Re: Social Situations: Happy Alone or Wanting to be a part?

[Guest guest]

It's funny that as I have lost so much weight in the last 4 1/2 years

I have also matured so much more and I desire social contact more.

> > >

> > > I think I'm actually both. I hate being around other people but

> really

> > > want to be around them anyway.

[Guest guest]

LonerMutant,

Possibly now that you know you can no longer be teased because of your

weight, you have developed less of a dread of socializing.

Aside from that, I think when people get older, they may naturally want

some degree of contact with others to share their increasing number of

life's experiences with.

I have lost two friends to cancer, three to suicide, and one to an

accident. Sometimes I feel that life is a rat race and I am the one

amongst my old friends who is coming out ahead in it...but alone.

It IS good to have some friendly contact with people, so as not to go

insane as you lose other people along the way.

Tom

It's funny that as I have lost so much weight in the last 4 1/2 years

I have also matured so much more and I desire social contact more.

[Guest guest]

I have a similiar view point in terms of identity. It is what I am,

but it is not all that I am.

In terms of community it gets a little trickier. I am much more

likely to get along well with people who are aspies, but I have met

aspies before that I don't get along with so it is not universal. I

tend to feel a sense of belonging amoung fellow aspies as well. I

also feel the same sense of community when I am at a gaming

convention or a SF/fantasy convention. (I think most of people at

those conventions are aspies as well, so it is probably a

combination of sharing hobbies and being aspies.)

As for the term aspie, I prefer it becuase it is less " clinical "

sounding than asperingers. I also like APT for aspie/autistic

personality type, which is probably a better term for myself sinse I

am not officially dxed. The downside to that is that I often feel I

should include an explaination when I use the term APT becuase many

people may not have heard of it and I get tired of explaining it all

the time.

Ilah

> Mark,

>

> As you know, I've been out for a few days so I am sort of picking

> and choosing what to respond to here...

>

> " Why do we have this need to make Asperger's our " identity? "

>

> When I am out and about I am a man, a writer, an artist, a

> receptionist and administrative assistant, a Christian, etc., and

> the fact that I have AS hardly factors into it.

>

> But alone I do consider myself an Aspie because the term " Aspie " ,

as

> I personally define it, best represents me. For me, an Aspie is

> someone who has hypersensitivities, who dislikes socializing and

> social conventions, who has skills that reach above and beyond the

> scope of most people, who likes to get really involved in deep

> conversations with others, and who lies on the autistic spectrum.

>

> I can NOT say to myself definitively that I am ONLY a writer

because

> I write, ONLY an artist because I paint and draw, ONLY a

> receptionist and administrative assistant because of my job, or

ONLY

> a Christian because of my religion. But I do feel that it is my

> Aspie-ness that plays a significant part on defining who I am and

> what I believe so I have no problem using " Asperger " as a term of

> identity.

>

> " Why do we call ourselves Aspies? It means something different

than a

> person who has Asperger's. "

>

> I suppose the term " Aspie's " has taken on an affectionate

> connotation. There is a difference between " someone with AS "

> and " Aspies " I guess. The main difference would be that in the

first

> instance, people would say that they are a " person with AS " if

they

> felt that AS was only part of what defined them. In the second

> instance, if AS was a term that BEST defined them, they may like

the

> term " Aspie. "

>

> " What is this fascination with seeing ourselves as a special

identity

> and automatically members of the same community? "

>

> I cannot speak for others who feel that AS people are members of a

> community. For me personally, I feel that AS is something special.

> Many of us can do things that no one else can, such as perseverate

> to the nth degree on certain subjects, see with clarity that which

> baffles others in regards to our areas of interest, etc. We may

have

> higher IQs, hypersensitivities, common traits such as stimming,

etc.

> In short, no segment of the population, social or otherwise, has

> EXACTLY the same commonalities and mix of traits that we have.

>

> It was particularly enjoyable for me to come across those who are

> like myself. I went through my whole life feeling utterly lost

> until I found an online community where others like me posted.

Then

> I felt really good because I realized I was not alone, and I was

not

> the only " strange " person in the world.

>

> I suppose the best metaphor for this feeling is when a dog riding

> along with its master in a car suddenly sees another dog out the

> window and starts barking like crazy.

>

>

>

> " I may have some of the same problems as someone else with AS, but

I

> may, on the balance of all the other aspects of what makes me who

I

> am, be more like some NTs than other Aspies. "

>

> You consider AS a PART of you. And this is perfectly fine.

>

> However, I would point out that you say " I may have some of the

same

> problems as someone else with AS... " This is a telling statement

to

> my way of thinking. We all have problems because of our AS, but AS

> in and of itself can be a very beautiful thing. One of the things

I

> have tried to do here is allow people to bask in their Aspie-ness

as

> though sun bathing. I ENJOY my AS traits, I guess, so my position

is

> a bit slanted.

>

> But rest assured, if you are thinking you need to believe that

> Asperger can be a community in order to fit in here, you don't.

Just

> contribute to this forum as you wish and take away what you wish.

We

> will accept you just as you are.

>

> Tom

> Administrator

[Guest guest]

I have a similiar view point in terms of identity. It is what I am,

but it is not all that I am.

In terms of community it gets a little trickier. I am much more

likely to get along well with people who are aspies, but I have met

aspies before that I don't get along with so it is not universal. I

tend to feel a sense of belonging amoung fellow aspies as well. I

also feel the same sense of community when I am at a gaming

convention or a SF/fantasy convention. (I think most of people at

those conventions are aspies as well, so it is probably a

combination of sharing hobbies and being aspies.)

As for the term aspie, I prefer it becuase it is less " clinical "

sounding than asperingers. I also like APT for aspie/autistic

personality type, which is probably a better term for myself sinse I

am not officially dxed. The downside to that is that I often feel I

should include an explaination when I use the term APT becuase many

people may not have heard of it and I get tired of explaining it all

the time.

Ilah

> Mark,

>

> As you know, I've been out for a few days so I am sort of picking

> and choosing what to respond to here...

>

> " Why do we have this need to make Asperger's our " identity? "

>

> When I am out and about I am a man, a writer, an artist, a

> receptionist and administrative assistant, a Christian, etc., and

> the fact that I have AS hardly factors into it.

>

> But alone I do consider myself an Aspie because the term " Aspie " ,

as

> I personally define it, best represents me. For me, an Aspie is

> someone who has hypersensitivities, who dislikes socializing and

> social conventions, who has skills that reach above and beyond the

> scope of most people, who likes to get really involved in deep

> conversations with others, and who lies on the autistic spectrum.

>

> I can NOT say to myself definitively that I am ONLY a writer

because

> I write, ONLY an artist because I paint and draw, ONLY a

> receptionist and administrative assistant because of my job, or

ONLY

> a Christian because of my religion. But I do feel that it is my

> Aspie-ness that plays a significant part on defining who I am and

> what I believe so I have no problem using " Asperger " as a term of

> identity.

>

> " Why do we call ourselves Aspies? It means something different

than a

> person who has Asperger's. "

>

> I suppose the term " Aspie's " has taken on an affectionate

> connotation. There is a difference between " someone with AS "

> and " Aspies " I guess. The main difference would be that in the

first

> instance, people would say that they are a " person with AS " if

they

> felt that AS was only part of what defined them. In the second

> instance, if AS was a term that BEST defined them, they may like

the

> term " Aspie. "

>

> " What is this fascination with seeing ourselves as a special

identity

> and automatically members of the same community? "

>

> I cannot speak for others who feel that AS people are members of a

> community. For me personally, I feel that AS is something special.

> Many of us can do things that no one else can, such as perseverate

> to the nth degree on certain subjects, see with clarity that which

> baffles others in regards to our areas of interest, etc. We may

have

> higher IQs, hypersensitivities, common traits such as stimming,

etc.

> In short, no segment of the population, social or otherwise, has

> EXACTLY the same commonalities and mix of traits that we have.

>

> It was particularly enjoyable for me to come across those who are

> like myself. I went through my whole life feeling utterly lost

> until I found an online community where others like me posted.

Then

> I felt really good because I realized I was not alone, and I was

not

> the only " strange " person in the world.

>

> I suppose the best metaphor for this feeling is when a dog riding

> along with its master in a car suddenly sees another dog out the

> window and starts barking like crazy.

>

>

>

> " I may have some of the same problems as someone else with AS, but

I

> may, on the balance of all the other aspects of what makes me who

I

> am, be more like some NTs than other Aspies. "

>

> You consider AS a PART of you. And this is perfectly fine.

>

> However, I would point out that you say " I may have some of the

same

> problems as someone else with AS... " This is a telling statement

to

> my way of thinking. We all have problems because of our AS, but AS

> in and of itself can be a very beautiful thing. One of the things

I

> have tried to do here is allow people to bask in their Aspie-ness

as

> though sun bathing. I ENJOY my AS traits, I guess, so my position

is

> a bit slanted.

>

> But rest assured, if you are thinking you need to believe that

> Asperger can be a community in order to fit in here, you don't.

Just

> contribute to this forum as you wish and take away what you wish.

We

> will accept you just as you are.

>

> Tom

> Administrator

[Guest guest]

I feel the same and have been thinking of how to word it. I like

companionship, but only if it is people I ca have deep or serious

conversation with. My style of thinking tends to be very

philosophical and analtical. Even when I start with discussing

something very simple I tend to start making the conversation more

complicated and sometimes drag in things like symbolism, psycholgy,

ethics, logic, philosphy, sociology, history, etc.

Example: " sterotypical " woman talk: That dress is so sexy. I should

get it. But maybe I'm too fat to wear something like this.

typical Ilah comments: I believe that a woman can be smart and

competent and sexy. But is that the general perception? Has society

moved pasted the point where a women who dresses sexy is perceived

negatively, for example as less intelligent or as promiscuious? And

then there is the issue of size and sexuality. I want to go against

the sterotype that only women of a certain size or a perfect figure

and wear sexy clothing. That's why I like to wear " sexy " clothing even

though I don't have a " perfect " figure, etc.

Maybe this is why I don't have many female friends.

I really don't like social talk where I have to keep it all shallow

and fluffy. I like company, but only with certain types of people

Ilah

> I enjoy companionship from time to time, but only if it's the kind

of

> companionship I enjoy. Is this what you mean?

>

> Tom

>

[Guest guest]

I feel the same and have been thinking of how to word it. I like

companionship, but only if it is people I ca have deep or serious

conversation with. My style of thinking tends to be very

philosophical and analtical. Even when I start with discussing

something very simple I tend to start making the conversation more

complicated and sometimes drag in things like symbolism, psycholgy,

ethics, logic, philosphy, sociology, history, etc.

Example: " sterotypical " woman talk: That dress is so sexy. I should

get it. But maybe I'm too fat to wear something like this.

typical Ilah comments: I believe that a woman can be smart and

competent and sexy. But is that the general perception? Has society

moved pasted the point where a women who dresses sexy is perceived

negatively, for example as less intelligent or as promiscuious? And

then there is the issue of size and sexuality. I want to go against

the sterotype that only women of a certain size or a perfect figure

and wear sexy clothing. That's why I like to wear " sexy " clothing even

though I don't have a " perfect " figure, etc.

Maybe this is why I don't have many female friends.

I really don't like social talk where I have to keep it all shallow

and fluffy. I like company, but only with certain types of people

Ilah

> I enjoy companionship from time to time, but only if it's the kind

of

> companionship I enjoy. Is this what you mean?

>

> Tom

>

[Guest guest]

I feel the same and have been thinking of how to word it. I like

companionship, but only if it is people I ca have deep or serious

conversation with. My style of thinking tends to be very

philosophical and analtical. Even when I start with discussing

something very simple I tend to start making the conversation more

complicated and sometimes drag in things like symbolism, psycholgy,

ethics, logic, philosphy, sociology, history, etc.

Example: " sterotypical " woman talk: That dress is so sexy. I should

get it. But maybe I'm too fat to wear something like this.

typical Ilah comments: I believe that a woman can be smart and

competent and sexy. But is that the general perception? Has society

moved pasted the point where a women who dresses sexy is perceived

negatively, for example as less intelligent or as promiscuious? And

then there is the issue of size and sexuality. I want to go against

the sterotype that only women of a certain size or a perfect figure

and wear sexy clothing. That's why I like to wear " sexy " clothing even

though I don't have a " perfect " figure, etc.

Maybe this is why I don't have many female friends.

I really don't like social talk where I have to keep it all shallow

and fluffy. I like company, but only with certain types of people

Ilah

> I enjoy companionship from time to time, but only if it's the kind

of

> companionship I enjoy. Is this what you mean?

>

> Tom

>

[Guest guest]

Ilah,

In reading what you have written, I am thinking that one of the

things that makes me feel that AS people CAN have a community is that

a TRUE community, in my opinion, is one where you feel most

comfortable with the people who comprise it.

I feel most comfortable with people who have AS. It is the only

COMMUNITY I feel most comfortable associating in.

With that said, I do not believe that a community means " a group of

people that excludes everyone else. " So you could say that I am also

a participant in other communities. It's just that the AS community

is the one I feel MOST comfortable with.

Tom

I have a similiar view point in terms of identity. It is what I am,

but it is not all that I am.

In terms of community it gets a little trickier. I am much more

likely to get along well with people who are aspies, but I have met

aspies before that I don't get along with so it is not universal. I

tend to feel a sense of belonging amoung fellow aspies as well. I

also feel the same sense of community when I am at a gaming

convention or a SF/fantasy convention. (I think most of people at

those conventions are aspies as well, so it is probably a

combination of sharing hobbies and being aspies.)

As for the term aspie, I prefer it becuase it is less " clinical "

sounding than asperingers. I also like APT for aspie/autistic

personality type, which is probably a better term for myself sinse I

am not officially dxed. The downside to that is that I often feel I

should include an explaination when I use the term APT becuase many

people may not have heard of it and I get tired of explaining it all

the time.

Ilah

[Guest guest]

Ilah,

I've always felt communication is either:

1) A tool for conveying ideas between one person and another person

or a group of people, and

2) A pleasurable way of exchanging thoughts and ideas,

philosophizing, and thinking allowed in a group. Talking with Inger

on the phone, for example, is a " mind f*uck " for both of us

sometimes. It is a TOTAL connection of the minds.

This connection is what I am seeking the most when I interact with

someone. #1 is purely utilitarian.

Tom

I really don't like social talk where I have to keep it all shallow

and fluffy. I like company, but only with certain types of people

Ilah

I enjoy companionship from time to time, but only if it's the kind

of companionship I enjoy. Is this what you mean?

Tom

[Guest guest]

I think I'm scared of them because of bruised ribs, broken fingers,

my nose, a concussion, and being urinated on.

> >

> > I think I'm actually both. I hate being around other people but

really

> > want to be around them anyway.

[Guest guest]

Mark:

> I think I'm scared of them because of bruised ribs, broken fingers, my

> nose, a concussion, and being urinated on.

OMG! That's just awful! I can see why you'd be wary of people then!

I doubt any Aspie would do such things, though. That is one reason I prefer

to be with Aspies.

Inger