Re: Parents also with problems

[Guest guest]

Yuck! How very selfish! I really dislike it when people confuse love with

their personal needs. I guess in a way it may be love or affection too, sort

of how you find it hard to resist cuddling a kitten, rabbit or chinchilla

whether it wants to be cuddled or not. I guess you're just too irresistible,

Helen! ;-)

Seriously though, my mom has a habit of leaning over and facing me when she

talks to me - which has me recoiling in horror and getting really annoyed.

Lately, I think I've been able to manage to explain that it's nothing

personal, it's just so incredibly distracting to me, especially if I'm

driving. But I have to keep reminding her every 10 minutes or so and she has

to really struggle to contain this urge.

Poor moms. Can't be easy to be a tactile and touchy-feely person and have an

Aspie child who needs people to keep their distance.

Inger

Parents also with problems

I love my mother, but since I'm a calm aspie and want to be alone a

lot (like Greta Garbo I've been told), being around her isn't easy.

She is hyper active and cannot stop talking. She also often presses

her body on me when she talk. I hate that! I once asked her why. I

said: Why do you have to push your breast into my back when you want

to talk? But she didn't get the message... she just laughed and said

she did it of love. I told her (again) that I hate that, but she just

smiled and said: Oh... I know... but I love you sooo very much and

need our " body contact " !

*urk*

May you have fair wind and following seas.

Helen

FAM Secret Society is a community based on respect, friendship, support and

acceptance. Everyone is valued.

Don't forget, there are links to other FAM sites on the Links page in the

folder marked " Other FAM Sites. "

[Guest guest]

I'd be a bit suspicious that she may want to partake of your energy.

Ken

> I love my mother, but since I'm a calm aspie and want to be alone a

> lot (like Greta Garbo I've been told), being around her isn't easy.

> She is hyper active and cannot stop talking. She also often presses

> her body on me when she talk. I hate that! I once asked her why. I

> said: Why do you have to push your breast into my back when you want

> to talk? But she didn't get the message... she just laughed and said

> she did it of love. I told her (again) that I hate that, but she just

> smiled and said: Oh... I know... but I love you sooo very much and

> need our " body contact " !

> *urk*

>

> May you have fair wind and following seas.

> Helen

[Guest guest]

Yes I know what you are talking about, but I don't feel her taking

anything. (I feel... only some sticky sensitivity like somebody needs

more attention from me then I can give.)

> I'd be a bit suspicious that she may want to partake of your energy.

>

> Ken

[Guest guest]

> Yuck! How very selfish!

You said it! To me love is meeting someone on their own terms, not

imposing your will on them.

My mother is pretty good about this stuff, as she is not touchy-feely

either. She does have a problem with minding her own business

sometimes. I hate being treated like I am a teenager instead of a 31-

year old woman. I think there is a notion that people who are

financially dependent must be helpless and clueless about everything,

which is totally not true. I can't work because of the social aspect,

other than that I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself. Soon I

will be moving away from home to live wih my boyfriend, which will

hopefully improve my relationship with my mother.

Kitty

[Guest guest]

I'm so sorry to hear that. My family doesn't do that, except for hugs

and stuff when I or they visit, but I feel like you are describing when

people come up to me and put their hand on my shoulder or waist as they

say hi or things like that, or they do it when something I or they say

seems to make some sort of empathis or point. I don't even want to

image what it's like if it's a family member you see often. I hope you

find a way to avoid that.

Uhura

> I love my mother, but since I'm a calm aspie and want to be alone a

> lot (like Greta Garbo I've been told), being around her isn't easy.

> She is hyper active and cannot stop talking. She also often presses

> her body on me when she talk. I hate that! I once asked her why. I

> said: Why do you have to push your breast into my back when you want

> to talk? But she didn't get the message... she just laughed and said

> she did it of love. I told her (again) that I hate that, but she just

> smiled and said: Oh... I know... but I love you sooo very much and

> need our " body contact " !

> *urk*

>

> May you have fair wind and following seas.

> Helen

[Guest guest]

(I feel... only some sticky sensitivity like somebody needs

more attention from me then I can give.)

That's probably just what it is. To the NT mind if you don't

show 'normal' levels of affection and attention, they suspect you don't

love them. They don't know what else to do so they try to force this

contact, which only drives us further away. You may show your love in

other ways that they don't pick up on, because they are not the typical

ways they have been programmed to view as love. So they are left

feeling like they need reinforcement of your love, which can be too

demanding on aspies.

Kitty

[Guest guest]

How true you are, Kitty! I have talked about " my world " a lot and the

same time (many many times) told her that she is my best friend and I

love her a lot. But it's not enough for her when she is around me. I

think she needs more then just my words of love. She needs some kind

of body language as well. That I can't give I guess.... The more she

is active... the more I'm calm. That's my way of keeping the balance

around me.

May you have fair wind and following seas.

Helen

[Guest guest]

I'm with Kitty, YUCK!

My mother thinks that she needs to " help " me pick out " appropriate " clothing,

housewares, as if I don't have a brain in my head, so I kind of understand

Kitty's predicament. She means well, she just has problems with me not being

" in fashion " . I've already been informed that she will be taking me around this

Fall so that I will look appropriate - I managed to get out of having to go

shopping this summer (sigh of relief!).

e

Re: Parents also with problems

> Yuck! How very selfish!

You said it! To me love is meeting someone on their own terms, not

imposing your will on them.

My mother is pretty good about this stuff, as she is not touchy-feely

either. She does have a problem with minding her own business

sometimes. I hate being treated like I am a teenager instead of a 31-

year old woman. I think there is a notion that people who are

financially dependent must be helpless and clueless about everything,

which is totally not true. I can't work because of the social aspect,

other than that I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself. Soon I

will be moving away from home to live wih my boyfriend, which will

hopefully improve my relationship with my mother.

Kitty

FAM Secret Society is a community based on respect, friendship, support and

acceptance. Everyone is valued.

Don't forget, there are links to other FAM sites on the Links page in the folder

marked " Other FAM Sites. "

________________________________

[Guest guest]

I wonder if this is typical parent behavior, or if we are treated

differently because of our perceived 'disability.' I couldn't even

stand it as a teenager, but once we get into our 30s it just seems...

weird!

Kitty

> I'm with Kitty, YUCK!

>

> My mother thinks that she needs to " help " me pick out " appropriate "

clothing, housewares, as if I don't have a brain in my head, so I

kind of understand Kitty's predicament. She means well, she just has

problems with me not being " in fashion " . I've already been informed

that she will be taking me around this Fall so that I will look

appropriate - I managed to get out of having to go shopping this

summer (sigh of relief!).

>

> e