Venting

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I don't know if this is recommended but is it possible

to try to get him to tell you what might have

triggered the change during 2nd period?

Lynn

--- rockydazzler1 <grizz140@...> wrote:

---------------------------------

Hi. I just need to vent a little. Just to update

you, I continued to

push my child to go to school. Last week he started

out Monday

morning with no problem. He made it through the whole

week. No

anxiety attacks. Even started to do pretty good with

homework. I was

so happy. Didn't know why everything was going so

smooth but I was

thrilled. Yesterday the anxiety attacks came back

full force. He

came home after 2nd period. Today it took 2 tries to

get him to

school and then he only made it 10 minutes. It just

breaks my heart

all over again. He came home and cried his eyes out.

I guess it

breaks his heart all over again too. Well just

writing this is making

me cry so I guess I should go. I have to keep it

togeather for his

sake.

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[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I don't know if this is recommended but is it possible

to try to get him to tell you what might have

triggered the change during 2nd period?

Lynn

--- rockydazzler1 <grizz140@...> wrote:

---------------------------------

Hi. I just need to vent a little. Just to update

you, I continued to

push my child to go to school. Last week he started

out Monday

morning with no problem. He made it through the whole

week. No

anxiety attacks. Even started to do pretty good with

homework. I was

so happy. Didn't know why everything was going so

smooth but I was

thrilled. Yesterday the anxiety attacks came back

full force. He

came home after 2nd period. Today it took 2 tries to

get him to

school and then he only made it 10 minutes. It just

breaks my heart

all over again. He came home and cried his eyes out.

I guess it

breaks his heart all over again too. Well just

writing this is making

me cry so I guess I should go. I have to keep it

togeather for his

sake.

Our list archives, bookmarks, files, and chat feature

may be accessed at:

/

..

Our list advisors are Gail B. , Ed.D., Tamar

Chansky, Ph.D.( http://www.worrywisekids.org ), Dan

Geller, M.D.,Aureen Pinto Wagner, Ph.D., (

http://www.lighthouse-press.com ). Our list

moderators are Birkhan, Castle,

Fowler, Kathy Hammes, Joye, Kathy Mac,

Gail Pesses, and Kathy . Subscription issues

or suggestions may be addressed to Louis Harkins, list

owner, at louisharkins@... ,

louisharkins@... , louisharkins@... .

[Guest guest]

Hi, ,

Sorry to hear things aren't going well right now. My thoughts and

prayers go out to you and your family. The last line of your post is

very positive--knowing that you have to keep it together for your

child's sake. This does help so much, though I know it' extremely

difficult. The waxing and waning of OCD is such a roller-coaster

ride. But you do have the strength to carry on, and everything will

get better as long as you keep trying. Hugs, Pat

>

> Hi. I just need to vent a little. Just to update you, I continued

to

> push my child to go to school. Last week he started out Monday

> morning with no problem. He made it through the whole week. No

> anxiety attacks. Even started to do pretty good with homework. I

was

> so happy. Didn't know why everything was going so smooth but I was

> thrilled. Yesterday the anxiety attacks came back full force. He

> came home after 2nd period. Today it took 2 tries to get him to

> school and then he only made it 10 minutes. It just breaks my

heart

> all over again. He came home and cried his eyes out. I guess it

> breaks his heart all over again too. Well just writing this is

making

> me cry so I guess I should go. I have to keep it togeather for his

> sake.

>

[Guest guest]

Hi, ,

Sorry to hear things aren't going well right now. My thoughts and

prayers go out to you and your family. The last line of your post is

very positive--knowing that you have to keep it together for your

child's sake. This does help so much, though I know it' extremely

difficult. The waxing and waning of OCD is such a roller-coaster

ride. But you do have the strength to carry on, and everything will

get better as long as you keep trying. Hugs, Pat

>

> Hi. I just need to vent a little. Just to update you, I continued

to

> push my child to go to school. Last week he started out Monday

> morning with no problem. He made it through the whole week. No

> anxiety attacks. Even started to do pretty good with homework. I

was

> so happy. Didn't know why everything was going so smooth but I was

> thrilled. Yesterday the anxiety attacks came back full force. He

> came home after 2nd period. Today it took 2 tries to get him to

> school and then he only made it 10 minutes. It just breaks my

heart

> all over again. He came home and cried his eyes out. I guess it

> breaks his heart all over again too. Well just writing this is

making

> me cry so I guess I should go. I have to keep it togeather for his

> sake.

>

[Guest guest]

One of the things that pushed us to put my son on meds was the very

scenario you are describing. He would be OK for the most part once he

go there, but once in a while he would be affected in school too.

Before his meds began to help him, our doctor prescribed a small

amount of Ativan. That really helped him, and we didn't have to use

it every day - only when he showed " the signs " before school.

It seems like the Ativan kept the panic attack away and allowed him to

experience some mastery over his feelings and then he learned how to

do it on his own. Also, he has learned to go to the nurse or

secretary when he is really anxious. It takes him about 5-10 minutes

to collect himself and then he does OK.

He still has a bad day now and then, but he has only had two days of

tears before school this year. Last year was just about a daily

occurence.

Hang in there. I know it hurts to see your child so distraught.

Hugs to you,

Bonnie

>

> Hi. I just need to vent a little. Just to update you, I continued to

> push my child to go to school. Last week he started out Monday

> morning with no problem. He made it through the whole week. No

> anxiety attacks. Even started to do pretty good with homework. I was

> so happy. Didn't know why everything was going so smooth but I was

> thrilled. Yesterday the anxiety attacks came back full force. He

> came home after 2nd period. Today it took 2 tries to get him to

> school and then he only made it 10 minutes. It just breaks my heart

> all over again. He came home and cried his eyes out. I guess it

> breaks his heart all over again too. Well just writing this is making

> me cry so I guess I should go. I have to keep it togeather for his

> sake.

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks for the replies. I am so greatful that I can come here for

support. I am planning to ask the doctor about adding some kind of

anti anxiety med to his ocd meds. I wish we could phone our doctor

with having to wait so long to see him. Anyway, my son did go to

school this morning. My heart races every time the phone rings hoping

it not him. Someone from the school tried to phone yesterday when I

was out so I think I will be getting called in for a meeting. One of

the problems with helping my child at school is that he hates being

treated any different than other kids. In fact it sets off his

anxiety. If he would just let people help him it would be so much

easier. As much as I want him to fight his ocd, I wish he would

accept that he has an illness that requires some " special treatment "

so that people could make thing easier and reduce his anxiety. I know

that it's all around him worrying that other kids will think

he's " mental " . Thanks again for the support.

[Guest guest]

Hi . Does she know that she is the reason he has been coming home during

social class? I am an aide and I would really want to know if something I was

doing is causing a reaction from the child. How else would I be able to help

him? Even if she really isn't doing anything wrong, she could work on changing

her approach to suite him better if she is aware of the issue. Just a

thought. Kim

In a message dated 5/22/2006 1:53:24 PM Central Standard Time,

grizz140@... writes:

She's the reason why he comes home

so much during social class. If she was doing something wrong I

could put in a complaint but I think she's just trying to be nice.

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 5/22/2006 2:53:26 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

grizz140@... writes:

he has 2 different aides. One of them he really likes. The

other one bugs him and he can't do any work around her. She is nice

to him and tries to help him but he thinks that her tone of voice is

like she thinks he's stupid which gets his anxiety up.

I would want to question why he works so well with one & not the other.

Could it really be just a tone of voice? Is anyone else within ear-shot of the

2 of them when they're working at school? Is there any way to monitor them

together? If they're in the same room as the teacher, have you asked her/him

what they may have noticed might be the difference between the 2 aids? It's

worth a shot.

School is causing a lot of problems for everyone right now --- I think we're

all on burn-out at this point... just counting down the days!

LT

[Guest guest]

Hi, Jen (with one N)-

I just had to reply to your venting-post. Don't feel selfish! Who

will these kids have, to love them, encourage them and advocate for

them, if you have nothing to keep YOU going & fall apart! Yes,

getting out to work is your therapy and it is good for ALL of you, for

you to have that! One person can only do so much.

I'm new to the AS diagnosis, for my 5 1/2 yr old son, but my husband

has had a chronic illness (in & out of the hospital, etc) since my kids

were 2 yrs, and the other 6months. So, we've had different issues,

but the learning that your basic needs are more than valid, is the

same.

Eleanor Roosevelt said that when you come to the end of your rope, tie

a knot and hang on. If it is ok with you, I'll be praying for you &

Molly & your family.

barb

[Guest guest]

((())) Things can and will get better. My son has been through

a few bouts with OCD - the worst being a little more than 1.5 years

ago - lasted about 3 months. For him, BuSpar (with CBT) stopped the

OCD. (We have chosen to stay away from ADs except in dire

circumstances due to a bad exper with Zoloft in the past).

Have you looked into Homebound instruction for your son? We had to

use it for ds in 4th grade. Are you rethinking that trip away with

his grandparents/cousin? It sounds like it could be a stessor

(remember even good things can be stressful).

Sending you strength and positive thoughts. I know it is

heartbreaking to watch them struggle.

Khris

>

> Hi everyone. I'm feeling a little down today. I can't believe

> we've been fighting this ocd stuff for 4 yrs. and still haven't

> found something that works well. We now see a ocd specialist

> instead of a child specialist. He's much more aggressive with the

> medications and sees my son more regualarly so things are moving

> along more quickly now. He's taking 50mg of cipralex right now,

> which from what I understand is a pretty high dose. If it doesn't

> start doing something soon we'll give his doctor a call and get

> started on something else. His compulsions have gradually changed

> to repeating. He has us wound up in this really bad. One night I

> just couldn't keep doing it and left him to cry for about an hour.

> Finally I gave in and went back and we got through it for the night

> but he's been worse ever since. We have another 3 weeks until

> school starts. He doesn't like to even talk about school

supplies.

> Last year was so stressful trying to get him to school each day ,

> picking him up and trying to get him back again. I'm just dreading

> having to start all this again.

>

> Next week he's going away with his grandparents and cousins. I'm

> not sure how he'll handle it. I've got a feeling he won't make it

> all week, but I guess we'll see. I'm looking forward to the break

> from ocd. Although I'm sure I'll worry the whole time.

>

[Guest guest]

Khris,

I am new at this with my son recently diagnosed. You said that your son has

been through a few bouts of OCD, I know it Wax ans Wain or whatever the

terminology but does it go away for long periods of time? I was thinking

this was a on-going thing changing day to day?

Thanks for any info

DP

_____

From:

[mailto: ] On Behalf Of dinosaurkidsmom

Sent: Tuesday, August 08, 2006 2:06 PM

Subject: Re: venting

((())) Things can and will get better. My son has been through

a few bouts with OCD - the worst being a little more than 1.5 years

ago - lasted about 3 months. For him, BuSpar (with CBT) stopped the

OCD. (We have chosen to stay away from ADs except in dire

circumstances due to a bad exper with Zoloft in the past).

Have you looked into Homebound instruction for your son? We had to

use it for ds in 4th grade. Are you rethinking that trip away with

his grandparents/cousin? It sounds like it could be a stessor

(remember even good things can be stressful).

Sending you strength and positive thoughts. I know it is

heartbreaking to watch them struggle.

Khris

>

> Hi everyone. I'm feeling a little down today. I can't believe

> we've been fighting this ocd stuff for 4 yrs. and still haven't

> found something that works well. We now see a ocd specialist

> instead of a child specialist. He's much more aggressive with the

> medications and sees my son more regualarly so things are moving

> along more quickly now. He's taking 50mg of cipralex right now,

> which from what I understand is a pretty high dose. If it doesn't

> start doing something soon we'll give his doctor a call and get

> started on something else. His compulsions have gradually changed

> to repeating. He has us wound up in this really bad. One night I

> just couldn't keep doing it and left him to cry for about an hour.

> Finally I gave in and went back and we got through it for the night

> but he's been worse ever since. We have another 3 weeks until

> school starts. He doesn't like to even talk about school

supplies.

> Last year was so stressful trying to get him to school each day ,

> picking him up and trying to get him back again. I'm just dreading

> having to start all this again.

>

> Next week he's going away with his grandparents and cousins. I'm

> not sure how he'll handle it. I've got a feeling he won't make it

> all week, but I guess we'll see. I'm looking forward to the break

> from ocd. Although I'm sure I'll worry the whole time.

>

[Guest guest]

My son has PANDAS - so the bad bouts (initial one, plus

exacerbations) appear to be related to strep. Maybe b/c of the

PANDAS my son's course/experience with OCD is not typical.

Khris

>

> Khris,

>

> I am new at this with my son recently diagnosed. You said that your

son has

> been through a few bouts of OCD, I know it Wax ans Wain or whatever

the

> terminology but does it go away for long periods of time? I was

thinking

> this was a on-going thing changing day to day?

>

> Thanks for any info

>

> DP

>

[Guest guest]

OCD seems to always keep us second-guessing about what we should and

should not have done etc. You did what you thought was right at the

time by letting your daughter go to the support group. If it did

" trigger " something, maybe it's just an ERP reaction and it will have

actually been good for her to have survived that anxiety. But please

don't blame yourself, you are doing your best. Take care, Patty

>

> Hi all, I just needed to vent. All was going well for so long and now

> ocd is rising up again. Last night I took Bre to a support group, which

> she wanted to go to. After, on the way home she said she was having

> major anxiety and wanted to see her therapist.

> I felt like the support group had triggered the episode! Would she of

> needed to see her therapist if she hadn't gone? I know I shouldn't beat

> myself up like this, but it is so hard seeing her suffer!

> She said she was playing a soccer game last week and had so much

> anxiety on the field that she felt like she was going to have a mental

> breakdown! It is hard not to worry that it could happen. I don't think

> I have heard of a person with ocd having one. It has to be just a

> compulsive thought like when she gets thoughts of harming herself.

> I just need encouragement right now I guess. Sometimes I feel so

> helpless. I have to remain strong!

>

> Sandy

>

[Guest guest]

Yes, I totally agree ... and Bre is getting old enough that she wants and needs

to start making her own decisions and handling the consequences. She will gain

a very good understanding of herself and what she can and cannot handle. She

may find in some avenues she is so strong and in others, she may have a

weakness.

My brother in law with ocd just knows he cannot watch scary movies. He is on

meds and doing great, but still he cannot handle the after thoughts -- so that

is one thing he definitely avoids.

I always wonder about these ocd support groups just because they hear lots of

other people's obsessions/compulsions and I wonder with their minds, does it

bring on new problems? The psychologists always say no ... but still I wonder.

With your love and support, she'll get through this.

ntrop31 <ntrop31@...> wrote:

OCD seems to always keep us second-guessing about what we should and

should not have done etc. You did what you thought was right at the

time by letting your daughter go to the support group. If it did

" trigger " something, maybe it's just an ERP reaction and it will have

actually been good for her to have survived that anxiety. But please

don't blame yourself, you are doing your best. Take care, Patty

>

> Hi all, I just needed to vent. All was going well for so long and now

> ocd is rising up again. Last night I took Bre to a support group, which

> she wanted to go to. After, on the way home she said she was having

> major anxiety and wanted to see her therapist.

> I felt like the support group had triggered the episode! Would she of

> needed to see her therapist if she hadn't gone? I know I shouldn't beat

> myself up like this, but it is so hard seeing her suffer!

> She said she was playing a soccer game last week and had so much

> anxiety on the field that she felt like she was going to have a mental

> breakdown! It is hard not to worry that it could happen. I don't think

> I have heard of a person with ocd having one. It has to be just a

> compulsive thought like when she gets thoughts of harming herself.

> I just need encouragement right now I guess. Sometimes I feel so

> helpless. I have to remain strong!

>

> Sandy

>

---------------------------------

Be a PS3 game guru.

Get your game face on with the latest PS3 news and previews at Games.

[Guest guest]

Hi Sandy, is there something in the " air " on the West and East

coasts, LOL? is also having a rough time now. I know what

you mean about possible mental breakdowns! Very rough night last

night for him. And it's hard, he's heard *me* say everything over

the years so there's nothing much I can say now that he hasn't heard

and doesn't help apparently. Scrupulosity stuff is acting up again;

really I don't think he'd 100% accept the Pope absolving him, there'd

be some " doubt " due to we're not Catholic.

Yeah, it's hard when we parents feel helpless and watch our children

suffer!

>

> Hi all, I just needed to vent. All was going well for so long and

now

> ocd is rising up again. Last night I took Bre to a support group,

which

> she wanted to go to. After, on the way home she said she was having

> major anxiety and wanted to see her therapist.

> I felt like the support group had triggered the episode!

[Guest guest]

I am curious, why do you look after your BF children, and are you

expected to do such by yourself?

I understand (by the title of the post) that you are 'venting', but I

think I would make it clear to BF's children that although there may

not be rules at their mom's house that there certainly are at yours.

>

> holy moly. I have 3 children 1 little and 2 big teen/adult girls.

On

> the weekends my BF 3 children come over 6,7,8. It is friday and I am

> unsure I am going to live through the weekend. I wish I could sedate

> myself or them or both. No rules at their mom's house so I do it all

> by Sunday and then they go home, only to come back wild. yipes sigh

>

[Guest guest]

>

> I am curious, why do you look after your BF children, and are you

> expected to do such by yourself?

>

> I understand (by the title of the post) that you are 'venting', but I

> think I would make it clear to BF's children that although there may

> not be rules at their mom's house that there certainly are at yours.

>

>

>

>

Sometimes I do watch them alone and mostly I am the caregiver. This is

both implied and in some ways taken on by me, I serve a mommy role(all

while not at all being their mommy) The other reason I do it is if I

don't cook for instance I have to clan up twice as much because my bf

is a very messy cooker (ARGGGG) so I do it to save me. As you can

imagine this is like a weekly attack on my senses. I understand I am

not their parent(better than my BF does) he thinks I should

be " nicer " It is impossible to establish rules in the span of a

weekend and be sweet and endearing at the same time. imagine 3

children that stomp, fight, write on themselves and furniture, demand

food constantly all day long, require constant cleaning (because

somewhow thew cannot do anything without getting dirty) Eat food

toliet, play outside. Sigh I am tired just writing it. And while

fielding all of this times 3 I have to be nice too. usually by today

Sunday I wish I had sedatives and I am a nut case yelling for

everything. This am they were swinging their feet under the table

hitting each other. Why can't they just eat and then go play. Why

eat, drop food and fight simultainiously. Also they wind up my son

(whom their mom has labeled (that sick child) You know the one with

better manners better than her own chiildren. Oh please forgive me "

This feels good to not be silent all the time " amybe I will be calmer

this afternoon. I get by Sunday telling myself they are leaving at 7.

I chant this in my head starting about 5pm. Sometimes I escape like

now. the boys are at hockey. My son is downstairs being silent(that

sick0) and the little girl is still asleep. Believe me whoever wakes

her up gets blasted. (she told me she would kill me once) did I

mention she is 6. The only time I impacted her, is when I told her she

could call the police if she thought my rules were so bad. She said no

because they would take her away. I am paraphrasing because she had a

full out meltdown, hit me yelled refused to run an errand and insisted

that she should be allowed to do anything she wanted(including hit her

brothers) I never raised my voice and I let her tantrum she then

screamed that she hated everyone Family included and the only person

she liked was her grandmother because grandma gives her candy for

breakfast. I think she needs therapy(because she has a skewed sense of

reality) but mom, well she doesn't do anything that will require

commitment and fortitude. Anyway I am in a losing battle, I actually

get repremanded if I try to hide. So I am damned if I do and damned if

I don't. Again I am sorry. This is both a view as well as undeatiled

enough. Suffice it to say, that is why I didn't answer the

relationship question.

[Guest guest]

On 11 Feb 2007 miminm wrote:

> Sigh I am tired just writing it. And while

> fielding all of this times 3 I have to be nice too. usually by today

> Sunday I wish I had sedatives and I am a nut case yelling for

> everything.

I'm sure there's someone here who can offer some good

suggestions on how to handle these three.

My approach would be a combination of electric cattle prods and

(more realistically) instructing whoever their custodian is to

take care of them. If that's not an option, then I'd use pre-

conceived punishments in response to particular types of

transgressions. Since these transgressions are of the nature of

" how far can we go? provokations " , it may be advantage to state

the punishments well after the actual event. You'll probably

get resigned disregard from the sprogs, but it will become clear

that " she's tough. " Also, the delayed response to " provokation "

transgressions means that the sprogs will understand degree of

anticipation of the unknown regarding the future punishment.

Additionally, your " I don't feel like " could be phrased as,

" It's an imposition on me, and I won't do it because you [did

something] earlier this weekend. " Then do something apparently

fun with " that sick child " . Make it sound like a dream party,

such as going to the playground (3 minutes), stopping in a

store. All this becomes disclosed only after your return.

Explain to you children why you are doing this so they'll know

that you are doing something on their behalf.

Also, make sure that whatever you do is convenient for *you*.

- s

[Guest guest]

>

Ahhh finally, logic as opossed to ignorant torture YEAH thank-you. I

actually tried this got yelled at for it. I treat all the children

equally and referee equally. Protecting the rights of all (read

exhausting) I did tell my BF that I could either care and treat all the

same or I could hide and not care but to have me both care and remain

silent um and smile while hugging them(which by the way I believe isn't

my place as I have explained that I preserve them for their mother but

do not replace her) I do tell them that I care and explain why the

repremand is occuring. I guess while doing this I am to smile and bake

cookies, showering with affection while taking care of all of their

needs. I cannot hug these children, 1 they aren't mine 2 they do not

want my hugging. THEY DO WANT THEIR FATHER TO HUG THEM THOUGH. and I

do not get in the way of this. It does in my case seem to be an Aspie

NT standoff. What strikes me as proper and what strikes my BF as

proper differ. I have stated that what I cannot do is be untrue to

myself. I can however leave the relationship if the load becomes too

great

[Guest guest]

" Anyway I am in a losing battle, I actually get repremanded if I try

to hide. So I am damned if I do and damned if I don't. Again I am

sorry. This is both a view as well as undeatiled enough. Suffice it

to say, that is why I didn't answer the relationship question. "

Okay, so, why isn't the male parents of these children doing anything

to keep them in line? Will you want to edure this sort of treatment

for the remainder of their childhoods?

Tom

Administrator

[Guest guest]

>

> Okay, so, why isn't the male parent of these children doing

anything

> to keep them in line? Will you want to edure this sort of treatment

> for the remainder of their childhoods?

>

> Tom

> Administrator

>

well we had an interesting arguement over that. He said they would

learn in time, through interaction. I argued that when they turned

out badly because that didn't work, and they became menaces of

society at 16 or worse that it would be too late. I am guilty of

many things (not speaking up, railing against what I cannot change)

Slowly I get heard, you know prevention vs. mess cleaning. It is a

challange to have a relationship (most of the time I want to say this

is too hard I am out of here) That is when he says something like " we

really made progress, I understand what you are saying " Usually as I

am planning to bolt out the door, move all my belonging etc. I would

like to avoid fighting and have logic dictate the course of action.

I get insulted easily(mostly when I feel my character is insulted)

[Guest guest]

Mimi - I am not surprised you are venting - I certainly would not be

able to put up with what you describe.

As for being 'sweet'/'nice' etc - I am not concerned with being such

with my own child, I certainly ain't going to go to any effort to

come across in such a way to anyone elses :-)

As for what this woman calls your child - Mmmmmm perhaps you should

point out exactly how her own children behave - seriously is it worth

having these children over?

> >

> > I am curious, why do you look after your BF children, and are you

> > expected to do such by yourself?

> >

> > I understand (by the title of the post) that you are 'venting',

but I

> > think I would make it clear to BF's children that although there

may

> > not be rules at their mom's house that there certainly are at

yours.

> >

> >

> >

> >

> Sometimes I do watch them alone and mostly I am the caregiver.

This is

> both implied and in some ways taken on by me, I serve a mommy role

(all

> while not at all being their mommy) The other reason I do it is if

I

> don't cook for instance I have to clan up twice as much because my

bf

> is a very messy cooker (ARGGGG) so I do it to save me. As you can

> imagine this is like a weekly attack on my senses. I understand I

am

> not their parent(better than my BF does) he thinks I should

> be " nicer " It is impossible to establish rules in the span of a

> weekend and be sweet and endearing at the same time. imagine 3

> children that stomp, fight, write on themselves and furniture,

demand

> food constantly all day long, require constant cleaning (because

> somewhow thew cannot do anything without getting dirty) Eat food

> toliet, play outside. Sigh I am tired just writing it. And while

> fielding all of this times 3 I have to be nice too. usually by

today

> Sunday I wish I had sedatives and I am a nut case yelling for

> everything. This am they were swinging their feet under the table

> hitting each other. Why can't they just eat and then go play. Why

> eat, drop food and fight simultainiously. Also they wind up my son

> (whom their mom has labeled (that sick child) You know the one

with

> better manners better than her own chiildren. Oh please forgive

me "

> This feels good to not be silent all the time " amybe I will be

calmer

> this afternoon. I get by Sunday telling myself they are leaving at

7.

> I chant this in my head starting about 5pm. Sometimes I escape

like

> now. the boys are at hockey. My son is downstairs being silent

(that

> sick0) and the little girl is still asleep. Believe me whoever

wakes

> her up gets blasted. (she told me she would kill me once) did I

> mention she is 6. The only time I impacted her, is when I told her

she

> could call the police if she thought my rules were so bad. She

said no

> because they would take her away. I am paraphrasing because she

had a

> full out meltdown, hit me yelled refused to run an errand and

insisted

> that she should be allowed to do anything she wanted(including hit

her

> brothers) I never raised my voice and I let her tantrum she then

> screamed that she hated everyone Family included and the only

person

> she liked was her grandmother because grandma gives her candy for

> breakfast. I think she needs therapy(because she has a skewed

sense of

> reality) but mom, well she doesn't do anything that will require

> commitment and fortitude. Anyway I am in a losing battle, I

actually

> get repremanded if I try to hide. So I am damned if I do and

damned if

> I don't. Again I am sorry. This is both a view as well as

undeatiled

> enough. Suffice it to say, that is why I didn't answer the

> relationship question.

>

[Guest guest]

" As for being 'sweet'/'nice' etc - I am not concerned with being such

with my own child, I certainly ain't going to go to any effort to

come across in such a way to anyone elses :-) "

My view is that a parent should not try to become their kid's friend.

Doing so is the biggest impediment to child rearing.

Once a child has reached the age of maturity, THEN perhaps a parent

can relate to a child on a different sort of level that approximates

friendship. But even so, parents, I think, always will serve in a

mentorship capacity to their children, seeing as the have had more

experience in the world than the kids they gave birth to.

Tom

Administrator

[Guest guest]

wrote " As for being 'sweet'/'nice' etc - I am not concerned

with being such with my own child, I certainly ain't going to go to

any effort to come across in such a way to anyone elses :-) "

Tom responded: " My view is that a parent should not try to become

their kid's friend. Doing so is the biggest impediment to child

rearing ... <snip> ... "

One thing that I hear occasionally from people who are therapists,

counsellors, family law lawyers, et al is that when parents divorce,

sometimes the parent unintentionally turns the oldest child into a

sort of confidante which the courts look very unfavourably upon and

rightly so.

So, if the courts do not believe that a child and a parent should

have an 'equal' footing relationship in this instance, it stands to

reason that a child and a parent should not have an 'equal' footing

relationship such as a friendship either otherwise it will endanger

the emotional growth of the child.

I love my child and will always be my child's parent. I will mentor

him and guide him as is appropriate for his age (in other words,

he'll get far more guiding as a minor child and I will be there to

share my life experience when asked for it when he reaches the age

of majority) throughout my lifetime. We will undoubtedly be close

but I will always by his mother first and foremost.

I don't know if that makes sense to anyone, the way I have written

it but this is how things are.

Raven

Co-Administrator

[Guest guest]

ugh schools can be such pains in the ass. sorry they are giving you a rough time.they should provide him with a better room why cant they put him in like resource room but not cuz he needs etra help for learning but the home thing you were referring to .let him go out for all the classes he is doing well in .teachers and principles and the like do not understand autistics and i feel that there shouldnt be any special ed teachers and then teachers they all should have the training for both cuz well look at the kids who are not diagnosed that are struggling in school if they knew how to teeach them they could break it down to where they can learn it they also would be able to recognise it and help the ones who are dx it.. I am glad you are

fighting your son is def worth the fight . Vickie WwW.SparkleTags.Com----- Original Message ----From: Dana <dsherrera@...>Autism and Aspergers Treatment Sent: Friday, September 28, 2007 11:03:23

PMSubject: Venting

Hi,

I have not participated in this group much lately except to read

some of the posts off and on, Annie probably will remember me I'm

the other person from Albuquerque. I am mom to a wonderful,

frustrating, brilliant Autistic son named that is 14 yo.

Anyways-Schools are so hard to deal with!! I am so sick of them!!

They allowed my son to be bullied until he struck back and he gets

put on an in school suspension!! I told the school (which I have so

supported the administration for 3 years now) I disagreed with

punishing the one getting bullied and the one that was hurt prior to

the fight by being hit in the head by the other boy's binder the

same way the brat bullying my son was. They won. I wrote a letter

stating my position and sent it to the state dept of special ed, the

supertindent of schools, the head of special head as well as to the

principal once again stating my disagreement with the treatment my

son received-by the way did I mention his arm was in a cast at the

time-and asked for an apology. I let them know a few days ago I

have an attorney retained (over so much more than this)and today I

receive a certified letter from the principal discounting my concern

over this and saying she hoped we could all work together on his FBA

and BIP we are doing next Wed. I hate that Barbie doll want to be

so much, she gets away with letting my son get hurt and does her

usual sickly sweet smile at me at all the addendums we have been

doing. The schools here are so awful, the only small self contained

classroom that is available is ED-my son is NOT ED he is Autistic!

My son has a 140 plus IQ and is brilliant in so many different

areas, he fails to do some menial thing like push his chair in

during class and he has to eat lunch staring at the wall in front of

his desk,are they stupid they make an autistic child be by himself

for 30 min for an entire week? He knows how to be by himself he

needs to learn to socialize, to watch and learn peer norms, proper

peer language. They fail to provide education for his giftedness,

or a teacher smart enough to converse with him on his level. That

thinks because he is gifted in areas he doesn't need help when he

asks for it in grammer and tells him to read it again. Get a clue

woman..he doesn't get Grammer!! They want to keep him in ED for

High School next year continueing to send the message to my

beautiful son that he is emotionally disturbed-he isn't, he is

autistic and needs a small classroom for the majority of his classes-

somewhere to call home at school. That way he can venture out with

the NTs for 3 classes and know he has the safety of HIS classroom to

come back to. He doesn't need to be with the kids who visit the

detention center he needs to be with other awkward different teens

that don't quite fit the "norm". Why do I have to retain atorneys,

file law suits, yell , scream, go to 20 of their meetings? Why

can't they just provide a safe enviroment, protect him and teach

him? There is one like him but so different at the same time in

every 150 kids out there! What happens to the ones whose moms don't

know IEP laws, who are intimidated by THEM, whose family's don't

have the money or time for other therapies and have to rely on just

the schools. I will sue the schools, I will fight the

administrators, I will fight to change the status quo in public

education and I will help change things for those coming up.

Thank-you for letting me rant, I really needed it! Tough week!

Dana-the very proud mother of a 14 yo Autistic person,

a beautiful 25 yo teacher of autistic kindergartners, and Talia a 24

yo young woman out to change the world as we know it.

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