Please don't put yourself in that situation to be hurt. I

have been there and life is better alone than living in fear. I know it

seems so hard at times and you feel all alone and like it wont feel

better but it will. Lean on those around you that care. Find other

sources of comfort.like church or support group or family or friends.

As long as we have life we have hope. Abuse is not acceptable. You

deserve to live in peace and without fear. Don't laugh but I got a

dog.and he was warm and cuddly at night and never hit me. I learned

there was much more in life and I was capable of living a better life

once I got out. It took courage to walk away.that tells me you have

inner strength that you have just tapped into. Use that strength to

believe you can have a better , happy life because there is one out

there.and there are good people out there. I had to find new friends

who supported me instead of making me feel I would not find someone

again. Put positive people and thoughts in your life. If that person

does not support you and your son, then he does not deserve you. There

are beautiful hearts out there to love. Believe in yourself and the

rest will come in time. I will be keeping you in my thoughts and hoping

you find peace and happiness.

New Member On A Mission...

Hello,

My name is from Houston, Texas. I have a 14-year-old son who

has Autism, and I'm divorced.

I was in a physically abusive marriage for 17 years, why did I stay

in there for so long you ask? Because I wanted my children to have a

father figure around the house. My kids along with myself were

scared of my then husband. I didn't want to live the rest of my

life, hiding children from getting hurt, or one day witnessing their

mother being killed. With those possibilities in mind, I decided to

leave with my children.

I have been divorce for some time now, 7 years to be exact, and now

I'm (still being young) would like to find someone who would accept

my son . Everywhere I turn, people are telling me, that no

guy would be interested in becoming a stepfather to an Autistic

child. I guess the reason that I joined your group is to find others

who are experiencing the same thing. I'm seriously thinking about

returning to my very abusive husband; I don't want to spend my life

alone. And he's the only one who is interested. Anyway, I'm glad to

be here.

[Guest guest]

Thank you for your warm welcome.

I guess there's hope somewhere, but I'm truly lonely, and there's no

one who could understand what I'm going through. I just don't know

what to do anymore. My older sister I sometimes call her the devil.

Told me, I might as well get back with my ex husband, because no one

will appreciate a child that claps his hands constantly, and to make

it worse, it's loud. She builds so many insecurities in my life, and

thought, I don't even think I deserve to be happy. I'm sorry for

starting out so negative, but I know that the members here (total

strangers) would understand my feelings more than my own family.

[Guest guest]

Thank you for your warm welcome.

I guess there's hope somewhere, but I'm truly lonely, and there's no

one who could understand what I'm going through. I just don't know

what to do anymore. My older sister I sometimes call her the devil.

Told me, I might as well get back with my ex husband, because no one

will appreciate a child that claps his hands constantly, and to make

it worse, it's loud. She builds so many insecurities in my life, and

thought, I don't even think I deserve to be happy. I'm sorry for

starting out so negative, but I know that the members here (total

strangers) would understand my feelings more than my own family.

[Guest guest]

I have so much respect for you to come out, and share your personal

experience with me, I received two wonderful welcomes from this

group, and both are full of information, and knowledge. I will

continue to read and make decisions. I'm 43 years old, and so very

lonely my I'm heart is broken. Society has a way to make you feel

bad for having a special star in your life. I love my son

and have no regrets of having him. But it burns me up when we are in

a private place, and people stare at us like we're doing something

wrong or, illegal.

>

>

[Guest guest]

I have so much respect for you to come out, and share your personal

experience with me, I received two wonderful welcomes from this

group, and both are full of information, and knowledge. I will

continue to read and make decisions. I'm 43 years old, and so very

lonely my I'm heart is broken. Society has a way to make you feel

bad for having a special star in your life. I love my son

and have no regrets of having him. But it burns me up when we are in

a private place, and people stare at us like we're doing something

wrong or, illegal.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Miss ,

At this time my son is a work in progress. I see so much potential in him

and I do someday think that he may be more like he used to be 5 1/2 years ago

than he was in his darkest hour, 3 1/2 years ago. At this time, my husband,

his Dad is working with me and helping. There was a time I thought of leaving

him as he was not helping with the strict diet and was putting up such a fuss

believing all that the non DAN! doctors/specialist were saying, " Yes, feed him

all that milk and keep giving him boosters. " He still believes in some

vaccines but also believes in the strict diet. He is the first to tell me when

he

thinks our son has had an infraction.

I guess what I am trying to say is that it takes a special person to share

our lives and sometimes the bio parent is more of a liability than an asset

(does this make sense?). I also think our ASD children can sense abuse. I

agree

with the posting about counseling. The contact made a landing fist needs to

be replaced by a gentle touch. Otherwise, I also agree with the post about

getting a dog.

In a message dated 8/4/03 5:47:38 AM Eastern Daylight Time,

txlamb@... writes:

> never accept abuse..you do not deserve that .and there are really

> wonderful men out there who would not feel that way. I speak of that

> from experience. My daughter has a wonderful man in her life that has

> embraced her autistic son. He is wonderful with him and very kind.

> Find a support group that can help you. You are not the only one out

> there and just like this site..there are places to go and share and meet

> nice people. Please don't put yourself in that situation to be hurt. I

> have been there and life is better alone than living in fear. I know it

> seems so hard at times and you feel all alone and like it wont feel

> better but it will. Lean on those around you that care. Find other

> sources of comfort.like church or support group or family or friends.

> As long as we have life we have hope. Abuse is not acceptable. You

> deserve to live in peace and without fear. Don't laugh but I got a

> dog.and he was warm and cuddly at night and never hit me. I learned

> there was much more in life and I was capable of living a better life

> once I got out. It took courage to walk away.that tells me you have

> inner strength that you have just tapped into. Use that strength to

> believe you can have a better , happy life because there is one out

> there.and there are good people out there. I had to find new friends

> who supported me instead of making me feel I would not find someone

> again. Put positive people and thoughts in your life. If that person

> does not support you and your son, then he does not deserve you. There

> are beautiful hearts out there to love. Believe in yourself and the

> rest will come in time. I will be keeping you in my thoughts and hoping

> you find peace and happiness.

>

> New Member On A Mission...

>

> Hello,

>

> My name is from Houston, Texas. I have a 14-year-old son who

> has Autism, and I'm divorced.

> I was in a physically abusive marriage for 17 years, why did I stay

> in there for so long you ask? Because I wanted my children to have a

> father figure around the house. My kids along with myself were

> scared of my then husband. I didn't want to live the rest of my

> life, hiding children from getting hurt, or one day witnessing their

> mother being killed. With those possibilities in mind, I decided to

> leave with my children.

>

> I have been divorce for some time now, 7 years to be exact, and now

> I'm (still being young) would like to find someone who would accept

> my son . Everywhere I turn, people are telling me, that no

> guy would be interested in becoming a stepfather to an Autistic

> child. I guess the reason that I joined your group is to find others

> who are experiencing the same thing. I'm seriously thinking about

> returning to my very abusive husband; I don't want to spend my life

> alone. And he's the only one who is interested. Anyway, I'm glad to

> be here.

[Guest guest]

I am praying for you ---- please don't return to your abusive

husband!!!!!

There ARE good men out there - there truly are -- I will be praying that

God leads you to one! One of the blessings I have learned about this awful

world of Autism - is that it DOES bring out the best in people - most people

--- I have come to know many many many many men on these lists -- fathers

who are going the distance for their disabled children. Single fathers

raising their sons with Autism..... Fathers who are just as proud of their

autistic children as they are of their " typical " children --- even more so

perhaps - given all that the autisitc children have to go through! Please

don't give up. It is easy for me to say I know - I have one of those

exceptional husbands --- but please --- do not ever give up hope......

Where in Houston are you? Do you attend any support groups or are you a

hermit like me who can't get out to attend them and just rely on this list

for all my information??? ha ha ha

The ARC of Greater Houston has some social programs for kids your son's age.

They go to movies as a group and outings and such --- I would give them a

call to see if you son could join. There is a small fee - but it is worth

it!

Hang in there - you are not alone!

New Member On A Mission...

Hello,

My name is from Houston, Texas. I have a 14-year-old son who

has Autism, and I'm divorced.

[Guest guest]

I am praying for you ---- please don't return to your abusive

husband!!!!!

There ARE good men out there - there truly are -- I will be praying that

God leads you to one! One of the blessings I have learned about this awful

world of Autism - is that it DOES bring out the best in people - most people

--- I have come to know many many many many men on these lists -- fathers

who are going the distance for their disabled children. Single fathers

raising their sons with Autism..... Fathers who are just as proud of their

autistic children as they are of their " typical " children --- even more so

perhaps - given all that the autisitc children have to go through! Please

don't give up. It is easy for me to say I know - I have one of those

exceptional husbands --- but please --- do not ever give up hope......

Where in Houston are you? Do you attend any support groups or are you a

hermit like me who can't get out to attend them and just rely on this list

for all my information??? ha ha ha

The ARC of Greater Houston has some social programs for kids your son's age.

They go to movies as a group and outings and such --- I would give them a

call to see if you son could join. There is a small fee - but it is worth

it!

Hang in there - you are not alone!

New Member On A Mission...

Hello,

My name is from Houston, Texas. I have a 14-year-old son who

has Autism, and I'm divorced.