Re: Maintaining Friendships

[Guest guest]

My child use to have the same problem. Up until the end of grade 5

he never really had any real friends except a neighbor boy how came

over all the time to play video games. At the middle of grade 5 he

got an IEP for his ocd and they included that he need help with

social skills. The teacher was to pair him up with different kids

everyday. By the end of that year he had made one good friend and

that made all the difference. Now, in grade 7 he is doing well

socially and has lots of friends even though his ocd is pretty bad.

All of his good friends know about his ocd and although they don't

really understand they do except it. When my child did have

problems he was very shy and wanted so much to be able to talk and

goof around with other kids, but he was the kid that nobody seemed

to notice. He use to ask " why don't other kids enjoy my

information? " . I use to think that was a very odd way to describe

conversation. Maybe if you talked to your child's teachers they

might be able to help.

>

> I have an 11 y.o.m. (almost 12) with OCD who really seems to have

> trouble maintaining friendships for any length of time. Right now

one

> of his best friends is an 11 y.o.m. who has dyslexia. Our son

really

> seems to dominate this friendship but the boy continues to come

over

> and play. Our son never is invited to anyone else's house to play

and

> very seldom initiates having someone over to our house to play.

It

> seems we have to initiate having a friend over and then we

sometimes

> have to interceed to help move things along. After a friend does

come

> over he'll want to play a one-person game on his gamecube and let

the

> other friend watch. His social skills are poor. Any comments or

> suggestions are welcome.

>

[Guest guest]

I can share the three things that worked for my now 14 year old son

(also with weak social skills).

1. Time - his social skills have improved immensely with maturity

(and probably also because the lexapro has a good control on his

anxiety and ocd)

2. He 'wanted' it - he's always worked hard at it .... if it hadn't

mattered one way or the other to him, then maybe it would have come

with age.

3. He was in an afterschool group at his school 4-5 days a week -

these were kids were his classmates, his age, some older, some

younger. It met in his school gymnasium . . . played on his school

playground. About half the time was organized group activities and

half the time was 'freetime'. To this day some of his closest

friends are friendships made over time in this after school group.

It was called Milestones and it was, of course, a form after school

child care . . . but I'll always remember it fondly because of the

valuable friendships he formed there.

After school 'invite a friend over' type activities would not have

worked well for him . . . by the way, he also has fond memories of

milestones.

[Guest guest]

I can share the three things that worked for my now 14 year old son

(also with weak social skills).

1. Time - his social skills have improved immensely with maturity

(and probably also because the lexapro has a good control on his

anxiety and ocd)

2. He 'wanted' it - he's always worked hard at it .... if it hadn't

mattered one way or the other to him, then maybe it would have come

with age.

3. He was in an afterschool group at his school 4-5 days a week -

these were kids were his classmates, his age, some older, some

younger. It met in his school gymnasium . . . played on his school

playground. About half the time was organized group activities and

half the time was 'freetime'. To this day some of his closest

friends are friendships made over time in this after school group.

It was called Milestones and it was, of course, a form after school

child care . . . but I'll always remember it fondly because of the

valuable friendships he formed there.

After school 'invite a friend over' type activities would not have

worked well for him . . . by the way, he also has fond memories of

milestones.

[Guest guest]

My 15 y.o. daughter has the same problem. In fact, last week, her best

friend since we moved here in 7th grade has told her she doesn't want to

be friends anymore. They had a tiff and a has apologized, but since

then, the friend has not communicated with her or come around. a is

devastated and is truly grieving. This is the only real friend she has

to tell her " secrets " to as she calls them.

a has always had problems with socializing. I remember inviting her

little friends over and all she would do is play videogames while the

kids sat by and watched. Well, pretty soon the friends were out the

door. There was very little interaction. Now, with this best friend

she has had, she has done all of the talking and the friend is painfully

shy. That seems to have been a good combo. I don't know if she has

just gotten sick of a or what??? These two have a commonality and

that is Anime (Japanese animation) and Manga( Japanese animation in a

comic book/novel form.) They have been to conventions together, we have

taken her friend to the beach with us. It's really sad...

a is somewhat intellectual also and has always had trouble

communicating or fitting in with the kids who are her age. It's hard...

S. Altman, BSEd.,BSN, MPH

Unisys Corporation

Plaza America Office

11720 Plaza America Drive, Tower III

Reston, VA 20190

703-439-5752 Net 439

Fax: 703-439-5808

....Behind every good Dr. is even a better nurse...

________________________________

From:

[mailto: ] On Behalf Of momsbusiness1062

Sent: Thursday, November 03, 2005 10:45 AM

Subject: Maintaining Friendships

I have an 11 y.o.m. (almost 12) with OCD who really seems to have

trouble maintaining friendships for any length of time. Right now one

of his best friends is an 11 y.o.m. who has dyslexia. Our son really

seems to dominate this friendship but the boy continues to come over

and play. Our son never is invited to anyone else's house to play and

very seldom initiates having someone over to our house to play. It

seems we have to initiate having a friend over and then we sometimes

have to interceed to help move things along. After a friend does come

over he'll want to play a one-person game on his gamecube and let the

other friend watch. His social skills are poor. Any comments or

suggestions are welcome.

Our list archives, bookmarks, files, and chat feature may be accessed

at: / .

Our list advisors are Gail B. , Ed.D., Tamar Chansky, Ph.D.(

http://www.worrywisekids.org ), Dan Geller, M.D.,Aureen Pinto Wagner,

Ph.D., ( http://www.lighthouse-press.com ). Our list moderators are

Birkhan, Castle, Fowler, Kathy Hammes, Joye,

Kathy Mac, Gail Pesses, and Kathy . Subscription issues

or suggestions may be addressed to Louis Harkins, list owner, at

louisharkins@... , louisharkins@... ,

louisharkins@... .

[Guest guest]

My 15 y.o. daughter has the same problem. In fact, last week, her best

friend since we moved here in 7th grade has told her she doesn't want to

be friends anymore. They had a tiff and a has apologized, but since

then, the friend has not communicated with her or come around. a is

devastated and is truly grieving. This is the only real friend she has

to tell her " secrets " to as she calls them.

a has always had problems with socializing. I remember inviting her

little friends over and all she would do is play videogames while the

kids sat by and watched. Well, pretty soon the friends were out the

door. There was very little interaction. Now, with this best friend

she has had, she has done all of the talking and the friend is painfully

shy. That seems to have been a good combo. I don't know if she has

just gotten sick of a or what??? These two have a commonality and

that is Anime (Japanese animation) and Manga( Japanese animation in a

comic book/novel form.) They have been to conventions together, we have

taken her friend to the beach with us. It's really sad...

a is somewhat intellectual also and has always had trouble

communicating or fitting in with the kids who are her age. It's hard...

S. Altman, BSEd.,BSN, MPH

Unisys Corporation

Plaza America Office

11720 Plaza America Drive, Tower III

Reston, VA 20190

703-439-5752 Net 439

Fax: 703-439-5808

....Behind every good Dr. is even a better nurse...

________________________________

From:

[mailto: ] On Behalf Of momsbusiness1062

Sent: Thursday, November 03, 2005 10:45 AM

Subject: Maintaining Friendships

I have an 11 y.o.m. (almost 12) with OCD who really seems to have

trouble maintaining friendships for any length of time. Right now one

of his best friends is an 11 y.o.m. who has dyslexia. Our son really

seems to dominate this friendship but the boy continues to come over

and play. Our son never is invited to anyone else's house to play and

very seldom initiates having someone over to our house to play. It

seems we have to initiate having a friend over and then we sometimes

have to interceed to help move things along. After a friend does come

over he'll want to play a one-person game on his gamecube and let the

other friend watch. His social skills are poor. Any comments or

suggestions are welcome.

Our list archives, bookmarks, files, and chat feature may be accessed

at: / .

Our list advisors are Gail B. , Ed.D., Tamar Chansky, Ph.D.(

http://www.worrywisekids.org ), Dan Geller, M.D.,Aureen Pinto Wagner,

Ph.D., ( http://www.lighthouse-press.com ). Our list moderators are

Birkhan, Castle, Fowler, Kathy Hammes, Joye,

Kathy Mac, Gail Pesses, and Kathy . Subscription issues

or suggestions may be addressed to Louis Harkins, list owner, at

louisharkins@... , louisharkins@... ,

louisharkins@... .

[Guest guest]

I don't think my 13 yr old daughter would have a friend if not for a

girl we see every single day, whom we love to have over, almost a part

of the family. She lives across the street and is homeschooled as

well. She is actually friends with all 3 of my girls (11, 13 and 17)

and loves to play with my 2 yr old as well. She is 14.

I guess my point is that for my dd, with all her hesitancy, fear of

taking initiative (she used to often get my 11 yr old to call for their

friend or go their door) and prety awkward social skills, the constant

interaction is what has worked for her, with a girl who is very

unassuming, non-judgemental and forgiving. So I think we are very

lucky. Play dates, and classes related to special interests, were tried

but never panned out, b/c too infrequent or opportunity for interaction

too shallow.

nmancy grace

>

> I have an 11 y.o.m. (almost 12) with OCD who really seems to have

> trouble maintaining friendships for any length of time. Right now

one

> of his best friends is an 11 y.o.m. who has dyslexia. Our son really

> seems to dominate this friendship but the boy continues to come over

> and play. Our son never is invited to anyone else's house to play

and

> very seldom initiates having someone over to our house to play. It

> seems we have to initiate having a friend over and then we sometimes

> have to interceed to help move things along. After a friend does

come

> over he'll want to play a one-person game on his gamecube and let the

> other friend watch. His social skills are poor. Any comments or

> suggestions are welcome.

>

[Guest guest]

I don't think my 13 yr old daughter would have a friend if not for a

girl we see every single day, whom we love to have over, almost a part

of the family. She lives across the street and is homeschooled as

well. She is actually friends with all 3 of my girls (11, 13 and 17)

and loves to play with my 2 yr old as well. She is 14.

I guess my point is that for my dd, with all her hesitancy, fear of

taking initiative (she used to often get my 11 yr old to call for their

friend or go their door) and prety awkward social skills, the constant

interaction is what has worked for her, with a girl who is very

unassuming, non-judgemental and forgiving. So I think we are very

lucky. Play dates, and classes related to special interests, were tried

but never panned out, b/c too infrequent or opportunity for interaction

too shallow.

nmancy grace

>

> I have an 11 y.o.m. (almost 12) with OCD who really seems to have

> trouble maintaining friendships for any length of time. Right now

one

> of his best friends is an 11 y.o.m. who has dyslexia. Our son really

> seems to dominate this friendship but the boy continues to come over

> and play. Our son never is invited to anyone else's house to play

and

> very seldom initiates having someone over to our house to play. It

> seems we have to initiate having a friend over and then we sometimes

> have to interceed to help move things along. After a friend does

come

> over he'll want to play a one-person game on his gamecube and let the

> other friend watch. His social skills are poor. Any comments or

> suggestions are welcome.

>

[Guest guest]

You are very lucky to have her.

S. Altman, BSEd.,BSN, MPH

Unisys Corporation

Plaza America Office

11720 Plaza America Drive, Tower III

Reston, VA 20190

703-439-5752 Net 439

Fax: 703-439-5808

....Behind every good Dr. is even a better nurse...

________________________________

From:

[mailto: ] On Behalf Of

Sent: Thursday, November 03, 2005 2:14 PM

Subject: Re: Maintaining Friendships

I don't think my 13 yr old daughter would have a friend if not for a

girl we see every single day, whom we love to have over, almost a part

of the family. She lives across the street and is homeschooled as

well. She is actually friends with all 3 of my girls (11, 13 and 17)

and loves to play with my 2 yr old as well. She is 14.

I guess my point is that for my dd, with all her hesitancy, fear of

taking initiative (she used to often get my 11 yr old to call for their

friend or go their door) and prety awkward social skills, the constant

interaction is what has worked for her, with a girl who is very

unassuming, non-judgemental and forgiving. So I think we are very

lucky. Play dates, and classes related to special interests, were tried

but never panned out, b/c too infrequent or opportunity for interaction

too shallow.

nmancy grace

>

> I have an 11 y.o.m. (almost 12) with OCD who really seems to have

> trouble maintaining friendships for any length of time. Right now

one

> of his best friends is an 11 y.o.m. who has dyslexia. Our son really

> seems to dominate this friendship but the boy continues to come over

> and play. Our son never is invited to anyone else's house to play

and

> very seldom initiates having someone over to our house to play. It

> seems we have to initiate having a friend over and then we sometimes

> have to interceed to help move things along. After a friend does

come

> over he'll want to play a one-person game on his gamecube and let the

> other friend watch. His social skills are poor. Any comments or

> suggestions are welcome.

>

Our list archives, bookmarks, files, and chat feature may be accessed

at: / .

Our list advisors are Gail B. , Ed.D., Tamar Chansky, Ph.D.(

http://www.worrywisekids.org ), Dan Geller, M.D.,Aureen Pinto Wagner,

Ph.D., ( http://www.lighthouse-press.com ). Our list moderators are

Birkhan, Castle, Fowler, Kathy Hammes, Joye,

Kathy Mac, Gail Pesses, and Kathy . Subscription issues

or suggestions may be addressed to Louis Harkins, list owner, at

louisharkins@... , louisharkins@... ,

louisharkins@... .

[Guest guest]

You are very lucky to have her.

S. Altman, BSEd.,BSN, MPH

Unisys Corporation

Plaza America Office

11720 Plaza America Drive, Tower III

Reston, VA 20190

703-439-5752 Net 439

Fax: 703-439-5808

....Behind every good Dr. is even a better nurse...

________________________________

From:

[mailto: ] On Behalf Of

Sent: Thursday, November 03, 2005 2:14 PM

Subject: Re: Maintaining Friendships

I don't think my 13 yr old daughter would have a friend if not for a

girl we see every single day, whom we love to have over, almost a part

of the family. She lives across the street and is homeschooled as

well. She is actually friends with all 3 of my girls (11, 13 and 17)

and loves to play with my 2 yr old as well. She is 14.

I guess my point is that for my dd, with all her hesitancy, fear of

taking initiative (she used to often get my 11 yr old to call for their

friend or go their door) and prety awkward social skills, the constant

interaction is what has worked for her, with a girl who is very

unassuming, non-judgemental and forgiving. So I think we are very

lucky. Play dates, and classes related to special interests, were tried

but never panned out, b/c too infrequent or opportunity for interaction

too shallow.

nmancy grace

>

> I have an 11 y.o.m. (almost 12) with OCD who really seems to have

> trouble maintaining friendships for any length of time. Right now

one

> of his best friends is an 11 y.o.m. who has dyslexia. Our son really

> seems to dominate this friendship but the boy continues to come over

> and play. Our son never is invited to anyone else's house to play

and

> very seldom initiates having someone over to our house to play. It

> seems we have to initiate having a friend over and then we sometimes

> have to interceed to help move things along. After a friend does

come

> over he'll want to play a one-person game on his gamecube and let the

> other friend watch. His social skills are poor. Any comments or

> suggestions are welcome.

>

Our list archives, bookmarks, files, and chat feature may be accessed

at: / .

Our list advisors are Gail B. , Ed.D., Tamar Chansky, Ph.D.(

http://www.worrywisekids.org ), Dan Geller, M.D.,Aureen Pinto Wagner,

Ph.D., ( http://www.lighthouse-press.com ). Our list moderators are

Birkhan, Castle, Fowler, Kathy Hammes, Joye,

Kathy Mac, Gail Pesses, and Kathy . Subscription issues

or suggestions may be addressed to Louis Harkins, list owner, at

louisharkins@... , louisharkins@... ,

louisharkins@... .