Re: AS Related Topics Anyone?

[Guest guest]

*hihi* You are right Marilia! I for one don't write to often

something nice in the end.

Sometimes I write " Puss " (kiss) " Love, Helen " but not always.. I

have learned to do this: /Helen

and it is only because many asked if my name was Astrid or Helen or

both.

In Sweden I always finish with /Mvh Helen

and that means " With friendly regards " . Do we have a good short way

to write that in english I can copy?

/Mvh Helen

> Of course it is fine you replied to that in spite of me directing

it to Tom, for some reason.

>

> Well, what you say it is what I thought after I saw the bunch of

posts not related to AS subject. I thought this became a place where

As friends met.

>

> It was fine to feel the nice atmosphere and some of the subjects

interested me...but kind of felt you were all more ' resolved' than

me as you did not have anymore anyhting to ask, to wonder, to

consider, or to share speciffically on this matter, besides articles

on the press or books, while I have sooo many questions, and doubts,

etc.

>

> Well, will post some of them next.

>

> Marilia

>

> PS Another thing I noticed in this list is different, and tried to

adapt, is that everyone leaves in a plain way...everybody, well, as

fas as I have read, writes and signs and that is all. Am more used

to prepare myself before hand before leaving...and saying soemhting

before signing. Depending on the list it can be an

affectionate 'hugs', or 'sincerily', or 'warmly', 'see

ya', 'kisses', bye or whatever, etc.

> Here we simply finish right way.

> Marilia>

[Guest guest]

Hi, Helen.

Later write me the words mhs...I have learned a few swedish words with some folks from Sweden.

I tried to adapt to this way of leaving and wondered why was this way, and two possibilities came to mind:

1- Some As, or maybe most, prefere being more objective and lose waste time with some formal details,

2-Maybe some AS do not like exposure of what could seem to be 'fake' affections like kisses, warm regards, sincerily yours, etc.

(This reminds me of a book I read from Kundera and he believe, when he was still living in the old Tchekoslovaquia, that a woman from France was deeply in love with him, because she always ended her letters to him witht he words je t´embrace, which means, I hug you. That would mean nothing special if a french read it, because they know these words do not mean much...but for someone in another culture like his it meant deep affection)

Which of the two reasons do you think apply?

Well, maybe a mere habit.(?)

Bisous

Marilia

Re: AS related topics anyone?

*hihi* You are right Marilia! I for one don't write to often something nice in the end.Sometimes I write "Puss" (kiss) "Love, Helen" but not always.. I have learned to do this: /Helen and it is only because many asked if my name was Astrid or Helen or both. In Sweden I always finish with /Mvh Helenand that means "With friendly regards". Do we have a good short way to write that in english I can copy?/Mvh Helen> Of course it is fine you replied to that in spite of me directing it to Tom, for some reason.> > Well, what you say it is what I thought after I saw the bunch of posts not related to AS subject. I thought this became a place where As friends met.> > It was fine to feel the nice atmosphere and some of the subjects interested me...but kind of felt you were all more ' resolved' than me as you did not have anymore anyhting to ask, to wonder, to consider, or to share speciffically on this matter, besides articles on the press or books, while I have sooo many questions, and doubts, etc.> > Well, will post some of them next.> > Marilia> > PS Another thing I noticed in this list is different, and tried to adapt, is that everyone leaves in a plain way...everybody, well, as fas as I have read, writes and signs and that is all. Am more used to prepare myself before hand before leaving...and saying soemhting before signing. Depending on the list it can be an affectionate 'hugs', or 'sincerily', or 'warmly', 'see ya', 'kisses', bye or whatever, etc.> Here we simply finish right way.> Marilia>

No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG Anti-Virus.Version: 7.0.338 / Virus Database: 267.9.4/57 - Release Date: 22/7/2005

[Guest guest]

Well, Marilia

I always wrote before and liked to end my letter like this:

//Love

Helen

What do you think? Love is never wrong ;-)

//Love

Helen

[Guest guest]

Soooo true!

Re: AS related topics anyone?

Well, MariliaI always wrote before and liked to end my letter like this://Love HelenWhat do you think? Love is never wrong ;-)//Love Helen

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 7/24/2005 4:17:45 PM Eastern Standard Time, inglori@... writes:

:-D That would have been a sight!

Inger

It was. That fellow was always something of a wild man. Usually he was funny, but sometimes he could be embarassing, sometimes both at the same time. We were in a bookstore once around 1998 or so. They had these new children's books that had buttons you could push to hear sound effects. We had gone our seperate ways in the store and I kept hearing the book going, especially the bees. Then I see this mother looking rather odd her daughter in two looking gleeful. Suddenly my friend shows up and takes me to the book. He says, "watch this" and pushes the bee button and the thing starts making the bee swarm noise. My friend starts swatting at his head and jumping from foot to foot, turning in circles. I must have looked as horrified at this other poor woman who just walked out from another aisle and saw this tall grown man acting like that.

He would be even wilder when I wasn't around to moderate his behavior, but I won't repear any of that since it is all hearsay.

[Guest guest]

I usually prefer to leave out things like hugs and kisses. To me

hugs and kisses are reserved for a significant other. I know of

people who will give others friendly hugs, but I do not care for it

that much. It seems to intiment a gesture to use unless it is with

someone you are extremely close to. I don't care much for the

term " love " right before my name either. I like the people here,

but I do not love them. I guess many people use the term " love "

very casually, but I prefer to reserve that term to for only someone

that I really love.

Ilah

> Hi, Helen.

> Later write me the words mhs...I have learned a few swedish words

with some folks from Sweden.

>

> I tried to adapt to this way of leaving and wondered why was this

way, and two possibilities came to mind:

> 1- Some As, or maybe most, prefere being more objective and lose

waste time with some formal details,

> 2-Maybe some AS do not like exposure of what could seem to

be 'fake' affections like kisses, warm regards, sincerily yours,

etc.

>

>

> (This reminds me of a book I read from Kundera and he believe,

when he was still living in the old Tchekoslovaquia, that a woman

from France was deeply in love with him, because she always ended

her letters to him witht he words je t´embrace, which means, I hug

you. That would mean nothing special if a french read it, because

they know these words do not mean much...but for someone in another

culture like his it meant deep affection)

>

> Which of the two reasons do you think apply?

> Well, maybe a mere habit.(?)

>

> Bisous

> Marilia

> Re: AS related topics anyone?

>

>

> *hihi* You are right Marilia! I for one don't write to often

> something nice in the end.

>

> Sometimes I write " Puss " (kiss) " Love, Helen " but not always.. I

> have learned to do this: /Helen

> and it is only because many asked if my name was Astrid or Helen

or

> both.

>

> In Sweden I always finish with /Mvh Helen

> and that means " With friendly regards " . Do we have a good short

way

> to write that in english I can copy?

>

> /Mvh Helen

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you .

All of this makes sense to me.

What do you think of this: someone, who has showing more the lonely needs of his "aspiety", hehe, decided to go visit some relatives to whom he used to be very close, as they are sick. But while in their house he stayed all the time in his room. Did not shared peopls company not even for meals.

Don´t you think he should not have gone there if he meant to be alone?

Could it be he simply needs to be told that this might seem agressive to the people who were hosting him and they would even think there is somehting wrong with him...or he should be left alone?

When I do not feel like seing people I do not leave home...but if/when I go I do try to be 'social'.

In this case, do you think he should be told that this might sound extreme and unpolite?

Thank you

Marilia

Re: Re: AS related topics anyone?

Marilia,

I think people go through cycles, aspies included. There are periods when the last thing I want to do is even hear a human voice, except for on the TV where I can turn them off. Then there are other times when I would like to be around people. I know some other have felt the same way.

I also think that the cycles can vary. There can be a daily cycle or even long term cycles. The daily is probably more of a mood thing than a true cycle, however. But longer term, it does seem reasonable that people will go through a time where they would rather be alone or would rather be around people. For Aspies, we probably have more of a draw toward being alone. NTs are just the opposite and have a draw to be around others, which is why there are so many bars and clubs out there.

From personal experience, there was a time when I could have lived in a cabin in the woods with a small garden, not seeing anyone for days at a time and been perfectly happy. Now I'm a bit more neutral toward people, but still like my space and quiet.

No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG Anti-Virus.Version: 7.0.338 / Virus Database: 267.9.4/57 - Release Date: 22/7/2005

[Guest guest]

Hello, Ilah,

I usually prefer to leave out things like hugs and kisses. To me hugs and kisses are reserved for a significant other. I know of people who will give others friendly hugs, but I do not care for it that much. It seems to intiment a gesture to use unless it is with someone you are extremely close to.

It seems to me that there is much of hidden codes, either related to a pareticular culture, or of tacit agreements on the meaning of those. For instance, if you played soccer and if you were too interested in winning, maybe you would indulge yourself in really hagging anyone who scored a goal, even rasing that person in your arms, and that would have nothing to do with affection, or closenees...but rather on an accepted way to show satisfaction and happiness and aproval in that game. A little bit different that would be in volleyball...a more discreet hug, most of the times touching players hands.

When I was envolved with acting I was suprised to notice that being very affectionate, and even intimate-like, anyone would changes clothes in front of opposite sex between acts and everybody would take that naturallly....somehting unthinkable like with the executives I used to work at the same period of my life. That would have a very different meaning.

So, that is what I was saying to Helen, that it seemed to me most people in this list, not everyone, perhaps, prefer be rather more distant, or rather more literal, and not use any of those words that for them would be a lie, not a convention-as the way I see them-that meant simply adding some 'sugar', not that what the word says should be taken exactly.

Bises

Marilia

I don't care much for the term "love" right before my name either. I like the people here, but I do not love them. I guess many people use the term "love" very casually, but I prefer to reserve that term to for only someone that I really love.Ilah> Hi, Helen.> Later write me the words mhs...I have learned a few swedish words with some folks from Sweden.> > I tried to adapt to this way of leaving and wondered why was this way, and two possibilities came to mind:> 1- Some As, or maybe most, prefere being more objective and lose waste time with some formal details,> 2-Maybe some AS do not like exposure of what could seem to be 'fake' affections like kisses, warm regards, sincerily yours, etc.> > > (This reminds me of a book I read from Kundera and he believe, when he was still living in the old Tchekoslovaquia, that a woman from France was deeply in love with him, because she always ended her letters to him witht he words je t´embrace, which means, I hug you. That would mean nothing special if a french read it, because they know these words do not mean much...but for someone in another culture like his it meant deep affection)> > Which of the two reasons do you think apply?> Well, maybe a mere habit.(?)> > Bisous> Marilia

[Guest guest]

,

Happily in this case it is not a matter of a person being a risk for himself or anyone. I simply do not understand why someone who has always been there, around people, even if quiet, all of a sudden has become so fond of being inside a room...and why on earth an aspie could have the idea to go to visit some relatives but after getting there did not do what he was used to: sit there, talk a little, etc. Can someone start to show some traits of asperger that were not there before-in spite of that person being an aspie, ie, having many other traits, except that strong need for solitude, even after he himself left home with the intention to make company to thse people? I mean, can this trait happen all of a sudden, be a change during that persons life? Could the changes in mood happen even in the same day, after one thought that that day he felt sociable?

Regards,

Marilia

Re: Re: AS related topics anyone?

Marilia,

I can see how it would be considered rude and anti-social if someone lived in a house but kept away from the others. Therea re many reasons why a person could be like that ranging from AS to actually having some issues that needed to be addressed.

This would probably be something that would need to be handled on a case by case basis. Perhaps the person is just introverted and doesn't like being around other people. As long as their other behavior isn't self destructive or harmful to others it shouldn't be much of a problem. Still, some attempts at socialization wouldn't hurt. That is getting them to go out shopping or even something like doing some yard work or taking walks around the block.

On the other hand, if the person stays in their room because of severe phobia, paranoia, other severe mental conditions or perhaps bad personality disorders, then perhaps there should be some kind of intervention. If the person if a danger to themselves or especially others, then it probably would be best to try to solve the problem before someone gets hurt.

Most cases I would think are closer to the former than the later. As I said, they could well be going through a phase where they just don't want to be bothered with others.

Telling someone about their behavior depends on the person. Some people might just be completely oblivious to how they are affecting others and could be amenicable to some degree of change. It is possible they will make an effort, over time, to change that or they might not care. It all depends on the individual.

[Guest guest]

Hello Marilia,

Sometimes a person with asperger can do have the wish to see someone and go over there, but at the moment of being together this person doesn't have the need to also socialize with them. As if it is enough to just be able to have seen for oneself that this person is all right.

For me it often works like that.

Maybe when one gets older, one doesn't want to adjust as one used to do when younger?

Lida

Marilia wrote:

,

Happily in this case it is not a matter of a person being a risk for himself or anyone. I simply do not understand why someone who has always been there, around people, even if quiet, all of a sudden has become so fond of being inside a room...and why on earth an aspie could have the idea to go to visit some relatives but after getting there did not do what he was used to: sit there, talk a little, etc. Can someone start to show some traits of asperger that were not there before-in spite of that person being an aspie, ie, having many other traits, except that strong need for solitude, even after he himself left home with the intention to make company to thse people? I mean, can this trait happen all of a sudden, be a change during that persons life? Could the changes in mood happen even in the same day, after one thought that that day he felt sociable?

Regards,

Marilia

Re: Re: AS related topics anyone?

Marilia,

I can see how it would be considered rude and anti-social if someone lived in a house but kept away from the others. Therea re many reasons why a person could be like that ranging from AS to actually having some issues that needed to be addressed.

This would probably be something that would need to be handled on a case by case basis. Perhaps the person is just introverted and doesn't like being around other people. As long as their other behavior isn't self destructive or harmful to others it shouldn't be much of a problem. Still, some attempts at socialization wouldn't hurt. That is getting them to go out shopping or even something like doing some yard work or taking walks around the block.

On the other hand, if the person stays in their room because of severe phobia, paranoia, other severe mental conditions or perhaps bad personality disorders, then perhaps there should be some kind of intervention. If the person if a danger to themselves or especially others, then it probably would be best to try to solve the problem before someone gets hurt.

Most cases I would think are closer to the former than the later. As I said, they could well be going through a phase where they just don't want to be bothered with others.

Telling someone about their behavior depends on the person. Some people might just be completely oblivious to how they are affecting others and could be amenicable to some degree of change. It is possible they will make an effort, over time, to change that or they might not care. It all depends on the individual.

[Guest guest]

Marilla,

I know this is addressed to , but I wanted to take a moment

and respond.

I think the essential difference between Aspies and non-Aspies is

that many Aspies tend to do what they feel like doing and they

respond to situations they way they wish to respond whereas non-

Aspies put on a show much of the time.

What I mean by that is that I don't make any particular effort

to " appear " to be enjoying myself or not enjoying myself at a social

gathering, and I don't partake in discussions/socializing unless

something interests me. But I see non-Aspies pretend to like the

person they are talking to, or pretend to enjoy talking about a

subject matter they don't really like, or to gloss over incidents

that really warrant a particular kind of unfavorable response.

If I like talking to someone, or if I like talking about something,

then I will talk and indicate enjoyment. If I don't like someone, or

if I am not interested in what people are talking about, I will leave

the discussion, and if people try to bring me back into it, or if

they presee me, I will state outright that I don't like the person to

whom I was talking, or that I am not interested in continuing the

conversation.

Consequently, there are times when I can be quite the conversationist

at social gatherings, and other times I am a wall-flower, but in

either case, I can enjoy myself because I am taking in the event on

my own terms.

Tom

,

Happily in this case it is not a matter of a person being a risk for

himself or anyone. I simply do not understand why someone who has

always been there, around people, even if quiet, all of a sudden has

become so fond of being inside a room...and why on earth an aspie

could have the idea to go to visit some relatives but after getting

there did not do what he was used to: sit there, talk a little, etc.

Can someone start to show some traits of asperger that were not there

before-in spite of that person being an aspie, ie, having many other

traits, except that strong need for solitude, even after he himself

left home with the intention to make company to thse people? I mean,

can this trait happen all of a sudden, be a change during that

persons life? Could the changes in mood happen even in the same day,

after one thought that that day he felt sociable?

Regards,

Marilia

[Guest guest]

Great, Lida.

Am glad to know that.

Thank you!

Marilia

Re: Re: AS related topics anyone?

Marilia,

I can see how it would be considered rude and anti-social if someone lived in a house but kept away from the others. Therea re many reasons why a person could be like that ranging from AS to actually having some issues that needed to be addressed.

This would probably be something that would need to be handled on a case by case basis. Perhaps the person is just introverted and doesn't like being around other people. As long as their other behavior isn't self destructive or harmful to others it shouldn't be much of a problem. Still, some attempts at socialization wouldn't hurt. That is getting them to go out shopping or even something like doing some yard work or taking walks around the block.

On the other hand, if the person stays in their room because of severe phobia, paranoia, other severe mental conditions or perhaps bad personality disorders, then perhaps there should be some kind of intervention. If the person if a danger to themselves or especially others, then it probably would be best to try to solve the problem before someone gets hurt.

Most cases I would think are closer to the former than the later. As I said, they could well be going through a phase where they just don't want to be bothered with others.

Telling someone about their behavior depends on the person. Some people might just be completely oblivious to how they are affecting others and could be amenicable to some degree of change. It is possible they will make an effort, over time, to change that or they might not care. It all depends on the individual.

No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG Anti-Virus.Version: 7.0.338 / Virus Database: 267.9.4/57 - Release Date: 22/7/2005

[Guest guest]

If I am under more stress than normal or have had a day with lots of

sensory overload (I am an HSP/highly sensitvie person, expecially

with regaurd to background noise) I often feel I need to be by

myself for a while. My theory is that normal human interaction is

mildly stressful for me, but if I am not experiencing too much other

stress I can handle it. If I have other stresses as well, it is too

much for me.

I think that may be a difference between aspies and non-aspies. I

think non-aspies in a bad mood like to have friends or family come

to cheer them up. People have tried to do this for me, till I was

able to explain that I like to be left alone when I am feeling bad.

I read a Doonsebury cartoon recently that I think summed it up very

nicely. One character was going through some diffcult times.

Another character approached him and said something like: " If you

want to talk about it I am here for you. If you don't want to talk

about it that's okay too. Just let me know. " It was nice to see

that some people understand that sometimes you don't want to talk

about it.

It is often a struggle to get my words to all come out correctly.

When I am upset it is even harder, so sometmes I don't trust myself

to try and communicate with other people.

It also seems to me that my aspie traits come out much stronger when

I am under stress. It could be that when he got there, he felt

stressed and his aspieness became more pronounced.

I also feel more comfortable being in a room with some people than

others. For example, it generally feels okay to be in the same room

as my husband, my daughter and my daughter's boyfriend. However,

with most other people, it can be a little stressful to be with. I

think the key for me is if the person accepts that sometimes I can

act a little bit strange, then I feel okay with them. If I feel I

have to behave " properly " around them that is a bit of a stress.

Ilah

> ,

>

> Happily in this case it is not a matter of a person being a risk

for himself or anyone. I simply do not understand why someone who

has always been there, around people, even if quiet, all of a sudden

has become so fond of being inside a room...and why on earth an

aspie could have the idea to go to visit some relatives but after

getting there did not do what he was used to: sit there, talk a

little, etc. Can someone start to show some traits of asperger that

were not there before-in spite of that person being an aspie, ie,

having many other traits, except that strong need for solitude, even

after he himself left home with the intention to make company to

thse people? I mean, can this trait happen all of a sudden, be a

change during that persons life? Could the changes in mood happen

even in the same day, after one thought that that day he felt

sociable?

>

> Regards,

> Marilia

> Re: Re: AS related topics anyone?

>

>

> Marilia,

>

> I can see how it would be considered rude and anti-social if

someone lived in a house but kept away from the others. Therea re

many reasons why a person could be like that ranging from AS to

actually having some issues that needed to be addressed.

>

> This would probably be something that would need to be handled

on a case by case basis. Perhaps the person is just introverted and

doesn't like being around other people. As long as their other

behavior isn't self destructive or harmful to others it shouldn't be

much of a problem. Still, some attempts at socialization wouldn't

hurt. That is getting them to go out shopping or even something like

doing some yard work or taking walks around the block.

>

> On the other hand, if the person stays in their room because of

severe phobia, paranoia, other severe mental conditions or perhaps

bad personality disorders, then perhaps there should be some kind of

intervention. If the person if a danger to themselves or especially

others, then it probably would be best to try to solve the problem

before someone gets hurt.

>

> Most cases I would think are closer to the former than the

later. As I said, they could well be going through a phase where

they just don't want to be bothered with others.

>

> Telling someone about their behavior depends on the person. Some

people might just be completely oblivious to how they are affecting

others and could be amenicable to some degree of change. It is

possible they will make an effort, over time, to change that or they

might not care. It all depends on the individual.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Marilia, Aspies love replying to questions, so just keep asking as many as you like.

As for the simple endings, I personally only end with "hugs" or something like that on the rare occasions when I'm actually overcome by a real feeling of fondness or sympathy for someone, and wish to convey it in words. Saying such things just to be polite without meaning them I think is both dishonest and a waste of words.

Inger

Re: AS related topics anyone?

Marilia, I know you wrote to Tom, but not private so I speak out for myself;We talk much from time to time on AS subjects here, but sometimes we enjoy talking about other things as well. But remember it is to AS-people and it's also nice to do this if you want an opinion from just us. Out in the "real world" we can often talk to other people about these subjects but in here WE are... and for me, who love talking to AS-people, this is great! (Like talking to a special family of mine)/Helen

No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG Anti-Virus.Version: 7.0.338 / Virus Database: 267.9.4/57 - Release Date: 22/7/2005

[Guest guest]

Ilah wrote:

> I think that may be a difference between aspies and non-aspies. I

think non-aspies in a bad mood like to have friends or family come

to cheer them up. People have tried to do this for me, till I was

able to explain that I like to be left alone when I am feeling bad.

This is true for me too. I only want to see people when I feel good. When I

don't I usually just want to be left alone until I feel better.

> I read a Doonsebury cartoon recently that I think summed it up very

nicely. One character was going through some diffcult times.

Another character approached him and said something like: " If you

want to talk about it I am here for you. If you don't want to talk

about it that's okay too. Just let me know. " It was nice to see

that some people understand that sometimes you don't want to talk

about it.

According to Gray, this is a typical male reaction pattern. Women want

to talk about their problems while men want to " go into their cave " and sort

them out in solitude. This is one more thing in which even Aspie women tend

to be more male in their reactions. It's also perfectly normal for HSPs and

introverts to need more time alone to recover after socializing and to enjoy

solitude alot more than extroverts.

> It is often a struggle to get my words to all come out correctly.

When I am upset it is even harder, so sometmes I don't trust myself

to try and communicate with other people.

I too tend to get non-verbal under stress, fatigue, excitement, upsetness

and inspiration. Sometimes very suddenly. It has happened even during

telephone conversations, which was awkward indeed.

> It also seems to me that my aspie traits come out much stronger when

I am under stress. It could be that when he got there, he felt

stressed and his aspieness became more pronounced.

Sounds likely.

> I also feel more comfortable being in a room with some people than

others. For example, it generally feels okay to be in the same room

as my husband, my daughter and my daughter's boyfriend. However,

with most other people, it can be a little stressful to be with. I

think the key for me is if the person accepts that sometimes I can

act a little bit strange, then I feel okay with them. If I feel I

have to behave " properly " around them that is a bit of a stress.

I agree.

Inger

> ,

>

> Happily in this case it is not a matter of a person being a risk

for himself or anyone. I simply do not understand why someone who

has always been there, around people, even if quiet, all of a sudden

has become so fond of being inside a room...and why on earth an

aspie could have the idea to go to visit some relatives but after

getting there did not do what he was used to: sit there, talk a

little, etc. Can someone start to show some traits of asperger that

were not there before-in spite of that person being an aspie, ie,

having many other traits, except that strong need for solitude, even

after he himself left home with the intention to make company to

thse people? I mean, can this trait happen all of a sudden, be a

change during that persons life? Could the changes in mood happen

even in the same day, after one thought that that day he felt

sociable?

>

> Regards,

> Marilia

> Re: Re: AS related topics anyone?

>

>

> Marilia,

>

> I can see how it would be considered rude and anti-social if

someone lived in a house but kept away from the others. Therea re

many reasons why a person could be like that ranging from AS to

actually having some issues that needed to be addressed.

>

> This would probably be something that would need to be handled

on a case by case basis. Perhaps the person is just introverted and

doesn't like being around other people. As long as their other

behavior isn't self destructive or harmful to others it shouldn't be

much of a problem. Still, some attempts at socialization wouldn't

hurt. That is getting them to go out shopping or even something like

doing some yard work or taking walks around the block.

>

> On the other hand, if the person stays in their room because of

severe phobia, paranoia, other severe mental conditions or perhaps

bad personality disorders, then perhaps there should be some kind of

intervention. If the person if a danger to themselves or especially

others, then it probably would be best to try to solve the problem

before someone gets hurt.

>

> Most cases I would think are closer to the former than the

later. As I said, they could well be going through a phase where

they just don't want to be bothered with others.

>

> Telling someone about their behavior depends on the person. Some

people might just be completely oblivious to how they are affecting

others and could be amenicable to some degree of change. It is

possible they will make an effort, over time, to change that or they

might not care. It all depends on the individual.

>

>

FAM Secret Society is a community based on respect, friendship, support and

acceptance. Everyone is valued.

Don't forget, there are links to other FAM sites on the Links page in the

folder marked " Other FAM Sites. "

[Guest guest]

This reminds me of my ex-husband, who I'm now very sure is an Aspie. He was

very odd but at the time I did not know of AS. He did not particularly like

talking, though he still enjoyed being around people. He would sometimes say

" Please do talk, but I may not reply. " And when I took him to visit my

grandparents he brought his stamp collection and an ancient pistol he could

polish, in case it would get too boring. :-)

When I was younger I too used to sometimes like being around people without

actually participating in the conversation. I loved snoozing on a nearby

sofa to the sound of the people talking. It felt so nice to just be in the

atmosphere of loved friends or relatives that I didn't want to ruin that

subtle perception by talking (since I have difficulties feeling and talking

at the same time).

Inger

Re: AS related topics anyone?

Marilla,

I know this is addressed to , but I wanted to take a moment

and respond.

I think the essential difference between Aspies and non-Aspies is

that many Aspies tend to do what they feel like doing and they

respond to situations they way they wish to respond whereas non-

Aspies put on a show much of the time.

What I mean by that is that I don't make any particular effort

to " appear " to be enjoying myself or not enjoying myself at a social

gathering, and I don't partake in discussions/socializing unless

something interests me. But I see non-Aspies pretend to like the

person they are talking to, or pretend to enjoy talking about a

subject matter they don't really like, or to gloss over incidents

that really warrant a particular kind of unfavorable response.

If I like talking to someone, or if I like talking about something,

then I will talk and indicate enjoyment. If I don't like someone, or

if I am not interested in what people are talking about, I will leave

the discussion, and if people try to bring me back into it, or if

they presee me, I will state outright that I don't like the person to

whom I was talking, or that I am not interested in continuing the

conversation.

Consequently, there are times when I can be quite the conversationist

at social gatherings, and other times I am a wall-flower, but in

either case, I can enjoy myself because I am taking in the event on

my own terms.

Tom

,

Happily in this case it is not a matter of a person being a risk for

himself or anyone. I simply do not understand why someone who has

always been there, around people, even if quiet, all of a sudden has

become so fond of being inside a room...and why on earth an aspie

could have the idea to go to visit some relatives but after getting

there did not do what he was used to: sit there, talk a little, etc.

Can someone start to show some traits of asperger that were not there

before-in spite of that person being an aspie, ie, having many other

traits, except that strong need for solitude, even after he himself

left home with the intention to make company to thse people? I mean,

can this trait happen all of a sudden, be a change during that

persons life? Could the changes in mood happen even in the same day,

after one thought that that day he felt sociable?

Regards,

Marilia

FAM Secret Society is a community based on respect, friendship, support and

acceptance. Everyone is valued.

Don't forget, there are links to other FAM sites on the Links page in the

folder marked " Other FAM Sites. "

[Guest guest]

:-D That would have been a sight!

Inger

Re: Re: AS Related Topics Anyone?

In a message dated 7/24/2005 8:17:09 AM Eastern Standard Time, inglori@... writes:

I forgot to add gas mask! :-)

Smells usually aren't a problem for me as my sense of smell is probably a bit below average.

But this reminded me of a story. When I was in high school, I had brought a friend home on leave. My mother had come to get us at the Richmond bus station, where the bus from school would come, and she had brought a good friend from home.

One the way back to the house, we decided to stop at 's to get a meal. Now, my friend from home was also into military things. By trading with a friend, he managed to get a gas mask. We had been looking at it on the short trip home. When we were in line at the 's, he puts the gas mask on.

Once the rest of us get over laughing, we play like nothing is wrong. We pull up to the window and the woman there looks into the back seat and sees my friend. She gives quite a start and then starts laughing. Before we leave I think every employee there came to look. My friend played it off well: he just sat there like it was perfectly normal to be wearing a gas mask.

[Guest guest]

One of many of my doubts:

1-Why in some people they become more socialized with time...and some people become less?

Because they are individuals. :-)

> 2-when an As who liked being around people more, all of sudden starts to prefer being alone, could it be because this personn became truer to himself...or maybe it also has something to do with depression, either caused by depression or leading to depression? When to know the difference?

Though the second is possible too, I think the first is very likely. If an Aspie wants to be alone it could be that s/he either feels too bad or too good to want to socialise. I sometimes have states of inspiration, creativity or bliss that are so delicate that I can't be around others right then lest I lose contact with it. When I found out I was an Aspie I was much relieved and finally felt that I could allow myself to just withdraw from others without feeling as if I was a bad person. (Though I still tend to sometimes feel a bit guilty if I withdraw for too long.)

3- Aspies usually relate better with other aspies, for romance and such, or the opposite? In my case my partner is another aspie...but have doubt on how can be the relation with non aspies.

I think I've replied to this recently. I clearly get along better with other Aspies as friends and partners.

Inger

[Guest guest]

Hello Ilah and Inger-well, in fact everybody who reads this,

I tendo to prefer to be left alone under stress, when I am sick, etc. At first when people were sick I thought they would be upset to have company or phone calls, specially I knew lots of people were calling them and visiting them So I did not go visit them...some were really upset with me...for months or years. Later I realized that my simple gesture of leaving a single rose with a note saying I expected they were feeling better, etc, or, in fact, anything nice, made miracles as they felt appreciated, I did not have to go visit them...and it was great. They remembered this simple gesture for months or years.

I do not know if any of you had problems with guests.

I live in a nice city, and many family members and friends from many parts of the world have wanted to come here and stay by my house. At first I really tried to be nice...but then I realized the most I could stand having people here was three days. More than that I would really get stressed.

Not that I did not like them...I did!

I even had fun with them and nice conversation...but then, that was it. After the third day I could not stand anymore.

My husband is more relaxed in one way, but it is so because whenever he feels like going to his room and sleeping, etc, he does so. I am more formal.

Some people got upset with me...as many of them are really good hosts and are delighted to have people over.

Well, that is the way I am...and fortunatelly am living in a small place nowadyas I do not have enough room for people who do not belong to this home.

(Take a look:

http://www.riodejaneirovirtual.com/

when you get into the page where you have a view of the city, if you click on the yellow clickable sign on the very right, the one that is bellow the rest, where you read 'praia do leblon', you will have the same scenery I do have close to my house.)

Another thing I agreed about somehting you said is that aspie women in some aspects are more like male...they do not care about talking that much. Another aspect is so true, at least for me, is concerened to shopping. I was really frustrated once that I saw a tv thing showing how women, during xmas times, go out of shoppoing places happy, with all the stuff they bought for friends and dear ones...in opposite of scenes of males, all dispaired, not knowing what to buy, and ending up frustrated with themselves with the stuff they finally bought. That was me!

Hugs

Marilia

[Guest guest]

Marilla,

I also would rather be alone when sick and/or am under stress. I

think that when people (both Aspies and non-Aspies) are sick, we set

aside pretending to be people we are not and just let ourselves be

who we are because we simply don't have the energy to behave the way

others want us to behave or to behave the way we think we SHOULD be

behaving.

What I want is to be alone, and when I am sick or stressed out, that

is when I want to REALLY be alone, so I allow myself that single

luxury while I suffer in other ways.

Regarding guests, visits are stressful for me. Even when I am

expecting people, sometimes I need to leave the house for a short

time and pace back and forth and calm down until I am prepared to

deal with people.

As much as I would like to say I just act however I want to act

around others, I still restrain myself a little bit, and that is THE

most stressful part.

I have a good friend who is NT. When we get together to go out, I

have to be careful not to talk too long about one subject or he will

get bored. And i can't talk too deeply about a thing either or

otherwise I will make him feel stupid.

He enjoys my company for times when he wants what he thinks of as

deep intellectual conversations, and the rest of the time he hangs

around with other people. That's a-okay with me, although to tell

you the turth, I much more enjoy hanging around these forums than I

do any REAL people, although I cannot wait to meet up with Inger in

real life.

I even thought of asking if I could run down there and visit

him one of these years. Other than that, the forums are more

rewarding than most real life meetings for me.

Tom

Administrator

I tendo to prefer to be left alone under stress, when I am sick, etc.

At first when people were sick I thought they would be upset to have

company or phone calls, specially I knew lots of people were calling

them and visiting them So I did not go visit them...some were really

upset with me...for months or years. Later I realized that my simple

gesture of leaving a single rose with a note saying I expected they

were feeling better, etc, or, in fact, anything nice, made miracles

as they felt appreciated, I did not have to go visit them...and it

was great. They remembered this simple gesture for months or years.

I do not know if any of you had problems with guests.

I live in a nice city, and many family members and friends from many

parts of the world have wanted to come here and stay by my house. At

first I really tried to be nice...but then I realized the most I

could stand having people here was three days. More than that I would

really get stressed.

Not that I did not like them...I did!

I even had fun with them and nice conversation...but then, that was

it. After the third day I could not stand anymore.

[Guest guest]

Hi, Tom,

I agree this forum is more rewarding as most of real time conversation and gatherings.

When I found internet I got easily addicted to it because I found through it so many nice and interesting people and conversation, and it was much nicer to talk through internet, as you can read emails when you want or have time, and reply them if and when you want, and if you start to become tired or stressed it is fine to either just leave the machine or turning it off. Those days I was living in another country, and I was indeed a bit lonely there: my newspapers weren´t there, mails were too slow, I did not know many people and was not yet used to the city.

So, internet is great, and finding a list like this is fantastic.

I have been to other ones before, loved most of them, but this one is the one I liked right way.

Well, I find exciting to talk about AS with aspies, and finding this list was great. It was also a relief to have found that I am an aspie. Isn´t it much easier to live life when you can label yourself?

But before that, I kind of knew another way to describe myself. It was through astrology. Does anyone in this list know the matter?

Astrology really helped me to get to know and accept many of my traits and in fact understand them.

The eccentricities are usually due to aquarian and uranian traits. For instance, I do have an aquarian venus, so, what you will find in most schools and authours is that, with that thing a woman will never be like most of girls around: she will be exotic, excentric, detached, and very hard for these people to deal with emotions-since it is an air sign and emotions are water-when in public. She will do anything to desguise it. Aquarians are freer than most...cannot tolerate being controled...need space, freedom, time alone...can be akward trying to desguise what they feel, like when in love, but have inovative traits, can accept differences and different people and different stuff from the norm better than anybody else, can be a genius in many waiys, is usually an interesting person, and bla bla bla.

If you go deeper in the symbolism you will know te need to desguise is a need to protect oneself as people like this do not accept to be controled or pushed, and best way not to be so is not show much.

Do not intent to take longer at this subject, but through my ascendent I could understand why I usually felt like I was slower then people around me, and introverted, but this trait, as my ascendent shows, tend to improve-be bettter managed after one is 25 yold- well, with age-and it does, but it is always there, in spite of the experience you have in life.

Same way my third house sun was clear about the need of comunication, even ability to do so, etc.

Same with my sons chart...how his aspiety manifests in different ways and still can explain clearly many of his personality traits. He had his first meltdown may 15th...when I looked at the planets, on where they were I was amazed at the EXACT symbolic placement of them the time that thing ocurred (Mars 10 pisces, uranus 10 pisces, srqaring natal uranus 10 sagitarius, and both in EXACT conjunction with thir house cusp which is 10 of pisces.).

Well, but must add I do not practice astrology anymore...simply use it every once in a while.

Has anyone passed through this so rewarding experience of getting a clearer picture of himself through astrology?

I have never done a survey of incidence of asperger and strong aquarian/uranus, or maybe pisces/neptune, 12th house issues. If there is anyone who knows the matter and would like to share some stuff with me, or if some of you would like to send me your birth data...send privately to me. I am not telling you I will jump into this survey NOW...maybe one day I will.

Sorry to take so long in this astrology subject...

Bisous

Marilia

Re: AS related topics anyone?

Marilla,I also would rather be alone when sick and/or am under stress.

[Guest guest]

>"How does one manage to be around environments with activities and incompatible lighting and be able to think clearly?"By focusing one's attention on the task at hand.  Rainbow

[Guest guest]

>"People wonder why I am not fat. I always clean my feet"I'm a little lost for words!  Rainbow

[Guest guest]

Marilia-san:

My other used to do deep researches on astrology, it brings back a lot of memories from her to hear someone here talking about such topic. Unlike what people usually think, astrology IS a pretty accurate science when applied properly since even computers can do it perfectly, what means it is ruled by mathematics and variables. Even more: some scientist are thinking the true basis of astrology is on an "empirical" version of things like the "Caos Theory" or the "Cycle Theory" which are entering only recently in the study of the fisics. Yes: it brings back a lot of memories from my mother's expositions at the institute... *sigh*

JanoMarilia Tavares <marilia.trp@...> escribió:

Hi, Tom,

I agree this forum is more rewarding as most of real time conversation and gatherings.

When I found internet I got easily addicted to it because I found through it so many nice and interesting people and conversation, and it was much nicer to talk through internet, as you can read emails when you want or have time, and reply them if and when you want, and if you start to become tired or stressed it is fine to either just leave the machine or turning it off. Those days I was living in another country, and I was indeed a bit lonely there: my newspapers weren´t there, mails were too slow, I did not know many people and was not yet used to the city.

So, internet is great, and finding a list like this is fantastic.

I have been to other ones before, loved most of them, but this one is the one I liked right way.

Well, I find exciting to talk about AS with aspies, and finding this list was great. It was also a relief to have found that I am an aspie. Isn´t it much easier to live life when you can label yourself?

But before that, I kind of knew another way to describe myself. It was through astrology. Does anyone in this list know the matter?

Astrology really helped me to get to know and accept many of my traits and in fact understand them.

The eccentricities are usually due to aquarian and uranian traits. For instance, I do have an aquarian venus, so, what you will find in most schools and authours is that, with that thing a woman will never be like most of girls around: she will be exotic, excentric, detached, and very hard for these people to deal with emotions-since it is an air sign and emotions are water-when in public. She will do anything to desguise it. Aquarians are freer than most...cannot tolerate being controled...need space, freedom, time alone...can be akward trying to desguise what they feel, like when in love, but have inovative traits, can accept differences and different people and different stuff from the norm better than anybody else, can be a genius in many waiys, is usually an interesting person, and bla bla bla.

If you go deeper in the symbolism you will know te need to desguise is a need to protect oneself as people like this do not accept to be controled or pushed, and best way not to be so is not show much.

Do not intent to take longer at this subject, but through my ascendent I could understand why I usually felt like I was slower then people around me, and introverted, but this trait, as my ascendent shows, tend to improve-be bettter managed after one is 25 yold- well, with age-and it does, but it is always there, in spite of the experience you have in life.

Same way my third house sun was clear about the need of comunication, even ability to do so, etc.

Same with my sons chart...how his aspiety manifests in different ways and still can explain clearly many of his personality traits. He had his first meltdown may 15th...when I looked at the planets, on where they were I was amazed at the EXACT symbolic placement of them the time that thing ocurred (Mars 10 pisces, uranus 10 pisces, srqaring natal uranus 10 sagitarius, and both in EXACT conjunction with thir house cusp which is 10 of pisces.).

Well, but must add I do not practice astrology anymore...simply use it every once in a while.

Has anyone passed through this so rewarding experience of getting a clearer picture of himself through astrology?

I have never done a survey of incidence of asperger and strong aquarian/uranus, or maybe pisces/neptune, 12th house issues. If there is anyone who knows the matter and would like to share some stuff with me, or if some of you would like to send me your birth data...send privately to me. I am not telling you I will jump into this survey NOW...maybe one day I will.

Sorry to take so long in this astrology subject...

Bisous

Marilia

Re: AS related topics anyone?

Marilla,I also would rather be alone when sick and/or am under stress.

Correo Comprueba qué es nuevo, aquíhttp://correo..es

[Guest guest]

On 25 Jul 2005 someone wrote:

> > " How does one manage to be around environments with activities

> and incompatible lighting and be able to think clearly? "

Lighting - I use a halogen up-light and turn off the

fluorescents. Of course if messing with the lights needs to be

an option.

ANR headsets reduce the noise factor, but again, you need to be

in a job where headsets are an option.

As Rainbow suggests, you perservere, but added stress on a job

from environmental factors is no fun.

- s