RE: Beth's in the hospital: long!

[Guest guest]

Maralee,

Reading this made me cry, I can only imagine the pain you must be

feeling. I am sure you did the best thing for Beth and for your

family. You just have to remember to stay strong and know this will

help Beth. I have been lucky enough to not have to take this path

with , but I do understand one day it will become my own

reality and my heart goes out to your family. Wishing you the best

of luck! BTW, has that " possible diagnois of Bipolor "

Take care and the best to you,

Chrissy

> As many of you have kept up with our romance saga, you know that

my 15

> year old aspie is trying to work her way through a breakup, and

she's

>

[Guest guest]

Wow Maralee,

My heart goes out to you. I can feel the stress you are feeling and the frustration of it all for you. I well know how that feels, but now I think Beth is where she needs to be to get the help she needs. Thank God for the hospital being there for her. I pray you will be able to rest up some now and let them do their job with her, as you have done yours. If you are anything like me though I find it really hard to trust anybody to help my son Marty. Part of it is just being a mother anyway, but a lot of it is from all the junk I have had to battle with them over the years. Well they wanted to put him in an institution when he was 3!!!!

So anyway just know I am thinking about you and Beth, and your family, and I will pray for you, and I will believe that God is helping you. Because I believe that He will never leaves us or forsakes us, but that He is a loving and a caring God who will help us in our trials. I have staked my life on it actually, am here and stable and alive, and so is Marty because of Jesus helping us!

There is strength in numbers, any two or three agreed to touching any thing it shall be done of our Father in Heaven. God is HELPING ALL OF US! We must trust Him, and believe Him I think.

Amen!

Love,

Carolyn

Beth's in the hospital: long!

As many of you have kept up with our romance saga, you know that my 15 year old aspie is trying to work her way through a breakup, and she's having a very difficult time of it. It's been 2 months and she is consumed by it...she's depressed and angry much of the time, and can't seem to get past it. We've had several "incidents" this summer (refusing to get IN the car when we're somewhere, trying to jump out of the car while I was driving, etc.) We just got back from a Michigan vacation and while much of it was good, there were incidents there as well where she would fly off the handle, stalk out of the room or the restaurant, over NOTHING. NOTHING....she is "on edge." Several times during vacation she demanded that we take her to the hospital as soon as we got home. She says she "needs help." She "needs help coping with tragedy." I actually admired her for realizing it and wanting to get help. Plus we are about exhausted from trying to keep up with her moods and actions as well. So she willingly walked into the hospital yesterday (a child/teen behaviorial hospital), the same one she was in 2 years ago; and we talked about options. We decided we'd do the day program where she could receive therapy and counseling but come home at night. Then she decided she didn't want to start "today" but "tomorrow." Since we were already there and insurance paperwork was already being processed, we knew we couldn't do that. And we didn't know if we could get her back the next day, anyway. Well that turned, as you might imagine, into anger, defiance, fleeing into the ladies room, then screaming obscenities at me and others and a kick or two to my legs. She tried to grab the keys to escape but they had locked the front door of course by then. She dissolved into tears but was still defiant...this is her "stuck in a corner, fight or flight" routine. I knew she was scared to death but she wouldn't let me near her either. Yet she wanted to be by me! Sigh! We told them she was very strong and they'd need reinforcement if they were going to physically move her up to the girls floor...they brought 7 or 8 people, mostly big men! Talk about intimidating! Then they asked us to go up to the third floor and promised they would not hurt her and I heard them consoling her, talking quietly to her, coaxing her into walking up...which she eventually did. So guess what? The admission was changed from day to inpatient. No duh. I'm glad they saw all of that...it is the story of our lives that we live with all the time. And guess what else? The dr put down bipolar/aspergers on the form for admission. So it looks like it's becoming official, as I knew all along. I don't have to say "possibly bipolar" anymore. Her moods are up and down more than a roller coaster.

It's so hard though, because she is so sad there. They are fairly lenient...they let her call me if she needs to, and she did, 5 times yesterday. She's very sad, crying. I took a couple of personal things over that she needed and she wanted to see me so I asked and they let us visit for 15 minutes or so, and she ran to me and sobbed. My heart just broke and still does, as I type this. It's soooooo hard, yet I know she needs help with her moods to get through life, and we need her to get help as well, so we can live with her!

The girls there are not like her though. They are more experienced, hard-core type of kids, stereotypically. I'm hoping and praying she'll find ONE friend she can get to know and trust somewhat...that will make the place seem more tolerable for her.

We're waiting to hear about a staffing meeting....maybe today, where we'll discuss objectives, length of time, etc. School starts next Wednesday and of course, she's very worried about getting out for that. Don't know if it will happen.

Thanks for reading if you made it through....I think I better check out some adolescent bipolar too....I need all the support I can get!

Maralee

mom to Beth, 15, aspergers, bipolar, social anxiety

[Guest guest]

Hi Maralee,

Before I got the diagnosis of Aspergers I also had a dx of cyclothymia which is rapid cycling bipolar. I can sympathise deeply with the rollercoaster ride you are all on. Most of the time I am fine and the various medications I take help keep me stable but if I have additional stressors then I can feel myself starting to flip. A couple of weeks ago I was bad enough to need to go see a doctor who was thinking of signing me off work (I'm a teacher and was on holiday at the time) that was Thursday - I'd started going down on the wednesday and by FridayI was back up again - Saturday I was starting to go in the opposite (stratospheric) direction! What I'm saying in a long winded way is that I understand what it's like to be in that up down world. At my worst I can go up and down completely several times in a day but it evens out. If you think it would help Beth to know that I've managed to hit 40 and cope with the ride feel free to tell her.

I'll be thinking about you all

Love

-----Original Message-----From: Maralee [mailto:mparker72@...]Sent: 17 August 2004 14:42Aspergers Syndrome ; Autism and Aspergers Treatment Subject: Beth's in the hospital: long!

As many of you have kept up with our romance saga, you know that my 15 year old aspie is trying to work her way through a breakup, and she's having a very difficult time of it. It's been 2 months and she is consumed by it...she's depressed and angry much of the time, and can't seem to get past it. We've had several "incidents" this summer (refusing to get IN the car when we're somewhere, trying to jump out of the car while I was driving, etc.) We just got back from a Michigan vacation and while much of it was good, there were incidents there as well where she would fly off the handle, stalk out of the room or the restaurant, over NOTHING. NOTHING....she is "on edge." Several times during vacation she demanded that we take her to the hospital as soon as we got home. She says she "needs help." She "needs help coping with tragedy." I actually admired her for realizing it and wanting to get help. Plus we are about exhausted from trying to keep up with her moods and actions as well. So she willingly walked into the hospital yesterday (a child/teen behaviorial hospital), the same one she was in 2 years ago; and we talked about options. We decided we'd do the day program where she could receive therapy and counseling but come home at night. Then she decided she didn't want to start "today" but "tomorrow." Since we were already there and insurance paperwork was already being processed, we knew we couldn't do that. And we didn't know if we could get her back the next day, anyway. Well that turned, as you might imagine, into anger, defiance, fleeing into the ladies room, then screaming obscenities at me and others and a kick or two to my legs. She tried to grab the keys to escape but they had locked the front door of course by then. She dissolved into tears but was still defiant...this is her "stuck in a corner, fight or flight" routine. I knew she was scared to death but she wouldn't let me near her either. Yet she wanted to be by me! Sigh! We told them she was very strong and they'd need reinforcement if they were going to physically move her up to the girls floor...they brought 7 or 8 people, mostly big men! Talk about intimidating! Then they asked us to go up to the third floor and promised they would not hurt her and I heard them consoling her, talking quietly to her, coaxing her into walking up...which she eventually did. So guess what? The admission was changed from day to inpatient. No duh. I'm glad they saw all of that...it is the story of our lives that we live with all the time. And guess what else? The dr put down bipolar/aspergers on the form for admission. So it looks like it's becoming official, as I knew all along. I don't have to say "possibly bipolar" anymore. Her moods are up and down more than a roller coaster.

It's so hard though, because she is so sad there. They are fairly lenient...they let her call me if she needs to, and she did, 5 times yesterday. She's very sad, crying. I took a couple of personal things over that she needed and she wanted to see me so I asked and they let us visit for 15 minutes or so, and she ran to me and sobbed. My heart just broke and still does, as I type this. It's soooooo hard, yet I know she needs help with her moods to get through life, and we need her to get help as well, so we can live with her!

The girls there are not like her though. They are more experienced, hard-core type of kids, stereotypically. I'm hoping and praying she'll find ONE friend she can get to know and trust somewhat...that will make the place seem more tolerable for her.

We're waiting to hear about a staffing meeting....maybe today, where we'll discuss objectives, length of time, etc. School starts next Wednesday and of course, she's very worried about getting out for that. Don't know if it will happen.

Thanks for reading if you made it through....I think I better check out some adolescent bipolar too....I need all the support I can get!

Maralee

mom to Beth, 15, aspergers, bipolar, social anxiety

[Guest guest]

Maralee,

~tight hugs~ Doesn't it feel harder when our children are going through

something than when we go through it??? I would trade places with my kiddos

in an instant if I thought I could spare them some of the hardships they

face. Beth is just starting to figure out the social thingy. She likes

dependability and to be in control. Having someone else break it off and not

have it right back again has to be totally throwing her for a loop!!! ~tight

squeeze~ I am so glad that she is such a strong person. She is going to get

through this and will grow majorly from the experience... That doesn't make

it any easier right now though... Have you ever noticed that the more growth

that is occurring, the more out of control their lives seem/feel??? I am so

proud that Beth realized that she needs help and was willing to go in

voluntarily. I am also not surprised that she freaked once there, because

social anxiety plus the reality setting in had to be a real doozy for her. I

do know your pain as a parent who has had to admit a child before. The

overwhelming emotions, from guilt, failure, desperation, hope, fear,

anxiety, relief (which leads to more guilt), to peace really takes its toll.

The " if only " s and could have/should have/would haves can tear you apart.

The only things you can really do right now is support Beth any chance you

get, and take a breather for yourself. You need this break too, so that you

can refill, revitalize, and become rested. That way, when Beth comes back

out, you are in a better position to support her. Spending the time

worrying, loosing sleep, guilting, or pacing (as I am the queen of these

behaviors) will not help her now and could be detrimental when she is

released (as you won't have regained your strength). Truly take some time to

regroup. Life isn't easy and this journey has just begun. I love ya Maralee,

and am praying for Beth, you, and the rest of your family. Remember that He

is with you always!!!

~tight squeeze~

Rabecca