Re: New Member - looking for words of wisdom..AMY

[Guest guest]

He attends special education center based program since he was 2......what aggrivates me and I know it shouldn't is he behaves at school!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How is this possible?????

Amy, don't worry. It's maddening, but not unusual. My daughter did the SAME thing. She is now diagnosed with social anxiety, at almost 16 years old, and I believe that was partly the reason why she never misbehaved at school.She was scared to death and didn't want any attention drawn to her! She was very quiet....shy....and LET IT ALL OUT AT HOME!!! She worked so hard to be quiet and "hold it all in" during the school day. So we were the receipient of all of her emotion and built up anxiety at night.

I can identify!

Maralee

[Guest guest]

Amy wrote:

>

> He attends special education center based program since he was

> 2......what aggrivates me and I know it shouldn't is he behaves at

> school!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How is this possible?????

Hi, Amy!

Louie was the same way, before he hit his teens. We finally figured out

(and it took a while, believe me!) that it was because home was not

nearly as structured as school. So we set about structuring things at

home. We had lists of daily tasks, broken down in steps (like " Louie's

Morning Routine, " for example). We marked things in big letters on the

calendar. We set a definite time for meals, for TV, for bed, for

bathing. We instituted these things one at a time, feeling that to do

it all at once would unhinge him even worse (sudden change, doncha

know). And he began to do better at home. Not perfectly, mind you, but

better. We kept this in place until Louie moved out 3 years ago (he's

24 now), and it gave him a great deal of comfort and security.

Things do get better, honest!

Annie, who loves ya annie@...

--

The only nice thing about being imperfect is the joy it brings to

others. -- Doug Larson

[Guest guest]

Hi Annie,

I can relate to the point about having things structured for our children. My son Marty is fine if his day is structured, but if you throw something new at him he doesn't know what to do and gets upset. When he was a kid he would get very upset, and I think this was what caused a lot of his problems actually. When he went to special ed school, and then was mainstreamed into junior high and high school they had new people coming in and out all the time working with him, college students that wanted to work with disabled children as part of the school program, etc., and then they wondered why Marty was always so upset.

It would drive me nuts meeting new people every day and trying to figure out what their expectations of me were!

And too they were constantly changing his "program," were always looking for that perfect program that would cause him to begin to perform like they wanted him to, and that wasn't good either. Just made him not perform.

I think regular normal kids need structure also, and they can get pretty off the wall when things are suddenly changed on them, when they don't know what to expect. Like when I get my 3 grandkids back after they have been at home all summer with their mom and dad, well the youngest will come for the first time. Anyway I know it is going to be hectic for awhile. They are used to no regular meal times, no regular bed time, aaaaaaaa! My daughter tells me, well they won't eat when I make a meal, and they won't go to bed when I tell them. Huh! What is that all about I wonder, you have to MAKE them mind you girl!

She has such a time with them, but I think they are just upset because they don't have a regular routine. We do pretty well together because they know what to expect from me.

I agree about structure, and consistency in all things. Gives a child peace and comfort, any kind of child actually, and even us adults. Just plain old structure.

Carolyn

Re: New Member - looking for words of wisdom..AMY

Amy wrote:>> He attends special education center based program since he was> 2......what aggrivates me and I know it shouldn't is he behaves at> school!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How is this possible?????Hi, Amy! :)Louie was the same way, before he hit his teens. We finally figured out(and it took a while, believe me!) that it was because home was not nearly as structured as school. So we set about structuring things at home. We had lists of daily tasks, broken down in steps (like "Louie's Morning Routine," for example). We marked things in big letters on the calendar. We set a definite time for meals, for TV, for bed, for bathing. We instituted these things one at a time, feeling that to do it all at once would unhinge him even worse (sudden change, doncha know). And he began to do better at home. Not perfectly, mind you, but better. We kept this in place until Louie moved out 3 years ago (he's 24 now), and it gave him a great deal of comfort and security.Things do get better, honest! :)Annie, who loves ya annie@...-- The only nice thing about being imperfect is the joy it brings toothers. -- Doug Larson