RE: off topic: college

[Guest guest]

Hi Carolyn!

I’m at Judson College in Elgin, Illinois (www.judsoncollege.edu/aim) as marketing manager for The AIM Program. Our program

just celebrated it’s 10th anniversary. It’s an exciting,

stressful, fast-paced place to work. Most of the time, I love it! We have

about 425 full time adult students in two locations. They attend class just one

night a week from 6-10

p.m. and an

occasional Saturday morning. It’s a convenient, accelerated program for

adults who still need to keep up with their careers while earning that B.A.

degree.

Okay, I’ll get out of my marketing mode now!! J

It’s a very good thing to be a

life-long learner. It opens doors, and increases your self-esteem! You realize

how BIG this world is, and how little you really do know (just when you thought

you knew it all!). I went through our program myself and finished my B.A. in

Management and Leadership in 1997. My diplomas are hanging on my office wall at

work because that’s kind of an accepted thing to do there…we

promote education. J

Congratulations to you on your degrees. I

think I’m stopping with my bachelor’s at age 50…..

Maralee

>^..^<

Re:

Co-dependency

Hi Maralee,

I am glad you

liked my letter. Where do you work as a marketing manager of an accelerated

adult B.A. program? I was just reading something in the paper yesterday

that they have here at the University of Oregon called Lifelong Learners, or

something like that. I would dearly love to take some art and writing classes,

or any kind of classes really, but the problem I have now is I would need a

baby sitter! I take care of my daughter's three little children while she

works, and I do a lot with them, but there are times I would enjoy just sitting

in a class and learning again, just for myself.

With me, going to

college was amazing! I really had no idea how, can't think of the right word

here, " retarded " I was! I had finished high school and then got

married, and had four kids, and that was about it. One of my son's came down

with his mysterious affliction and I spent years wrestling with it, with the

school district, and with him too. My husband was a hard working electrician

and was well along in his field, and I sometimes resented him for the freedom

he had in life, while I was so tied down.

But I realized it

was all in my mind, how tied down I was. And the change came to me one day when

one of my other son's who went to college, came in one day, and he said,

" Hay mom, what are you going to do with the rest of your life? " I

just stared at him, as he made a snack, and then went upstairs to study, then

said, " What do you mean Jeff? " And he said, " Well you will

probably live another thirty years you know. "

I just sat there

and thought, wow I have thirty years, wonder what I should do with them! That

was 1984, so it has been twenty of those thirty already! haha I didn't want to

write a book here, but just wanted to say I don't know where I would be if I

had not gone to college. I think I would be stuck in the same mindset I had

then with my high school education and mental outlook, and dependant

on my husband. Not only on his income really, but on him for personal

validation and support also, just like when we married when I was only

seventeen.

I was so amazed

to learn how a person could reach goals in life by planning steps and

completing them one after another. I just loved it! Anyway I started at a

community college which is easy to get into, and transferred to the university

a year later after proving myself. There was no need for SATs or anything like

that. And then I just sailed along and got a B.S. in '88, and a M.S. in '93. I

did the B.S. in just 4 years, and the M.S. in just 2. A lot of people never

even finish, so that was amazing in itself.

I like to tell my

nieces and nephews in this family, which I have a lot of, that money is the

least of it, if you want to go to school, then UST GO. Money will come one way

or other. I got student loans, and we did have a pretty good income then also

from my husband working and Marty got SSI. I could have been spending money on

a lot of things, and chose to spend some on tuition and books, and have never

been sorry.

I have my

diplomas hanging here in real nice frames for my kids and grandkids to see, and

I hope it inspires them to press on. Life is what you make of it!

But I really

would love to take more classes, and believe I will one of these days too!

Love,

Carolyn

Co-dependency

In a message dated 11/26/04 7:31:14

PM Central Standard Time, Autism and Aspergers Treatment

writes:

What I basically did was I saved

myself. I had to learn

that I was responsible for my life, and that he was

responsible for his. I did not have to save him, which was

part of my torment because I saw which way he was going, and

also that he did not have to save me. So I just let him go,

and took responsibility for my own life.

Carolyn

Good for you.!!!!! I know that WAS a big step in the right direction and

I know you do not regret that at all. I always meant to ask if you ever

worked in an area using your college degree?

I hope that you had a great Thanskgiving and tell me how it went and who showed

up.

hugs

in IL

[Guest guest]

Hi Maralee,

Wow, attending class just one night a week, that would be interesting. I used to go every day. Guess that is why the call in accelerated though huh.

Yes, I agree with you about college level classes, they can be a lot of fun, and I do believe that they are very beneficial to a person, if nothing else to keep their brains functioning to help to resist Alzheimer's. My mom does cross word puzzles for that.

You named the thread, "off topic: college," but I think it does have some implications to being a caregiver, and the really hard demands that our special needs children. give us. Because we do need something to do just for ourselves away from our children. We cannot live their lives for them I have found, even if they are disabled, but need lives of our own as well. I just found that most things bore me, like shopping, exercise, etc., so need something challenging. We studied this in Leisure, my major, the level that each of us need to be fulfilled in our leisure. I need college classes while somebody else might be perfectly happy with knitting or something like that.

I was just reading an article in our local paper that is related to this subject named, "Researchers link stress to aging of immune cells." "Chronic stress appears to have the potential to shorten the life of cells, at least immune cells," lead author Elissa Epel of the University of California at San Francisco said. The researchers studied 58 women, 19 of whom were mothers of healthy children and 39 who were tending chronically ill children.

The report was published in Monday's issue of Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, and found that the telomeres of the cells of women under stress had undergone the equivalent of 10 years of additional aging, compared with women living more normal lives.

My life with my son, Marty, has been very stressful for many years now, and for the last couple of years I have found that my immune system is not so hot. I get infections out of the blue, and tend to need antibiotics quite often, and then I cannot even tolerate the antibiotics half the time. I had anaphylactic shock to one I had taken many times, and have allergies to things I never did before, and can barely tolerate the chemicals in the air.

I asked my doctor if a person could make their immune system stronger and he said they have no idea, but he did say I had an "accumulative stress level." Hmmmmmm.

So if anything can relieve our stress, then we are on the right track. Like college classes, haha. But it is a different kind of stress I guess, kind of a diversion to a son running all over the place, and having seizures, that sort of thing.

You can tell, I am bored. haha

Love to you all,

Carolyn in Oregon

Co-dependency

In a message dated 11/26/04 7:31:14 PM Central Standard Time, Autism and Aspergers Treatment writes:

What I basically did was I saved myself. I had to learnthat I was responsible for my life, and that he wasresponsible for his. I did not have to save him, which waspart of my torment because I saw which way he was going, andalso that he did not have to save me. So I just let him go,and took responsibility for my own life.

Carolyn Good for you.!!!!! I know that WAS a big step in the right direction and I know you do not regret that at all. I always meant to ask if you ever worked in an area using your college degree?I hope that you had a great Thanskgiving and tell me how it went and who showed up.hugs in IL

[Guest guest]

Hi Carolyn and all…

Yeah, I saw that article too about

constant stress running havoc with our immune system. I thought…great.

Wonderful news (not) for those of us who do have continual stress….

Oh well!

I think I’ll plan a trip to Hawaii….

Or at least to my bedroom to watch TV….

Heh heh

Maralee

>^..^<

I was just

reading an article in our local paper that is related to this subject named,

" Researchers link stress to aging of immune cells. " " Chronic

stress appears to have the potential to shorten the life of cells, at least

immune cells, " lead author Elissa Epel of the University of California at

San Francisco said. The researchers studied 58 women, 19 of whom were mothers

of healthy children and 39 who were tending chronically ill children.

The report was

published in Monday's issue of Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences,

and found that the telomeres of the cells of women under stress had undergone

the equivalent of 10 years of additional aging, compared with women living more

normal lives.

My life with my

son, Marty, has been very stressful for many years now, and for the

last couple of years I have found that my immune system is not

so hot. I get infections out of the blue, and tend to need antibiotics quite

often, and then I cannot even tolerate the antibiotics half the time. I had

anaphylactic shock to one I had taken many times, and have allergies to things

I never did before, and can barely tolerate the chemicals in the air.

·

..

[Guest guest]

>From: " Maralee " <mparker72@...>

Well - that sure explains a lot! I have never been sick as much or as long

as I have been in the past few years. I used to pride myself on being able

to be around and work around people who are sick and never catching anything

at all. Now I have allergies to things I never was allergic to before -

really severe migraines and will get bronchitis at the drop of a hat.

Sorry I haven't been posting. Way too many appointments and job hunting to

be on the computer much. I usually get to it late at night just before I

head to bed - check the job listings and read through the posts. Today is a

light day - bag the papers for my son's route - help him do the route (if he

feels up to helping - he's been throwing up for nearly a month - had an

ultrasound two weeks ago and will find out the results of it this afternoon)

- pick up my daughter's WIC checks (she's on full bedrest for the rest of

her pregnancy) - take to the doctor's at 2:00 pm (for his newly

discovered Type II diabetes - and results of ultrasound) - pay water bill -

pay washer payment - come home and do the budget (today was last payday from

previous job) and clean house - fix dinner - do chores - look at jobs and

posts and head to bed around 11:30 or midnight.

I don't remember whether I saw it on this list or another but there was a

discussion of behaviors relating to our children's behaviors.

I am getting the material ready for 's re-evaluation in January.

Figure that while I am off work is the best time to get it ready - won't

have the time once I find another job.

As always - am wondering if his behaviors are AS-ish or just ODD -ish.

Sometimes I am so convinced that he is AS - then other times I wonder.

As an infant he was very high needs (partially from being a 32 week

preemie that needed to nurse every 45 minutes). I ended up carrying him

around in a front carrier so that I could get work done. He was insistent

that when he was resting on my chest his ear was in a very particular spot

(and only that spot) right under the curve of the collarbone on my left side

(I always assumed that he could hear my heartbeat better there.) If I moved

him because that area was going numb he would begin to shriek until I put

him back in that exact spot. When he cried - which was a lot - we would try

swaddling him like in the hospital. Regular blankets would set him off

worse. We finally found an acrylic fuzzy blanket that always and I mean

always worked to put him to sleep. We ended up calling it Magic Blanket.

He never slept in his crib - I tried to get him to - but he would again

shriek until he vomited. It was not a " I want out of here cause I don't

want to go to sleep " shriek - it was a " I'm terrified " shriek. In hindsight

- I attributed that to the movement of the crib when he moved. We ended up

putting him on a twin mattress on the floor that was boxed in by our bed -a

dresser and the walls. There he was just fine.

As a toddler he threw horrible tantrums - once when we pulled him away from

a wooden train display at a store (after repeatedly being told we needed to

leave and trying to help separate him from it). He stiffened - shrieked so

loudly that security thought we were trying to kidnap him. These happened

at home when he had clothes put on him that had tags or the seams weren't

straight on his socks. There were many fabrics he just couldn't handle. He

bit other children (once so badly at a family reunion that they asked us not

to bring him back). If his schedule deviated one iota from what he expected

- he lost it. In preschool he was very distracted. Would very rarely play

with other kids - instead would go from area to area and revolve around the

classroom multiple times (I know this because I volunteered several days a

week. He had so many problems there that it was easier to be there already

than waiting for a call.) That's when he was diagnosed with ADHD and put on

Ritalin. The tantrums continued as did the sensitivities. I would mention

them to the psy docs but they were more concerned with his lack of focus and

hyperactivity.

In elementary school (he began just days before he turned five) the teachers

always described him as a sweet boy but not very involved. When he played

at home he would line up his Hot Wheels cars. I made him a " Road Mat " so

that he could have creative play with them but it rarely happened and only

when his dad or I were trying to direct it. He could build fantastic

spaceships and such out of Legos but wouldn't play with them as such - they

were for " display " . He would also separate his Legos into size - color

-number of holes in them - etc. Problems at school began more in 4th and

5th. My marriage was getting very abusive by this time and was

witness to much of it. I remember a time when his dad was sitting on my

shoulders (i was seated on the floor) and trying to force my head around.

stood in the doorway and screamed at his dad to let me go. Shortly

thereafter began to have problems on the playground (hitting a girl

that had taken a ball that he was playing with) - at daycare (I was in

college by this time) for hitting a child that wouldn't let him play

basketball - at school (melting down in the classroom when something didn't

go as expected and growling at the principal as he was escorted to the

office). He made no friends at all. He was teased (even remembers specific

incidents and who was involved) constantly. He also had many problems with

unexpected wetting at school. Always had an explanation (the water fountain

leaked - etc) but I can remember many times of having to take fresh clothes

for him. By the end of fifth grade - he had been diagnosed with ODD and the

school system did not want him in the general classroom. He was placed in a

transitional school for the first semester of 6th grade. There were only

six students and it was very structured. He flourished there and only had

one meltdown (when someone hit him with a dodgeball). Meltdowns were a

several times daily occurance at home (we would hold him when he raged so he

didn't hurt himself or others and he would fall asleep once the rage was

over - often not remembering much or any of the rage itself when he woke up)

His dad and broke up around this time due to the repeated physical abuse as

well as other factors (his dad got in trouble with the law) By sixth grade

he was getting too large to hold when raging and he was escalating his

physical reactions to things)

The rest of sixth grade was pretty uneventful (he went back to the public

school second semester. In 7th he began to wrack up charges (disorderly

conduct (for having a meltdown in the hall)- assault (for kicking office

staff while in a meltdown) - etc. About this time he was diagnosed with

Tourette's as well. He remained in public school but had considerable

problems there. Still no friends. Would try and help him gain skills to make

and keep friends but with no luck. In eighth grade he again got in trouble

at school with meltdowns. Several times the police were called. He had two

hospitalizations - once for OCDish behaviors in the doctors office where

when he was overstimulated he began to kick the wall and the doctor's desk.

(it was after this incident that he was diagnosed with OCD and severe

anxiety.) Just prior to this his therapist had suggested that he didn't feel

was diagnosed properly and had suggested AS and Intermittent

Explosive Disorder as possibilities we should investigate. I asked the

attending doctor if AS was a possibility. He said that it definitely could

be but that he didn't want to label . A second hospitalization

happened after he obsessed in a BD classroom about what schoolwork to do -

he felt that he shouldn't have to finish his English because it was now Math

class and wouldn't let go of it. This incident resulted in more charges. I

ended up homeschooling him the rest of the year (this happened in December.)

In June we had an evaluation done for the courts (for the charges from

December). The Tourette's expert we saw felt that his problems were due to

the comorbids of Tourette's but did feel that AS was a possibility and

wanted to see him several more times so he could diagnosis it or rule it

out. The group we saw for the courts felt that I had severe personality

problems and was no doubt responsible for his problems. They felt that his

diagnoses were accurate ... especially the ADHD and ODD.

In high school he got in even more trouble - five incidents in his freshman

year alone. Most were for his inability to deal with social situations

(being told to take his hood down - school policy - when he had a severe

headache; having his seat taken at lunch before he was done with it and

being ignored when he asked for it back; having someone steal his Yu-Gi-Oh

cards; etc.). He did make it through the end of the year however. Summer

04 was rough. He became even more physically intimidating and occasionally

abusive. He was developing more and more strict rules about how his life

had to occur. The one friend that he had made in 9th grade was getting more

and more confused about his behavior and even though he understood 's

problems was beginning to move away from him due to erratic behaviors.

This school year he lasted a whole two weeks before he was asked to leave

after a meltdown Sept 8 after being overheated (this tends to stimulate a

meltdown - has happened at least four other times that I know about - two

having involved the police). He has been home since then. He has to have

things exactly his way or he meltsdown. Cannot handle some sounds but like

right now is playing his stereo very loudly - has the TV on loudly and is

sleeping - yet if I try to turn down either he will wake up and get upset.

He walks around the house either in his boxers or gym shorts (it's currently

65 degrees in here). He insists on things and no one can change his mind.

No one. He gets easily frustrated playing a game on his computer and when

totally frustrated will punch the monitor and get angry if I flinch (my

computer is about four feet from his). I am a very laid back person (aging

hippy - you know). His erratic behavior is just about to drive me nuts.

One minute he acts like a typical 15 year old kid and the next it is like he

is a three year old. He will hug our cat and then insist that I kiss her

and hug her before he will let her go (she is amazingly tolerant of his

behavior) with the look of a preschool child on his face. One minute he

will tell me " Mommy I love you. " and a few moments later will look like

he'll pummell me.

Am I nuts? What is going on with this child of mine. I am at my wits end.

I don't know what - if any - of his diagnoses are correct. He has been on

a med decline for a couple of months now (I asked the doctors to do it in

the hospital but they said no - we can do it at home.) and is currently on

50 mg. Zoloft for the anxiety - 40 mg. Geodon for the OCD symptoms - 20 mg

Dexedrine for the ADHD inability to focus -and his anti-diabetic meds for

his newly discovered type II diabetes. I don't know if the meds are right

or wrong.

I so desperately want to know exactly what is going on so that he can get

the treatment he needs. Does he seem to fit the criteria or does it sound

like it is something else? I'm lost and so stressed I cannot even think

sometimes. I feel like I am walking on eggshells most times.

Please any insights or advice would be most appreciated. I am sorry I wrote

a book but needed to put enough in so that it would accurately convey what

is going on here. Please feel free to ask for me to clarify any questions

you might have. Thank you for any insights you may have

Hugs

Steph

>Hi Carolyn and all.

>

>Yeah, I saw that article too about constant stress running havoc with our

>immune system. I thought.great. Wonderful news (not) for those of us who do

>have continual stress..

>

>Oh well!

>

>I think I'll plan a trip to Hawaii..

>

>Or at least to my bedroom to watch TV..

>

>Heh heh

>

>Maralee

> >^..^<

>

>

>

> I was just reading an article in our local paper that is related to

>this

>subject named, " Researchers link stress to aging of immune cells. " " Chronic

>stress appears to have the potential to shorten the life of cells, at least

>immune cells, " lead author Elissa Epel of the University of California at

>San Francisco said. The researchers studied 58 women, 19 of whom were

>mothers of healthy children and 39 who were tending chronically ill

>children.

>

>

>

> The report was published in Monday's issue of Proceedings of the

>National Academy of Sciences, and found that the telomeres of the cells of

>women under stress had undergone the equivalent of 10 years of additional

>aging, compared with women living more normal lives.

>

>

>

> My life with my son, Marty, has been very stressful for many years

>now,

>and for the last couple of years I have found that my immune system is not

>so hot. I get infections out of the blue, and tend to need antibiotics

>quite

>often, and then I cannot even tolerate the antibiotics half the time. I had

>anaphylactic shock to one I had taken many times, and have allergies to

>things I never did before, and can barely tolerate the chemicals in the

>air.

>

>

>

>* .

>