Re: What to do with confessing

[Guest guest]

Hello, isn't it funny that we always feel guilty no matter what choice we

make? My son is 5 and I feel guilty that I did not put him on medication. He

is currently seeing a therapist (CBT) and I am giving him inositol. I don't

know what is right or wrong any more but I wanted to try med free first

because he is so young. All morning he has " bad thoughts " and then he has to

tell me about them over and over again. They finally ease up after he is up

for

a while and I tell him to try and not say them out loud over and over.

After he stops confessing, they do ease up but they come back when he gets

tired

again. This morning he asked me if there is " something wrong with him " . It

breaks my heart. I also went through this with my daughter (and we still go

through it) but it is never that extreme. What do you tell a child that

keeps crying " why did God make me this way " ? I hope I am telling him the right

thing but I just keep saying, its is just a small part of who you are and

everyone has a little something that they don't like about themselves. And

then

I have him name all of the good things that he likes about himself. Does

anyone have any other suggestions?

Jodi

[Guest guest]

You could tell him that people who have difficulties are like vases

that have cracks in them...when you look at them from the outside

they don't look perfect, but if you look on the inside, you see that

the crack is the place where the light shines through. Difficulties

are our teachers; they make us wise.

But they sometimes feel really, really, bad.

> Hello, isn't it funny that we always feel guilty no matter what

choice we

> make? My son is 5 and I feel guilty that I did not put him on

medication. He

> is currently seeing a therapist (CBT) and I am giving him

inositol. I don't

> know what is right or wrong any more but I wanted to try med free

first

> because he is so young. All morning he has " bad thoughts " and

then he has to

> tell me about them over and over again. They finally ease up

after he is up for

> a while and I tell him to try and not say them out loud over and

over.

> After he stops confessing, they do ease up but they come back when

he gets tired

> again. This morning he asked me if there is " something wrong with

him " . It

> breaks my heart. I also went through this with my daughter (and

we still go

> through it) but it is never that extreme. What do you tell a

child that

> keeps crying " why did God make me this way " ? I hope I am telling

him the right

> thing but I just keep saying, its is just a small part of who you

are and

> everyone has a little something that they don't like about

themselves. And then

> I have him name all of the good things that he likes about

himself. Does

> anyone have any other suggestions?

> Jodi

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

nicely put!

Re: What to do with confessing

You could tell him that people who have difficulties are like vases

that have cracks in them...when you look at them from the outside

they don't look perfect, but if you look on the inside, you see that

the crack is the place where the light shines through. Difficulties

are our teachers; they make us wise.

But they sometimes feel really, really, bad.

> Hello, isn't it funny that we always feel guilty no matter what

choice we

> make? My son is 5 and I feel guilty that I did not put him on

medication. He

> is currently seeing a therapist (CBT) and I am giving him

inositol. I don't

> know what is right or wrong any more but I wanted to try med free

first

> because he is so young. All morning he has " bad thoughts " and

then he has to

> tell me about them over and over again. They finally ease up

after he is up for

> a while and I tell him to try and not say them out loud over and

over.

> After he stops confessing, they do ease up but they come back when

he gets tired

> again. This morning he asked me if there is " something wrong with

him " . It

> breaks my heart. I also went through this with my daughter (and

we still go

> through it) but it is never that extreme. What do you tell a

child that

> keeps crying " why did God make me this way " ? I hope I am telling

him the right

> thing but I just keep saying, its is just a small part of who you

are and

> everyone has a little something that they don't like about

themselves. And then

> I have him name all of the good things that he likes about

himself. Does

> anyone have any other suggestions?

> Jodi

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Janie, Thank you for the email. Your son has had this since he was a

toddler. Do you mind me asking, were there any moments from then until now

where it wasn't an every day thing? I am just hoping that he is not going to

wake

up every day of the rest of his life with " bad thoughts " . Though I am

grateful that it is at stage where at least it is not all day long.

Thank you for the good advice, Jodi

[Guest guest]

Thank you!! That is a good one!

[Guest guest]

It is heartwrenching to see our children suffer and to hear them ask, " Why did

God make me this way? " The only silver lining that I see in a child asking that

question is that that shows that they dislike what the OCD does to them. That

dislike of OCD is needed for them to fight OCD.

My ds, age 14, has had OCD since he was a toddler. And, when he is voicing his

dislike of what OCD does to him, those are the times that he is able to fight

OCD. At times, and we're currently in one of those times, he will NOT fight OCD

and will NOT even say outloud that he dislikes what it does to him, because he

is feeling so strongly that he HAS TO do what the OCD tells him to. So then he

is even more of a prisoner to OCD.

Good luck with your ds.

Janie

mamafaerie@... wrote:

Hello, isn't it funny that we always feel guilty no matter what choice we

make? My son is 5 and I feel guilty that I did not put him on medication. He

is currently seeing a therapist (CBT) and I am giving him inositol. I don't

know what is right or wrong any more but I wanted to try med free first

because he is so young. All morning he has " bad thoughts " and then he has to

tell me about them over and over again. They finally ease up after he is up

for

a while and I tell him to try and not say them out loud over and over.

After he stops confessing, they do ease up but they come back when he gets

tired

again. This morning he asked me if there is " something wrong with him " . It

breaks my heart. I also went through this with my daughter (and we still go

through it) but it is never that extreme. What do you tell a child that

keeps crying " why did God make me this way " ? I hope I am telling him the right

thing but I just keep saying, its is just a small part of who you are and

everyone has a little something that they don't like about themselves. And

then

I have him name all of the good things that he likes about himself. Does

anyone have any other suggestions?

Jodi

[Guest guest]

Hi Jodi, my own dd's OCD started abruptly and severely when she was about to

turn five. In our area seven years ago, no therapist I could find would

treat her due to her young age, and Dr. Penzel had not yet published

anything about inositol use in his clinic for OCDers. Meds or nothing was

our choice, though that brought its own set of problems and heartache: for

the next year, struggling and suffering all the while, my child was titered

up and down on several meds before finding the one that worked to reduce her

symptoms.

I never told my child that God made her with OCD. That just seemed too

final, and I didn't want her to feel guilt or scrupulosity about not liking

or agreeing with the way God made her. It's hard to point out any positives

to having and battling OCD that a young child can understand--such as

empathy for others, tolerance for differences, etc. It's quite a burden on

a small child as my girl when little would tell me in no uncertain terms.

No way LOL could I get away with telling her it was just a little something

about herself that she had to get used to as we all do!

More recently my dd now 11 1/2, has wanted to talk some about spiritual

issues and OCD. Though she still hates it and its even minimal interference

with her life, she can comprehend now that struggling with it has

strengthened and shaped her character for example. She can also see the

problems in her friends' lives--angry, divorced parents, school

difficulties, money troubles, etc.--and realize that it's true we all of us

struggle with something. She can even see a positive or two--she's

interested in acting and her OCD brain zeroes in on voices, phrasing, body

stances and movements of those she sees, in a way that has helped her on

stage LOL :-)

My dd also has wondered about something being fundamentally wrong with her,

that she's defective or a " reject " . I've relied on the spectrum view of OCD

and pointed out we all have some, it's necessary for our survival, it's just

when our brains are set on high rather than low or medium that we call it

OCD. Just a chemical glitch, that in her case meds and therapy can balance

more toward normal.

For several years my dd felt very isolated and alone in her OCD, for having

any chronic condition to contend with. As she got older though, more and

more of her friends or their sibs were dxed with various things, primarily

ADHD, dyslexia, some diabetes. She's not so much of a standout anymore in

that way, and is more at ease with the fact of her dx and the hassles it

brings her sometimes.

I think you will find any guilt feelings you have dissipating once your

child's symptoms begin to fall and stabilize--whether from therapy,

inositol, or meds if you someday choose that route. I've noticed that for

myself at least, plus it helps once they grow older and no longer see Mom

and Dad as their failsafe protector who can take away something like bad

thoughts in their brains. My main guilt for the longest while was that I

couldn't fix her problem for her, and she was so little to be dealing with

such big issues. Not my fault, not hers certainly for looking to me, but

the guilt over this ate me up at times.

As a practical aside, if your son has been seeing the therapist for awhile

now and you are not seeing any reduction in his symptom level, it may be

time to seek out another therapist. You should see improvement in five

sessions or so of effective CBT/ERP.

Take care Jodi,

Kathy R. in Indiana

----- Original Message -----

From: <mamafaerie@...>

> Hello, isn't it funny that we always feel guilty no matter what choice we

> make? My son is 5 and I feel guilty that I did not put him on

> medication. He

> is currently seeing a therapist (CBT) and I am giving him inositol. I

> don't

> know what is right or wrong any more but I wanted to try med free first

> because he is so young. All morning he has " bad thoughts " and then he

> has to

> tell me about them over and over again. They finally ease up after he is

> up for

> a while and I tell him to try and not say them out loud over and over.

> After he stops confessing, they do ease up but they come back when he

> gets tired

> again. This morning he asked me if there is " something wrong with him " .

> It

> breaks my heart. I also went through this with my daughter (and we still

> go

> through it) but it is never that extreme. What do you tell a child that

> keeps crying " why did God make me this way " ? I hope I am telling him the

> right

> thing but I just keep saying, its is just a small part of who you are and

> everyone has a little something that they don't like about themselves.

> And then

> I have him name all of the good things that he likes about himself. Does

> anyone have any other suggestions?

> Jodi

[Guest guest]

He's a quiet kid. He keeps things to himself a lot. I'm not sure that he was

ever " free " from " bad thoughts " but he at least has been able to keep even us,

in the same house, unaware of it at times.

Does your son have a therapist who does the Exposure and Ritual Prevention

therapy? This is the ONLY thing that has helped my son. But he still has a

long way to go.

He actually remembers his life being a lot better in days when he could play in

the dirt and not have to do extensive rituals.

I can't remember if your son is on meds. During the second semester of 4th

grade we decided to try medication for my son. He was suffering so badly, that

it seemed cruel not to try the medicine.

From the time he was two, he was on lots of daily meds for severe allergies and

for asthma. So meds were part of his life. He had some concerns about taking

med for OCD, but he agreed to it.

Gotta go.

Janie

mamafaerie@... wrote:

Hi Janie, Thank you for the email. Your son has had this since he was a

toddler. Do you mind me asking, were there any moments from then until now

where it wasn't an every day thing? I am just hoping that he is not going to

wake

up every day of the rest of his life with " bad thoughts " . Though I am

grateful that it is at stage where at least it is not all day long.

Thank you for the good advice, Jodi

[Guest guest]

Thank youso much Kathy for all the input. Also, I was wondering how many

therapy sessions it took to see a difference (we are only on the 2nd visit) so

your info has really helped! Take care, Jodi