Ten Things Every Child with Autism Wishes You Knew

[Guest guest]

I know some of you might have seen this.. But i thought i would share it with you all with thoughts that you might not have. or better yet give it to someone who might not understand your child. I gave it to each one of s Teachers this year with their christmas presents. I wanted them to think on christmas vacation that some kids are not always what they seem. they disagree with the drs diagnosis. although my son does not have major issues in some areas of Aspergers he makes up with the others ones..

Thank you all for letting me join the group and sending me personal stories.. i am gald that i am not alone in the world...

cfitzpa2@...

ryansjoy@...

Ten Things Every Child with Autism Wishes You Knew

Some days it seems the only predictable thing about it is the unpredictability.The only consistent attribute, the inconsistency. There is little argument onany level but that autism is baffling, even to those who spend their lives around it.The child who lives with autism may look "normal," but his or her behavior canbe perplexing and downright difficult. Today, the citadel of autism, oncethought an "incurable" disorder, is cracking around the foundation. Every day,individuals with autism show us they can overcome, compensate for, and otherwisemanage many of the condition's most challenging aspects. Equipping those aroundour children with a simple understanding of autism's most basic elements has atremendous effect on the children's journey towards productive, independentadulthood. Autism is an extremely complex disorder, but we can distill it tothree critical components: sensory processing difficulties, speech/languagedelays and impairments, and whole child/social interaction issues.Here are 10 things every child with autism wishes you knew.1. I am a child with autism. I am not "autistic." My autism is one aspect of mytotal character. It does not define me as a person. Are you a person withthoughts, feelings and many talents, or are you just fat (overweight), myopic(wear glasses) or klutzy (uncoordinated, not good at sports)?2. My sensory perceptions are disordered. This means the ordinary sights,sounds, smells, tastes and touches of everyday life that you may not even noticecan be downright painful for me. The very environment in which I have to liveoften seems hostile. I may appear withdrawn or belligerent to you, but I amreally just trying to defend myself. A "simple" trip to the grocery store may behell for me. My hearing may be hyperacute. Dozens of people are talking at once.The loudspeaker booms today's special. Muzak whines from the sound system. Cashregisters beep and cough. A coffee grinder is chugging. The meat cutterscreeches, babies wail, carts creak, the fluorescent lighting hums. My braincan't filter all the input, and I'm in overload! My sense of smell may be highlysensitive. The fish at the meat counter isn't quite fresh, the guy standing nextto us hasn't showered today, the deli is handing out sausage samples, the babyin line ahead of us has a poopy diaper, they're mopping up pickles on Aisle 3with ammonia. ... I can't sort it all out, I'm too nauseous. Because I amvisually oriented, this may be my first sense to become overstimulated. Thefluorescent light is too bright. It makes the room pulsate and hurts my eyes.Sometimes the pulsating light bounces off everything and distorts what I amseeing. The space seems to be constantly changing. There's glare from windows,moving fans on the ceiling, so many bodies in constant motion, too many itemsfor me to be able to focus - and I may compensate with tunnel vision. All thisaffects my vestibular sense, and now I can't even tell where my body is inspace. I may stumble, bump into things, or simply lay down to try and regroup.3. Please remember to distinguish between won't (I choose not to) and can't (I'mnot able to). Receptive and expressive language are both difficult for me. Itisn't that I don't listen to instructions. It's that I can't understand you.When you call to me from across the room, this is what I hear: "* & ^%$#@, .#$%^* & ^%$ & *" Instead, come speak directly to me in plain words: "Please put yourbook in your desk, . It's time to go to lunch." This tells me what you wantme to do and what is going to happen next. Now it's much easier for me to comply.4. I am a concrete thinker. I interpret language literally. It's very confusingfor me when you say, "Hold your horses, cowboy!" when what you really mean is"Please stop running." Don't tell me something is a "piece of cake" when thereis no dessert in sight and what you really mean is, "This will be easy for youto do." When you say, "It's pouring cats and dogs," I see pets coming out of apitcher. Please just tell me, "It's raining very hard." Idioms, puns, nuances,double entendres and sarcasm are lost on me.5. Be patient with my limited vocabulary. It's hard for me to tell you what Ineed when I don't know the words to describe my feelings. I may be hungry,frustrated, frightened or confused, but right now those words are beyond myability to express. Be alert for body language, withdrawal, agitation, or othersigns that something is wrong. There's a flip side to this: I may sound like alittle professor or a movie star, rattling off words or whole scripts wellbeyond my developmental age. These are messages I have memorized from the worldaround me to compensate for my language deficits, because I know I am expectedto respond when spoken to. They may come from books, television or the speech ofother people. It's called echolalia. I don't necessarily understand the contextor the terminology I'm using, I just know it gets me off the hook for coming up with a reply.6. Because language is so difficult for me, I am very visually oriented. Show mehow to do something rather than just telling me. And please be prepared to showme many times. Lots of patient repetition helps me learn. A visual schedule isextremely helpful as I move through my day. Like your day planner, it relievesme of the stress of having to remember what comes next, makes for smoothtransitions between activities, and helps me manage my time and meet yourexpectations. Here's a great web site for learning more about visual scheduleshttp://www.cesa7.k12.wi.us/newweb/content/rsn/autism.asp7. Focus and build on what I can do rather than what I can't do. Like any otherhuman, I can't learn in an environment where I'm constantly made to feel thatI'm not good enough or that I need fixing. Trying anything new when I am almostsure to be met with criticism, however constructive, becomes something to beavoided. Look for my strengths and you'll find them. There's more than one right way to do most things.8. Help me with social interactions. It may look like I don't want to play withthe other kids on the playground, but sometimes it's just that I simply don'tknow how to start a conversation or enter a play situation. If you can encourageother children to invite me to join them at kickball or shooting baskets, I may be delighted to be included. 9. Try to identify what triggers my meltdowns. This is termed "the antecedent."Meltdowns, blowups, tantrums or whatever you want to call them are even morehorrid for me than they are for you. They occur because one or more of my senseshas gone into overload. If you can figure out why my meltdowns occur, they can be prevented.10. If you are a family member, please love me unconditionally. Banish thoughtssuch as, "If he would just ..." and "Why can't she ... ?" You didn't fulfillevery last expectation your parents had for you, and you wouldn't like beingconstantly reminded of it. I didn't choose to have autism. Remember that it'shappening to me, not you. Without your support, my chances of successful,self-reliant adulthood are slim. With your support and guidance, thepossibilities are broader than you might think. I promise you I'm worth it.It all comes down to three words: Patience. Patience. Patience.Work to view my autism as a different ability rather than a disability. Lookpast what you may see as limitations and see the gifts autism has given me. Imay not be good at eye contact or conversation, but have you noticed I don'tlie, cheat at games, tattle on my classmates, or pass judgment on other people?You are my foundation. Think through some of those societal rules, and if theydon't make sense for me, let them go. Be my advocate, be my friend, and we'll see just how far I can go.I probably won't be the next Jordan, but with my attention to finedetail and capacity for extraordinary focus, I might be the next Einstein. Or Mozart. Or Van Gogh.They had autism too.Freelance writer and consultant Ellen Notbohm is a columnist forAutism/Asperger's Digest and co-author of 1001 Great Ideas for Teaching andRaising Children With Autism Spectrum Disorders (Future Horizons). She favors"common sense" approaches to raising her sons with autism and AD/HD. She lives in Oregon.

By Ellen NotbohmSouth Florida Parenting