Guest guest Posted November 2, 2009 Report Share Posted November 2, 2009 Dear , I understand your feelings. I am 52, and have just recently figured out(in the last few years) that I also seem to be somewhat Aspergerish. My son(18) is severely autistic with no speech. I have gone through life wondering why I feel so different from everyone else and how people seem to be able to " socialize " so easily when it seems so far out of my grasp....I just cannot do it. Social situations make me extremely uncomfortable. I have always avoided them at all costs. Making eye contact has been difficult most of my life, not sure why? Fear of rejection, maybe? These online groups have been my salvation, however I still feel the need to " shut down " at times...I don't return phone calls, don't get online, etc. It is like I need to " retreat and regroup. " There is TOO much running through my mind. It gets overwhelming. Your comment on being " stuck inside yourself " describes how I have felt most of my life as well. As a teenager, I had a pin with a dog shown in it's dog house with the caption " I want OUT! " It was how I felt....stuck inside myself, with no idea of how to " get out. " It is very lonely and painful. I hope you do realize that you are NOT any less of a person because of your Asperger's. And as a bonus, you most likely understand your son more than anyone else on this earth. God has given him to you for a very special reason. I feel that my son is an extension of me. Maybe you feel the same about your son? Please do not berate yourself...you are obviously a very special and gifted young lady....EMBRACE the person you are! Please feel free to email me anytime, I am here to listen and share. ((HUGS!)) ...(even though, if you are like me you really don't like to be touched much.) ;-) You are NEVER ALONE! Lindy ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > > > In many ways I think we are all alone. The thing that unites me to others is love. > We all have our strengths and our weaknesses; so because of our love we > tolerate or overlook others weaknesses and focus on and appreciate their strengths. > Love enables me to look outside of myself and care for others; I'm not always > good at that, but when I do I feel connected. > > You express yourself really well. Love and blessings, Pat K > > > Venting > > > > > > > > > Why do I have to be alone inside myself all the time, even in a crowd? I like being alone, but it hurts too much sometimes too. Sometimes it is almost impossible to bear. I sometimes wish this world would fade away. I can't stand who I am anymore. I don't want to be me anymore; it's too hard--the sensory overload, the emptiness, all the people looking at me. Why do I, as high functioning, have to be mentally dissected all the time, as if I know the answers any more than anybody else? I am just one person trying to get by in this crazy world. I am not depressed or suicidal; this is just the way life is, and has been, for forever it seems, at least for me. With ptsd and bipolar added into the mix, my world is pretty topsy turvy. I wish I was truly accepted and not merely tolerated; god, I hate the word tolerance--it basically means that people put up with me because they feel they have to, not because they want to. I just don't seem to fit in anywhere; I'm a square peg in a round hole, and I have no tools to even out the score. > > Thanks for letting me vent. > > , 34yo woman with Asperger's Syndrome, > Mother to , 14yo with autism > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 2, 2009 Report Share Posted November 2, 2009 ...this is so beautiful...I have often times felt soooooooooooo alone...this is beautiful!!!! I agree the other lady sounds terrific... God bless, e From: H <reverseautism@...>autism Sent: Sun, November 1, 2009 8:29:17 PMSubject: Re: To /Venting Dear , I understand your feelings. I am 52, and have just recently figured out(in the last few years) that I also seem to be somewhat Aspergerish. My son(18) is severely autistic with no speech. I have gone through life wondering why I feel so different from everyone else and how people seem to be able to "socialize" so easily when it seems so far out of my grasp....I just cannot do it. Social situations make me extremely uncomfortable. I have always avoided them at all costs. Making eye contact has been difficult most of my life, not sure why? Fear of rejection, maybe? These online groups have been my salvation, however I still feel the need to "shut down" at times...I don't return phone calls, don't get online, etc. It is like I need to "retreat and regroup." There is TOO much running through my mind. It gets overwhelming. Your comment on being "stuck inside yourself" describes how I have felt most of my life as well. As a teenager, I had a pin with a dog shown in it's dog house with the caption "I want OUT!" It was how I felt....stuck inside myself, with no idea of how to "get out." It is very lonely and painful. I hope you do realize that you are NOT any less of a person because of your Asperger's. And as a bonus, you most likely understand your son more than anyone else on this earth. God has given him to you for a very special reason. I feel that my son is an extension of me. Maybe you feel the same about your son?Please do not berate yourself...you are obviously a very special and gifted young lady....EMBRACE the person you are! Please feel free to email me anytime, I am here to listen and share. ((HUGS!)) ...(even though, if you are like me you really don't like to be touched much.) ;-) You are NEVER ALONE! Lindy ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~ >> > In many ways I think we are all alone. The thing that unites me to others is love.> We all have our strengths and our weaknesses; so because of our love we > tolerate or overlook others weaknesses and focus on and appreciate their strengths.> Love enables me to look outside of myself and care for others; I'm not always> good at that, but when I do I feel connected.> > You express yourself really well. Love and blessings, Pat K> > > Venting> > > > > > > > > Why do I have to be alone inside myself all the time, even in a crowd? I like being alone, but it hurts too much sometimes too. Sometimes it is almost impossible to bear. I sometimes wish this world would fade away. I can't stand who I am anymore. I don't want to be me anymore; it's too hard--the sensory overload, the emptiness, all the people looking at me. Why do I, as high functioning, have to be mentally dissected all the time, as if I know the answers any more than anybody else? I am just one person trying to get by in this crazy world. I am not depressed or suicidal; this is just the way life is, and has been, for forever it seems, at least for me. With ptsd and bipolar added into the mix, my world is pretty topsy turvy. I wish I was truly accepted and not merely tolerated; god, I hate the word tolerance--it basically means that people put up with me because they feel they have to, not because they want to. I just don't seem to fit in anywhere; I'm a square peg in a round hole, and I have no tools to even out the score.> > Thanks for letting me vent.> > , 34yo woman with Asperger's Syndrome,> Mother to , 14yo with autism> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 2, 2009 Report Share Posted November 2, 2009 ...this is so beautiful...I have often times felt soooooooooooo alone...this is beautiful!!!! I agree the other lady sounds terrific... God bless, e From: H <reverseautism@...>autism Sent: Sun, November 1, 2009 8:29:17 PMSubject: Re: To /Venting Dear , I understand your feelings. I am 52, and have just recently figured out(in the last few years) that I also seem to be somewhat Aspergerish. My son(18) is severely autistic with no speech. I have gone through life wondering why I feel so different from everyone else and how people seem to be able to "socialize" so easily when it seems so far out of my grasp....I just cannot do it. Social situations make me extremely uncomfortable. I have always avoided them at all costs. Making eye contact has been difficult most of my life, not sure why? Fear of rejection, maybe? These online groups have been my salvation, however I still feel the need to "shut down" at times...I don't return phone calls, don't get online, etc. It is like I need to "retreat and regroup." There is TOO much running through my mind. It gets overwhelming. Your comment on being "stuck inside yourself" describes how I have felt most of my life as well. As a teenager, I had a pin with a dog shown in it's dog house with the caption "I want OUT!" It was how I felt....stuck inside myself, with no idea of how to "get out." It is very lonely and painful. I hope you do realize that you are NOT any less of a person because of your Asperger's. And as a bonus, you most likely understand your son more than anyone else on this earth. God has given him to you for a very special reason. I feel that my son is an extension of me. Maybe you feel the same about your son?Please do not berate yourself...you are obviously a very special and gifted young lady....EMBRACE the person you are! Please feel free to email me anytime, I am here to listen and share. ((HUGS!)) ...(even though, if you are like me you really don't like to be touched much.) ;-) You are NEVER ALONE! Lindy ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~ >> > In many ways I think we are all alone. The thing that unites me to others is love.> We all have our strengths and our weaknesses; so because of our love we > tolerate or overlook others weaknesses and focus on and appreciate their strengths.> Love enables me to look outside of myself and care for others; I'm not always> good at that, but when I do I feel connected.> > You express yourself really well. Love and blessings, Pat K> > > Venting> > > > > > > > > Why do I have to be alone inside myself all the time, even in a crowd? I like being alone, but it hurts too much sometimes too. Sometimes it is almost impossible to bear. I sometimes wish this world would fade away. I can't stand who I am anymore. I don't want to be me anymore; it's too hard--the sensory overload, the emptiness, all the people looking at me. Why do I, as high functioning, have to be mentally dissected all the time, as if I know the answers any more than anybody else? I am just one person trying to get by in this crazy world. I am not depressed or suicidal; this is just the way life is, and has been, for forever it seems, at least for me. With ptsd and bipolar added into the mix, my world is pretty topsy turvy. I wish I was truly accepted and not merely tolerated; god, I hate the word tolerance--it basically means that people put up with me because they feel they have to, not because they want to. I just don't seem to fit in anywhere; I'm a square peg in a round hole, and I have no tools to even out the score.> > Thanks for letting me vent.> > , 34yo woman with Asperger's Syndrome,> Mother to , 14yo with autism> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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