Re: Need help With oldest son

[Guest guest]

,

~tight hugs~ At that age, I had my son's OT write a letter to the

school/teacher stating that it would hinder Tyler's developmental

progress to have more than 30 minutes of homework a night. She had

the school prioritize what Tyler was to do and he would work on it

for 30 minutes (2 fifteen minute periods with an active break in

between, her recommendation that we found VERY helpful)and when the

timer went off for the second time, we drew a line on his paper,

wrote " 30 minutes are up " and sent it back to school. This gave him a

chance to do " normal kid activities " to practice his OT, and to have

positive parental time, which focused on his accomplishments, him

telling about his day, praising the efforts he made, problem solving,

playing, having time to himself, etc.

Everyone needs a break, but for our kiddos, it is imperative!!! They

won't learn more by having shackles put on, having a pencil glued to

their hand, and being forced to repeat something over and over again

that they either have trouble understanding, have trouble

coordinating, or have trouble concentrating on!!! Many are more

active learners and will begin to pick up on a lot of the subjects

once they are allowed to destress and breath again. Tyler had tied

himself into knots, litterally. His stomach hurt most of the time, he

cried through endless piles of homework, his hands cramped, and his

eyes couldn't focus after a while. He hated school, was being singled

out by the teacher and the other students, and even with his limited

social abilities, he was forced to see himself as " unworthy " and

somehow " different " . Once we got the homework down and had him really

start concentrating on what he could do as well as the simple tasks

the OT gave him, his other skills began to move forward. It wasn't

endless hours with a pencil in his hands that got him to write

legibly. It was all the work the OT did once we stopped the endless

pile of handwriting!!!

Every kid who misses out on the directions and explanations in the

class due to being pulled out is going to feel lost when the come

back. If it isn't a major building block (such as learning

multiplication or something) the teacher needs to be told not to

sweat it. He won't miss out on not knowing what kind of corn the

Plains Indians grew during a certain time period or the fashions

during the Midevil period. Not having the prettiest picture in art or

a finished experiment in science is also something that he really

won't miss too badly. Now don't get me wrong. These subjects are

important, but need to be kept in perspective. How many adults

remember when Napolian died or what year the first Thanksgiving was

celebrated on? Yet, it is good to know why we celebrate Thanksgiving

and why leaders like Napolian made such an impact on the world...

What you may wish to do is this... Make sure that the time of his

counseling appointment doesn't affect one of his " core " subjects.

Have it during PE or Music or Art rather than math or reading or

writing. If there is something that he is interested in by golly,

make sure that isn't a class time he has to miss due to

his " disability " . This way, he won't have to complete what they are

doing when he is gone (because it isn't something that he will really

build upon as much as the core classes as well as the ones he pulls

towards) and the teachers can destress about catching him up in the

cores!!!

Also, our kiddos aren't going to always get the best scores on the

tests. That is why there is a SPECTRUM and an average!!! If every kid

got exactly the same score, what would the point of school be???

After all, wouldn't they all be perfect??? ~winks~ How about this...

My son, who cried for two years in frustration about school before we

got things all figured out now scores consistently in the 99th-100th

percentile. Last year, he got perfects scores on most sections of the

state/national tests. If my son is scored that high, there has to be

another that scores lower so that they can balance out the scores...

After all, if everyone got 100%, then they would increase the

pressure by making the tests even harder and demanding that our

kiddos grow up even faster!!! ~grumbling a bit here~ If all our

kiddos do nothing but homework, how can they ever expect them to have

social activities outside of school to enhance the area that they are

most lacking in??? Also, if they do nothing but work, we are not

raising kids but the next generation of computers. School work isn[t

designed to give them common sense or to help them solve everyday

problems. It just gives them information to store and spit back at

the appropriate times... Anyway, I am with you girl!!!

Know too that grades don't usually reflect effort or learning... They

reflect output. Your child may be learning a great deal but may be

lacking on the output. Once he learns how to value himself based upon

what he learns rather than how many papers he can do, he will be a

much happier, more content little guy!!! Also, it is okay not to get

all A's. You can ask that the teacher grades him on only the work he

completes and to divide the number right by the number tried. This

will dramatically bring up his scores and will be more reflective of

actual learning rather than him getting 55% done and 100% of what he

did right and still getting an F for the assignment. Instead, he

would get 100%, which is an A+... See the difference it makes and the

difference it can make on how a child views his efforts???

Anyway, I have written a book here... Good luck!

~hugs~

Rabecca

> I'm not even sure where to begin. Last night I sent in letters

> requesting a full team meeting. I'm not sure is in the right

> placement, he is having trouble keeping up. I spoke with his

teacher

> today, who feels there isn't another appropriate placement for him

at

> the school because he can learn on a 5th grade level and the other

5th

> grade room is going slower. If there isn't another appropriate

> placement, then it's time to make the accommodations that he needs.

Be

> it an aide for the end of the day to help with organizational

skills.

> Someone to explain what to do for homework with him.

>

> I thought he was doing well socially but I gather that's not the

case.

> just isn't aware when children like him or don't. He doesn't

> get hints, or snide remarks, only out right nasty. I guess he

went

> in with his shirt from the autism walk and told the entire class

that

> he has autism and he walked for it. For some reason the teacher

just

> had to point that out to me. I told her that if he feels

comfortable

> enough to share that, then so be it. That is partially my fault,

> Autism here is part of life and I talk about it with him, as such.

My

> typical response when loses it, is that I understand things

are

> more difficult for him, then I explain why " because you have

something

> called Aspergers " and while it's difficult for you, you can do it

just

> like anyone else.

>

>

> So, what accommodations do I ask for. I already requested a smaller

> homework load. That he isn't going to be any more ready for this

> weeks 5th grade social studies test, then he already is. ( big state

> test, they have been pushing since day one)

>

> They mentioned that he is missing class due to specials. ( once a

week

> band, and once every other week chorus) Do I pull these things from

> him? That just seems so unfair. Then tells me last night that

> he no longer wants to go to counseling because it takes him out of

> class. That just isn't going to happen. I don't give a rats ass if

it

> takes him out of class. Nor do I expect my son to catch up on all

> work while he was out sick. That's just not going to happen. This

> child has 4 hrs from the time he gets off the bus till bed. 1 hr is

> just eating and one chore. The next 3 include almost 2 hrs of

> homework. No the homework is not excessive, it just takes him that

> long. Even when he's timed. When does this child have a chance to

be

> just a child?

>

> This sucks.

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I totally agree, it sucks. I have the same scenario going on here. We are in between a upcoming IEP meeting. We (me and the school) recently has had a second opinion done at the school, a company called "Glenwood" (I have no clue if they are in your state or not). Glenwood recommends things to do at home with the parents and the school.

After the evaluation with my son, me and then an unofficial meeting together. During this meeting, the special education teacher happened to be in the same room and asked to sit in on the meeting. When the specialist was giving her report of her diagnoisis she than gave suggestions for the classroom. The Special ed teacher spoke up and said, "These things are great but I can tell you now, his homeroom teacher will not like this, she already complains he is taken out of the room to often, when does she have time to teach him"? My son Devin is gifted as well and he is "hating" school lately. They tell me he is doing fine, grades are ok B honor roll, but I see things differently. Socially he is the same as your son, he has no clue or how to read such comments made to him from his class mates, I have no clue whats going on there, I have a teacher whom doesnt like to think anything is wrong with any child, its all in the way you are "structured".

The teacher sends home graded papers, I look through them, sign and date send it back. The last report I sent back I wrote some comments that read:

Devin has been in your school for a total of three years (in 2nd grade this year), you are telling me he has no problems, but yet you complain of him not paying attention, giving him more time than the others to finish his work, which he never does...he may "Know how" to do the work...but look at his history from day one. Devin doesnt finish his work, so you give him a bad grade. Same problem, different day...and you say he has no problems? I left at that..havent heard anything. As far as Glenwoods advice, they said, so what if he misses out on one subject in the class room, you don't grade him for missing that particular subject you move him into another grade just to get some enjoyment and more out of what he is needing, you grade him on his performance in the other class room. S. Ed teacher did NOT like this what so ever...you could see her wheels turning on how in the world they would accomplish this.

Your right, this sucks

The Hitchcocks

-----Original Message-----From: Rajnert [mailto:my3apsons@...] Sent: Tuesday, November 16, 2004 9:47 AMparenting_autism ; children_with_autism ; Autism and Aspergers Treatment Subject: Need help With oldest sonI'm not even sure where to begin. Last night I sent in lettersrequesting a full team meeting. I'm not sure is in the rightplacement, he is having trouble keeping up. I spoke with his teachertoday, who feels there isn't another appropriate placement for him atthe school because he can learn on a 5th grade level and the other 5thgrade room is going slower. If there isn't another appropriateplacement, then it's time to make the accommodations that he needs. Beit an aide for the end of the day to help with organizational skills. Someone to explain what to do for homework with him.I thought he was doing well socially but I gather that's not the case. just isn't aware when children like him or don't. He doesn'tget hints, or snide remarks, only out right nasty. I guess he wentin with his shirt from the autism walk and told the entire class thathe has autism and he walked for it. For some reason the teacher justhad to point that out to me. I told her that if he feels comfortableenough to share that, then so be it. That is partially my fault,Autism here is part of life and I talk about it with him, as such. Mytypical response when loses it, is that I understand things aremore difficult for him, then I explain why "because you have somethingcalled Aspergers" and while it's difficult for you, you can do it justlike anyone else.So, what accommodations do I ask for. I already requested a smallerhomework load. That he isn't going to be any more ready for thisweeks 5th grade social studies test, then he already is. ( big statetest, they have been pushing since day one)They mentioned that he is missing class due to specials. ( once a weekband, and once every other week chorus) Do I pull these things fromhim? That just seems so unfair. Then tells me last night thathe no longer wants to go to counseling because it takes him out ofclass. That just isn't going to happen. I don't give a rats ass if ittakes him out of class. Nor do I expect my son to catch up on allwork while he was out sick. That's just not going to happen. Thischild has 4 hrs from the time he gets off the bus till bed. 1 hr isjust eating and one chore. The next 3 include almost 2 hrs ofhomework. No the homework is not excessive, it just takes him thatlong. Even when he's timed. When does this child have a chance to bejust a child?This sucks.

[Guest guest]

BaznDeb wrote:

> It's just so frustrating, I didn't even know my son had a system in

> the class where they turn cards. I never get any reports if he has

> turned cards or how many. HELLO somebody needs to wake up.

We always had a spiral notebook that went back and forth between the

teacher and us, where she'd write every day what happened both positive

and negative. We told the school that we could not be expected to

reinforce what they were doing in the classroom if we didn't know what

was going on there. We did the notebook thing all the way through high

school.

> What does least restrictive enviornment mean?

The most restrictive environment is a separate classroom, away from the

typical students, with few students....and sometimes, locked doors. The

very least restrictive environment is the typical classroom with typical

students, aka mainstreaming. The idea is to find a fit for a student

somewhere between these two extremes, or on one extreme or the other.

It all depends on the level of functioning of the individual, whether

there are sensory issues, all sorts of things.

> As far as not succeeding, he is doing very well...but I do feel like

> he is a bit bored with the work, not challenged enough. I feel they

> " hold him back " if only he could get more intrested in the work to

> finish it. I don't know what " level " he may be on..and some area's he

> may be right on target for his age, but I feel some area's need to

> looked at because he isnt being challenged enough. I feel as if he

> were challenged more in those areas....in an intresting way...he

> would go far beyond where he is now. IM sure I jsut don't know

> everything that is available out there for us. IM still learning and

> have to devote more time to it as well.

Actually, with an IEP you can " lobby " for him to be given more advanced

work....an " independent studies " or " directed studies " sort of thing

(college terms). This might even be easier on his teacher(s), since all

they'd be called on to do would be give him the work, explain it to him,

be there to help if need be, and assess it (grade it). That's the

whole meaning of the " I " in IEP: Individualized to the particular needs

of the particular student.

> This sucks.

You betcha it does. But as you get more experienced with this stuff,

you'll get better at it. Honest!

Annie, who loves ya annie@...

--

If I am like others, who will be like me? -- Yiddish Proverb

[Guest guest]

Hello Annie,

I have been going to these IEP meetings for awhile due to his first diagnosis-ADHD. I keep running into road blocks with the school. IM not sure if it's the "School" or the Teachers. Seems to me they see him making "good grades" so there is No problem. Our last IEP meeting was comical. I felt as if they looked down upon me because they kept telling me there were no problems with my son. It was frustrating.

I said to them; "Devin is my son, I do not want anything to be wrong with him, I see things that are not normal and because he is making good grades doesn't mean there isn't a problem". They replied with "Academically there is no problem, We do not see the Social problems as he was having last year", Devin's teacher replied; "Devin is one of my best students, all kids have issues but you have to teach them and have structure" Well as expected the meeting was closed and we decided to bring in a company called Glenwood because they had their doughts on his new diagnosis of "Aspersers Syndrome".

The proof I had with me at this IEP meeting, was from a Multi specialist Neurologist Pediatrician that specialized in this area. They didn't do any "testing" as far as EKG's, like I had thought, but rather looked over Devin's IQ testing that was done from the school, asked lots of questions, we were with him for over an hour. I had taken Devin to him one time and all we had at this IEP meeting was one written doctors note with his complete diagnosis and this was on a prescription pad. We were to get more information in and because he is always "booked" our next meeting wasn't until 6mo. away, which we will go in February.

The IEP meeting made me skeptical as well, so I thought a second opinion never hurt anyone. This doctor, is only two in our state with this special training. They (the people at the IEP meeting) was skeptical of this doctor they never heard of him, for his office being out of town, an hour away. They also frowned upon his (Devin's) new medication he was taking Tenex, they had never heard of that as well. They broke out a medical book, looked up the drug and read allowed "not for children under 12". I felt like a real heel, not only were they saying "nothing was wrong with Devin" I felt like they were pointing fingers saying "Nothing is wrong with Devin however, why would you want it to be". I brought up points that I thought were valid such as, "How do you know there aren't any social problems with the other kids, have you listened in on conversations between the kids" Reply-no. I said; Well, it is early in the year, and just maybe these kids have the same interest as Devin and furthermore maybe the meds are working"

Now Glenwood has came and gone and we await their paperwork so we can hold another IEP.

The Hitchcocks

-----Original Message-----From: Annie [mailto:annie@...] Sent: Wednesday, November 17, 2004 2:37 PMAutism and Aspergers Treatment Subject: Re: Need help With oldest sonBaznDeb wrote:> It's just so frustrating, I didn't even know my son had a system in> the class where they turn cards. I never get any reports if he has> turned cards or how many. HELLO somebody needs to wake up.We always had a spiral notebook that went back and forth between theteacher and us, where she'd write every day what happened both positiveand negative. We told the school that we could not be expected toreinforce what they were doing in the classroom if we didn't know whatwas going on there. We did the notebook thing all the way through highschool.> What does least restrictive enviornment mean?The most restrictive environment is a separate classroom, away from thetypical students, with few students....and sometimes, locked doors. Thevery least restrictive environment is the typical classroom with typicalstudents, aka mainstreaming. The idea is to find a fit for a studentsomewhere between these two extremes, or on one extreme or the other.It all depends on the level of functioning of the individual, whetherthere are sensory issues, all sorts of things.> As far as not succeeding, he is doing very well...but I do feel like> he is a bit bored with the work, not challenged enough. I feel they> "hold him back" if only he could get more intrested in the work to> finish it. I don't know what "level" he may be on..and some area's he> may be right on target for his age, but I feel some area's need to> looked at because he isnt being challenged enough. I feel as if he> were challenged more in those areas....in an intresting way...he> would go far beyond where he is now. IM sure I jsut don't know> everything that is available out there for us. IM still learning and> have to devote more time to it as well.Actually, with an IEP you can "lobby" for him to be given more advancedwork....an "independent studies" or "directed studies" sort of thing(college terms). This might even be easier on his teacher(s), since allthey'd be called on to do would be give him the work, explain it to him,be there to help if need be, and assess it (grade it). That's thewhole meaning of the "I" in IEP: Individualized to the particular needsof the particular student.> This sucks.You betcha it does. But as you get more experienced with this stuff,you'll get better at it. Honest! :)Annie, who loves ya annie@...-- If I am like others, who will be like me? -- Yiddish Proverb

[Guest guest]

Be sure you keep a running journal of all this, these problems with the

school. Some folks in our shoes have been accused of Munchausen's by

Proxy, and their kids taken away. Be sure you report also to your

child's dr. the trouble the school is giving you over medications. And

when you go to this next IEP, take an advocate with you! The school

personnell has no right nor business to be treating you as they are.

The thing is, it's a lot cheaper to school typical kids than it is

autistic ones, so roadblocks will be employed. It's disgusting, it's

hardhearted, but it's reality. An advocate can help you with this

tactic. Try calling Child Protection and Advocacy. They're nationwide

and there may be an office in or near your town.

Meanwhile, illigitimae non carborundum (Latin for " don't let the

b*****ds grind you " ).

Annie, who loves ya annie@...

--

Love is a choice--not simply, or necessarily, a rational choice, but

rather a willingness to be present to others without pretense or guile.

-- Heyward (theologian)